Frozen Dawn
by EAnnajeRETURNS
Summary: His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me ever tighter against his all consuming heat. Our lips crashed together, his surprisingly yielding and rough all at once. And it was then I knew Jacob Black no longer remained my best friend. But was I prepared to face the golden dawn once the icy moon waned?
1. Broken

_**A/N: **_Well here it is! I'm sorry I deleted my stories in the first place, but please understand it was for personal reasons that in no way had to do with any of you. You are the reason I am posting it yet again. But I'll be posting it regularly since it's already done, and making some changes as I see the need.

Frozen Dawn started as an angry answer to the sad ending Steph Meyer gave Jacob and Bella's story. After going to see New Moon a couple of years ago (also my favorite of the book series) I stared the fic not knowing where it was going. It ended up being a massive epic that is actually on half the size of my HP fic lol. A sad fact that it took two years to finish, but I found some wonderful friends in the process. And now I'm sharing it with you! Some of you might already know me from but for those who don't I'm excited to share my Jacella love child with you lol.

Feel free to leave me any comments or thoughts on the story, Loves, E :)_  
_

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_**Disclaimer: **Don't own Stephanie Meyer's stuff, but I'd sure like to own Jacob!_

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**Chapter 1**

**Frozen**

* * *

His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me ever tighter against his all-consuming heat. Our lips crashed together, his surprisingly yielding and rough all at once. And it was then I knew Jacob Black no longer remained my best friend. But was I prepared to face the golden dawn once the icy moon waned?

"Bella?"

I felt a gentle hand shake my shoulder, groaned faintly as I began to rub my stiff neck. It felt as though I had slept in the same position all night. Blinking I realized it was still pitch black outside and amid the haze I could make out the worry worn features of Billy Black leaning over me.

"Bella?"

I frowned and croaked out a reply, "Billy?" With a shock of realization I wondered how long I had been asleep. Jacob had passed out some time after another bout of pain stole the inner turmoil I caused him. Guilt seared through me as I looked up into the eyes of the man who had been like a second father to me.

A burning heat was scalding my right arm and I turned slowly to find it dwarfed beneath Jacob's limp hand.

I gasped and memories in a rush played out before me in cinema form…

_Jacob holding me in the tent, Edwards cold gaze penetrating us both…_

_Jacob kissing me…_

_Victoria's flame lit hair billowing in the wind…_

_Edward throwing himself madly at her…_

_Learning Jacob had been badly hurt…_

_Rushing to his house to find him broken and yet…_

_"I love you…"_

Blinking back tears I realized Billy was still speaking. "Charlie was about to leave…I said you could stay as long as you wanted Bella. Last thing Jacob asked before he went out was not to let you go."

Pain like the kind I caused Jacob choked me. How could I forget the disbelief, resignation, the powerful love he had poured over me with so few words, with only the depths of his eyes? I couldn't miss the pain that flashed through Billy's eyes. I knew what he meant. The rock on my hand beneath Jacob's symbolized my choice. Billy knew what I'd been planning to do and was just as distraught over my decision as Jacob was. As Charlie would be if he knew…

"Couch is yours if you want it," he was saying, "but if you wanna stay in here we could make up a cot."

Choices were easy to make when you didn't hold two hearts in your hands, when you weren't about to leave behind the one who had in many ways meant the most…

And it was that knowing that kept me from leaving now. I'd already stayed this long. What could it hurt to watch over him a bit longer? Didn't I owe Jacob at least that? My choice was made.

"Thanks Billy," I said, meeting his gaze and meant it, for everything…

* * *

It was not long after that the familiar dream came…

_I stood on the sun bathed shoreline of La Push beach, the rocks gleaming white in the blinding sunset, waters glittering an array of color that stole my breath._

_I was whole, and happy._

_Laughter… "Mommy!" A small voice shouted out behind me and I turned to see two small russet toned children rush towards me from the emerald forest, smiles lighting their warm features. As they drew nearer I saw that one had obsidian eyes and the other chocolate like mine. Tears threatened to well up as I wrapped my arms about each of them._

_As I rose once more I felt two large firm hands snake about my waist and a husky voice against my ear, laced with desire and love. "Bells…"_

* * *

Sunlight bled through Jacob's curtains and the golden rays splayed across my warm face. I felt enveloped in its heat and smiled, edging closer to it and away of winters chill that permeated the air.

"Oof!"

I gasped at the sound, turning to find myself facing the crumpled features of a very sore, very pitiful werewolf. My hands were fluttering over his side and I realized in the process that Jacob had managed to pull me up to lie beside him during the night. I couldn't even remember falling asleep a second time.

"Jacob! Oh Jake I'm so sorry!"

He winced and offered me a sardonic grin. "It's alright Bells…Just warn me the next time you decide to try and kill me." I rolled my eyes and began to sit up when he suddenly held my fingers in a vice crushing grip. "Wait! Please…don't go yet."

Pain pricked my heart. I knew he was talking about more than that moment…he meant forever. I winced as his grip tightened and met his desperate obsidian eyes now wildly searching mine, pleading… "I'm not going anywhere until I'm convinced you're good as new Jacob Black. But you're kind of breaking my hand right now, and I really have to pee."

His face visibly relaxed, though the tension had not completely left it, and I managed to pry my fingers from his.

* * *

The face that met me in the bathroom mirror looked haggard. The fact of the matter was this was the first night I had managed unbroken sleep, free of nightmare, in months…even with Edward. At the very thought of my fiancee I couldn't help the sudden surge of guilt knowing how he felt about me being here. No matter what choice I made it seemed I hurt people.

I was tired of hurting...tired of making others hurt. And though there was little I could do to repair the damage I'd caused, I knew I could fix him.

My side still tingled with warmth where I had been wrapped up next to him…

Jacob was broken in more ways than one because of me. Now fate it seemed wanted me to help patch him up.

I owed him so much more...

His eyes fixed upon mine the moment I returned to his darkened room.

The sky outside had begun to cloud up and I could make out fragile frost patterns that graced the glass, slightly veiling the translucent snow flurries that drifted over the thick wood. The frozen world outside reminded me of Edward and I realized while playing with the rock on my hand that my fiancée must be frantic by this point. I needed to call him, and somehow get food in both mine and Jakes' stomach.

"Where are you going?" His husky, pain withered voice brought my eyes back to his and I realized I was still standing in his doorway. I offered him a quick grin that I hoped would be reassuring. "Be right back."

He sighed and I raced down the stairs, stumbling down the last few steps and barely managing to right my balance in the process, and into the living room already occupied by Billy and Carlisle.

My future father in-law's topaz gaze met mine, a warm smile on his marble cut features. "Bella, wonderful to see you after a full nights' rest." His smooth voice managed to push down my furrowed brow.

Edward's concerned eyes filled my mind then and I asked, "Have you talked to…" I trailed off at the sudden discomfort painfully evident on Billy's creased face.

Carlisle managed to save me. "Yes, Bella you have nothing to be concerned with, I assure you," he said. "We all understand you need to take a...leave of absence par say before Alice has her way."

I smiled gratefully, masking my guilt once more. Alice was planning my wedding, more than likely already had if I knew her well as I thought. "Thanks Carlisle. It might be a while before I…"

"I understand Bella. Once again, know you have nothing to worry about. Besides, it shall be far more convenient for me to check on both of my chief paitents at the same time." He smiled his dazzling grin at Billy and I both, and feeling the effect I fled to the kitchen.

* * *

Jake grimaced as I held the spoon to his lips. "Are you trying to kill me?"

I couldn't help but to laugh as I shoved the warm liquid down his throat and nodded. "Wish I could have given you real food, but Carlisle said you're not up to tackling an entire platter of  
fish fry just yet," I teased.

He rolled his eyes in reply as he downed another forced portion. The storm raged outside of the Black's small cottage sized home, something I hadn't planned on happening but was more than happy to accept. Truth was, I wasn't ready to say goodbye just yet. And my mind began to wonder if Charlie was all right. Surely he wouldn't be on duty if it got much worse? I found myself wondering, not used to not resting under a constant cloud of fear for my life or worrying about those I loved most. Not without reason. They were the ones who ended up hurt the most.

I was reaching for the third bowl of soup and stirring its steaming contents with the spoon when I felt Jacob's gaze weigh down upon me.

"I'm really glad you stayed…" he whispered. His eyes were far too serious when I met them at last, and I could no longer pretend that even now they did not affect me. Not after what happened on top of the mountain, or the night after.

Sighing heavily, I managed a weak reply, "Me too…" I fed him the first mouthful and his hand unexpectedly engulfed my wrist.

"Bella…I know that we already talked about this but I need to know…"

I couldn't bear for him to continue. "Jake," I said, lowering my head slightly so my long hair fell into my face. I couldn't remember when the last time was I'd had a hair cut. Only with him could I ever seem to think about the little things. "I've already told you I love you. You know why I can't be with you…" Yet even as I said it I ached at the thought of losing him, Jacob my best friend, my sun, my _life_.

His hand had slippped back onto the sheets, a thing of muscle and strenght and power now stretched so defeated, and I lifted my chin to find him staring despondently at the doorway.

Setting the bowl aside I hesitated and slowly covered his fingers with mine. I felt him tense and edged further onto the bed, turning so my body molded against his good side, my chin upon his shoulder. And through the surge of my unexpected tears I managed to see him relax as I slowly stroked the skin between his elbow and palm. He shuddered slightly.

His voice was lost to the shadows that obscured his russet skin. Bitterly, he asked, "Why did you tell me you loved me Bella? Why give me my dream when you were just planning on running back to that leech?" When he turned back his eyes were cold, hollow and I bit back a cry. They hardened. "I meant what I said last night Bells…I won't ever give up on you." His eyes were fierce, passionate, and I was reminded of the last kiss we had shared, and heat traveled from my core up my body. "I couldn't stop loving you if I wanted."

My pulse quickened, raced as he brought his good arm over my waist, thumb tracing the skin between my shirt and jeans. His obsidian eyes began to cloud over and with one arm he lifted me up against him until our eyes were level and waited. There was a question in them nearly veiled behind the heavy cloud of dark lust in his black depths.

I could not think of Edward then, wrapped up in his heat, smoldering, and aching in ways I had before, yet Edward never allowed me explore. I saw the Jacob I had come to love, the endless memories of us and the months he slowly pieced me back together; his "plan" that would never come to fruition. I had ruined it, ruined him. I could see it in his eyes. He had risked everything for me, the safety of the pack, his life, all because I was a selfish brat who deserved far better. I didn't deserve Jacob's love, which was so much deeper than I knew now.

I shuddered as breath from both our mouths collided. His full lips lightly grazed over mine and flame erupted at my core, spreading fire and making my breathing hoarse. A sad brilliant smile lit his bruised and roughly beautiful features and his voice was filled with the same desire I felt now slowly rising against my leg half draped over his.

"Is there anything I can do to make you stay?" he asked.

I gasped lightly as he placed feather kisses on my cheek, along my collar and down my neck. I shut my  
eyes at the surprising pleasure his touch gave me. A small voice that was ever fading told me that he was far too bruised, that I preferred ice to fire…

And then he possessed my lips for his own.

Chaste for but a few moments, the passion became a wave of heat that enveloped us both and consumed us until it was a raging fire. I gasped, suddenly afraid. He was broken still, inside and out! How could I do this to him, my Jacob, my sun?

Yet as I pulled away, his lips still drawing on mine, his good arm brought me back with a fierce groan beneathe his breath. His lips urged mine further, tongue dancing upon my lower lip, begging entrance I  
refused. He continued, tracing patterns over my lips with his tongue, sucking and nipping, grazing teasing until I felt my desire grow.

His own stood at full attention beneath the sheets that barely concealed his naked form.

I leaned more heavily against him, unable to resist pressing my own desire against his and we both moaned deeply at the contact, jerking in response. I grinned with the sudden rush of power, placing my hand against his bandaged shoulder only for him to bite back a pained cry and wince and I flew away from his grasp as though stung.

Both of us were panting heavily. With his eyes lust filled and fixed upon me, I could not hold his gaze for the shame and ache that lingered in my core. I was literally shaking from my response to him, and by a quick glance through my dark curtain of hair I could see my reaction had not deterred his own.

"Bella…" he groaned. His good hand reached for me, until his hand was resting upon my thigh, a silent plea.

I shut my eyes as my breath hitched, sparks shooting from my leg and coursing through my being, his heat  
drowning me. I thought suddenly of children, of the sun lit beach, of Jacob's warm hands on my waist, of life…

"Bella?" Though the lust had not entirely faded from his voice, I could hear the question and the worry. "Bella, honey I'm sorry, I didn't mean to push…that is I hoped you…shit, Bells I.."

I placed a hand upon his lips, and his eyebrows lifted in surprise. Holding his gaze I slowly lowered myself back onto the bed, leaning against his good side, and without words, without having to ask, Jacob _knew_. He wrapped his good arm around me and held me close.


	2. Dawn

**Disclaimer: **Maybe Steph will give up her Jacob rights for free? ;)

* * *

**Chapter 2**

**Dawn**

* * *

"_I meant what I said last night Bells…I won't ever give up on you." His eyes were fierce, passionate, and I was reminded of the last kiss we had shared, and heat traveled from my core up my body. "I couldn't stop loving you if I wanted."_

I gasped, my eyes fluttering open once more to the smooth and familiar russet color of Jacob's muscle taut skin. The dreams had haunted me ever since that third night, since I had chosen to stay by his side, my personal sun, to care for as I knew without second thought he would do for me. My eyes drifted over the perfect albeit broken form of my best friend, the steady rise of his chest and the rapid beat of his inhuman heart.

A light sweat had broken over his brow and I moved to dip the rag in water once more to press it against skin. The fever had returned, though what sort of fever a werewolf could manage, beyond my guess or desire to know.

His thick raven tinged lashes fluttered, full lips parting slightly and my mind wandered to the kiss we had shared several days before. The kiss still burned to life upon my lips, instead of frozen to eternal memory.

We had managed a return to some semblance of our old easy camaraderie over easy mornings, languid afternoons and timid evenings. Often we enjoyed simply resting in silence beside the other, though Billy had insisted on setting up an oft-unused cot nearby in Jake's cramped room.

The storm had picked up pace, suddenly according to the latest forecast, and Charlie had agreed it best for me to wait it out there. He could make do without his personal chef and joked he wouldn't mind loaning me to Billy for a few more days.

The moments I wasn't at Jake's side, Billy took my place and I managed to get some time in for cleaning, cooking and grooming myself before Billy came out once more with a laugh and call that _I had been summoned_. The trick of getting Billy up and down stairs once every couple of days wasn't as difficult as I had thought. He found the process amusing to say the least.

Jake and I had laughed over that enough the night before, his bright smile nearly splitting his features in two as he drew me closer. The storm waged war outside but I felt nothing but warmth. He hadn't brought up our kiss again and as the days turned into a week, I honored his silent request.

As I moved the rag over his exposed arm and upper chest, struggling desperately not to think about how the sight unnerved and awakened other parts of me better left asleep and to my twisted dreams, his fingers reflexively grasped my wrist. I winced at the vice like grip he had bound me to, then sighed. This was going to make out for a very slow morning. I had to get breakfast going for Billy and myself too.

Frowning I turned back to face him, my mind racing over the obvious options, before a wicked grin settled over my features. Hesitating only a moment, my grin faded as I began to lean over him and tendrils of my long brown hair draped over his chest. I blinked, my breath hitching as Jacob murmured in his sleep again, his grasp tightening over my wrist. Determined and struggling to ignore the pain now evident in my throbbing wrist, I leaned over his face one last moment before touching his lips with my own.

I intended for the kiss to be chaste, hopefully to rouse him out of whatever place his dreams had led him, only to feel his arousal suddenly straining against my leg. I gasped when his lips latched onto mine, sucking upon each before his tongue slid easily into my mouth. Opening my eyes, I saw his own thick with lust and passion, and a flash of other that I could not deny nor face. I gasped when I felt the rumble in his chest that quickly erupted into a loud chuckle. His eyes were _too_ alert and aware I realized.

"Jake!" I shouted, hitting him with my now sore member, furious and embarrassed at being lulled into his plans.

He caught my hand a moment before releasing it and tossing his head about the rumpled pillow. "Aw Bells, you should have seen your f-face!"

Swatting him again I couldn't contain the grin that began to spread over my stoic features, biting my lip quickly to force it down. And suddenly a fresh wave of desire filled his obsidian orbs and he caught my hand once more.

"If you want to leave this room alive Bells, you _definitely_ shouldn't do that…"

I groaned in frustration, tossing my hands in the air and growled, "Whatever Jake!" His laughter followed me down the hall, increasing the burn of the hot blush that covered me from head to toe.

* * *

"Oh God, Bella, he was barfing up everything in that bathroom! You should've seen it!" Jacob's chest shook with laughter and mine melded together with his as I shook my head at the memory.

"You were so horrible to Mike. He thought it was gonna be a date you know." Jake's brows wriggled as he crossed his arms and once more I was amazed at the speed of werewolf healing.

"Guess we saw who the best man was huh?"

I playfully punched him in his good shoulder, just in case. "Yeah…" I commented, while my mind trailed to other things that had happened that night…Jacob's own sudden wave of fever and the first day of a long string of no returned phone calls.

"Bells?" His hand was feverishly warm over mine, his eyes open and concerned. Here I saw my best friend, not simply the hardened werewolf I loved and my heart warmed. I grasped his fingers in my own, but flinched when he said, "A lot's happened since then…"

My eyes fell to the edge of the bed I was leaning over. Food set aside, I turned to face him, feigning mirth. "Changing into a werewolf, Italy, Immortal Vamp children?" My grin fell when his did not surface. I thought of the past days, carefree without the burden of love and the unspoken choice…

I was startled when both his hands firmly snaked about my waist and drew me onto the bed and against his side. Moving his good arm over my back, his hand catching beneath my hair and clasping over my neck, I held my breath in anticipation.

For one infinitesimal moment obsidian and chocolate brown orbs collided and the rules that now felt so constricting fell away. We were flying upon our bikes along our trail, sitting in his garage in perfect silence, upon our driftwood against the beech's neck. We were laying together in a frozen tent, his warmth the only link to life. We were Jacob and Bella.

A fresh need, unfamiliar and primal took me the next time I sought his lips, trailing his with my tongue until he let me in. My hands moved over the hard planes of his chest as I threw a leg over his torso, the thin sheet separating us barely there. His manhood by now was standing quickly at attention, hardening against my thigh, urging my own desire and need on. We were touching in ways I had never touched another man, and instinctively I recognized, in a way I never wanted another to touch me. My hands had grasped about his neck, seeking hold of his short cropped shock of black hair. He still lay numb beneath me, despite the low groans building in his chest.

Straddling his waist I moved, knocking against his erection and his very audible groan was followed by a movement so fluid, his skin could have been cold as ice and I would not have been surprised. I quickly realized he was no longer as broken as I had thought. His arms both wrapped tightly about me, twisting so I lay beneath him.

_Now_ I felt heat. I needed him, needed to see him, to feel him inside of me.

All thought of Edward, of the ring that had been on my finger only a not too distant day in the past, forgotten, consumed…

I rocked against him, moved my hands down to touch him only for him to grin against my mouth as he grasped my wrist in his long fingers and brought it against his chest. His fingers in turn reached between my thights, rubbing, circling and driving me mad until I was biting my lip to keep from crying out. He took my mouth once more, our tongues continuing the age old dance and felt myself trembling beneath the weight of desire and heat…

My knees clamped about his waist, rubbing his tip against my already wet entrance.

I had no room for thought; of the promise Edward had given, of the desire in his eyes and the promise of things to come but that we could not share now. To Edward I was too delicate, too fragile.

Now I fought Jacob for dominance, in a battle I knew instinctively I could not win; yet I fought harder because of it. I felt alive, like a part of me was awakening that Edward had constantly pushed back down…

We were touching at every point, every crevice, every pore, everywhere but where I felt insurmountable need deep within, stronger a need than I had ever known before.

I shook, gasping for air as I pushed him back and with lust at the tip of my tongue I whispered, "Make love to me…"

Jake's eyes widened a moment, triumph, fear, love, need? All came crashing down as the animal claimed his eyes…

His tip was teasing my core so I nearly came right then and there and then, all was blinded by golden dawn…


	3. Frozen

**Disclaimer: **Don't own Steph's work, but I like to imagine Jacob is real and walking around somewhere out there!

* * *

**Chapter 3**

**Frozen**

* * *

_Fire was beneath my hands as they grazed over his taut muscles, down to the distinct v-shape below his defined abdomen. His hands trailed over my body, licking like flames over my arms, my neck and slowly lingering down my chest. I gasped as they grazed my breast and a wicked grin followed the sudden flash in his black eyes. Yet the animal in him has calmed now that he's found his mate, replaced by an uncertain sixteen-year-old boy._

_Fear and wonder and innocence that matches my own fills his eyes as he whispers, as he draws me back over his chest, skin to skin and we're both on fire as lust clouds his eyes. "Bells…I've never… Have you?"_

"_No," I interrupt with a sudden grin. __I do not think of the vampire who had denied me or that only a few days before **he** had been the one I'd wanted beneath me and around me, encompassing me like this. _

_Now, all was russet, pine, freedom and **us**…all was love…_

* * *

"Bella?" A velvety voice broke me from my thoughts.

Snow fell in thick, heavy blankets over majestic fir and aurora lights danced among the ever twilight of the far northern mountains.

"Bella?" His voice was at my side and I turned my shoulder to meet Edward's concerned topaz gaze. As always I was immediately struck by his Romanesque features, his stone cut brow and brilliant bronze hair. Beautiful and eerily cold as ice, he was distant as the moon, save when we touched.

"I'm fine," I said in answer to his silent question. I offered him a smile, the best I could manage as guilt wreaked my soul. I had been very grateful that Edward never asked questions about those two weeks I spent with Jacob Black, even more so that he could not read my thoughts. Fortunately Alice's visions would never reveal to them all that Jacob and I had shared before the end…

His frozen arms encircled my waist so my back was drenched in an arctic chill, potent as the ice world beyond this glass wall. The clear surface encircled the upstairs parlor Esme had insisted on being devoted to the arts, particularly Edward's baby grand piano sitting just behind us. He had composed at least a dozen new pieces for me since we had moved to Alaska, all in the hopes of making me fall back in love with him. The family with the exception of Emmett and Rosalie, who were still traveling in Europe, had been more than willing to transplant their lives with us. The move was intended to correlate with my transformation into a Vampire. By all rights I should have been married to Edward by now and slowly pulling out of Charlie and Renee's lives.

I found myself playing absently with my naked left ring finger as I thought of the last tenuous month Edward and I spent in Forks. To say he had been upset, when I refused to take back the ring I had given him after Victoria's demise, would be an understatement.

"_What do you mean, Bella?" Anguish and betrayal burned through his eyes as he said, "You do not care for me as much as him…"_

"_No!" I reached out to grab him, the hole in my chest ripping open at the seams as I spoke. Yet an even greater, fresher wound in my soul had begun to hold sway over me the last two days. "I love you Edward," I said, "to my last breath I will love you!" My own words sounded desperate, yet he turned his head slightly in hope._

"_You will not accept my hand?" _

_I sighed, exasperated. "Edward, I'm not ready, that's all…" Releasing hold of his arm I sank upon his bed, **our** bed. "I know I said I was, but I need to be human for a little while longer." He had turned to face me fully, arms crossed over his chest, snow-white features incredulous. I couldn't blame his disbelief. I had been relentless these last months on what I wanted. _

_What had changed? _

_Desperately I told myself Jacob had nothing to do with my change of heart. I needed to know myself again, that was all. I had lost so much of whom I was with Edward leaving and re-entering my life…_

_I gasped slightly as a frozen hand encompassed mine and then I was drowning in a pool of beautiful topaz eyes as he spoke. "I understand Bella. You're honoring my request after a fashion, I suppose. I was the one who wanted you to remain human…I want you for my eternity but I want **you** most of all. Understand I am willing to wait as long as you will have me." Anguish crossed his features as he continued, "Whether or not I deserve even this chance is without question." His eyes returned to mine as my fingers met his chin. _

_I could feel the ridiculous smile splitting my face. No, he was wrong. **I** didn't deserve him. _

_He smiled sadly in turn, his hand rising to cup my cheek. "I am selfish Bella. All I ask is the truth love. Does any of your change of heart have to do with…with **him?**"_

_The sorrow was so deep, so self-sacrificing that I sealed my own damnation then and placing both hands on either side of his perfect face said, "No," and brought my soft warm lips against his frozen ones…_

"I wish you would stay here more often love." Edward nuzzled my neck, bringing me back to the presence once more, a faint purr emanating from the back of his throat.

I wrapped my own fingers over his clasped over my waist and smiled. "You visit my dorm almost every night Edward." I giggled slightly as he moved his hand to trace along the curve of my waist.

He smiled as he planted a kiss against the pulse of my throat and replied, "Yes, but all of those collegians' thoughts are tedious at best, and I despise your roommate's comments."

"Comments? She only says things when you're not around." I frowned, an image of my well-meaning frizzy redheaded friend. Kaya's family was from Russia originally and she'd grown up in Alaska where she claimed the boys were slim pickings. Edward was a novelty to her and she managed to ogle him appreciatively every time she entered the room.

Edward casually tapped my forehead and I grinned in comprehension. "Oh," I said.

We both managed to laugh. It was well we could laugh now. My Vampire boyfriend had been surprised by my sudden devotion to formerly his rules. No sex until marriage. No change 'til then and no shared bedrooms. Edward had been put off yet quickly enthusiastic of my decision, until I signed up for an on campus dorm. He couldn't see the purpose in living on campus while the Cullen's had a spacious enough house outside the city, where a room had already been planned for me. I could not answer him because a part of me still didn't know.

A blur of motion passed before our eyes that suddenly froze to reveal a black haired pixie giddily bouncing before us. "Come on you two!" Alice exclaimed. "Esme already has the table set!" I cast Edward an amused grin before Alice's small arm wrapped possessively around mine and she began to pull me down the stairs. "You're going to _love_ your presents Bella!"

I tripped over the last two steps leading to the dining room, saved by the waiting marble arms of my sister. "Watch your step silly!" she laughed.

I groaned as we were ushered before a fabulous feast that looked better suited to the cover of "_Homes and Gardens_" than a dining table set for one human.

"I hope you enjoy the ham Bella. Edward said your grandmother cooked a similar Christmas diner once." Esme's lovely features were hopeful, excited as Carlisle came to rest his hands on her shoulders.

Alice's shrill laughter escaped her lips before she answered for me. "Mom, I already told you she was going to love it!"

Jasper was already sitting calmly before an empty place setting, his honey-gold eyes amused as they met mine. I shared a knowing grin with him while easing Esme's fears. "It's perfect," I said. "I promise I love it."

Edward was at my side once again, tugging me gently away from his sister. "I'll take it from here." He grinned at Alice as he at last pried me from her grasp and I could only feel relief as my beloved led me to our seat and settled me in.

* * *

I pretended to love the new clothes Alice had wrapped for me and groaned at the ridiculous numbers on the many gift cards she presented in a small box within.

"We're going to have so much fun picking out your spring wardrobe!" she said.

Edward only squeezed my waist, kissing me on the cheek. "Keep going love."

I glanced back over Jasper's complete set of first edition Austen novels, Carlisle's grant to the furthering of my education, coupled with a heartfelt letter, and the antique album from Esme chronicling the past decades of our family with newer pictures of my addition and blank pages for the eternity we would share. No other packages sat in front of me and I frowned, confused as Edward carefully tipped my chin to meet his eyes.

"Come with me," he said smoothly.

I glanced uncomfortably at the family, offering an apologetic smile as we moved to leave. I wondered at Alice's sparkling eyes and Jasper's firm hands on her shoulders barely managing to keep her frozen in place. Carlisle and Esme's smiles were bright as well I realized, hopeful, excited and filled with a love I still did not feel I deserved.

Stumbling over the Persian rug that rested before the staircase, Edward lifted me honeymoon style and in a rush of wind we were instantly standing in the open doorway of his room. I had a difficult time managing to stand on my own two feet when he set me to the floor.

Candles had been lit everywhere, rose petals scattered over every inch of the floor and _Claire de Lune_ played softly on old vinyl nearby. A turn of the century chest I had barely noticed before rested inconspicuously at a darker corner of Edward's room and was now prominent against the foot of our bed.

I met his eye, confused, but he only smiled and crashed his lips, passionately as he could master his thirst, against mine before he pulling away. The dark monster was evident in his coal black eyes and I pulled away, even more puzzled by the sudden height of his amour.

"Edward?"

His eyes shifted subtly back to topaz and he flashed his lazy grin at me. Moving his hands from my waist to my hand, he led me to sit with him in front of the polished wood. It was then he handed me a worn silver skeleton key and closed his hands briefly over mine. "This holds my heart Bella," was all he said.

I opened the trunk, pushing the heavy oak to rest on its antique springs. Inside were layers of thickly bound leather books. No words marked their title, only numbers…_years_ I realized. I lifted the first and earliest.

"1919…Edward, what is all this?"

His eyes shone with pure love as he turned to caress the worn leather bindings before us. "I wrote at first to ease the pain of losing my damned soul…memories of my human life as they came to me…"

"Diaries?" I grinned faintly at the feminine term and he scoffed the idea.

"No. Letters. Here, read this one. " He handed me another.

I glanced at the cover, _1923_ and read the first page aloud. "_Beloved, my dearest heart, my salvation, my hope, __I spent another day in the agony of being separated from you. Carlisle says that you wait for our meeting as ardently as I. I can only hope his words shall not play false. How long must I wait? How long before I can at last know you, hear your sweet thoughts against pitiless selfish fools I am cursed to endure…_" I glanced up.

"They're for my mate, Bella. I didn't know to whom I wrote for the longest time, until I recognized the missing half of my heart as Carlisle once did. It was you."

Tears spilled from my eyes and I collided with his marble body, ignoring the brief pain as I met his lips.

It was the most romantic thing anyone had ever done for me, _would ever do for me,_ I realized. It was perfect. He was perfect. I gasped when my back harshly met the soft folds of our bed.

And almost instantly an unwanted, sick, creeping sensation traveled from my core and up my spine.

Edward may be perfect, but I was not…

Instead of stopping as we usually did when his thirst became to much, or boundaries were crossed, I felt his icy touch numbing my stomach, lifting my shirt further than ever before. Edward's kisses became more and more fervent and as his passion increased so did my fear. I pulled away only after his attentions favored my neck.

"Ed-Edward?" I gasped and nearly choked on my words. "The family…"

"Gone…" he murmured.

I gasped again as I realized just what Edward intended, the rules for some unuttered reason pushed aside, and began to push vainly against him. It was too much. _Too much!_

"No…Edward we can't." His mouth smothered my own, silencing my protests.

What had changed?

He moved to kiss my cheek, along my jaw, the base of my throat. "You can't control…" I gasped as he began to suck on the skin between my collar and neck.

Breaking contact, he groaned, "I can handle it love."

And slowly the fear was replaced by a familiar heat in my core, a fire I had not remembered so long it had lain dormant in winter's heart. Flashes came unbidden…

_His manhood plunged deep into my core, my initial pain ignored as he thrust hard over me, encompassed me, his thick muscles straining as my hands ran over his shoulders, his chest, his abdomen, rippling with each movement. _

_I wiggled beneath him, rocking him against my tight walls and he groaned, obsidian eyes rolling as he slowed, sliding slowly in and nearly out of me with his impressively hard and long length…_

"_Bella…" He groaned in his deep husky voice and I smiled, arching to meet him. Impulsively I wrapped my legs around him and we both cried out at the new friction. _

_Faster…harder…heat…_

**Ice.**

I blinked, tears in my eyes as topaz eyes bore into mine. Even with all of our clothes his touch burned compared to the heat of memory and panic rose up a merciless monster in me. I grimaced and frantically clawed against Edward, struggling to escape him, escape the memory…

"Edward NO!" I shouted and he pulled away, hunger still in his blackened eyes, pain contorting his features. A flash of cool air met my exposed mid-drift as I was left lying alone.

The record ended, patterned scratching sounds filling the silence between us.


	4. Living

**Disclaimer: **Twilight is Mrs. Meyer's but I think I'll keep Jacob...

* * *

**Chapter 4**

**Living**

* * *

Downstairs was empty when we returned. In a soft, flat voice Edward explained the family's convenient and sudden visit to the Denali coven. My eyes fell over the perfection that represented the Cullen's in their absence. A fire was burning in vain within the broad hearth beneath eight perfectly hung stockings. Colored glass ornaments dangled from the crisp evergreen, reflecting twinkling tree lights in their soft glow. Michael Bublé's "_I'll Be Home for Christmas_" was playing over the speakers…

"I need to call Charlie," I whispered.

Edward nodded, his eyes trained upon the carpet. "I'll give you a moment."

I smiled gratefully and in a blur of vampiric speed he was gone.

I dialed Charlie's number, glancing at the mantle clock. Midnight. Hopefully he was still up.

After the fifth ring, I could feel tears threatening to spill over my cheeks.

"Bells!"

Pure joy lit from within at the sound of his voice and I relaxed, sinking into the love seat beside the Cullens' elaborate Christmas tree. "Dad," I breathed his name.

After a brief, awkward silence, he said, "Merry Christmas Bells."

I fingered the wine taffeta hem of the dress Alice had laid out for me earlier that evening. "You too Dad. Didn't wake you, did I?"

"No. Just said bye to Billy and Jake. Missed you Bells…"

My heart began to pound as very indecent images of my former best friend danced through my memory.

"Billy asked about you. Told 'em about work not letting you off for the holidays."

I felt guilty at the story Edward had suggested about my bookstore job. I had quit months ago actually. Yet I could not very well tell Charlie or Edward I was afraid to see _him_. And afraid of what he would do.

Charlie continued, "Told 'em you would be back for a visit next fall."

I winced at the barely concealed hope in his words. "Yeah…maybe," I offered. I couldn't promise better at this point no matter the fact I missed Charlie desperately.

"Billy also wondered if you and that Cullen boy were dating still," he said in a tight voice.

I thought of Edward's letters to his mate, of eternity, and cringed. "Yeah, we are, but nothing more."

"That's good!" Charlie's voice was hopeful, _too hopeful_.

I hesitated but was desperate to know and so I asked, "Ch-_Dad_? Did…did Jake say anything, ask anything?"

Charlie's next pause was so long I began to feel nervous. He sighed as he finally replied, "No Bells."

We talked of other things after that, easier things, like whether he enjoyed the gas card and new tackle and gear I sent him, or if I had received the plane ticket to see Renee next summer. I loved Charlie for being selfless. He was selfless in a way Edward had always insisted I shared with my father, a way I certainly knew I was not. Had I been selfless, I would have never gone to Jake that day years before in his garage. I would never have played with his heart, then battered and bruised him because of my own misery.

Jake, out of everyone I had ever known, deserved happiness, to be whole, to be loved as only his _imprint_ would allow.

His voice shouted clearly at me that last day, the day he had come after me, his battle wounds forgotten, standing in my back yard with sweats and nothing else. He had trembled with rage.

"_A note? A note Bells, really? After everything that's the only way you know how to tell me you're leaving me for **him**?!"_

"_Jake! Calm down, please! You know you can't phase yet!"_

"_Bells I swear to God, if you go to him now that's the end of us. I know you said a bunch of bullshit about not deserving me and I supposedly knew you'd made your decision before anything happened. You and I both know that's just another excuse!"_

"_Jake, please!" I took a step forward but his rage only grew in volumes, the sun setting behind his russet skin, his face a plane of shadows and darkness. His rage was palpable._

"_Bells if you **fucking** go to him now, I swear to God, I won't wait around for the next time you change your mind!" _

"_Jake!"_

_I listened to the roar of his bike as it screamed down our street and into the distance. I stood alone in shadows, fell to the earth, my body numb even after Edward's cool embrace lifted carried me to my bed. _

I blinked back tears, blocking the rest of the painful memory out. The light from the Cullen's hearth was too bright now to my eyes. Pain stabbed my chest because I could feel his burning hands upon me even now, hear his lust filled voice groaning my name…

Only then did I realize how long Charlie was quiet over the phone line. "Bells?" he softly asked, "You okay?"

"Hmm?" I blinked, startled. "Oh, yeah Dad I'm fine…" I glanced up again nearly to fall out of my seat as I met a pair of forlorn topaz eyes. "Uh, Dad I have to let you go."

"Okay Bells, it is getting late. Look, you call me whenever you can kiddo. I miss hearing your voice." Muffled as his voice was through the speaker, I could tell Charlie meant every word. It was never easy for us to talk like this, to be open about our feelings.

"Me too. Love you."

"Love you Bells."

Silence followed the dead line and I set my phone to rest at my side as Edward came to sit on the seat beside me. I bit my lip, twisting my nearly waist length curls with an absent finger.

How would I explain this to him? I had flinched away from him as though I were a _victim_. I had made my choice months ago. I had chosen him. How could I explain?

_'Edward I'm sorry, but while we were making out I just happened to have these flashbacks of making love to my best friend. Who happens to be a werewolf and your greatest enemy.'_ I nearly grinned at the thought, until I froze beneath the dawning realization of my own thoughts.

Making love…

"Bella…" He began and I blinked, surprised by the sound of his voice and hating myself to see his pain. "I realize I owe you an apology…my actions were inexcusable."

"Edward…"

He held up a hand, his eyes burning fiercely into mine. "Bella, we have made a commitment to one another, one that I swore to honor. You desired more from our relationship once and I denied you for so long. After the battle with Victoria when you weren't wearing my ring anymore, I thought it had to do with that dog…" Disgust made his features monstrous a moment before he lifted his eyes to me once more. "I did not understand why you suddenly did not want me. It upset me but I swore to your happiness Bella. I suppose I felt compelled to take us a step further by surprising you tonight. I have not treated you as a gentleman should and I shall understand if you find need for more space between us for a time."

I frowned, turning to stare into the fire burning nearby. The flames licked at the hearth, consumed the wood to ashes and embers, left smoke in its wake. Edward's hand on mine was pale as those ashes and frozen as the winter snow. And still, I could not tear my eyes from the flames.

"Bella? What is your decision?"

My eyes blazed into his and my decision was made.

* * *

Life is hard. I understood that once. You make choices and decisions that affect not only you but also everyone around you constantly. And the choices can lead to an endless possibility of futures, according to Alice. I never expected the choices I had begun to make months before to lead me to this.

Life may be hard, but living it was easy enough. And I discovered that winter that the world and normal people's lives, now including mine, went by without consequence. Boring, uneventful, I had once called it. Now I cherished the monotony.

Winter's grip had slowly begun to fall over Alaska, yet unlike Forks, it clung and refused to release it's vice grip on the beautiful wilderland that inhabited it. I found myself yearning for the days when rain had been the only deterrent to sunshine. Here the sun was hidden three fourths of the year.

I groaned as I covered my head yet again from the snowfall as I made the long trek to my dorm hall from the English department. Even now, at the crux of what should be April's spring, my feet sank into ankle deep snow. Had the grounds crew been dormant all spring break? Where was a snow shovel when you needed one?

Clasping my books closer to my arms, I focused on a particularly untrustworthy patch ahead. My boots were supposed to have the best traction; Charlie had said so when he bought them for me in August. They could brave anything.

Then again, this was me.

My legs flew madly into the air, arms and books flailing as I tried to brace my fall. As usual I soon found myself staring up at the night sky and snow that fell in gentle waves over me. The pain in my butt was starting to numb in the freeze and I couldn't help the laugh that escaped my lips and soon shook my body into warmth.

* * *

"What happened to you?" Kaya's expressive red eyebrows rose as I came barreling into our tiny dorm, her attention now fully focused on me instead of the Cosmo magazine she had been reading. Seems like they were advertising the latest _fifty best positions_ again…

Slinging an armful of my wet books onto my bed, I rubbed my sore butt. "Fell again."

Kaya rolled her eyes, not bothering to comment as she casually flipped the pages of her magazine. _Paramore_ played softly in the background. Normally Kaya had it blaring no matter how many of our neighbors banged on our walls. Something was on her mind tonight. "So where's Adonis, tonight?"

I groaned, regretting ever telling her of my first impression of Edward Cullen. Her bold blue eyes were shining hopefully and I shook my head as I shrugged off my coat and stood before our mini heater, desperately trying to get warm.

Kaya huffed a sigh and said, "Bella, Bella…when are you going to stop being ridiculous and let that boy back in? He's obviously mad about you, and if you don't do something about it I think I might." She wagged her brows dramatically, turning in her bed to lay half upside down over the edge. Her shoulder length frizzy curls bounced past her broad Russian cheekbones and she smiled an upside down grin.

"It's not that easy," I groaned. Especially when your boyfriend is a vampire who wants eternity and answers I still could not give. Guilt ate away at my stomach as I remembered my choice. At the time my main reasoning was to keep Edward from guessing at the real problem. What was the real problem? I felt the answer just beyond my reach and knew I was too chicken to seek it out.

She turned about to face me, mouth wide. "What? You're crazy! What's so complicated about it? The guy is in all your classes, carries your books, opens doors and just happens to be _gorgeous_ and perfect. And he's begged you a million times to come over or you come to his place! _Oh God_, you're not one of those psycho bitches are you? Not gonna drive him crazy 'til he stalks you before you murder him?"

I laughed, shaking my head, "Will you slow down?"

"Hey, you're blocking the heat!" she whined, crossing her legs beneath her slight frame. Times like these my roommate reminded me of a cruder, funnier version of Alice. I obliged her before she inevitably started throwing pillows my way and began to change into my P.J's.

"It's complicated Kaya. I needed to find myself. You know Edward and I have been dating since Junior year."

"No shit, Sherlock. So what? He's a boy, you're a girl, make it work. If you've been together that long, and you know I've never been with any guy that long, you should be experts at solving problems."

I grinned at her and admitted, "You would think."

Rolling her eyes she fell against her bed, lifting her magazine above to ogle the half naked male anatomy. "Least your folks don't require you to marry '_a nice Russian Jew_'." She exaggerated a very thick accent that made me grin. "So how was work?"

I groaned as I flopped upon my black bed sheets, an old college gift from Jake, I recalled with a wince. I had been found a job in the English department's editing office. It didn't pay well but it was a start. I had been writing obsessively in the moments I wasn't bogged down with schoolwork. Only made sense I applied it to something that could earn me a little side cash.

"That boring? Well that's what happens when you don't take the spot I offered you," she said.

"A bartender Kaya? Can you honestly see me working with you?"

She shrugged and stood, her revealing work attire displaying her assets. Flashing me a dazzling grin, she replied, "More exciting than editing other peoples' works Hells Bells. _Oh shit_, I gotta go." She began to fly madly about the dorm. "Listen, don't answer any calls in case it's that jackass Tommy again, kay? And if Edward shows up, tell him I said hi?" She winked coquettishly before disappearing from our room.

In the glorious silence after her departure, I thought of the past several months of "space" Edward and I had taken. The Cullen's had been disappointed I could tell. I think Alice thought I meant I wanted space from them as well, until I had scolded into returning full force back into my life once again.

Slowly, over the past couple of months, I had begun to feel more of the person I had been before I met Edward, independent, ambitious, sure. Edward insisted I keep his letters and I had read up until 1924 at this point. Every night I poured over those love letters I willed my heart to be moved, to return the obvious ardor he felt for his mate. He insisted he was fine being close, being friends but I knew better.

I opened my laptop and checked my e-mail, answering Renee's excitement over my trip to Florida, and frowned at mail my stalker had left me once again. Omitting this unpleasant detail of my new independence to Edward and Charlie had been a wiser decision, I decided months back when this began. The e-mails were always cruel, threatening, obscure and utterly untraceable. Eventually I had come to deleting them as they filtered into my inbox. Only an idiot would read them. And after facing down a pack of Shape-shifters and a coven of Newborn Vampires, my danger radar was understandably numb.

My eyes scanned the names down the long list and blinked in surprise to see Charlie's name.

His e-mail began simply enough.

'**_Bells,_**

**_Just wanted to see how you were doing. Things are still dull here without you. Work is going fine. Sue Clearwater's been keeping me fed. You would remember her. She certainly remembers you. Told me to say hello. Been thinking of taking her on a date. What do you think?_**

**_Billy asked about you again today. Wants you to come down for a visit. Jacob misses you too. He didn't say that but I can tell._**

**_Love,_**

**_Charlie'_**


	5. Hunted

******Disclaimer: **Steph started it, I'm just adding to it. ;)

* * *

**Chapter 5**

**Hunted**

* * *

By the time summer finally arrived, Kaya and I laid out in the commons for all the world to see in our warmest summer wear, though I nearly froze my ass off even after nearly a year of Alaskan climate. All too soon, Kaya and I were packed and sending one another off to our different destinations. She was to spend the summer with family in Russia. I was to see Renee, though a part of me was dying to see Charlie and see how things were progressing with Sue.

I had finished my first novel, short as it was and at Kaya's insistence, dared to approach publishers through university. All I had found so far was rejection. I hadn't told Edward. I knew all I would have to do was show him the papers and he would make a call. I was going to sign under pseudonym. I didn't want anyone to know. The romance wasn't something Edward would understand. And the male lead had turned out to be surprisingly like Jacob.

I shut my eyes, remembering…

_His skin was hot, burning against mine while the sun splayed over our faces. Our limbs were still tangled from endless love making the night before. We had found little sleep. He smiled as he nipped my nose playfully and planted a kiss on it before reaching to taste the curve of my mouth._

"_Bells…" he sighed against my lips while his large hands encompassed my waist, stroked and traced circles down my back before resting firmly on my behind. He squeezed and grinned at my reaction, obsidian eyes flashing mischievously._

_I smiled against his lips and said, "Oh no, if you don't stop now we're never going to get any sleep before Billy wakes up." I poked my finger into his gut and he guffawed, face contorting in pain. I gasped, remembering his injuries and caressed the endless plane of his chest. "Jake…I'm so sorry. You're hurt." He winced as I tested the formerly broken half of his body, my expression darkening. "You seemed perfectly fine last night…" My eyes narrowed in on him, daring him to contradict me._

_His grin was so infectious I couldn't help returning it. "It was worth the pain Bells," he whispered before his mouth descended over mine, parted my lips. Once again our tongues were dancing and battling the other for dominance. I ignored the guilt I felt when the sun reflected off of the diamond I had placed on the bedside table. I pushed the reminder of it, of **him** away. _

_As Jacob pulled me flush on top of him, our desire escalating, I breathed a sigh of release._

_It was worth it… _

"Thank you for flying American Airlines. Please keep your seat belts on until…" I tuned out the perfectly inflected voice speaking over intercom and pushed back the heat my memories of Jacob incited. Pushing up my window I blinked madly against the brilliant sun casting its rays over my pale skin. I could feel the heat crawling into the cabin even now, yet instead of cringing I relished in it.

It made me think of Phoenix and home, of Jake…

* * *

"Bella! Baby!" Renee squealed as she threw her outstretched arms over me, engulfing me. I laughed as she continued to jump up and down and other passengers from our flight turned to stare.

"Mom," I said in a muffled voice, embarrassed under so much scrutiny.

The whirlwind that was Renee quickly ushered me into the golden Promised Land that was Florida. We unloaded at she and Phil's house before setting off immediately for the beach. It'd been so long since I'd swam in a real ocean I threatened never to come out again.

There on the beach we talked about Phil, Edward and life in general. I answered her timid questions about Charlie and Sue. She was surprisingly quiet.

We fell into an easy pattern the next few weeks. Going to the beach, trying anything and everything Renee's fancy took her. I had to give my mom credit. She knew how to live life to its fullest.

Edward called me every night and I answered even though he claimed I wasn't required to. I still loved him and the sound of his voice still stirred the same emotions they had since that first day in our meadow. Yet for the first time in years I was able to fully forget about the supernatural, about a world where Vampires and Werewolves existed. With each passing day my skin gained a bit of its healthy glow, though it never matched Renee's bronze tan. I could thank Charlie for that.

Phil was gone most of the time and I realized how lonely my mom was before my visit, even if she wouldn't admit it. I think a part of her was sad that Charlie was moving on at last. For the first time I began to believe Renee was finally growing up.

"But don't worry about me baby," she said. "I've got more than enough to make me happy. Phil really does love me." She would often feed me similar excuses during our time together.

Our trip to Disney World was not exactly the highlight of my summer vacation. I never was a huge fan of Disney, besides Beauty and the Beast. To me the money-magnet theme park had taken the concept of family bonding time to an unhealthy level. But I loved watching Renee pull me along to every single ride. We both had a new wardrobe of Disney memorabilia and framed pictures by the time the mini-break was over.

I was grateful for the relaxing beach and relative quiet of she and Phil's home. If we never saw another pair of black mouse ears again, I would have died happy. I was content, falling asleep to the ocean waves, feeling the warm sun kiss my skin again…until that one night.

* * *

"Bella, baby, what would you say to having a little extra fun tonight?"

I glanced up from one of Jasper's Christmas gifts, Jane Austen's "Persuasion", regretfully. "What do you have in mind?" I had settled into my P.J's already. With a cup of tea in my hand and my legs curled beneath a blanket, I was ready to call it a night, even though it was ninety-five degrees Fahrenheit outside.

From behind her back Renee produced two ridiculously skimpy shining outfits that looked better fitted to a doll half my size. "Come on, Bella! Honey I know you hate dancing but Phil always takes me and I miss the fun! Come on! For tonight we can pretend to be two single gals out on the town! I'll buy you drinks?" She offered.

I rolled my eyes. Maybe Renee hadn't grown up as much as I thought. "Mom, no. It's a Thursday night. Who goes clubbing on a Thursday? And there is no way you're getting me into that." I pointed at the piece of black fabric with wide-eyed fear.

"Please?" She made a puppy-dog pout and I rolled my eyes again.

* * *

I nearly tripped on the ridiculous black heels Renee had fished out for me to match my little black number. She had rolled her eyes when I insisted on tights. But I stood firm and said, "I will not flash my legs to every sleazy guy in that bar."

"It's a club, Bella, big difference honey believe me."

I shook my head. "Why couldn't you be like other moms?"

Renee wrapped her arms about me, small black purse flying in the air as we walked the streets. At last we found other similarly clad girls walking in the same direction, which made me not feel as ridiculous. "You know you love me."

I groaned as she ushered me to the line and as we settled in she asked the one question I had not expected.

"So whatever happened to thrill seeker Bella? You nearly gave me a heart attack when Charlie told me you were riding motorcycles with that boy." A familiar gleam entered her eyes as she mused, "What was his name…Jacob? Jacob, that's it! What happened to him? He was your best friend wasn't he?"

"Yeah, he was," I offered weakly. Renee's arm slid over my shoulders. She was like Jake in that way. They knew without words what I needed.

"I'm sorry baby. Relationships are complicated no matter what kind they are. At least you had a clean break and no regrets though, right?" I couldn't answer her and wisely Renee said nothing. Or perhaps it was only because we were already through the not-so-busy Thursday night line and were about to entered the next few hours of hell.

After two margaritas I actually began to have a good time and felt oddly less like Bella and more like an imposter who _claimed_ she was Bella. Renee was the same, only louder and we both danced together and with strange but hot guys until I felt as though my legs would collapse. I didn't care that I sucked and strangely enough, neither did anyone else.

When we left the club at four a.m, the streets seemed to glow more brightly and even though I still tripped constantly I didn't care. Renee linked arms with me as we headed back to her SUV at the parking garage. I couldn't remember the alley she led us down, _"a shortcut"_ Renee slurred, but followed anyway. Because I was having fun for the first time I could remember, the first time since Jake, I faintly realized, I went along with it. I decided to tell Renee about him then, about the choices I had been forced to make nearly a year ago, of the hell I had never dared tell her half of. I was finally ready.

The moon was clouded and the sky hidden as the alley grew narrower. A strange feeling gripped my heart, and I felt choked by some unnamed fear, though no danger lurked in the dark alley.

Renee was laughing about some drunk back at the club she had punched in the nose, about how her hand still hurt, when I saw them. Silhouettes, like angels of death in the night, they stood waiting. There were only three of them, yet I could see they were tall and built even from this distance. And their very presence screamed _danger_ to my human senses.

I jerked Renee into sobriety and fear laced her words after following my gaze. "Bella?" Immediately she began to fish about in her purse. "_Hell no_. Not my baby…" she began mumbling as she pulled a taser from her purse.

My eyes widened, shocked but very grateful. I thought suddenly of our feet and the ridiculous heels we were both in. We wouldn't be able to run before my clumsiness sent us tumbling into a gutter.

While I was distracted the men began to approach in startlingly quick strides. Dragging Renee, I began to run back the way we had come.

"Mom," I pleaded with her to look up and follow me. She was still muttering as she tried to work the taser. "Mom!" I yelled and the sound, like a spark, struck the match, diffusing the brief calm and chaos ensued.

The three men were running towards us. I knew then these weren't ordinary teen rapists, or muggers. A deeper evil that clouded them. I could feel it pulsing in the air between us, clawing at us, desperate to consume us.

Renee caught on and began to meet my stride. I prayed our legs would hold. I heard a cry and felt myself tumbling to the asphalt then, crying out in pain as I twisted onto my back.

One of the men had grabbed Renee, who had already used the taser against him. He was upon the ground and she was back on her feet in remarkable time and pulling me to mine. Numbly I realized I was on my feet too.

"RUN! Run baby!" She was shouting just behind me.

I ran faster then, tears blurring the city lights that still seemed too far ahead of us. I heard the pounding of feet behind us, thick and heavy contrasting with our light and pounding stilettos.

My heart thudded with each painful leap over the uneven ground. I gasped desperately for air and ran faster when I could breathe no longer. I was running from the pain in my side, where rock had embedded itself into my bloody skin. And I was running from James, from Laurent, Victoria and her Immortal Children. I could have run forever.

Until I tripped over a sudden pot hole and tumbled once more into asphalt. Trembling I turned round. I had lost my purse somewhere in the alley, yet different kind of fear welled up in me when my ears only found silence. Peering into the darkened street behind me confirmed that I was alone.

For an infinitesimal moment I sat, chest heaving, feet rubbed to bleeding from running in Renee's shoes. Tears continued to fall and a numb feeling enveloped my senses. Eventually I managed to stand and though my chest continued to heave, a new emotion claimed hold of my soul.

Hatred.

_Renee._

I ran faster, fast as she had told me to run. I came for her.

It was then I saw a shadow drenched figure crumpled between two dumpsters. The clouds parted and the moonlight revealed the presence of death incarnate.


	6. Death

**Disclaimer: **Steph's idea, she made the money, wish I'd have thought of it first!

* * *

**Chapter 6**

**Death**

* * *

Heat enveloped me as I swayed with my mother's body held tight in my lap, keeping me from the numbness I felt in my soul. Renee's bruised and bloody form was splayed, lifeless over and before me. Her dress had been ripped to tattered shreds and her eyes, once so full of life were now glazed and dull. A constant scream that had begun deep in my throat raged within my mind, constant and unable to escape my lips.

So lost in my pain, I ignored the doom I could feel greedily observing me. Here was a pain far greater than any wound Edward had left with a broken heart, than when I chose to leave Jacob in turn. This was never ending, ruthless and cold. This was death.

I had not looked at her since I gathered her in my arms, could not bear the sight of her, the moment I realized she wasn't just dead. She had been drained lifeless of all her blood, from the obvious and savage bites on her neck.

_**Vampire.**_

The world I had so longed to become a part of, had embraced blindly at seventeen, accepted despite Edward's constant warnings, had suddenly become a true monster. I understood at last the demon Edward fought, the self-hatred and condemnation. This was not a beautiful world of glittering diamonds, it was cruel and evil and surrounded by death.

I did not cry out when steel-like frozen hands wrapped around me and enshrouded me in darkness. I stared numbly up into his eyes while the fire of his venom entered my veins as he drained my blood. He did not finish though; instead he pushed flame back into my veins deeper.

I fell into darkness and the last thing I saw were a pair of malevolent scarlet eyes watching the damnation of my soul.

* * *

_I was falling into the flames while my blood was burning to ash._

_Desperately, with a fading recognition I began to fight my own death. I ran away from it, jumped from the cliff and plunged into the ice-cold sea waiting below. Edward's body sank past mine into a cold and watery grave._

_I was afraid of the cold and its icy grip, sinking into my muscles and cried out when heat enveloped me once more. _

_The sun shone as he plucked me from the sea and the breeze shook me from my chosen sleep. _

_**Jacob**._

_His voice called my name, hands caressed the curve of my waist and grasped it possessively, reminding me who I belonged to. __His breath was upon my neck, words spoken in his deep fire-wreathed voice, "Bells…"_

_Our lips moved together to keep me warm, to slowly worked life back into my frozen limbs. My heart pounded even faster._

_Faster…_

_Harder…_

_His erection was at my entrance, then plunging deeply into me, so deep I cried out, muffling my pain by biting my lip, gripping the sheets…_

_I clung to the sun, to him._

_The beach was sun-bathed. The voices of the children echoed dimly to my ears and I was suddenly running along the cerulean shore as clouds threaten to consume the light. I ran from that darkness and ignored the fire trying to eat my flesh alive. I fought the cold seeping into my limbs. _

"_No!" The children's voices are fainter now and tears fall from my face, leaving trails of hot acid in their wake. I screamed out his name, "Jacob!" but still fell back into darkness once more._

_Snow fell in endless sheets of white before my eyes. The sea turned stormy gray and the sky twilight, the world suddenly frozen and I turned to the fading sun. _

"_No!" I cried out, running into the waters now, not caring when my foot slips off the edge and I struggle above the torrent. Desperation, a need unlike any I have known cries for the sun. I will it with my eyes to remain fixed before me or carry me away with it. _

_Slower…my heart failed to beat as my vitals began to slow down._

_I was frozen…_

_Ice filled my limbs and I could feel myself sinking into the frozen waters. The sun felt so far, my cries barely passing my stilled lips. My hand reaches out desperately…_

_Falling…_

_Thump-thump…_

_Thump-thump…_

_Thump…_

_Thump…_

_Silence…_

_The sun reflected against my dilated, lifeless orbs and a single tear fell down my pale cheek. I almost don't believe it when the heat returns to me. __It envelopes me so strongly that I gasp in shock at the contact. His bare arm snakes about my waist, breaks the ice and walking upon the ever melting ice, carries me back to the shore. The sun is growing behind him now, blinding, shining his shadowed features a golden halo. His eyes are dark, broken and beautiful._

"_Bells…" He whispers as he lays me upon the rocks. And the heat spreads through my limbs, warms them from deep within. _

_Thump-thump…_

_Thump-thump…_

_My movements are slower this time, yet I blink and my lips move in time with his. I sigh as I bury my face in his neck, draw him closer over me until his lies upon the rocks and pulls me on top of him. I rest my head on his chest, the blinding sun sheltering us both._

___Somehow I felt both, the cool kiss of death and the warm embrace of life. Somewhere I remained fixed in between. Sometime I knew I must open my eyes and greet the world once again._

When I opened my eyes it was to a familiar shade of topaz and pain ripped at my chest immediately as I took in a shaky breath.

Why?

His beautiful features contorted into a mask of pain. His cool hands did not feel like ice to my cheeks, though they sent shivers down my spine and made me wrap my arms over my chest to fend off the sudden chill. For a moment he was silent, his eyes boring into mine, intent on something. When his expression shifted and he pulled back I realized he was disappointed.

I frowned. All rational thought had fled me. All I could remember was the sun, _his_ heat…who?

Jacob, I decided, a grin alighting my face and the image of towering muscle, obsidian eyes, short cropped black hair and a brilliant white grin filling my mind's eye. Where was Jacob? My focus moved past the too perfect god watching over me.

Where was I?

Fluorescent lights buzzed too brightly against my eyes. A world of fresh scents met my nose, sickly sweet nearest to me, the god? I could smell more, but beyond lingered that the worst smell I could have ever imagined. Instinct stronger than knowledge told me then what the scent was. _Human_.

I blinked, startled. Why did they smell so sweet? So disgustingly sweet…worse than the Adonis sitting across from me.

I saw a short, golden-eyed pixie hovering in the background beside me then. "What's wrong with her?" her high pitched voice intoned.

I could feel the buzz of energy surrounding her, her movements too rapid and nauseating to my sensitive eyes. I frowned, my tongue felt thick and stuck to the roof of my mouth. I was thirsty, but also hungry, and sighed as I looked my foreign surroundings.

But I was distracted by the female's gasp. "Edward, her heart…"

"We should call Carlisle," he said.

My eyes darted to the Adonis before me, his topaz eyes pain filled. I wanted to ask him where Jacob was. Where was my sun, my love my life?

"Bella?"

The pixie was speaking to me? Her dark eyes were sad and puzzled at once and I frowned.

"Do you remember anything?"

I blinked slowly; pulling beyond the fire and pain I had come from, beyond Jacob's warm embrace. "Jacob?" I asked hopefully.

The Adonis, _Edward_ she had called him, crumpled into himself, as if under torture, his hands ripping the sheets in shreds and yet his strength did not frighten me. The pixie was at his side, her hands on his shoulders. "Edward…" she said, her tone a warning.

"Where is Jacob?" I insisted and the small waif of a girl had turned her dark gaze to me once again.

"Try again Bella. Think deeper."

My eyes fell to my smooth pale hands, graceful hands, far different from the klutz I had always been. I smiled to think of Jacob helping me up from my first bike accident and a rush of memory began to flash before my eyes.

_Watching Jacob work on the bikes. _

_Listening to Quileute legends before a smoky campfire. _

_Jumping from the cliffs. _

_Jacob pulling me from the sea, and realizing I loved him more than a friend. _

_His lips crashing against mine for the first time, together in the tent, at his side night after night as he healed…love. _

Memory blurred to dreams and I remembered before my eyes opened I had been searching for something…children? Death.

My eyes flew open in realization.

"Renee," I choked before tears began to pour from my eyes. The temporary haze had cleared and the pain resurfaced, greater than any I had yet known. Edward wrapped me in his arms, Alice holding my hands, stroking them comfortingly as I cried.

Renee, so full of love and life, always trying anything she could get her hands on, colorful, exasperating, immature, excitable Renee. My mother was dead. And it was then I remembered how she had died. My mind warred with me, fought desperately to block the images from my mind. Yet I could not shake her face from my thoughts once it resurfaced, and I broke anew internally.

I did not stop to wonder then as I would later if I would ever be repaired again.


	7. Perfection

**Disclaimer: **Twilight the Saga is Steph Meyers'-sounds so dramatic when they call it "the saga" lol

* * *

**Chapter 7**

**Perfection**

* * *

Time was a blur, a fraction in a Vampire's potentially never ending existence. Time marked the passing of years, days, minutes, the passing of loved ones and lost chances.

I felt the days following Renee's murder and my transformation with the numb indifference of one who has seen too much, too much sorrow, heartache and death. What sort of existence was I condemned leading if I couldn't see beyond the truth behind so cruel and twisted a world?

Edward and Alice were my salvation in the beginning. Alice had seen me in her vision, the danger and evil that loomed over me like a black plague. Moments later and they would have been too late to save me from eternal damnation. I would have probably drained the first human I could find in a city so thick and teeming with life, like placing a starved tiger in a cage filled with cattle. At least, that was what Edward likened me to. Even now the thought of human blood disgusted me. Blood of any sort in fact, though the Cullen's said that would change with time.

The police never found Renee's body and stupidly believed the story I had been commanded by Alice to tell. I had run, as she said, until I passed out in the alley and woke up lucid enough to use my cell phone and called Edward and Alice first thing. Edward told the police he and I had been having a tenuous time in our relationship and he had been determined to fly to Florida to change my mind about returning to Alaska in the fall.

When I learned Renee had been missing I was so "distraught" that I stayed with the Cullen siblings in their hotel while they called Phil and told him what had happened. The police had not questioned me further, curious as to my current condition since I had been inconsolable the first three days after the attack that I refused to see anyone except Edward and Alice. The police saw my ruined dress and tights and it was all they needed to validate my story. No one dared question the daughter of a murder victim, or a "missing person", Phil insisted on believing, not even after Edward and Alice whisked me back to Alaska days later.

Charlie's phone call was the hardest. Alice had phoned him that first night but he demanded to speak with me as soon as I was able. He had broke down on the phone when I told him my version of what happened, cried in violent sobs over the phone until he had to let me go. I promised to call him again, but only enough to calm his fears and to listen to him tell stories of Renee I had never heard before. He painted a very young, different picture of the mother who raised me. I could tell each talk was easier for him.

I mourned Renee. With a faint sense of irony I realized I would always mourn Renee in the way I would mourn myself…

_Bella Swan died age nineteen in a dark alley at the hands of a masochistic vampire. _

I stared out the stained glass window that faced the sunrise in my room. Summer was nearly over, and yet I could not imagine going back to school or facing my few campus friends. I couldn't face Kaya, whose eyes were too sharp and who would notice the drastic physical change in my appearance. Or perhaps it was as subtle as Edward insisted?

The first moment I had met my own reflection, once we were back at the Cullen's home, with Alice at my side, I met the face of a near stranger. My skin tone remained the same, not the same deathly pale as the pixie beside me. Yet I stood taller. My hair was darker and shone like gossamer and the imperfections I had been so used to as a human were faded. Where before my lips had seemed too full against my small pointed chin, now they were faintly rose red and pouting. My body was harder now, not as hard as it should be, but toned where I had not been before.

"_You're beautiful, Bella,"_ Alice had said, smiling sadly as she often did in my presence now. Yet the red and chocolate-eyed monster that stared dully back at me seemed anything but beautiful now…

Summer's last brilliant rays entered my room and splashed across my face in crimson, indigos and violets. I sat frozen, bathing in its warmth. It amazed me how the tiniest details seemed sharper, the colors more brilliant and expanding to ones I had never seen before. My chest rose and fell with my half dead lungs, slowly, but not painfully in time with the steady labored beat of my heart softly thudded in my chest.

My transformation from human to Vampire had not run as smoothly as was intended by my maker. Carlisle believed my will power to be one of my gifts. For the only explanation I could give for my beating heart was that I had fought death inside my mind till the battle turned physical.

The entire family had gathered round me in the living room as Carlisle explained _his_ theory to the remarkable and unique quality to my change. Edward's arm wrapped possessively about my shoulders and Alice held my hands so tightly in her own they ached even with my supposed newborn strength.

"_You have the benefits of any Vampire, Bella, immortality, speed, strength and endurance. And apparently the mental shield you held as a human has only manifested further."_

"_What about the thing beating in her chest, Carlisle? Shouldn't it have died already?" Emmett laughed and Rosalie planted a fist into his chest that quickly silenced him. _

_Carlisle glanced at him with everlasting patience before grinning slightly at me. "Yes, your heart…within a normal human chest your heart could not keep its systems fully functioning, and yet… Bella I must be frank I am baffled how you managed to reverse the change even to this extent. Perhaps it is another talent? There have been stranger gifts, but with your aversion to blood of any kind and desire for human foods, your ability to sleep even if only necessary a fraction of your former REM cycle…"_

"_What you're saying then, is I'm basically half human?" My voice sounded light and fluid, softer though not musical as Edward intoned. _

_Carlisle smiled and agreed, "Basically."_

"Bella," he interrupted my reverie. "I wondered if you were awake yet." Edward's velvet voice sounded even sweeter than it had before, his features beyond perfection that my fully human eyes had managed. I did not meet his gaze as I lay upon my bed, my eyes fixated on the dimming sunlight that streamed through the stained glass Esme had created for me.

Edward's lithe frame barely shook the four post canopied bed Esme bought. Jake's black sheets didn't fit this bed. Hesitating a moment, my former boyfriend brushed a heavy curl from my forehead and tucked it carefully behind my ear, his chilled fingers gracing the skin of my neck and sending shivers down my spine. My face remained frozen, captured in the dull aftermath of terror.

As though hearing from a great distance I realized he was speaking in dimly hushed tones, nonsense, really, from what I could tell. He had given up trying to stir my passions to speak and betray my thoughts. For the first time since I'd known him, Edward managed to not ask me what I was thinking every conversation we shared, though the question was never far from his eyes.

"Jasper has actually contributed several articles to the National Historical Society, supposedly based on his great-great grandfather's Civil War diaries." A pause as if he were imagining my response. "Esme is concerned for you. Rose suggested we try cooking your favorite foods." His eyes lit with amusement at the mention of the recently returned Rosalie. She and Emmett had been distant of late. I don't believe either of them knew how to make me less catatonic. "Who would have guessed she would have been as concerned as Esme? Carlisle is still attempting to puzzle out the mystery of your change…Bella," he began, his hand resting gently over my upturned palm. "We haven't asked you before. I know it's been too soon…but has there been anything untoward that happened to you before that night?"

My brow furrowed slightly. I had indeed thought of any and every link to the hunt that ended Renee's life and metaphorically mine. Edward was not going to be happy with me. "I've been getting these weird e-mails the last several months."

Edward's eyes narrowed. "What sort of weird e-mails, Bella?"

"Borderline stalker, I guess…"

Topaz consumed by a cloud of midnight. "_What_?" He clipped, voice icy and unforgiving as usual. "Bella…why did you not tell me about this? Do you realize I might have been able to put an end to this long ago?!" The last was a mere hiss of air.

I winced and his expression immediately softened, concern and love and the burn of fierce revenge practically piercing through his eyes. He visibly trembled to my new eyes. My breath hitched with fear even as with a desperate sob Edward threw himself at me. He gathered me up as though I weighed no more than a child, was rocking with me upon the bed as dry sobs pulled his walls by the seams.

Tears he could not shed, and tears I should _not_ be able to shed, welled in my eyes. Strange that they were not because of Edward and his obvious love and pain for me, and rather because I knew I would never be held like this again.

After his sorrow had passed he lay with his arms wrapped around me. The sun was setting, I could tell by the faint rosy glow that showered my window.

"To think that I could have ended it…"

"Edward I already told you, it's over. I'm a Vampire and Renee's dead. There's nothing anyone could have done…" I knew if I allowed myself to believe otherwise I'd go mad.

"But Bella, you should have told me…to think that all those months some _bastard_ was toying with you. How long has he watched you from the shadows? Did your blood sing for him?" The last he said with a tinge of bitterness. I was _his_ singer. And because of the half-human blood that coursed through my veins I still was, though he had admitted the desire had dulled considerably.

"There wasn't anything you could have done…" My own voice didn't sound convincing. I felt the cool caress of Edward's lips against my hair.

"At least now we have eternity beloved…nothing can or will part us again."

His arms wrapped more securely about my waist, pulling me firmly against him. I held my breath. His words, like Edward himself, were perfect. Yet why didn't it seem like enough? Two years ago I would have offered all of myself in an instant if I thought eternity with Edward Cullen were possible. His presence was addictive to say the least. He was passionate, a gentleman, self-damning yet endearing, fiercely protective and devoted. Devoted, I thought as guilt enveloped my conscience. He would always be faithful, I realized, always dependable. Our love would never change, only solidify over time…strengthen…

"Bella?" He could feel the tension in my body, coiled like a wild cat prepared to take flight.

Tears blurred my vision. Even now with the ideal future, perfection as I had deemed it, I could not find true happiness because I was imperfect. I gasped lightly as the memory assaulted me.

"_You never played fair, you know," Jacob said while enduring my touch as I helped him move his ruined arm in the exercises Carlisle had recommended his last visit. _

_Wrinkling my brow I continued slowly bending his elbow, ignoring his wince. "What are you talking about Jake?" _

"_Edward," he spat._

_My eyes flashed to his. We had avoided speaking of the choice I had made, the ring in my pocket or the confessions both of us had made only two nights before. Why break our silent rule now?_

_Jake was grinning at me, his eyes alight with mischief. He knew exactly what I was thinking. "It's hard to compete with somebody you think is perfect Bells. Like standing me next to Mr. Darcy."_

_I couldn't shield the smile that tugged at the corner of my mouth. "You've read Pride and Prejudice?"_

"_Saw the movie…" He frowned concentrating on my hands against his skin and a sudden thrill echoed from my core and spread to my fingertips. "Rachel and Rebecca made me I swear…"_

"_Right." I knew I was grinning foolishly at him now but I didn't care. _

_His eyes rose above his lowered brow, hot and intense, and burning through my impenetrable shields. "You never gave me a chance Bells… Who's to say I couldn't be the hero too? You keep those guys on a pedestal but, fact is, they were made up by chicks, written for chicks. I bet if you actually knew them in real life they would probably be just as big of an asshole as I am." _

"Bella," Edward said as he turned me about in his arms so that our faces were mere inches apart, his breath sweet and cool against my skin. "I must tell you how ardently I desire you. So long I have waited for you, beloved. Surly you know how I feel as you've been reading your letters. I understand that we agreed to keep some space between us for a time. But Bella, I must tell you how I have longed for you…" His topaz eyes darkened slightly as he drew his hands over me caressed my bare arms, my neck, the contours of my face. "When Alice had her vision I thought I had lost you."

I longed to be comforted, held, yet whatever curse which kept me from accepting happiness reared its ugly face once again and I twisted away from my beloved's embrace to face him. "Edward, I can't promise anything…"

"Of course. I understand if you need time love." He reached out a hand to cup my cheek, drawing nearer to me as I held my breath once again. "Just know I'll be here, waiting, when you're ready." And he brought his firm lips to mold mine.


	8. Visions

**Disclaimer: **Steph owns...ah, y'all know already

* * *

**Chapter 8**

**Visions**

* * *

_The_ _pounding of feet behind us were thick, labored, menacing… _

_Tears ran down my stained cheeks, the sharp clack of stiletto no match for our pursuers…_

_I could not escape. Arms were groping, reaching for me, smothering… _

"Bella!" I gasped as Alice's musical voice woke me from my nap, blinking against the lingering nightmare, willing it away to the deepest recesses of my mind. "We're here!" She practically bounced in the car seat, her hands causing slight indentions in the steering wheel.

I would never understand what possessed me each time to say yes to Alice when she dragged me to go shopping. Once upon a time I had pitied the fact that she always seemed in need of a friend to accompany her. Now I knew it was a manipulation to drag me into the seventh hell and dress me up like a mannequin. With my Vampire enhanced beauty, so Alice called and I disbelieved it, she claimed a new wardrobe was long overdue. She had complained to find I barely made a dent in the endless sea of gift cards she had purchased for me.

Driving all the way to Anchorage was not my idea of fun. "It's your fault Bella!" She had merely chided. When I asked why it was necessary to drive all the way to the capital just to buy clothes she explained as though to a child that the sort of stores she wanted to take me to were more "_chic_". She refused to shop anywhere else and I wondered vaguely how often she had dragged Jasper on these excursions since the family moved to Alaska.

She chatted endlessly as she dragged me to her favorite stores, drawing far more attention to us as she buzzed and flitting about draping clothes over me than I cared for. Men looked at me more often now, and smelling their foul scent, seeing their imperfections even from this distance repelled me. Yet it was refreshing to see the living half of my blood. Among Vampires I didn't compare, half kind or not, I still looked surreally human.

As we drove home, arms so full of bags several men offered to help us carry them to Alice's porche. We could lift twice as much as the best of them of course, but playing the confident American female refused.

On the road home I was left mercifully at last to my thoughts where I preferred to dwell these days. Playing with the cell phone in my coat pocket I thought of my old roommate and only true friend outside the Cullens. Kaya had been upset to say the least upon receiving the note I left in our dorm room after clearing all my possessions from the room before she returned from break. I knew because she called right away. Her voice mails were sad and kind at first, and increasingly frustrated and worried. The last was hardest to listen to of all.

"_Izzie, I get it, okay? You're living with Adonis now! Hell I can't blame you, I would too…but I'm going to miss you. The roommate they've stuck me with is an ass, I can tell already. She won't understand me like you. I'll probably go through the exchange program to Moscow in the spring. I need to get out of this place. Met an Adonis myself I think… Shout out at me if you ever need anything Hell's Bells." _

I wanted her to yell at me, tell me what a horrible friend I was. She didn't do either. Just laughed and pushed ahead through life as she usually did. I would miss her because she reminded me of Renee. The realization struck me hard, my mental shields thickening instinctively.

"Bella, there's something that I've been debating on telling you for months now. And not being able to see how you'll react is killing me!" Alice was tense beside me, frozen nearly.

I turned with surprise and drew my knees instinctively up in front of my chest. "What do you mean Alice, you always know."

She set her jaw and I saw then just how upset she was, her golden orbs darting nervously at me. "That's just it Bella, I don't."

I frowned, not comprehending.

"I can't see you anymore, your future. I haven't seen it for a long time."

I stared at her dumbstruck. Alice _always_ knew. How was this possible? I knew my shields weren't that powerful. "Then how did you see…" I trailed off thinking of _that_ night.

Clenching her teeth, she took an unnecessary breath before continuing, "I don't know Bella. That was the first time I had seen anything in months. It started soon after we moved here, late last fall… When I stopped seeing you I started to worry what that could mean." She paused, allowing her words to sink in and my mind raced trying to decipher what was really on my "sister's" mind.

My eyes, chocolate still with traces of newborn red about their rims, bored into her. "Edward heard your thoughts."

She nodded her head emphatically. "Yes…he was worried in the beginning. We didn't know what it meant then. If you were going to die, or..." She trailed off and I picked up the pieces, unable to hide the bitterness in my voice.

"Go back to Jacob." The only time Alice's gift did not work was when I was with the pack…Anger filled me then, overwhelmed my newborn senses until I felt I was closer to the infamous newborn rage than ever before.

_Edward…overly attentive, candles and rose petals, his mate's letters, pushing me down upon the bed, passion…his words echoed in my mind, clear and louder than before._

"_I suppose I felt compelled to take us a step further by surprising you."_

Edward was afraid. And I could practically the shame rolling off of Alice in consistent waves as I struggled with my emotions.

"Bella, Edward did what he did that night because he thought you would leave him. He thought that if he…claimed you a different way, that…"

"The choice would no longer be mine?" I snapped cruelly and Alice set her chin.

"Bella that's not fair. We didn't know it would turn out this way."

My indignation only rose with her words. "_We_? Alice you knew? You knew what he was planning and you didn't stop to think I might be a little upset when I found out?! You both manipulated me!" I wanted out of this car, and I wanted out NOW…

"Bella! Please! I thought you wanted it," She entreated.

"_You..._you helped him to plan it all didn't you?!" I was hyperventilating, gasping for breath, hugging my chest, fury making me tremble nearly as badly as Jake had under similar stress. She had helped him plan it, sought to change my future in hopes it would bring me back into theirs...

"Calm down please! Jasper will kill me if you rip the door off!"

I wanted to do more than rip the door off in that moment, my eyes feral upon her. My first love and my sister! Why was I so angry, I faintly wondered. Alice spoke the truth. I felt it. Edward did love me, always had the moment it first struck him.

Pushing aside my fury with Alice at the moment I focused on his face. My first love sought to use sex as a way of solidifying the bond between us eternally? I couldn't deny that once upon a time I longed for the same thing. Yet the same creeping sensation that tingled at the base of my spine, brought warmth to my body ignited since Jacob, could not accept this. Why was he so afraid of losing me if he was so certain I was his mate? Was our love not enough?

In the midst of my confusion, my fury and hurt I unwillingly saw Jacob's smiling face before me, nothing held back, nothing to be lost…

He had been nothing but Jake with me from the beginning. He could be nothing other, couldn't hide anything from me for long. It burned through his eyes, the sound of his voice as he spoke to me, turned with his lips…

_His lips upon mine…_

I shut my eyes.

For now, I would save Jasper the agony of replacing a car door, an entire porche with the fury that hovered just beneath the still surface. I would deal with Edward and Alice later. Too much had happened, too much had been lost and I could not face this fresh pain now.

I focused on Jacob's face and let myself fall to tortured dreams and sleep.


	9. Persuasion

**Disclaimer:** Could care less about owning Edward, I'll be honest!

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**Chapter 9**

**Persuasion**

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_Edward's perfect features were twisted into a grimace of tortuous agony, his hands desperate and painful as he sought to maintain his grip on my relatively softer arms. I had confronted him the instant we were home, not because I wanted to. He had seen my conversation with Alice before we even made it through the front door. He made the mistake of following me upstairs to my room. And he was stupidly putting himself in harms way of a pissed off half-human newborn._

_"Bella, I didn't know what else to do! You were so distant, ever since we left Forks. I never knew what happened between you and the dog. When Alice couldn't see your future anymore I thought that meant you were going to return to **him**! When Alice saw you being attacked I knew it was my last chance to claim you…but after you were bitten, she couldn't see you again… We knew that first night of the transformation. I don't know what that means Bella and that frightens me. To think that you could leave me, that you could turn to the dog!" His voice rose in volume, his fingers began bruising my skin. _

_I lashed out reflexively, my mental shield transcending to a physical shield with the same desperation as my willpower had protected a part of my human soul. The force of the invisible force I projected between Edward and I threw him back against his bed, what used to be our bed._

_When he turned to right himself and face me the expression on his face was a painful blend of incredulity, sorrow and shame._

* * *

_**One year later…**_

* * *

It all started with _Persuasion_. Reading through the collection Jasper had purchased for me nearly the year before I realized I couldn't remember reading Jane Austen's last novel. Or at least I had forgotten every word of it because that day I sat down to read upon my bed, seeking an escape from the drudge of finishing my book, light from the stained glass dancing over the worn first edition pages. I vaguely remembered that this was said to be Austen's most adult and mature. An adult version of the light hearted, further developed Pride and Prejudice. And from the first paragraph on, I was hooked.

The story eerily echoed my own romance just as what seemed so long ago I imagined Edward as Mr. Darcy and myself as Elizabeth. From the vantage point of an older soul I realized that their story did not really parallel with Edwards' and mine, as I had believed. They fought too much for one, where I couldn't bare to upset Edward let alone despise him. Darcy and Lizzy found true happiness once their initial problems were overcome, something Edward and I had not. For the first time in my life I despised the novel itself. It was as Jake had long ago said, a heart-warming chick flick.

"_You keep those guys on a pedestal but fact is, they were made up by chicks, written for chicks, and the truth is they were probably just as big of an asshole as I am."_

_Persuasion_ I soon found, was a far darker and mature animal. The story was familiar…

Anne, silently enduring her ridiculously pompous and rich family is forced to be the mature one and force them to size down. And the process of leaving her only home she is haunted by the love she was persuaded to deny.

I inevitably saw myself as Anne, amazed as she is suddenly, after a nine year absence reintroduced to the same Fredrick Wentworth she ruined. She broke his heart, something I was very talented at. And Jacob's face began to flash through my mind, became Fredrick's face.

Anne did not choose Fredrick because he was poor, he didn't have as much as a finer man could. He was in the Navy, something those around her despised. And Fredrick took her rejection hard, with anger, out of her life and ruining her for any other man.

It brought memories of that one long night, those two blissfully simple weeks with Jake, a time so distant now it seemed more like a dream I had made up in my mind than reality. I dreamed of him every night since I had been bitten, always on our beach. Sometimes I could hear the laughter of children in the distance…

I was halfway finished when the urge to check my e-mail became to difficult to ignore. I hadn't heard from Charlie in a few days. Yet he spoke of the Blacks and Jake often enough to give me a vague picture of my former best friend's life. Jake was taking courses online through the local community college. Jake got his Associates this last spring. Jake started his own garage just outside the Res. He still came over to Charlie's with Billy, still lived in the house when he wasn't at the garage building his new business.

Did Charlie tell him about me?

Did Jake miss me?

Had he found his imprint?

The last thought sank my slowly beating heart to a rapid and loud pounding as my breath hitched and tears pricked my eyes. Memories of our time together haunted me...

"_Have you thought about the future, Jake?" We lay beside one another, his good arm wrapped securely, near possessively around mine, warming me to new levels as his hand absently stroked lazy circles over the inside of my arm, accidentally grazing my breast every now and then._

"_Hmm? What you talking about?" He yawned and I knew that night would come for us soon. Another day I had spent in the arms of Jacob Black, though not in the way I knew he wanted. By the way I was reacting to his touch, I suddenly knew what I wanted too and the thought terrified me. _

"_College? Wife and kids? Job? We haven't talked about it in so long I wondered if you've thought about it." His eyes suddenly burned so intently into mine that I shivered. _

"_Yeah…" He breathed. "I've thought about it. But you don't wanna hear what I have to say Bells…" Sorrow lay thick in his deep husky voice. _

_I memorized the near golden quality to his russet skin, the faint lines about the corners of his eyes that showed age before his time. The weight of what he had been forced to bear. All because Vampires decided to come into Forks, decided to claim **me**. And Jake was my protector. I felt sad remembering how strongly I had fought this. I had fought him with the same vehemence I embraced his enemy. _

"_Jake…" I began, my voice breaking and he grinned, lifting his bad arm to press down the line that had creased between my eyebrows. _

"_Bells…" He breathed. "Why don't you tell me my future."_

_I forced a smile I didn't feel. "You'll open a garage of course where you can work on bikes and get paid for it, get a degree because you're smarter than you think. And you'll imprint on a beautiful girl…" I couldn't go further, the words caught in my throat. His fingers scalding against my lips then, his eyes dark and burdened. I knew what he was trying to tell me then through those burning eyes. That I was an idiot for ever thinking any imprint could replace **me**…_

I wiped the annoying tears from my eyes and focused on the road again. It was black, enshrouded in shadows of the forests that ensconced the narrow highway. Headlights, the only thing that kept the yellow lines visible to my still too human eyes, danced along the midnight path and lit my way. No stars shone, no moonlight behind thick autumnal clouds that obscured all traces of light and left the world in a veil of perfect darkness.

It suited my current mood, as I thought once again of the pattern of life and death, the natural course of things. I was stuck in the middle. Doomed to walk the earth forever, never to age, to change, yet with a half strong heart and human blood pumping through my veins. Human and Vampire, yet belonging wholly to neither world.

One year since I had been bitten and scarred forever.

I grinned, the expression more strained that it should have been, making it sardonic on what I knew to be a very haggard, sleep deprived face. My book had wore me thin and dry these last few days as I at last managed to finish and send it in to the editor Edward recommended. I had plunged myself mind first into the daunting task of telling our story. Not of a Vampire falling in love with a human girl he desires to drain dry. But of a mother and daughter, both struggling to raise the other as they set out on life's journey, and in the end, the daughter forced to stand on her own.

Shutting myself tightly in my room at the Cullen's log cabin inspired Alaskan home I came out only when it was necessary. I treated Alice and Edward no different, yet made no effort to mend the broken trust that lay unsettled between us. I gave Edward back the letters to his future mate. I wasn't so certain if they belonged to me, no matter how moving, how very Austen-esque they echoed in my romantic heart. Edward had granted me distance then in its truest form, signing up for a semester in France through our school's exchange program. And for three months I found peace.

Rosalie of all people had sought my company, and for the first time I truly began to see her as more than just beauty masking what Edward deemed a shallow mind. She was loving and passionate and ever mournful of the life she had dreamed of and lost. She understood my book, read it though she rarely found entertainment in novels these days, she claimed.

Alice and Jasper decided to leave the family for a time half way through Edward's semester in France. Alice bragged of the need for a romantic getaway, bouncing about the house in her familiar way and dragging me on one more shopping trip before leaving for Isle Esme. Apparently Carlisle actually bought and named an island for Esme and the Cullens used it as their private summer resort. It was perfect since it was almost completely without humans. Alice crooned over pictures of the condo with me, chattering away about the clothes she had bought that would make Jasper swoon. I saw past it. I knew part of the real reason why she was leaving. I knew the guilt had eaten away at her. Jasper had said as much and I knew that Alice needed time apart as Edward had.

And over the last several months though half of our family was gone, I found the change welcome. Rosalie and Esme shared with me their passions. Rose was obsessed with pictures, something Edward had never told me about. As I browsed through her endless portfolio I was amazed at the pictures of the family and the times over the last half-century, the quality equal to any renowned photographer. Esme explained her love of architecture, and creating homes. I spent hours listening to Carlisle in his study speak of the wisdom and experience gathered from his long existence. And Emmett, my big brother, forced me into hunting trips near Denali, taught me how to take down grizzly bear, and challenged me to endless hours of x-box.

Twilight spring passed into heavenly summer and once more to darkness and autumn's chill and northern lights. Each day was less painful than the last, so subtle I scarcely noticed until I found myself looking through the memory of my mother. Reading through the endless store of Renee's e-mails I had kept in a folder in my account I remembered my initial resolve. I would _live_ again. Finishing the book had been the start, and I wondered distantly whether the publisher would accept my novel my editor had taken to or not…

Trees passed in a blur as I raced down the highway, a blur, a fleeting moment as I thought of how much my life had twisted and changed since I left Forks. Almost three years later and it was the only place that seemed like a home.

I thought of Charlie's e-mail, the one I had read only hours before. Persuasion sat in the passenger seat beside me, ribbon splitting it in half.

_Bells, _

_Found the courage to finally ask Sue to marry me. Can you believe she said yes? The wedding is set for December. Sue said she didn't want to waste any time. We want you in the wedding along with her kids. Leah and Seth seem to like me well enough, and Billy's just happy that I'll be around the Res more. We're going to stay in the house though Bells. Sue agreed it would be better for her to find a fresh start. She's still on the council though so we're keeping Harry's place too. The kids want to stay on the Res, and I'm keeping your room. We really are happy Bells. I wish you could be here._

_Love,_

_Charlie_

Martyrs are immortalized and revered throughout history, people giving up their lives for a cause or purpose greater than themselves. They plague not only history but literature as well. A Tale of Two Cities came to my mind at the thought. _"Tis a far, far better thing that I do now…"_

Martyrs were the ones who made other people's lives possible to continue. And martyrs are also the ones who never find their own happily ever after. The thought is glorious, to die for someone or something.

Three years ago I died for Jacob Black, thinking he would find his own happiness, that I would find mine. And now after three years I knew that without Jacob I would never be happy. I had no expectations. As Anne ruined Wentworth in Persuasion, I ruined Jake. Just like Anne I was haunted by the decision I had made what seemed an age ago. But I couldn't run anymore. And I had to know, to see, one last time.

Charlie needed me, besides. By marrying into the Quileute tribe, the step-father of two werewolves, I knew it was only a matter of time before he learned the truth. I preferred he hear it from me than anyone, and prayed I wasn't condemning his life by my decision… I realized that as much as I loved the Cullens, I belonged to Charlie and this town, this place. I was bound, tied to it in some unnatural way…

The road was black and I twisted and turned and pulled the sleek tuition priced car to rest in the gravelly drive.

My feet stood beneath the dim lamplight, my hand poised above the wood, when suddenly the light flickered on from the other side and the door burst a bath of lamplight over me.

"Dad, I'm home."


	10. Memory

**Disclaimer: **If only literary characters could really come to life! I'd just want Jacob! lol

* * *

**Chapter 10**

**Memory**

* * *

"Bells? Could you get that door?"

I grinned, careful to run at a normal human pace to the door while my father remained planted on the couch, eyes glued to the latest game. Another thing I loved about Charlie, his daughter could return home after two years and he would still sit in front of the flat screen, though he would expect me to join him usually. And now that I didn't have the Cullen distraction in my life, I did.

We'd spent hours together the past two days I'd been home, going about our old routines as though I'd never left. I cleaned during the day while he was at work, would cook meals and have everything ready when he came home. We watched whatever game happened to be on until with a sigh he would lift the remote and turn off the set, gather me in his arms and holding me close, "_Glad you're home baby girl_." Charlie never was good at showing affection, and he never called me baby girl. In that small way he took Renee's place and tears welled in my eyes at the thought.

The knock on the front door was more insistent and I called out, "Coming!" I opened the door, my mouth falling open slightly as my eyes met the sparkling black ones of Sue Clearwater. Fear rendered me motionless, my hand causing indentions into the brass doorknob. What did Sue think of my altered features, the red faintly rimming my irises? What would she tell Charlie?

"Bella!" Without another word my future stepmother stepped over the threshold and wrapped her arms about me in a fierce embrace.

I sighed into her arms, smiling as I returned the hug, thankful that my skin was passably human enough to mold against hers, was warm enough she might only think approaching winter had slowed my circulation.

Sue's waist-length black hair fell over her shoulders like silk and I turned to see Charlie's face glowing in a way I had never seen before, smile ready as he came to meet her and in front of me kiss her lightly on the lips. I shut the door as he brought her inside, the smile on my face not fading as I watched them settle on the couch together as though they had done it a hundred times.

For the first time I noticed the subtle changes about the old house, the new curtains in the windows, new paint on the kitchen walls, and wondered I had not before. And I felt certain that this was the path for Charlie. Sue made the house whole.

"I barely managed to get away from the council today..." Sue had taken Harry's place two years ago when he died. Sorrow laced my conflicted emotions as I remembered that day. Jake's warm embrace lifting me from the ocean's fury, sitting in his truck, our lips almost meeting…

"You sure they're okay with us?" Charlie's arm was wrapped along Sue's slender shoulders, resting on he back of the couch; she turned to lean into him. I blinked in wonder at how perfect they were suited to each other.

"They were okay with us six months ago Charlie. They respect you already for what you've done for our people. And I have every right to marry who I choose." I watched the smile flit across Charlie's usually somber features. And then Sue's sparkling black orbs were trained upon me, indiscernible. "Bella, I'm so glad you were able to make it for the wedding. We hadn't expected you so soon. You just celebrated your birthday, though, right? Wish we could have celebrated with you! Twenty-one is a big year." She winked.

Even after all this time, fear followed the dreaded word, and I carefully avoided the 'birthday' conversation, hoping it would be forgotten."I've missed Charlie so much... Needed to get away. Alaska winters are a lot harder than Forks." I offered a smile that felt false even on my own mouth. How could I explain everything that had happened, all of the things I had longed to tell Charlie these past years and couldn't?

"I can imagine! I would miss the sun most I think," Sue offered, only warmth upon her beautiful features. Ironic when we lived in a state that was overcast almost as much.

I glanced over at the clock on the wall. Ten p.m. "I should probably get to bed and let you two have some privacy." Sue's eyes betrayed her surprise. No doubt she thought I was making up the sleep part.

"Thank you Bella." She smiled and Charlie called after me.

"Love you Bells. Sleep late as you want, k?"

"Thanks Ch-_Dad_…"

"Oh, and Bella?" Sue spoke softly though to my ears it felt as though I stood next to her and I turned my head, my waist-length hair slightly veiling my face. "I really hope you and I can spend some time together. I want you to know how happy I am to be part of your family." The sincerity sang golden in her voice, within her eyes, at the smile lines about her eyes, and yet I could not ignore the fear that loomed like a wet blanket over my thoughts. How could Sue accept a Vampire as a daughter in-law when her own children were the creatures born to destroy me?

I threw myself down upon my bed. Not much had changed since I fled my room two years ago. The same purple bed sheets, same rocking chair in which Edward had watched me sleep so many nights.

Some things had changed. My pictures of Edward had been put away long ago. I had taken them with me to Alaska, and they had adorned my desk in Kaya's dorm room and mine until I moved in with the Cullen's. I hadn't ever bothered to drag them from their box and now the missing pieces made my room feel different. Memories haunted every surface, ghosts from another soul, another life.

I brought my most treasured possessions from Alaska with me the night I decided to leave, a handful really and very few clothes, Jasper's gift of first edition Jane Austen novels, things from Renee and our trip to Disney World, pictures, my journal. Reading Edward's letters to his beloved had inspired me to do at least one thing. I didn't want to ever forget my human memory, my life before. I had written the last years of my human life into a journal now hidden beneath the floorboards of my old room, buried beneath the ghosts that haunted me even now. The new journal, crimson red and leather bound was blank. I didn't know where to begin again…

My hands held the strongly scented leather before I could finish my own thoughts. Vampire speed relied heavily upon instinct, impulse, and so many times I found myself acting upon a random thought. My hands held the ink pen to the textured surface, hesitated and began…

'_His arms wrapped around my waist, pulling me ever tighter against his all consuming heat. Our lips crashed together, his surprisingly yielding and rough all at once. And it was then I knew Jacob Black no longer remained my best friend. But was I prepared to face the golden dawn once the icy moon waned?'_

My hand stilled, slow heart beat increasing, pounding in my chest as my lungs struggled desperately for breath and I remembered...

"_Bells you just don't seem like the kind of girl to have purple sheets." _

_I rolled my eyes, exasperated as Jacob flung himself against my old mattress, the bed rocking at its hinges and my hands flew out from my seat at my computer. "Jake don't!" I protested._

"_What?" His brow rose, a sly grin slowly spreading across his perfect features, long raven hair gleaming beneath my lamplight… _

_It was late. He should have already gone home. We had spent the afternoon studying together, appeasing the hole in my chest that could only be satisfied by Jacob's warmth, by my sun._

"_You __**know**__ what." I said, throwing my eraser at him as I turned to check my latest e-mail from Renee. She had everything to say about my new friend Jake, and her questions made my cheeks blush faintly rose as I scrolled down quickly. _

"_What you looking at Bells?" I heard the creak and pound as Jake's ever growing form met the hardwood floor. He was at my side in two strides and panicking, I exited the window and turned to stand and face him. He was grinning, no doubt from seeing his name on the screen albeit briefly, and I was tripping over the legs of my chair as I prepared to throttle him. _

_Hands flailing mercilessly, a soft yelp escaped my lips and then I was pressed against something very firm, warm and soft at the same time. It yielded, unlike Edward's marble chest, and I felt it heave beneath my cheek as two strong arms lifted me up and encircled my waist. For a moment I hesitated as the warmth drew me in, reminded me of hot summers in Arizona, trips to the beach, swimming in the pool and letting the sun dry the cool water from my skin. _

_The black pit, that angry hole, began to jerk violently at my chest then, painfully. In fear I pulled my face back and opened me eyes to meet Jake's. His danced wildly as they roved over my face. _

_My breath hitched and I grinned foolishly. "Thanks for catching me."_

"_Any time Bells." His words came out breathless. Hitting him playfully in the chest I pulled away from his embrace, ignoring the pain that wrinkled his brow, which stabbed me in the chest in turn and moved to flop myself upon the mattress. _

"_Try not to break my bed Jake." _

_My Jacob was back again, smiling so white to blind me, and he was at my side, eyes mischievous._ "_Okay…you really should have let me read that e-mail Bells."_

"_It was none of your business Jacob Black!" I chortled. _

_He grinned, sitting heavily beside me. My heart pounded as he said, "My name was in it." _

"_But-." _

_His hands descended over me and tickled without mercy, even as I writhed and cried out in short gasping breaths. _

"_J-Jake no!" He laughed even as I sat up to attack him in turn. We both hit the floor and Charlie's pounding on my door quelled our laughter just barely…_

Tears fell down my cheeks, blended with the rain that fell in thin icy sheets, soaking my waist length curls, pelting my nearly impenetrable skin and I ran faster until I could feel the pain. I could not bear my room, or Charlie and Sue's voices speaking in soft tones as Charlie confessed his worry over me quitting school. I could not bear to write or think about Jake. I wanted to forget, to run until I forgot who I was.

* * *

The forest flew past me in a dim and silvery blur beneath the thick moonlight, broken in the places I barreled through, my feet bare upon the cool wet earth. I drank in the fresh air; let the rain drown me in forgetfulness, run my makeup off my too perfect features.

Beneath the harsh descent of the rain I felt the venomous creature slowly begin to breathe and rise within my chest, push my limbs faster, harder. With a layer of fresh venom on my teeth, I let my ears strain to hear each pound of water upon leaf, every crunch of paws upon earth. The beast inside me roared, demanded, ached for release, release from this emptiness that overwhelmed the senses and drove it madly, deeper into the forest.

A thousand scents assaulted my senses, each one distinct from the other, rainfall barely masking the craving of the beast. One scent was stronger, feral and desirable and I raced towards it, answered to the tug and pull in my chest.

I leapt the short distance from the meadow's edge and to the center where the mountain lion awaited. It turned, surprised at my entrance, fearful for its life, its yellow eyes wide as without effort I held down its claws and sank my teeth into its neck and drank deeply. Shutting my eyes against the warm flow of blood rushing down my throat I sighed, and the beast was quelled…

And I stood staring numbly at the creature whose life I had just destroyed, holding myself, rocking upon the earth, and letting the rain wash the fresh blood from my mouth.

What had I become?

The great cat was black as midnight in the moonlight, a panther, I realized. And female. A sick feeling twisted in my stomach. I could sense no offspring nearby but what made me any better than destroying a human being's life than possibly destroying another creature's mother. All the sorrow and pain I had endured the past year came crashing afresh and wreaked my body as sobs shook my chest and I lay upon the earth, my face pressed against the soft fur of the panther.

I gathered rocks after that, anything to cover up her long form, and ran. I ran senselessly now, sick with the feel of animal blood sloshing about my stomach. I ran until the wind was crashing upon my face and dimly I realized I should recognize this particular cliff…

_Racing off the precipice of the summit, leaping into the storm and its icy waves…pulled to the abyss, Edward's perfect face wraith-like and pulling me with him…_

The howl of the wolves surrounded me before I knew it, rushing at a mad pace at my back, where the forest awaited. I was at the uttermost peak of the cliffs, facing the churning waters below, the moon shining over the world and casting over my snow white skin. Rain continued to descend over me and I shut my eyes and turned to face my death.

Perhaps it was better this way, after all? I was nothing more than a monster, a half-kind doomed to thirst and die over and over again. If I didn't belong in either world, where else could I live?

The first wolf was already half way in its attack above me, jaws snapping from its silver muzzle, smaller than the other creatures that cornered me yet no less deadly. I meant to take it's violent embrace like a lover's kiss. Instead I crouched and leapt to meet her attack, remembering all Jasper had sought to teach me before he and Alice left. Fearful of my attraction to danger, Jasper had taught me all he knew after the change.

I was remotely thankful now as I twisted the giant wolf by its head mid-air, landing upon rock and holding it to the earth as it growled menacingly beneath me. I realized then I was fighting back because of Charlie. And because I wanted to see Jacob's eyes before he tore me apart.

A black wolf, larger than the rest, larger than a horse, roared at me then, raced to meet me and then all I could see was teeth and fur and eyes filled with too much knowing.

I felt my clothes rip as his claws swatted with the force of a bear's claw, barely managing to leap back and avoid the same fate I remembered they had dealt Laurent…

_How ironic,_ I thought faintly, _that I should suffer the same fate of my hunter at the hands of my former protectors…_

I barely managed to leap, throw and twist the others aside when I was suddenly facing a new creature, the largest of all. His coat gleamed russet, even in the moonlight, beautiful and frightening and savage. His fur bristled and shook as he prepared to attack. The other wolves had backed down I noticed, loud growls emanating from the russet wolf and after a light protest all other heads bent low to the earth, noses touching the ground.

For an infinitesimal moment I stared into the eyes of the great wolf, the alpha of this pack, rain pouring between us. My chest heaved as I sought to catch my breath. I could hear the creature's heavy intake of air, accompanied by an unexpected whine. Its ears twitched, and suddenly it lifted its nose to the moon and let out a roar more terrifying than an army of immortal children. I trembled, holding myself, ignoring the pain I felt against my exposed stomach.

I shut my eyes as I heard the light pound of giant paws upon earth fading into the distance and spreading out into the forest beyond. My body ached, tensed and prepared for death. I frowned when I heard the crush of bone and growl fade to a lighter smaller form. And when I opened my eyes I did not recognize the russet toned man standing naked before me.

Rain pelted against his large scarred chest, his shoulders towering above me even from the distance between us. His black hair was wild and cropped short close to his head, his face a plane of shadow and moonlight. His eyes were black with flashes of gold in their midst. His chest heaved, perfectly chiseled from his neck down to his waist and ending in the familiar v-shape above his manhood. His legs were spread, astride, powerful and confident, and his thick arms braced on either side of him, fists clenched and lightly trembling.

For a moment, there was only the moonlight, the wind blowing the rain against our faces, our breath rising and falling from our chests and the wild flash of his eyes burning into mine. His gaze was harsh, harsher than I remembered, his face lined and older since that last horrid day he drove out of my life forever. Not the face of a teenage boy, but a man. I could not read his features anymore. They were masked to me. Yet his muscles bulged as he clenched his fists and for a moment a brief stream of emotions broke through the surface.

_Agony, hatred, pain, sorrow, wonder, anger…_

Then the moment was gone and his growling voice, deeper than I remember, echoed across the emotional chasm between us. "You don't belong here."

I fought vainly to keep my voice from trembling as heavily as my entire being. "I know." A flash entered and fled his eyes at the sound of my voice; smoother and richer than it had been before, yet still my own voice, Edward had said…

"These are Quileute lands. You will be dead the next time you step on them." Disgust dripped from his words, unbearable and wrenching at the wound in my soul that was Jacob.

"I'm not a Cullen. The treaty doesn't apply to me."

Another flicker of emotion, so faint I barely notice it, yet his fists clench again and through his teeth he managed, "Then you should be glad we don't tear you limb from limb right now."

Silence, tension, desire, hatred, I tasted their faint traces upon the air as surely as well as I imagined Jasper could. It was every strength I possessed that kept me from running and leaping into Jacob's arms, no matter what he might do to me. It was painful for me not to kiss him with the need I had felt aching in my core the moment I recognized him, the moment I saw him bare and scarred before me. I longed to kiss each scar, caress each wound, run my hand through his short cropped hair and over his rippling muscles, to feel his manhood strain against me, because of me. I longed for every moment I had owned and lost.

"Your scent is different." His voice was still harsh and loathing, yet softer somehow, so I clung to the hope that flooded my being at his strained words.

Tears welled in my eyes, steamed down my cheeks and I saw Jake's expressive brow rise slightly. "They drained Renee…then tried to turn me… It didn't work like it was supposed to." My voice shook with emotion.

Jake's fists clenched, his muscles straining as he fought for control, jaw clamping down audibly and the shadows on his face deepened. Rain dripped down his cheeks, gleamed in the moonlight and shuddered as his entire being begun to tremble. Gritting his teeth he lowered his chin, eyes boring into mine still and the trembling subsided, hatred like venom on his tongue. "_How_?" The inflection was barely enough to sound more than a command, a growl.

"I don't know."

_Silence, hatred, desire, sorrow…_

"You have to leave. You can't be here," he repeated his earlier words and crushed my last hope.

I nodded, my lower lip trembling as I held my chest and with one last glance into Jacob's dark eyes, rushed in a wind past him. His scent washed over me, sweetly of pine and ashes, of the forest and deep underneath was purely Jake…_my Jacob, his skin hard and soft and hot against mine, filling me, surrounding me, slowly entering and sliding out, lips tender and passionate, hands roaming over my breasts, circling, moving to encircle my core..._

I ran until my lungs felt as though they would rip apart, my heart pounding until it would leap from my chest. I crumpled just shy of the clearing before my window before I fell to the earth and gathering unto myself cried until I had no more tears to shed.


	11. Belong

**Disclaimer: **Stephanie Meyer should sell us her rights to Twilight so we can re-write the ending of Eclipse!

* * *

**Chapter 11**

**Belong**

* * *

Sunlight broke through the golden dawn that had been masked by autumnal clouds, shone over my cheeks and bid me welcome to as bleak a day as I could remember in Forks. The sun seemed an odd contrast to the misery in my soul as I remembered pouring rain, his hatred pouring from his guarded eyes…

"_These are Quileute lands. You will be dead the next time you step on them._"

I blinked back fresh tears and pushed my mud soaked limbs from the soft earth, the land encompassed by an emerald green glow, the aftermath of rain and when I looked down at my hands they sparkled like diamonds. No, not clear or sharp enough to be diamonds. My half human skin was dulled to a light glow, as though sunlight had alighted upon my skin, trailing about in a dance with oncoming shadows.

Not quite the skin of the monster Edward claimed possession of, but a creature nonetheless unworthy of the dawn, unworthy of Jacob's love let alone his friendship or respect.

I was frozen, locked away in a barely human form for all eternity, as though the dim light of the sun had barely managed to light the horizon before it was stopped, held captive by a world of ice…

A chilled breeze washed over me and I shivered despite my lowered body temperature. Being cold still felt like being sick to me and I made the leap to my second story window with ease, lifting the glass from sill and darting inside in a dash for the bathroom.

My tattered and bloody clothes were thrown into a sack that would make its way to the trash bin later. Afterward I lay in an old tank top and sweats upon my bed, my long hair wrapped into a towel and my limbs aching from the fight the night before. I was exhausted in of every sense of the word. Sleep and troubled dreams met me the moment I shut my eyes.

In my dreams I saw La Push beach, and a russet colored wolf that attacked me, pushing me ever closer over the edge of the cliffs and death…

"Mom!" I awoke to the loud crash of our front door and the heavy steps announcing the entrance of Leah Clearwater pounding about our kitchen below. My nose met the smell of bacon, pancakes and biscuits and my stomach turned. The thought of any food was repulsive at the moment with the blood still thick in my system, though I vowed I would never drain another living creature unless necessary again.

"Mom?"

"In here Leah."

I listened to their conversation as easily as though I were sitting in the room with them, keeping my breathing labored for Leah's heightened Werewolf hearing, and prayed I wouldn't go to hell for eavesdropping.

"You're making breakfast? It's kind of late for that isn't it?" Leah's sarcastic tone had not changed, except perhaps grown harder. I wondered whether she still looked the same wild beauty or had changed. A flash entered my mind of silver fur, and I realized she had been the first to attack me on the cliffs last night.

"Bella isn't awake yet."

Leah's voice lowered to a hiss, "Mom she's one of _them_ now. She doesn't need sleep and doesn't want pancakes anymore or have you forgotten?"

"_Sigh…_Leah, there are many things we don't understand. I think Bella is different somehow. I can't explain it, but she was not frozen when I held her. I could feel her heart beating…"

"Mom that's _impossible_!" Leah's hiss rose in volume.

"I know you aren't her biggest fan, honey. But she's Charlie's girl and Jacob…"

Leah nearly spit out the words and I fought the urge to cringe. "Jacob would be glad to send her to hell after what she put him through…"

"Can you blame her, honey?"

Silence followed and I wondered just how much the pack knew about how far Jacob and my relationship had progressed before I left him.

When Leah spoke again her voice was softer, in a manner I had not heard before. "No…If I'd had the choice when Sam…I, I don't think I could have done what she did. Even if I had known about the imprint shit…"

"Leah." Sue's voice gently reprimanded Leah's free tongue.

"He still hasn't phased back you know…"

A pause and Sue sighed, "Poor Sam. The Council's worried about him. They want Jacob to force him to phase back."

"He won't do it. None of us can do it mom…Every time we phase his thoughts…so chaotic! It's so hard even after all this time to see his memories of her, like multiplying our own grief a thousand times. After everything we went through, she was _my_ cousin."

My heart ached at the memory of Emily's disfigured and eerily beautiful face, Emily who was the pack mother and a good friend to me. She had made me belong that short time I spent among the pack, sent me a picture of she and Sam's wedding even after everything that happened with Jacob. She even wrote me letters those first few months before she got pregnant.

Emily wanted to have the baby in she and Sam's home, afraid that the child might show signs of his or her shape shifter genes and raise too many questions in a normal hospital. She had been slender and the birth painful Charlie later wrote me. The baby was stillborn and Emily had died from complications hours later. From what Leah and Sue were saying, and I had read between the lines of Charlie's e-mail, Sam had practically lost his mind.

"You have to try, Leah. Jacob won't force Sam but the pack still needs him. I think we both know you're the only one who can reach him."

Leah sighed, a hitch in her breath, "I don't think I can bare it mom…"

"You can do more than bare it. You can do for him what no one else ever could. The Council understands Leah."

"Alright." I heard the faint crunch as Leah plopped a piece of my breakfast into her mouth. "The pack wants to discuss Bella's being in Forks."

"The Council can wait for now. But tell the pack not to worry about Bella. I have a feeling she's not so changed as you think."

"Alright…look I gotta go. Thanks mom."

I heard the rustle of fabric and skin, arms in embrace and then the pounding of bare feet and the rattle of wood as my future Werewolf stepsister returned to the woods.

* * *

"Good afternoon Bella! Glad to see you're up! Did you sleep well?"

I rubbed the back of my neck, aching from a night spent on cold and hard ground. "Not really." I offered a half-hearted smile as I sat at the kitchen table and met her eyes. Digging into the breakfast she had already laid out I soon found I was ravenous and glanced about the silent house. "Charlie at work?"

"Yeah…Bella?" Sue moved to sit in the chair across from me hands folded before her on the table, eyes concerned and soft. "Can you tell me what really happened?" A pause and she continued softly when I didn't respond, "The night Renee died?"

I gulped down my last bite of food, my eyes wide. I hadn't expected her to ask me so bluntly. But then again, she was a Council member, her children were Werewolves and her husband had died because he couldn't handle the strain of the burden. She had every right to ask.

So I told her more than I planned on telling in the end. I told her how Jacob and I had grown closer than ever before I left. That I left because I knew one day he would imprint and he was not for me, but after leaving I found I wasn't for Edward either. I told her how I visited Renee, cried silent tears as I told her what really happened in that alley, what happened to me. The change was hard to explain to her but by the time I had come back to the present, there were tears in Sue's eyes and her hands were grasping tightly onto mine.

Without words she stood and came round the table and gathered me into her embrace. She held me like a mother would hold a prodigal daughter and I cried as I leaned into her further, clinging to her strength.

We spent the afternoon cooking in the kitchen. Sue made a phone call to Billy Black, didn't tell me exactly what the Council would say, or how the pack would react to the news of my unique status. Yet she hugged me once more before she left. "Don't worry Bella honey. I can't promise you anything but I'm going to tell the Council your story. No matter what you are a part of this family." I smiled and tightened my embrace until Sue began to laugh. "Bella, a little air."

"Oh, sorry," I offered with a supplicant smile. Sue squeezed my hand before carrying the covered dishes in the car and pulling out.

I stared at the sun setting over the horizon, hiding behind the trees, obscured by the oncoming storm clouds that hung low and heavy to the earth as though the dragging tendrils might touch us at any moment. Hope glowed golden in my heart.

I never would have expected the Council or Sue, let alone the entire pack to consider accepting me. Sue had warned me earlier I might be called to speak to the elders myself and I struggled not to panic and grasp at my chest at the thought.

I was still staring at the sky's last crimson and dusky violet rays, twilight consumed by black clouds when the phone began to ring loudly inside the house. I jumped at the sound, not bothering to slow my Vampire speed as I grasped the handle and held it to my ear. "Hello?"

"Bells?" Charlie's voice held its usual new enthusiasm and I grinned.

"Hey Dad."

"Look, ah I won't be coming home from work tonight."

"Oh." I tried to conceal my disappointment.

"There's a bonfire down at the Blacks place though. I'm on my way to meet Sue and she called to let me know you were invited too. What you think?"

I froze; the only sound the rapid thud of my half dead heart.

"Bells?"

"Sure. I'll be there."

"Great! Billy will be excited to see you. And Jake will be there, too."

"Yeah…okay. I'll see you in a few Dad."

"Kay Bells, drive safe."

And this was how I found myself speeding along the highway, on a path I had taken enough times to do it in my sleep. The forest green and black checkered flannel was light on a chilled October night, and I wore the same old green jacket that hung in my closet for show more than anything, along with my jeans and boots. I brushed out my hair until it hung long and luxurious gossamer down my back, hidden in my jacket, and did not bother to apply makeup.

My Vampire beauty was enough by itself without me adding to it. I didn't want to stand out any more than I knew I already would. They would all hear the slow beat of my heart, would remember what I was when they saw my red-rimmed irises.

I thought of Jake's harsh words the night before, "_You can't be here._" and hoped Sue was telling the truth when she said I was invited.


	12. Return

**Disclaimer: Meyer Inc.**

* * *

**Chapter 12**

**Return**

* * *

The smell of pine assaulted my senses the moment I stepped from the car and onto the soft earth. Nothing had changed about the Blacks' small red painted home. Though now it was more like two cottages stacked on top the other, it still held traces of Sarah Black's feminine touch. The garage looked exactly the same as my memory and I could see the smoke rising from the back yard, could hear the voices beneath the dark canopy of trees. No stars shone tonight and I moved silently through the shadows, taking care to step harder into the earth to sound more human.

"Bella!" a deep voice boomed.

I gasped as a giant figure plowed into me and threw me with him on the ground. His hair fell into his still boyish face and struggled to breathe as Seth Clearwater grinned down triumphantly over me. "Seth! Can't breath!"

A funny look passed over his face as he rolled away and stood, holding out his hand with a goofy grin. "Sorry, didn't think that was a problem anymore." He winked and pulled me up and I cast him a dirty look.

How could Seth joke about me being his natural born enemy, especially now that I was about to be thrown literally to the wolves? "Warn me next time you try to kill me, okay?" I nearly shivered at the irony of my words but Seth only chuckled and wrapped his arm around my shoulders.

"Sure thing _sis_. Come on. Food's almost ready."

As we made our way to the other side of the garage I held my breath to meet over a dozen turned faces, shadow and firelight playing about their dark features. Tension slapped me in the face at the heat and force behind their gaze, this pack in whose eyes, I had betrayed. The elders huddled together close to the fire, their faces meditative and fixed on me as though I were a puzzle they were trying to discern. Seth's grip on my shoulder tightened and he grinned, striding confidently towards the center of the fire. Soon, with the comfort of his assurance, the buzz of voices began fighting above the other again.

A small girl darted about our feet while a muscular, giant sized bear of a man chased after her. I couldn't suppress my grin. He stopped to face me the moment our eyes met; his own as chocolate as mine, and a sad grin lit his lined features as he said my name. "Bella." I gasped lightly when he wrapped his arms about my chest and lifted me off the ground into a bone-crushing hug.

"Quil!" I laughed and was surprised to feel the hitch of his own chest. Once the prankster of the pack, Quil held me slightly a distance to meet my eyes, a white grin splitting his face in two and for a moment I saw the carefree boy I had once known.

He whispered, eyes suddenly less dark than they had seemed. "Leah wasn't lying…I can hear your heart Bella."

The warmth from his gaze was enough to flood the rest of the apprehension and fear that had blocked my emotion and I smiled back.

Seth was tugging at my arm. "Alright Quil, you've hogged her long enough. She's gonna be _my_ sister remember!"

I grinned as Quil wagged his eyebrows at me. "Still single Bella?" Seth growled and pulled me along, Claire's laughter calling after us.

My eyes fell over a score of familiar withdrawn faces. Jared and Kim were standing by the barbeque pit, the golden glint of Jared's wedding band catching in the firelight, his hand resting on Kim's rounding belly.

Embry was wrestling with two nearly identical teenaged monsters, all too large to be human, away from the chairs and pit. He laughed joyously as he struggled to fend them off at once. Quil, carrying Claire on his shoulders, managed to dart in between them and kick Embry in the ass. The momentum planted him face first into the earth and Clair laughed and clapped her hands joyously. Colin and Brady, who I now remembered to once be the youngest members of the pack, howled over Embry triumphantly. Several adults I didn't recognize shook their heads at the commotion yet shared knowing grins.

The warmth that had sprouted hope in my chest, because of Quil's embrace, spread as I looked over the pack that had once accepted me as part of their family. The Cullen's had made a home for me, but this was different. I realized then I never had to change or become anything to be apart of this family. The Quileute pack had drawn me tight into their mesh, named me a part of them while I pined after a life I was not meant to have with my Vampire family.

Turning to continue my survey I bit my lower lip, heart racing at the thought that at any moment I might see Jacob.

There was no sign of Leah or Sam, I noticed, catching Seth's worried frown trained upon the nearby black forest that same instant. I squeezed his arm still draped over me and his amber gaze flashed to mine before a bright grin claimed his firm chin. He set me down at last in an empty seat between him, Sue and to my horror, my dad and the tribal elders.

"Bella, glad you could make it." Billy's rasping voice called over to me and I met his obsidian eyes between flames. More lines adorned his face than before I realized and his long black hair shone so like Jacobs once had I held my arms instinctively over my chest.

"Thanks for inviting me," I said.

Billy's eyes held mine, reflected all the pain and sorrow and anger I knew Jacob had felt before softening. "Can you believe this girl is twenty-one, Charlie? I tell you we're getting old man!"

Charlie rolled his eyes, clutching the beer in his hands as he replied, "Speak for yourself grandpa."

My eyes must have betrayed my thoughts, a dozen scenarios of Jake and his imprint and a black haired baby in their arms, because Billy chuckled.

"Yeah, yeah," Charlie said, "you keep saying that but your time will come old man. Never thought Rachel would tie the knot, 'specially not with Paul." The elders laughed at this, and the wrenching agony fled my chest and I could breath once more. Rachel, Jake's oldest sister was married to Paul?

On cue, our faces turned back to face the Blacks' back porch as the volatile shape shifter slammed the door open against the wall. The elders turned back to their own conversation, used to Paul's emotional outbursts, but my eyes were riveted on the scene playing before me.

"-Won't pretend it's okay Rach!" he growled.

A woman who looked slightly older than Paul followed at his heels and grabbed his lean muscled arm and shouted, "Paul!" I watched Paul allow himself be turned round to face Rachel. Her russet toned hands rose to cup either side of his face. Her words were whispered low, yet I heard them carried with the wind and crackling sparks of fire. "Enough…She's going to be part of us soon enough. You have to accept that."

Paul grimaced and he flung her hands aside, throwing a very pointed, very dark glare my way. As though my presence was too insulting to him, he began to tremble. Twisting away from Rachel, Paul raced deep into the midnight woods, a howl in his wake.

I felt the heat of eyes upon me then and turned to meet Rachel's hard gaze. I was immediately shocked by the similar planes of her angular face, so like Jacob's, yet her eyes were wide, expressive like Billy's and dimly golden where Jake's remained obsidian. Before I knew it she was standing before me with a soft smile on her russet features. "Hi, I'm Rachel," she said, offering her hand and I took it. She squeezed even as a frown crossed her thick black brows. "So you're the famous Bella Swan?"

I nodded and she assessed me a moment. I could feel Seth drawing ever nearer to the tension that lay unsettled between us. I squeezed his arm and stood to face Jacob's eldest sister. "Yeah. That's me."

For a moment her eyes bore into mine, the buzz of voices fading and only wind and crackle of pine met my ears. Nodding faintly to herself she crossed her arms over her chest. "Wanna come inside? Could always use some help in the kitchen."

"Rachel…" Billy's tone was heavy and Rachel graced him with a smile.

"Don't worry Dad, I'm not going to tear her to pieces. Just want to talk." At that she turned and grinned at me and to my shock grabbed my arm and led me into the Blacks' tiny red house.

* * *

"Can you get that dish out of the oven?"

I silently obeyed as Rachel flitted about the Blacks' small kitchen. I smiled faintly to notice nearly everything remained in the last place my hands had arranged them. Once upon a time I had claimed this kitchen as much as Charlie's. The rush of memories made me sick with regret, a reminder of the ever pressing pain of the hole in my chest.

"Watch your hands!"

She was reaching for me even as I grabbed the dish with my bare hands and I grinned sheepishly at her as I moved to set it on the top of the stove. Rachel's eyes registered disbelief, then cold recognition and her eyes flickered to mine briefly before she pursed her lips and turned back to her task. I started to wonder why she bothered inviting me to help at all when her words came rushing an endless stream.

"I used to hate you, you know…" Her gold-flecked eyes burned into mine a moment before softening and she set the spoon into the chili bowl. "Jacob never spoke your name, never told us anything, but I knew it was a girl who broke him." She frowned. "You need to know he hasn't been the same since you split. I came back to check on him…and to escape." Her eyes softened once more. "I haven't always been a saint, Bella, Billy will tell you that. I broke a guys heart nearly as bad as you did Jacob. When I saw Paul again I felt it though, the connection, when he imprinted. I've never felt that way about anyone… When I found out Paul had imprinted on I had a hard time figuring out the whole truth. You know Paul."

I smiled weakly at her words, my arms wrapping instinctively around my chest.

"He doesn't hate you anymore by the way," she added, "he's just more focused on the pack, on honor and all that shit than most of the others. And the way you hurt Jacob was like hurting him. It's gonna take time… It'll take time for me to accept you, but that doesn't mean I don't like you Bella."

"Thanks," I offered and a genuine grin lit Rachel's lovely features. I hesitated a moment. "So…you and Paul?"

Rachel laughed. "Yeah, I know it's crazy. I always thought he was this sick twisted little kid when we were younger. Swore he was exactly the sort I'd never fall for. Now I'm knocked up, married and stuck on the Reservation the rest of my life and the crazy thing is, I couldn't be happier." She grinned and shrugged and I caught a glimpse of Jake in her wayward smirk. "Come on, let's call in the wolves and see if we can get those old women something to gossip about."

"Like you punching me in the face?"

Rachel grinned. "Nah, might break my fist."

* * *

Jacob didn't come. Even as the pack and elders and family gathered round the flames to listen to the tales of their ancestors, of Taha Aki and the Cold Ones. I shivered inwardly at the veiled looks old Quil Aterra sent my way, shivered as a winter wind swept over the clearing, caught the smoke in a sudden dance, scattered sparks that flashed golden against the midnight of clouded heavens.

The gray haired elder was telling a tale I remembered well and flashes of another fire, another werewolf at my side entered and fled through in a memory, that I grasped desperately at. The need to hold onto them became all the more insistent when I thought of Jacob, his eyes cold and yet burning with hatred and pain, rain so thick a wall between us he seemed miles away…

I tensed under the sudden and inexorable weight, that lay so heavily upon me, my half dead heart began to pound viciously, leaving me short of breath. It carried a presence, a force that made me want to run until I flew, until its power was broken, shaken and I was free.

My eyes turned from old Quil, to the forest resting just beyond him, to the dim firelight that just barely cast an amber sheen on the surface of the trees.

Black eyes gleamed in the surrounding darkness, reflecting against the amber firelight. The naked, russet skinned form was still and silent as the trees themselves. Even in this light I could make out the fine details of his scarred muscle bound chest. He was larger than the rest of the pack, I realized, his presence thick and heavy over his pack, his people. I wondered how the rest of them did not sense this. His eyes were trained upon mine, burning so hotly into mine I felt naked and bruised and broken he had been before me only the night before. Now he was harder, the fleeting emotions that had escaped his obsidian eyes last night were once again masked, tight and ruthless.

Tears formed in my eyes as I cowered in the weight of his silent accusations. Why I chose to remember a happier moment then, I don't know.

"_No fair!" Jacob cried as he raced after me on the beach. _

_I had feigned innocence before stretching out my legs to run, leaving him behind at our driftwood only seconds before. _

_Scrawny as he was I grinned to see him running at my heels, calling after me with threats and hoarse laughter. "You're gonna…fall…on your face! Bells! Wait!" _

_I laughed, energy filling my limbs at the chase, thrilled to beat him, joy I had not felt since…_

_The moment was broken and my shoes slid over the slick sand and I was lying upon my back, my eyes staring at the blue sky, the breath knocked from my chest. _

_A familiar russet skinned face obstructed my vision, long black hair framing a ridiculously smug grin that was far too blinding for a normal smile. _"_Told you you'd fall flat on your face Bells!" _

_I** was** on my back, I wanted to say, but I couldn't keep down my grin and gripped a handful of wet sand to fling squarely into his face…_

His laughter echoed in my memory, until the hole inside me began burning, pulling all life into its depths. I glanced at the flames near my feet. The fire was no comparison to the consuming heat of Jacob's eyes burning into me.

I could not look away from him any longer and lifted my red-rimmed half-vampiric eyes to meet the woods only to gasp and find the trees standing ethereally in opaque blackness. The wind still stirred along the path Jacob had fled. The clearing felt empty now, lifeless. I felt dead as I should have already been. I wrapped my arms about my chest, barely noticing Seth's warm hand upon my arm as he forced my vice grip from my bruising sides and into his.

As night drove on thunder began to crackle and rain was thick on my tongue as I breathed in the mix of pine, earth, sweet werewolf and bitter human blood. Human blood remained so intoxicating, so sweet and maddening to most Vampires that Edward had nearly taken my life for it once. Blood I knew I should desire and yet could not manage standing too close to humans I did not know, let alone desire to drain.

Beneath it all I could still smell the faint overwhelming traces of _his_ heady scent…

_Jacob, his hard yielding embrace encircling me, drawing me to him, moving over me tenderly, his mouth covering my chest with his full lips…_

Sue didn't tell me what the Council's decision over my place among the tribe and presence in Forks was, that night. She had merely smiled warmly and embraced me before she left with Charlie, who was giving her a lift home. Charlie asked me not to be too late and I detected his disappointed glance at the Black's yard.

"_Jake will be there_." He had promised. I knew better. Charlie had not seen the menace, the haunted figure in the wood, had not felt his hatred…

The pack lingered long after everyone else left. Sam and Leah never made an appearance. I heard their names whispered nervously where Embry and Paul stood by the dying embers. I ignored the death glare Paul graced me with as I helped Kim and Rachel clean up and smiled when Seth brought the carry empty plates and dishes in.

Kim smiled shyly to me as I told her bye. Rachel shared a knowing grin with me and Seth walked me at last to my car, hands shoved in his cut off jeans pockets.

"Aren't you hot?" I nodded to the hoodie clinging to his well muscled chest and his eyes dropped to it before rising with his easy smile.

"Hell yeah, always."

I grinned as he opened my door and slid inside. Sometimes Seth reminded me so much of Jacob… He waited patiently, expectantly I realized as I turned to him once more. "Seth?" My future stepbrother's eyebrows rose, waiting. "Why didn't Jacob come tonight?"

Lips pursed, brow drawn, his amber eyes fell distant and guarded. For a moment I wondered if Seth had seen Jacob too. Finally he said, "Told Billy he had some more work to catch up on, couldn't get away in time." Though my face remained without expression I couldn't hide the suspicion behind my eyes, and Seth's hard expression eased, his smile returned. "I'm really glad you're back Bella. Nothing was the same after you left."

My heart ached, its frozen countenance thawing at Seth's warmth. I smiled and said, "Thanks Seth."

My key turned almost too swiftly, my engine purred to life, and seconds later I was watching the silhouette of Seth's tall frame through my rear view mirror. The warmth in his amber eyes was reassuring and guarded, pained…

I wondered what had happened.

* * *

**Review: If you wanna. Be ready for a lot more Jacob next chapter! For all of you who have waited so patiently for his return and the end of Bella-stupidity ;)**


	13. Fear

**Disclaimer: **Steph Meyer is a lucky bastard!

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**Chapter 13**

**Fear**

* * *

My heart was still racing as I drove just beyond the boundary of the Reservation. Yet because of what I was, the struggle of life and death in my chest gave me added pain. Pain was good. It reminded me I wasn't totally frozen yet.

My fingers fell easily into the now permanent indentation they had created in my steering wheel. So lost in my thoughts and memories of Jacob, I did not hear the clicking of the machine beneath me until I was forced against the edge of the highway.

Dredged into the mud and rain moments later and staring at the constant swish of my windshield wipers made me inclined to trade anything in the world to be Rosalie in that moment. Truth was, I was dumb as ever about cars despite all the time I had spent around the my sister and Jake. Memories of his garage, the smell of oil and gasoline, grease and parts that used to cling to him would always be imprinted to me.

Soft rain fell in light waves over the glass and I remotely felt the presence of watchful eyes in the nearby forest. I could have stepped out of my vehicle and called for help. I knew Seth or Quil or Embry would show at a moment's notice if they were on patrol. I had a suspicion Seth was following me home, protecting his future "sister" anyway.

But this fact only made the truth sting even more. Because I couldn't forget the accusation in Jacob's eyes, or that he had been forced to watch the bonfire from afar, _because of me_. My tears fell silently as I curved into myself, grasped at my chest to cover the hole Jacob had left in my life. It was so much worse and constant a pain than anything Edward had put me through. Only when it was too late did I realize this.

My fist landed against the steering wheel, heavily denting it and then my other fist met its mark, blaring the horn in the process. I screamed in frustration to avoid causing further damage to my borrowed vehicle. My forehead came to rest at last on the battered leather, my breath coming in short, shallow gasps.

The smooth metallic surface of my cell phone was in hand, soon as the thought entered my mind, fingers dialing the number I knew best by heart and I took in a deep lungful of the pine scent outside my car. "Hey Dad?" I said as soon as he picked up. "Sorry to call so late but my car broke down just outside the Res and I can't get it to start."

Charlie's voice was surprisingly alert though the time read one twenty-five a.m. "Aw that's a shame, Bells. Nice car…" I heard Sue's honey voice interrupt on the other line and grinned despite my frustrations. Of course, he had taken Sue home tonight… "Hey Bells," he said after a pause, "why don't you call this number. Sue says they'll be out to meet you within fifteen minutes."

"Okay, go ahead," I said. He gave me the number. I mentally scratched it down. "Thanks Charlie. I'll call you later and let you know how it goes."

The grin on Charlie's face was practically visible through his next words. "Oh, ah, don't worry about calling again Bells. You're a grown up kid. I trust you. I'll see you in the morning."

"Okay. Love you Dad."

"Love you Bells." _Click_, silence and I rested my head against my battered steering wheel with a groan as I called the number Charlie had given me. The voice that had answered seconds later was muffled, tired, and I barely recognized the man's words. My nose wrinkled as he mumbled he was coming and abruptly hung up.

I frowned when I realized I had barely given him any real clue as to where I was and prayed I wouldn't have to spend the night in the back seat, no matter the fact this car was worth more than my college education. I longed for the soft comfort of my bed, the patter of rain against the glass of my window and I groaned with frustration. It would just be too hard to explain to Charlie how I could have run home within minutes through the pouring rain without a ride. I wasn't ready to have _that_ conversation yet.

Thunder crackled, lightning split the sky. I winced at the force of the winds that rocked my sleek Porsche. No headlights marked the highway and the starless, moonless sky was ominous. I thought of Jacob, of running back to Edward, secure and relatively stable Edward who I had been so sure would never abandon me again. He would love me for eternity, would have if I had not been irrevocably marked by my wolf.

I cringed to think what he would have done, would still do if he knew I had done more with Jacob in those two uncertain weeks than he could have imagined…

I thought of Charlie, of the world passing by while Renee was dead and I remained frozen in a nineteen-year-old body. I thought of what I had become, this thing so disgusting to Jacob and the adoptive family I had once loved, that they could scarcely stand the sight of me.

Truth pummeled my mind in a way it had not in years, not since Victoria and the Newborn battle. Truth was, I had never tried, _not really_, to let Jacob and the pack in. I wondered once more, if I had been honest with myself, how different my life would be now?

_Life…_

The headlights blinded my sensitive eyes and I held up my hand to shield them, thoughts tossed aside. I held my breath as the truck made a tight U-turn, then slowed to stop nearly in the ditch in front of me before backing up. I let the air flee from my half-dead lungs in relief.

_Finally…_

My rescuer stepped out from the high seat of his battered truck and I prepared to face the putrid scent of human blood, ordered myself not to flinch against its pungent aroma. He was a big one this human, I noticed as he approached through the gathering mud.

I stepped out of the car and into the rain to meet him, drenched once again, my long hair soaked through my outer jacket within seconds. I prepared my most non-threatening smile. Even though I did not share the same tastes as my half kind, my too perfect features and half marble form appealed deep down to the danger instinct within humans. It told them to stay away if I accidentally looked at them a certain manner. I lifted my eyes against the onslaught of raindrops.

Lightning flashed, revealing his face and I gasped.

_Heat, obsidian, russet…_

My hands wrapped around my chest with vampiric speed. I caught the glint of Jacob's eyes through the storm, though I could not see them well enough in the shadow that encased us, the wall of rain that separated us, the insurmountable anger that clawed at the hole in my soul anew.

"Get in the truck," he managed to growl.

I jumped at the sound of his voice and its new depth. Once more I was reminded that this was not the Jacob I had loved and who had loved me so passionately in return. This was the Jacob who despised me as surely as I needed him now.

* * *

We rode along the highway in silence. No music comforted the stifling weight that pressed between us and made me aware of each twitch of his clenched jaw, the clench of his long rough fingers on the wheel, the gray T-shirt straining against his muscles, bulging in new ways I was unfamiliar with.

I forced my eyes on the barely lit road ahead, forced my mind on anything but him. I tried to remember my childhood and found that he haunted me even there as a tiny version of the giant beside me.

We hydroplaned on the road several times and through each, Jacob easily managed the truck and my attached car until we came to a small business strip on the outer fringe of the Res. The single streetlamp barely illuminated the dark torrent crashing above us.

Jacob tossed me a wolf key chain as brought our vehicles to a stop, a single key attached to its silver ring. "Go in through the front door," he said through clenched teeth.

I hopped out into the rain and obeyed, opening the glass door with ease and smiling faintly at the familiar smells of leather, oil, metal that permeated the tiny office. I heard the roar of Jake's truck just outside as it pulled into the surprisingly spacious garage connected to this building. Watching the scene through the glass window of the door leading to the garage, I averted my eyes when I felt his intent upon me. The cracked upholstery was rough to my fingertips as I sank into a chair and waited.

I heard the sway of the door's hinges, the light thud as it reconnected with its frame. His six foot, seven-inch frame filled the office, making it seem even smaller than before. His shadow cast over me, covering me from the light of the single lamp lit over the garage.

His words were forced, tight and controlled and I cringed at their coldness, wondering how I would ever grow used to this new Jacob. "I'll go ahead and check out your car."

Silence followed and I still refused the compulsion to meet his hot gaze.

"Can I watch?" When I did not hear an answer I glanced up, my eyes instantly pulled in, held captive by his. My mouth parted slightly at the force of our old connection, heart struggling to race as it had before. Jacob's own rain soaked chest heaved slightly, yet his face remained indifferent, eyes consuming.

"Sure," he commented.

I shut my eyes for a second. When I opened them to see the door swinging wide on its hinges, Jake's back turned, I followed him to my car as quickly as I could.

I stood to the side while he worked, comforted even beneath the constant emotional strain of being in such close proximity to him. Even now he was my sun and the hole in my chest, so much larger I now knew than any Edward had caused, nearly felt whole. He leaned over the open hood of my car and my eyes couldn't help but to linger over the sculpted line of his shoulders, so much broader than I remembered. Standing next to him I felt every inch of my five foot five inch figure and was glad he was actually leaning lower than me while his hands toyed at the engine.

The tension seemed to have eased as he worked, I noted. He did not tremble anymore and the look on his face as he pulled out from beneath the hood was focused at best, not tortured or hateful.

"Here's your problem…" he murmured, almost to himself, "your alternator is shot. Battery is dead cus it can't get any juice. Damn it Bella why did you go so long without having this checked?!" His anger returned and intensified the moment his eyes caught mine.

I cowered and shrugged.

Jake didn't give me the chance to respond and sighed. "I have a new one here in the shop. It'll take me a little while to put it in." He frowned at the exposed insides of the Porsche and my eyes followed the long scar that began at his hair line and followed down the side of his face to cross over his chin.

_That's new..._

I shut my eyes to war away the shiver that followed, the urge to kiss that line, to kiss the full lips that waited at its end, linger on his lower lip…

"You're soaked," he grunted.

I looked up quickly to find his appraising frown. Sticking his hand in his pocket, he pulled out a heavy set of keys and twisted them so a small silver one was clenched between his fingers. He barely glanced up at me from his lowered brow. "Come on, you need to get out of those wet clothes."

He twitched again at my sharp intake of breath, shallow as it had been and hesitated before brushing past me. His hot arm blazed against my jacket and I ignored the sudden pull, the urge. I followed him wordlessly to the office and a small door I hadn't noticed before in the shadows. Opening it revealed a set of steep stairs and my eyes widened as I took in the dark apartment that waited on top.

Thunder shook the foundations as rain pelted against the roof, a chorus of its own. The apartment was the length and width of the office and garage combined, opening to a main sitting room with a decent sized T.V, a tall lamp, exceptionally long couch, small table and two chairs. It connected to a small old fashioned kitchen, not unlike the one I shared with Charlie and the sink was currently filled with dirty dishes. The nearby window was draped with dark curtains, and Jake turned on the lamp to reveal tossed shirts, paperwork stacked against the end of the couch and two doors on the wall beside them. Jake led me to the smaller, pushing the door aside and switching the light to reveal a small bathroom. The large shower was the most welcome sight I had seen all day, I thought with a faint grin.

I turned to find him entering the second door, his scent overwhelming in the wind that followed his rapid retreat and I drank it in against my better judgment. Water from my clothes dripped on the carpet and I stepped further into the tiled bathroom self-consciously. When I looked back I was pulled by the force of his obsidian eyes. His mouth was tight as he handed me what looked to be a clean towel and an oversized t-shirt.

"Here," he said.

"What's this?"

He looked down at the shirt in his hands. "It's raining too hard for you to be driving this late, even if I get the alternator replaced in the next hour."

I blinked in shock even as hope fluttered in my chest and my heart skipped a beat. "Oh."

His dark brow furrowed and he held out the towel and shirt further. "Go ahead. I'll be in the garage."

A ghost's smile shadowed my features. My fingers brushed his, his eyes flickering to mine in a glance so heated, a light more intense than I could have imagined, I burned from deep within.

With another gust of disturbed air he was gone and I pressed my hand to my face, turning to meet my reflection in the small wall mirror, eyes widening in surprise at the heavy blush that stained my cheeks.

* * *

Thunder echoed distantly in the dim hush of the empty apartment, even fainter the clink of metal, cursing, and the music of water on tile. It scalded, cascaded over my body, held my waist-length curls captive and stirred the fire in my core as I imagined _his_ body surrounding me, consuming me.

_His hands lingered as they lowered along my chest, lifting me with the power of his muscles to graze the tip of his erection… He plunged into me with such force, I bit my lip to keep from crying out, gasping and moaning in answer to the muffled sounds of his pleasure and increasing my own…_

I gasped, eyes wide and stinging against streams of water, heat burning beneath my cheeks.

_I had moaned aloud._

I shut the water off, wringing my mass of wet curls loose, before stepping soundlessly onto the faded rug. I rubbed the towel viciously over my skin, desperate to purge the images from my thoughts, the distant memory of his hard heat pounding me senseless.

I grinned as I slipped the Metallica t-shirt on, its frayed ends meeting my toned legs mid-thigh. The face in the mirror was still too perfect for my liking, hair hanging in long tendrils that clung to my head and back. Grabbing the wad of soaked clothes from the sink I draped them over the shower door before turning to flip the switch.

Opening the bathroom door, I stepped into the shadow of the dimly lit apartment. Rain continued to assault the roof above, thunder shook the foundations as lightning struck the earth in a sudden strike of liquid flame. The standing lamp barely kept the shadows at bay, its antique shade casting a hallo about the couch and carpeted floor. For a moment I stared into the nothingness, sighed with relief when I heard no footfall below. Perhaps he had not heard me moan earlier?

I lifted my hands and felt the T-shirt slide slightly above my mid-thigh as I twisted my heavy mass of dark curls over my shoulder. Water trickled from the base of my neck to the exposed shoulder blade of my back. I shivered as cold was replaced by heat and gasped.

I turned too quickly for the average human eye to follow, a flash, following the trail of heat upon my body, only to be suddenly assailed by a pair of black eyes watching from the shadows. Swallowing my fear, hands still gripping at my hair, I lifted my eyes steadily to meet his scrutiny, pushing aside my embarrassment at the state I must look. He stood poised at the top of the stairs, frozen as though he had been sculpted there and I wondered I didn't hear his footsteps, before remembering he wasn't just human either.

He had removed his T-shirt since he left me for the garage below and I took in a deep, shuddering breath when I realized he was _only_ wearing his dark cut off shorts now. The rain had made his short cropped black hair stand wildly on end, his skin glowed golden in the soft lamplight, softening his harsh, time-worn features.

_Only two years_…two years had transformed my best friend, my only lover into a man. The scars on his rippling chest proved the full weight and terror those years must have brought him.

When I craned my neck to meet his gaze again I realized his was not focused on mine, but lower. A shiver of pleasure and fear laced my spine…His eyes were slowly roaming up and down my form, from the hard line of my calves, my half concealed thighs and Vampire enhanced figure barely hidden by his black t-shirt, lingering on my breast, trailing my neck, and at last to my lips…

I shuddered at the hot and heavy trail his eyes left over me, only one emotion consuming them now. _Lust_, lust so thick I could taste it, taste the scent of his skin on the air…and my eyes lowered to see the bulge straining in his loose shorts that caused the heat to spread afire in my center.

My body awoke as it had the night before when we faced one another in the rain, awoke as it had not since I had last been in his arms.

Tears welled in my eyes and I trembled as the strain of the past two days came crashing over me once again. Biting my lip I forced it back down, only to find his eyes fiercely intent on my face.

His hands clenched at his sides, arms trembling slightly and I could almost feel the beast within aching to be released, aching for the change. I blinked and the fire was suddenly gone, his face hard once again.

Slowly, he approached me, stopping until our chests were mere inches apart as he leaned over my face and said, "Come on, you should get some sleep."

My eyes widened. "Are you sure?" I knew he did not want me here, much as I longed to stay.

A flash came and went through his obsidian gaze, leaving me warm afresh in its wake. "Yeah," he whispered.

I watched as he put sheets on the couch, then handed me a thick blanket I knew was his as surely as I knew he didn't need it. I watched his arms tense in the lamplight as he moved to turn it off. The storm still raged in the window across from us, lightning flashed white over his wary dark planed face.

"You gonna be warm enough?" he asked.

My arms wrapped over my chest in a self-conscious move, pulling the fabric against my breasts and I noticed Jake's eyes narrow even as they smoldered. "Yeah, thanks." I sank into the surprisingly soft folds of the couch and glanced back at him.

He stood rooted to the spot he had claimed, arms crossed, chest raising and falling. I pushed aside my own desire, even though I was desperate for touch, for comfort, for forgiveness. Could I dare to hope for love?

"Alright…" He did not move, his eyes locked onto mine.

"Did you already replace the alternator?"

His expression visibly eased. "Yeah...werewolf agility."

I remembered my daydream and the moan that escaped my lips, loud enough for a werewolf to hear. I blushed. "_Oh_… Jake, thanks for coming in the night like this, for helping me." The words came rushing out faster than I intended.

A pause, silence so filled with our thoughts and emotions I wanted to run away or crawl into myself, anything to escape his gaze.

"Goodnight Bella," he said and I realized he had drawn closer and the strain of his muscles as he walked away left me breathless.

* * *

I lay still in the silence, my heart laboring with lazy breaths as I could hear the harsh pounding of his heart through the thin walls.

I shut my eyes and dreamed...

_Victoria's flame red hair gleamed in the waning light of day, streaming beneath the surface of the violent waves and dark clouds gathering overhead. I pushed back against her image in terror, but I still fell__ into the abyss, Edward's ghost features fading beside me, wrapping me into his cold embrace. I began to feel my life leave, my lungs fill with water. Edward offers me a cool smile then. He knows I will soon join him. I scream but no sound comes out, only more water enters, burning my lungs, tearing my chest apart._

_No one pulls me out of the waters this time, so I move my arms and legs violently, death claiming me as I run from it. __But Edward's frozen embrace claims me until even his image is lost to the blackness._

_I scream and only my last breath escapes my lungs…_

"_Bella," Edward says in the darkness…_

"Bella!" The voice is so deep, vaguely familiar and yet foreign. I feel burning hands upon my shoulders, pushing wet hair from my face.

I am screaming aloud now, gasping for breath. Joy spreads, tingles through my half dead body with new life and I smile into black obsidian orbs so veiled above me, the lines of his face obscured. The storm crackles, rages outside.

"Bella?" His hands are grazing my cheeks, the hollow of my neck. Fire burns beneath my skin and my screams fade.

"_You know, you're sort of beautiful…"_

I smile. "Jake…" His fathomless eyes soften. I am safe, protected, cherished. I am home. He is sitting on the edge of the couch, his form so consuming I feel as though he covers half the couch even now, and I reach my hands up to cover his hands suddenly stilled over me.

"Nightmares still?" His words echo a rumble from deep within his chest.

I nod. "Since Renee…"

He pulled his hands away so quickly I was left frozen in his wake.

His eyes flashed, hard and pained. When he spoke again his voice broke just barely. "Your heart…I can hear it. How did they? How are you?" A flash and suddenly in the deep dusk, light flashing outside the nearby window, I see the boy shine through. "You're still _human_."

The word was a caress and I shivered, the hard muscle of his thigh against my chest, warming me until I felt as though I were fully human lying beneath the sun. It scalded and yet did not overwhelm me as it had before.

My words were a strained, shaken whisper, "Carlisle said when I was bitten I wasn't ready. I fought it…"

"So you're still human?" His tone was lighter, broken, tortured.

I met his gaze. "No. Not just human…"

His eyes darkened, suddenly so black I saw flashes of Jasper's solid orbs, a bloodthirsty frenzy for my blood as he rushed towards me.

"The treaty still applies. You can stay in Forks. Because you're Charlie's daughter you can come to the Reservation when invited. I can't promise anything else." I winced at the hardness in Jacob's words, and was quickly reminded that to his eyes I was a "cold one", a monster, a creature his kind were born to destroy…

I managed a nod, while aching to reach up, to wrap my arms around his neck, lift myself against him, wrap my legs about his waist, press myself to him until no space was left between us, feel him harden against me, tease him as I rocked lightly against him. I wanted to kiss his neck, his chest; lightly graze my teeth along the skin of his collar until he groaned in response…

Instead I watched him walk away into shadow and shut the door with enough force I felt the walls and ceiling shudder upon impact, shut my eyes against the raucous scrape against wood.

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**Review: Those have made me so happy! Hi to all the new readers/reviewers who have discovered my story. You compliment way to much lol. But it makes me want to write better still. Felt like I haven't done Bella/Jacob justice, but will reach further with each chapter I promise! **


	14. Agony

**A/N: **_Thanks for your patience and support! Your reviews are wonderful and remind me why I love writing so much! _

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**Disclaimer: Steph owns the characters in theory only ;)**

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**Chapter 14**

**Agony**

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"…_I was too proud, too proud to ask again. I did not understand you. I shut my eyes, and would not understand you, or do you justice. This is a recollection which ought to make me forgive everyone sooner than myself. Six years of separation and suffering might have been spared…" _

_Fredrick Wentworth to Anne in _Persuasion

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The wood was rough against my smooth fingertips, pliable against my unnatural strength, so I caressed it softly, following the rough edge of the wolf charm. The bracelet felt foreign on my wrist, so long ago it seemed I had set it aside to forget. The diamond gleamed beside it, perfect, hard, impenetrable. I scowled and with ease ripped it from its tiny ring and threw it across the room.

My eyes lifted, met my own reflection in the mirror of the open jewelry box on my desk. Dark chocolate brown orbs, rimmed with rusted red greeted me, my eternal reminder of what I was...

I looked back at the blank pages of the leather bound journal at my feet, lifting it into my lap faster than the naked eye could see.

The past several days I had done nothing but write our story, until ink covered a fourth of the voluminous book Edward had once given me. My damned eyes fell on the most recent entry…

"_When I was bitten, I drowned, the waters wrapping around my limbs, forcing me beneath the waves to a deep watery grave. I fought death as I had not fought anything so hard before. Not for Edward and the ghost of memory that rested at my side, pulled me into the murky depths with him, but for the sun still shining above. _

_Jacob's warm arms wrapped around me, pulled me to the surface, carried me with him back onto the beach even as the sea froze, glittering against the breaking dawn…" _

Jacob had begged me not to leave him once. His words were short and to the point as usual. His words alone might not have convinced me, not made me hesitate, even as my wounded heart screamed for Edward. It was the pain in his eyes, the loss, the love…

Jacob didn't wake me the morning after the bonfire. When I woke up on the long couch, I instantly knew he was gone. I could feel the emptiness of the room like a tomb swallowing me whole. Chilled, I put on my ruined clothes, ignoring the smell of rain and his scent that clung to my skin. I folded his Metallica t-shirt and laid it down on his couch, resisting the urge to bury my face in it. I wondered if he would smell me; think of me when he wore it next.

My car was parked at the front of the building and the shadows just before dawn made the world ominous. The moment I opened my door I could smell his scent awash in every particle of air, enveloping me. I shut my eyes and breathed it in…

My fingers were playing with the edges of the wolf charm resting on my wrist as my mind returned to the present.

"Bella!"

I blinked back surprise at the sound of a light, masculine voice. Feet pounded up the stairs, wood groaned beneath the weight of the wolf leaping over its aged grain. Seth opened my bedroom door, a broad grin on his face, eyes alight as he laughed. "What are you doing still in bed?"

"It's _six a.m._ Seth…" I gave him my best reprimanding glare, which he shrugged off with a smirk.

Running a hand through his shaggy black mane, pushing it from his eyes only for it to fall back again, he spoke as he sat at the edge of my bed. "It's Saturday Bella." His white grin sprung memories of Jacob.

"And you were up all night patrolling again weren't you?" I raised my brow, unable to suppress my grin any more.

My soon-to-be stepbrother shrugged sheepishly. "So? You only sleep four hours every night anyway." He shoved me and I let myself rock against the bed.

I rolled my eyes and sighed, wondering again how he had ended up being assigned my guardian. I had no illusions as to his purpose. He was here to make sure "the vampire" behaved. "What are you doing here, Seth?" I asked, hoping for once he would tell me the truth.

He pouted. "Don't know if I'll tell you since you're being so rude…" Crossing his arms in front of his broad chest he waited for my telltale sigh, immediately eliciting a grin from him. Seth couldn't stay angry for long, especially not with me, as I had quickly discovered these past days. Seth had planted himself into Charlie's life and mine as surely as if he had been a part of it the entire time. After school he came to our house in his father's old Mustang, sometimes with Sue in tow and just as often without.

"Fine, let me get decent first, okay?" I caved in.

Seth wagged his eyebrows at me, gaze never leaving mine. "I dunno Bella, you might do alright dressed like that."

I frowned. Seth had found excuses to draw me nearer to La Push, to run across Jacob I presumed. We had ridden bikes; though how he managed to steal back my old motorcycle he wouldn't tell. We had jumped off the cliff looking over La Push beach. Through each of Seth's adventures, I thought I caught glimpses of obsidian eyes watching from the trees, flashes of russet fur and skin. Yet his scent, though it seemed to linger upon the wind, faded too quickly. Knowing he was possibly nearby was painful, but also filled me with relief. Seeing Jacob's expression, after realizing I was still half Vampire, the hatred, disgust, the pain that had crashed over me, I was starting to take the hint he didn't want me around.

I huffed a sigh, breathing in the sweet scent of pine and the barely desirable aroma of animals haunting the forest. The faintest traces of rain hung above us in a thick canopy of thunderclouds. "Where are we going?" I asked, my words unbroken, betraying my true nature. In a fully human body, I would have been gasping for breath by now, as I leapt over bracken and upturned tree roots after the shape shifter loping beside me.

Seth grinned, light playing over his features. As the sun peaked through the growing storm above he exclaimed, "You'll see!"

I rolled my eyes, slowing my pace to match his. I was not nearly as fast as Edward, or most Vampires I knew. But I could outrun Seth in his human form easily still. His wolf form was another matter entirely. Hopefully whatever plans my new favorite werewolf had would allow us to get home in time for dinner. Sue wanted to try playing the happy family tonight, including Leah. I had asked Seth about his sister the other day, wondering at the pinched expression that crossed his features as a result.

"_She's still with Sam," _was all he had said.

Sam still had not phased back to human form, last I overheard when Sue asked Seth about it the day before. Had Leah not phased back since the day of the bonfire either?

We ran past the infamous treaty line, far beyond the boundaries of La Push. I glanced against the blur of trees at Seth's lazed grin. "How much further?"

He didn't meet my eye, yet called over to me, "Almost there." He picked up his pace and I met him stride for stide as the air about us grew wilder, thicker, heavy with the distant threat of rain and richer with a smell I had only rarely caught before. It was a smell completely devoid of humans, pure and older I imagined. I could hear more distant heartbeats within the forest and fleeing as the beasts caught wind of us.

Seth slowed, veering to the left and a more open strip of the wood, leaping through the trees and to a small clearing just beyond the thicket. When my bare feet landed onto the soft earth beside him, I took in our surroundings and my eyes widened in wonderment. The roar of the waters was deep, thick and jarring to my ears, overpowering in its force as we stepped slowly to the precipice of the deep waterfall. The river rushing below it was surprisingly calm, the air crisp and chilled.

I turned to glare at my future step-brother. "You have got to be kidding me…"

Seth grinned. "I thought we could use some more brother-sister bonding."

"Jumping into a waterfall! Are you crazy?!" My hands were spread, motioning faster than the human eye could see, to the monster below us.

"You used to be an adrenaline junkie, didn't you?" He laughed at my dark expression. "I found it when we were patrolling once," he explained. "Jacob wanted to check the lands beyond our borders, just in case we caught wind of anything moving into the area and needed to know the terrain. He's never been naive since he took over the pack, not since Victoria and the Newborns."

I frowned, unable to keep my hands from lifting to my chest. Why had I come back to Forks? At first I had nearly convinced myself it was because of Charlie. I had missed so much when I left with the Cullen's, turned my back on the short time I had built with my estranged dad.

Even when I was living with the Cullen's, I wasn't technically a part of them. Edward had left Alaska with a broken and guilty heart. Alice had given in to her own guilt at last as well. Past the pain of losing Renee and a large piece of my soul, I realized after their confession that I needed to be around humans again. I wouldn't regret Charlie like I did Renee.

But was that the only reason?

_Jacob's smile lit his entire face and pulled at the corners of his eyes, spliting his face in two nearly and blinded me with his natural, inner light. I likened it to staring into the face of the sun, nearly painful beneath its intensity, unwavering, yet compelling. His fingers traced patterns over my face, down the bridge of my nose, across the line of my cheeks, pressing against the curve of my lips…_

My hands were grasping painfully at my chest. The thin fabric was suddenly constraining, choking. My waist length curls tumbled forward with the wind, brushed against Seth's half naked form beside me. When I turned to face him again his eyes were sad, trained upon me, as if he _knew_.

"Bella, we don't have to jump if you don't want to. I just wanted…" His voice trailed off, overwhelmed by the force of rushing waters below. I knew what he wanted. He wanted to help me forget, to move on, to let go of the pain I consciously clung to every moment of the day.

I smiled, placing a cool hand over his burning arm. "It's okay." And my eyes fell to the placid stream far below. So far from civilization, from vampire or werewolf or human, we were truly alone. If we lost ourselves to the waves no one would pull us to the surface this time. I could hold my breath far longer than a human, but not indefinitely. I was not made of marble like most of my kind, and I still held a penchant for danger.

I held my hand open in the space between us, before the abyss plunging below. The roar of the waters, the force of it pounding against the rocks, the earth shuddering at our feet, called to me. Mist rose up and coated us. Seth's breath rose in thick clouds, pulled by the wind. His eyes met mine in anticipation and excitement. Another feeling coursed through my being I hadn't felt in years.

_Riding bikes, diving off cliffs, seeking danger…adrenaline._

My heart began to pound, now seeing Jacob's face in my mind, hateful, bitter and tortured.

Seth's hand engulfed mine so our grip was equal in strength, warm and secure. We jumped together, the cool air pressing against us as gravity took us under.

"BELLA!" A tortured voice roared. I heard the sound of limbs snapping, sinew popping, tearing flesh…

I closed my eyes only a moment, Seth's hand still secure in mine as our bodies raced faster, faster, desperate to meet their end. I was certain we could fly then, catch the wind and never touch the ground. Yet the river brought me back to reality as we impacted with its swift current, the force of flesh meeting solid rock shocking me. I screamed but the water drowned out all sound.

Seth's hand was straining against mine and I struggled to keep hold, fearful I might break him if I held on much harder. Yet his own hand only gripped more firmly in turn.

My body slammed against the rocks again and Seth's hand started slipping through mine. Water immediately rushing into my lungs when I cried out a second time in fear. My eyes burned and I stared up against the rush of water to the surface that seemed so far above. My body remembered sooner than my mind that I was no longer just human. Desperately I used my powerful legs to push myself nearer the surface. My hands stretched out above the waves and met frozen air. I broke the surface, coughing, gasping, taking in water as the stream that had before seemed placid now shook with power, rain falling in soft sheets overhead until my whole world was consumed by water.

The river bank was near and I glanced quickly over at the sound of low growls and barks. I was relieved to see sandy brown colored fur and the flash of amber eyes.

_Seth._

I pushed myself toward the river bank, nearer, my hands nearly grasping its muddy edge but my foot caught on a pinned branch, pulling me into the waters again. My foot was trapped. Old tree roots had knotted and compressed this close to the bank and I began to claw away at them, bringing fresh mud into my eyes, even as the wood crumbled beneath my fingers.

Fear replaced the fleeting joy of flying. I should have stopped Seth earlier, should have listened to the warning in my mind. I was a magnet for danger, Edward had once said.

Fear took me as my arms began to loose their strength and the memory flashed anew.

_I did not cry out when steel fashioned, frozen hands came to wrap around me, enshrouded me in darkness. I stared numbly when the venom entered my veins, as he drained my blood. He did not finish though; he pushed fire back into my veins and __I fell into darkness._

Warm arms wrapped about my waist then, jerked my foot free from the roots that had entangled me with ease, lifted me from the waters and onto the nearby bank seemingly in one powerful bound.

_Seth! _I thought with relief as his hot hands held my waist above the mud. I heaved up the water, coughed violently until it had all escaped my lungs. My eyes still burned and my hair was plastered against my face as I sought fresh air. Seth's hand moved to hold back my wet curls and gradually I felt life fill my limbs once more.

My words were hoarse and I realized then what a fool we both had been. Possessing strengths greater than humans didn't mean we could play about with death. "Seth…remind me never to go adrenaline shopping with you…" I struggled to find laughter, lifted my eyes and frowned to see the giant sandy-haired wolf whimpering faintly before me. I gasped, "Seth?"

The hot arms holding my waist tightened and I jerked from their grasp, stumbled back until my hand rested on Seth's werewolf form. Twisting around I stared up disbelieving at my rescuer.

Jacob was dark against the soft rain, its former downpour fading to a gradual mist. His shorts were soaked, chest heaving, his brow drawn, feet spread firmly apart, hands strained into tight fists at his side. I could feel the full force of his fury and my hand grasped Seth's fur tightly for comfort.

Jake's dark eyes were trained upon the younger werewolf at my side. He shook in effort to contain his rage. When he spoke, his voice was raw and deep, "What the _hell_ were you thinking?! Taking Bella so far from our lands!"

I distantly realized Jacob was upset because of _me_. What of the hatred and despair I had seen in his eyes only a few nights before?

"Because of _you_ she almost drowned!" he continued. "You should be glad I don't rip your ass in half or tear you to pieces right now!" Jake took a long step forward, I moved back instinctively as Seth held his ground. Agony crossed Jake's face beneath the fury. "You knew there were leeches in the area and you still took her as far away from La Push as possible!"

I froze. _Vampires_. There were more Vampires nearby and I hadn't felt, seen or smelled anything. Yet why would Jacob be so angry when I was half of the kind he was born to destroy?

Seth's body was low to the earth, ears pushed all the way back in submission, that I lightly stroked the fur along his shoulder, despite the barely contained force behind Jake's trembling form.

"If I didn't need you so damn much I'd ground you to your shit hole of a house until you rot!"

Anger brimmed deep in my chest and my fist tightened in Seth's sandy brown fur. With it came a courage I hadn't felt in ages. "That's enough!" I shouted.

Jake's eyes plowed into mine and he stalked closer until he was standing over me, heat making the cool air steam to my sensitive eye, his muscles rippling, trembling still.

"You can't treat him like this! He's just a kid Jake! Besides it's not his fault! I wanted to jump…"

Jake's eyes narrowed and my heart pounded as I felt his heat linger in the air between us. "Don't tell me how to fucking treat my pack! You don't know anything!"

I lifted my chin even as I felt my skin tingle with electricity and fear. "I know he was just trying to help me! Since I first came he's only tried to help me, no matter _what_ I am!" My voice shook.

Jacob's eyes flashed. "You almost drowned!"

"Why do you give a damn!"

Jake froze, his eyes flashed pain as his brow creased, lips tightening and for a moment his mask fell away and I saw the boy I loved.

_Agony_.

The force of his pain pierced me, held me under and my hands clutched at my chest again. His jaw clenched, twitched as he took another step closer to me and his eyes slowly darkened even as they subtly pleaded. I craned my neck to meet his lofty gaze.

"Don't you _ever_ tell me how to run my pack again…"

I gasped for air, but kept my voice steady then. "How did you know where we were?"

His gaze flickered to Seth, hardening before meeting mine. "I was scouting out the lands beyond our boundary line today. But he already knew that…"

I was suddenly conscious of his chest and the power wrought muscle heaving mere inches from mine. How had he come so close? Desire washed over me, even as exhaustion took over and I leaned against Seth as the full weight of what had almost happened registered.

Jacob's eyes were scanning the nearby trees, a strange fear passing over them, sudden hatred and then confusion before settling back to me. "Come on. We need to get out of here. Bella." His eyes met mine and I held my breath as raw pain bled through. "Let Seth carry you. I'll be close." He began to run, calling over his shoulder. "Don't stop until you're in La Push, Clearwater!"

My eyes followed his powerful figure, blinking against the garish sight of scars lining his back and all I could see in my mind were his eyes, bleeding with pain and agony, pleading for something I didn't understand.

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**Review: If you have the time and want to shout out :) It means a lot to hear your thoughts!**

**Many of your questions will be answered in the next chapters, such as where Jacob's scars came from… **


	15. Regret

**Disclaimer: Obviously I didn't write Twilight, otherwise I'd be rich! lol**

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**Chapter 15**

**Regret**

* * *

The Clearwater's old home was on the opposite side of the Reservation from the Black's. At this point it was something I was very grateful for, for Seth's sake. It gave him more time to put the events of this morning to the back of his mind.

Seth's head hung low as we walked up the front steps into his low-eave, one story home. The smell of cinnamon warmed my senses the moment we walked through the door, cinnamon drizzled biscuits...

_Thank God human food still smells good..._

I squeezed Seth's arm reassuringly, though his amber eyes were sad as he ushered me into the kitchen. Sue was hard at work over the stove. Fresh cinnamon and butter sprinkled biscuits rested on top of the oven.

"Hey kids." She offered without turning from her batter. "Did you have a nice time today? I didn't expect you to be back before dinner…" She paused when she turned to face us fully and her dark eyes widened at the sight of us. Nearly dropping her bowl, her hands were over us both then, worry lines wrinkling her smooth brow. "What happened? Seth?" Her eyes burned into her son's, demanding answers.

Seth's head hung. His voice was very soft and rough as he answered, "I took her cliff diving. We got wet. Bella got mashed by some rocks and almost got pulled under but Jacob saved her." His eyes flickered to mine and I felt the blood rise to my cheeks.

Sue's eyes were indiscernible and unfortunately, trained upon mine now. "Seth that was a stupid thing to do honey…I'm surprised…"

She frowned as she sought to gather her thoughts before continuing. "Come on. Seth, watch that pot. Bella come with me and we'll get you out of those wet clothes. I think Charlie should come here for our family dinner tonight. Call your sister, Seth." Sue's warm smile, the gentleness of her fingertips on my frozen shoulders and the glow of her soft eyes thawed the gloomy chill that had entered with us. Even Seth's face was not so downtrodden as he approached the steaming biscuits. I wanted to wrap my arms about his neck, to tell him it wasn't his fault. But Jacob's words lingered in my conscience…

"_Don't you _ever_ tell me how to run my pack again…"_

"Bella?" Sue had a towel wrapped around my shoulders that she now used to vigorously scrub over me, like she was afraid I might catch cold. "Are you all right?"

My eyes drifted to our surroundings as I tried to pull for answers. The room Sue had shared with Harry was small, the queen size bed neatly made. A picture still hung on the wall of them and their kids, before Harry saw his own children transform before his eyes. Before he died because his heart couldn't take the pain of the shock.

"Bella?"

I forced my attention back on this woman who had lost so much, remembered the afternoon not so long ago when she had made me feel this could be my home again. "Sorry…" I offered. "Long day."

Sue smiled softly and picked out a slim pair of dark jeans and a button-up plaid shirt that she placed in my hands. Just like Renee, we could wear the same size. Pain and warmth filled my chest simultaneously. I smiled back, taking the clothes into the small bathroom nearby.

Sue lingered just outside the cracked door as I changed. "Bella. Why were you and Seth so far from the Reservation?"

I froze before answering. "How did you know?"

"Oh Bella, why else would Jacob have found you so quickly? The Council knew he was patrolling outside our lands today. Seth knew better."

"_I_ should have known better…" I mumbled remembering Jacob's harsh and cruel words to the boy who so idolized him.

Sue was silent a long moment, until Seth began speaking in the kitchen to Leah through his cell phone. Metal clanged together and incited the skip in the beat of Sue's heart. She sighed and said, "I suppose you are more human than you thought, Bella. Cold ones are supposed to be invincible, right?"

"Yeah. Guess so…" I met my weary reflection in the mirror, analyzed the dark circles beneath my red-rimmed eyes, the too perfect features and the wind dried hair a wild mane about my head. I pushed it down vainly, my hands stilling with her next words.

"And Jacob saved you…"

_Powerful arms wrapped about my waist then, jerked my foot free from the roots that had entangled me with ease and lifted me from the waters and onto the nearby bank, seemingly in one powerful bound…_

Jacob…was the pain in his eyes because of what I had become, or something rooted far deeper?

"Bella?"

I opened the door and ran a hand through my hair, a hesitant smirk painted on my lips. "Yeah, he saved me." I couldn't pull my eyes from the dark carpet.

"Mom?" Seth pushed the door open, his amber eyes refusing to meet mine. "Leah's on her way, and I went ahead and called Charlie. He's cool with eating here too."

"Thank you honey…Bella?" She turned and placed a gentle hand on my arm. "You can rest for a while if you want while I finish up." Her raven waist length hair swayed with each step and I watched her give Seth a passing look, hand reaching high above to pat his shoulder.

Seth's eyes were trained upon the floor and his brow creased beneath his shaggy mane as he slowly brought his gaze to mine. "Bella, can we talk a sec?"

I nodded, twisted my fingers. "Sure."

His brow furrowed deep in concentration and I smiled. So like Jacob… "I'm so sorry about today… I just hate seeing you so sad and I wanted to make you happy. I thought you were near as invincible as the bloodsuckers and I didn't stop to think what could happen if I didn't hold your hand. Jacob had every right to say what he did. You standing up for me made me feel like an even bigger asshole." He grinned sheepishly.

I walked up to him and wrapped my arms about my future brother's waist. "Thank you." And just like Jacob, he knew that was enough.

* * *

Leah crashed into the Clearwater's home like the wind of a violent sea storm, filling the air with her presence and the overwhelming musk of the forest. I recognized beneath, that tinge of what Alice had described as "_wet-dog_" smell, but to my half human nose it was strangely sweet, like home.

We all glanced up from the dinner table, where Sue and I were finishing placing the dishes before Charlie and Seth and all eyes turned to follow her tall figure dart to what I supposed her room. I met Charlie's eye and he shrugged his shoulders. Seth and Sue were pensive.

"So how was work, honey?" Sue's sweet voice, the closest thing to a true mother since I had been with Esme, eased the viable tension.

Charlie leaned back in his seat, relaxing while we set the rest of the plates down before joining the boys. Meanwhile, I steeled myself for the inevitable confrontation with my future stepsister.

"Well enough…" Charlie said, twisting his beer bottle in his hands so its deep amber glass gleamed against the kitchen light. "We found more tracks today and animals. Seems this bear is taking out anything that crosses its path. But its pattern is too random…almost like those wolves we tried tracking a couple years back. You remember?"

I froze, and after a quick glance at Sue and Seth saw my fear reflected in their faces. My ears picked up the gradual rise in their heart rates.

"Bears?" I asked, disturbing my makeshift family from their thoughts. Charlie glanced at me while taking a swig. "Think it could have gone rabid or something?" I pressed him further. I was well versed in the art of distracting my father.

Charlie's frown deepened. "That's what I thought at first…but this is the third time its happened. For weeks we don't find anything and then another report comes in like today. There's hardly any traces left either, just pieces of fur and bone…"

"I think that's hardly the conversation to have during dinner hon." Sue squeezed Charlie's hand and he grinned.

"Yeah I guess you're right. Sorry."

"Oh, I finally managed to get a hold of my cousin in Los Angeles. She's not going to make it in time for the wedding with her baby due that same week."

Talk turned to the wedding and for a brief moment I could almost forget that we were a muddled family of humans, werewolf/shape-shifters and half Vampire. It felt normal, down to the brisket and potatoes and occasional gagging looks Seth gave me when Sue and Charlie became too wrapped up in their own world.

"Bella, do you think tomorrow you could come with me to Port Angeles?" Sue was asking. I opened my mouth to answer when the door slammed and Leah's lean figure burst into the room and plopped into the seat across from me. Sue had been wise to put me by Seth and Charlie.

My former curiosity about the only known female werewolf was answered fully now. Leah's dark eyes, almost gray in their silvery pallor were glaring openly into mine, hard as ever, I initially noted. The T-shirt did little to hide her lean muscled form, the kind of body any female celebrity would die for no doubt. Her black hair was still cropped short, though it had grown a bit longer, sweeping just over her eyes and spiked in the back. She was still beautiful and obviously still hated me.

"Leah, is everything all right honey?"

Leah's hard eyes softened at her mother's voice and she nodded before picking up her fork and proceeded to wolf down her meal.

"Leah?" Sue's voice had hardened slightly when her daughter didn't answer.

Leah's eyes darted up to meet her mother's. Charlie engrossed himself into Sue's home cooking and Seth watched his sister with equal interest.

"I'm fine." Her voice was low and husky, _and pained_ I realized. It struck a chord deep within my own heart for I sensed it was an ache I recognized well.

"Sam?" Seth met the full force of her vibrant eyes by uttering that forbidden name.

"He still needs…some time before he's ready to come home," she finally answered.

"Sam Ulley still out of town? Been a while hasn't it?" Charlie's tone was casual. He didn't know Sam had gone wolf crazy after Emily and the baby's death. Or that he hadn't phased back into his human form since, leaving Jacob to take over the pack.

Leah's face twisted with pain before hardening to stone once more. Sue answered for her. "Yes. He should be ready to come home soon though. Leah went up to check on him a few days ago."

Leah was engaged to Sam once, before Emily. They both loved the other immensely but not enough for Sam to fight his imprint. Leah was silent the rest of dinner, though polite whenever Charlie managed to coax her from the recesses of her mind.

Seth told a slightly milder version of our last adventure of trying to build a better ramp to jump bikes on. Of course, in his version, they weren't motorcycles but actual bicycles and I didn't fall hard upon the gravel so hard I was still slightly sore on that side of my leg.

I'd been learning just how human I still was since I came back to Forks. Though my skin was tough as wood, it wasn't impenetrable as a true Vampire, and hitting it hard enough could still make me bruise. Breathing was necessary for the slowly beating heart in my chest, which also made drowning a real danger. At least I was as fast and nearly as strong as a Vampire. Seth learned that after the first couple wrestling matches he tackled out of me.

All too soon Charlie and Sue were sitting in front of the T.V half asleep and Seth was slowly dragging himself to bed with a promise of more adventures to come.

I walked out to the back porch to watch the stars.

The night air was chilled, thick with life pulsing heat in the frozen air. I smiled when my breath gave out the faintest traces of puffs on the wind, watched it waver and fade to the stars above. The bold moon hidden behind clouds, the stars were allowed to shine flawlessly in their celestial glory, perfect against the velvety black sky. I took in the smell of rich pine, the forest, and thought of Jacob.

"Cold outside, isn't it _leech_?" Leah's voice dripped with sarcasm. "Oh wait, you don't feel the cold _do_ you? You don't feel anything…" Leah's silhouette was bold in the moonlight, her sharp features accentuated in the shadows. Already dressed in a tattered tank top and cut off shorts, primed at any moment for the change, I could practically feel her tension, the need to break free of this form and become the wolf. It was something I envied her. She could escape what she was whenever she chose…

Silence weighed heavily between us, yet oddly enough, I didn't feel the animosity I'd felt before. Her eyes were trained upon the trees, anxious and wistful, alert.

"Jacob said there were Vampires in the area," I offered.

Leah's dark eyes barely shifted down to me and she sniffed as she tilted her chin. "Did he?" A look of pride and fierce loyalty shone from her eyes at mention of her Alpha as they met mine.

Praying this wouldn't end in a physical brawl with the temperamental werewolf I pressed. "Yeah."

Leah shrugged, indifferent, her large hand gripping the railing in front of us tightly. She must be over six feet and next to her I felt so small.

"What's it matter to you bloodsucker? Want to invite them over?" There was a menace and edge to her voice and her fingers flexed on the wood, as if to remind me she could make good.

I frowned, forcing my own anger back. "I just wanted to make sure they had nothing to do with the animal killings."

Leah froze, her breath escaping like a heavy cloud against the frozen air. "You're one to talk…" She shook her head and leaned back to stand her full height and turned to me. The coldness in her eyes made me want to curl within myself so tightly I was invisible. "But just so you know, the leeches haven't bitten anyone…yet. You should use your own _gifts_ to help us out instead of letting us do your dirty work." She sneered slightly, her eyes hardened, troubled. "We don't know who's picking off the forest yet…"

She frowned and I hesitated. Sam had gone mad after Emily…

I bore up my courage, knowing Leah was going to murder me. "What about Sam?"

Harsh lines sprang about her face, weary from the pressures, the strain of this life evident as her rage. She began to tremble as she choked out, "_What about _Sam?"

She took a step towards me and I forced my legs to remain grounded.

"You think _he _had something to do with this? God! You fucking bitch! You leave Jacob broken, lie to Charlie and come waltzing back expecting everyone to bend over backwards for you? And why? Oh cause your _Bella_ fucking _Swan! _Prodigal daughter, leech lover and bitch whore!"

I held my hands up, fearful of what damage a werewolf could do to a half Vampire, terrified Charlie might be hearing what I could not bare to tell him. "Leah I-I'm sorry." I stuttered only a moment before the memories came rushing back in.

"_Bells if you **fucking** go to him now I swear to God, I won't wait around for the next time you change your mind!"_

_Renee's bruised and bloody form was splayed, lifeless upon and about me. A constant scream that had begun deep in my soul raged within my mind, constant and unable to escape my lips. _

_I stared numb when the fire entered my veins as he drained my blood. Fire waged war within me; I could not scream the pain was too great. I longed for death's kiss, waited desperately for numbness, the end… _

_Edward's voice rose in volume, his fingers bruising my skin and I lashed out reflexively. I screamed as the wall, the shield I had created between us expanded and threw him hard against the now tattered bed..._

I bit back a cry as the shield came unbidden, a living, vibrating thing between me and the female werewolf who was threatening, menacing over me. I felt my veins burn, the beast that rested so deeply buried in my soul waging war, eager to come out, to fight back, to _rip_ and _drain_, to **kill**. I pressed my fingernails into my palms, frustrated when the effort was not enough to break skin.

Leah's eyes were wide, taking in the translucent shield between us and she stepped back, the wolf backing down, though I could still see the fury in her eyes.

I wondered later if her shock came from my shield or the fact I was fighting back.

I pushed the shield forward, unable to reign it in once it was loose, even as I desperately tried to draw it back tightly into me. I fought to control my indignation as I spoke, "You don't know _shit_. Do you think I asked for this? I _wanted_ to be human! They _murdered _my mother Leah!" I bit my lip as tears clouded my vision and the shield expanded, pressing her with invisible weight and suddenly my mind was clear with sorrow. I grasped at my chest, gasped for air, shut my eyes and saw Jacob's obsidian eyes burning into mine with love, felt his arms wrap, hands caress and hold.

When I opened my eyes Leah was looking at me strangely. I blinked. "I'm sorry…I-I know I deserved that."

Leah's eyes hardened. "No."

No? As I blinked back the images blaring in my mind she offered me a sad smile. The closest thing to a smile I had ever seen on her face.

"Shit Bella…I didn't know. And…" she glanced towards the forest. The moon peeked through the clouds, painted her harsh features in a softer glow. "You're more of an idiot than I thought if you forgot who's Queen Bitch around here." She glanced at the silent trees. Silence stretched on, heavy with the anger still lying thick in the autumnal chill, burning. Her words were so uncharacteristically soft and small, I turned in surprise when she said, "Why did you leave him Bella?"

I glared at the smooth pallor of the perfect silvery and unattainable moon. "Would you have left Sam if you knew?"

Leah held my gaze, her own pained with an agony she repressed by bitterness and hatred. "Knew?"

"That one day he'd find Emily?"

Leah's mouth gaped slightly before pressing her full lips together. "I-I don't know…" She frowned, troubled and the tension between us eased.

Both our eyes returned to the wilderness marked before us, as the clouds covered the land in shadow once more and the lone cry of a wolf sounded in the distance. Leah turned to meet my eye once more as she grabbed the railing and flung herself over the edge, landing with ease and loping the short length of the yard into the trees.

A shadow moved along the edge of the wood. A pair of obsidian eyes burned into mine as Jacob's perfect form stepped from the trees and onto the grass. Wind blew his scent to me even as it twisted back, carried ashes, pine, _home_… The hard lines of his face, the scars that marked his chest, long mark along the edge of his face, seemed to ease against the shadowed night.

My heart pounded, soul and core ached and my hands grasped at my chest as the hole swelled, then began to fill with his heat, though the earth separated us.

His fists clenched at his sides, his expression twisted, the shadows deepening beneath his brow as his eyes flashed.

I blinked when he turned and rushed into the trees, sinew popping, skin bursting to unleash the large russet wolf that howled into the wood and called his brothers to the night.


	16. Reflect

**Chapter 16**

**Reflect**

* * *

Time slipped through my fingers as it often did since my death. For someone like me, someone who had forever, this curse was a punishment. Life had no significance outside of Forks anymore, beyond the people within it. How ironic that the one thing I had longed for most was now my greatest fear and sorrow.

One day I would be forced to leave, because I would never age, would never have marry and have children and grandchildren. Charlie would die without me, simply because he could never know the dangerous truth. Jacob would find his imprint and live and die for her. I knew he had no desire to live forever, though the Shape-shifters could if they continued to phase. One day, no matter what I told myself to feel better or forget about it, I would be forced to move on, _alone._

Chocolate eyes, dark and large against the features of my face, fanned from their black iris into rusted scarlet. The dark lashes framed them perfectly, set within a heart shaped face and full rose lips I would have willingly scraped raw if I could…

Mine was the face of a predator, a killer, yet not quite perfect. My fair skin captured a light golden glimmer in the sunlight splaying through the glass windows, casting my reflection luminous. My loose waist length curls hung perfectly over my toned form, features I despised even more now.

"Oh, I'm so sorry!" The soft voice drew my eyes down to the figure hunched over the silken snow white fabric pooling at my feet. Blue eyes masked by thick rimmed glasses met mine apologetically then frowned when she held up the bent pin. "Oh, I must not have poked you after all. This one's already bent…" Her fingers fumbled with the tape, the pins stuck to the cushion at her feet.

I couldn't help but smile. People believed what they wanted, to the point they lied to themselves to convince their minds other than what their eyes have seen.

.I glanced up at the fluorescent-lit mirrors to find Leah's dark eyes and her accompanying smirk. Another hunched figure crouched at the strikingly beautiful and tall werewolf, pinning at the black bodice bunched at her waist. Leah winced and grimaced, shifted in effort to keep still.

"You feel so warm! You might ought to check to make sure you don't have a fever," the lady murmured against the pins in her mouth. Now was my turn to smirk back at Leah's reflection. She rolled her eyes and huffed a sigh of frustration.

"Leah, honey, please try to be patient. It won't take much longer." Sue looked gorgeous in her pearl white wedding gown. It made her cherry-wood skin shine golden and her long black hair seem darker.

I smiled faintly as Leah grunted and said, "_Hmph_… That's what you said an hour ago."

"Twenty minutes," I countered in a soft voice.

Leah glared at me, but the hatred was gone forever from her eyes in these past weeks since the night I almost lost control with her.

Instead, her dark orbs generally reflected tolerated frustration, as they did now.

"Shut up," she said.

"Girls…" Sue warned in spite of the grin lifting her mouth into a smile.

As my eyed returned to face the killer staring silently back at me through the mirror my smile fell. I had protested standing with Leah before the tribe and any of the Forks crowd who cared to come. It was supposed to be Sue's day and I wanted all eyes to be drawn to _her_ instead of the false vampiric beauty beside her. Sue had laughed at my excuses of course. And glancing back at my future stepmother's reflection I forgot my brooding thoughts.

The wolf charm rested against my wrist as though it had always been there. I had in fact worn it constantly these past three weeks. The small piece of wood brought me more comfort than any of the drabble I'd continued to write in Edward's gift.

I hadn't seen Jacob Black since that surreal night he stepped from the woods at the Clearwater's, only to disappear.

The entire pack had been scarce the last two bonfires Charlie and I had been invited to, often void of all save Seth and occasionally Quil or Embry. None of the wolf girls had given me any answers, though Rachel's bright eyes gleamed when she said, "_Don't worry V. He's usually not too far away._"

It surprised me when I realized the werewolf I missed the most was Seth. My new favorite werewolf had been constant, a link to reminding me the reasons I came back home and without him I felt lost.

In the emptiness of monotonous days I spent writing, helping Sue and Charlie any way I could, cleaning the house over and over until it practically glowed, I began to miss the Cullens…

I missed my talks with Carlisle in his study about his long life, Esme pouring over her latest sketches and plans as she taught me how to hold the pencil just right over the paper so my drawings didn't resemble scribbles. I missed Emmett's hunting lessons and video game or wrestling matches. Yet what surprised me most of all, was that I missed my long walks with Rosalie through town or the woods as we picked out the right photo shot. Past the anger and bitterness that sometimes swept over me when I was alone with my thoughts, I even missed Alice and Jasper. And yes, I missed Edward. I began to wonder if I had overreacted after learning he and Alice tried to change my blank future. Was it really so selfish of them to want me in their lives forever?

"Miss, you really need to stand still or I'll poke you."

Leah huffed and scowled at the woman's words and I grinned. The look she gave me was clear. Why had I pulled my Cullen connections to put her through this kind of torture? Rosalie had apparently more contacts than Alice when it came to weddings. Which made since knowing she and Emmett married at least once every ten years.

"Have you talked to Sam today honey?" Sue asked.

Leah met my eye once again and I offered her a halfhearted grin. I knew Sue was asking for the Council as much as she was asking over her own worry for her conflicted daughter.

Was Sam healed? Was he well enough to finally fulfilling his duties as Beta in the pack? Last time Sue asked Leah admitted he had finally phased back. That week we rarely saw her. Sue mentioned in passing she was helping Sam readjust to being human.

"Yeah he called earlier…" Leah finally admitted.

Sue and I exchanged open grins and Leah's face twisted into a permanent scowl.

"_What_?"

"Nothing honey." Sue couldn't stop grinning.

Leah groaned, rolling her eyes. "Seriously mom this has to stop."

"So stop," I whispered, so low only a shifter could hear and Leah's eyes bored into mine in warning, fists clenching.

"Will you two wipe those stupid grins off your faces?!" Leah growled, "I'm just helping him out like I was told to. It's nothing!" The last she directed toward an unphased Sue. I was amazed how little seemed to affect the older woman. Sadly I thought of Renee who would have surly lost her temper at that point.

A loud honk assailed our ears past the glass of the dress shop. Leah jumped and was already tearing the silken garments from her body to the angry protests of the dressmaker. "Fuck off!" She growled when the woman's hands buzzed over her afraid she would rip the delicate fabric in two.

"Leah!" Sue reprimanded. "Where are you going?"

Leah turned round as she threw on her discarded shirt and shorts over her bra and panties. "Out." Her expression softened. "Sorry mom, promise I'll be home in a couple days."

Sue grinned and both of us turned as a giant man opened the door to the shop, the feminine bells chiming. Leah darted back round to face him, stiffening.

I stared openly at Sam Ulley. The first time I had seen him since I had come back to Forks. He looked older, darker than before, his black hair still cropped short and wild, his eyes boring into Leah's, his muscles tensing beneath the gray t-shirt and cut off shorts he wore. I watched fascinated as Leah made an effort to walk casually past him, pushing him slightly aside as she darted to the truck parked unevenly against the edge of the street.

Sam's eyes remained glued, heated on her form, the tension between them a visible living thing and my breath caught in my throat at the obvious love shining from his eyes. Most definitely not _nothing_.

The truck peeled against the asphalt and echoed down the street to my sensitive ears.

"So sorry about that. My daughter has little patience." Sue was soothing the still nervous dressmaker. Her eyes met mine across the room and she smiled.

"Do you think Leah knows?" I asked.

Sue looked thoughtful. "No, I don't think just yet."

"How will everyone take this?" I referred to the pack as much as the Council and Elders.

Sue smiled. "We've been expecting it for some time actually." She opened her mouth to say more before glancing down at the women helping us out of our dresses and her eyes met mine full with meaning.

It was twilight by the time we left the shop, walking together downtown towards our cars. We'd met hours earlier to get the last details of the wedding coordinated. One month before Charlie and I were adopted into the Quileute tribe I thought with a ghosts smile. Sue was truly amazing…

"You knew Sam would fall in love with her again?" I asked Sue, free from prying ears. The whisper of winter's first snow loomed in the air like the heavy scent of rain to my nose. I cringed at the chill, wrapping my heavy coat around my chest.

Sue's breath came in thick puffs against the air, lighter than the wolves, but far thicker than my own. "Sam never stopped loving Leah, Bella."

My eyes widened. "But, Emily? She was his soul mate…"

"Maybe…"

My eyes darted to hers.

"Maybe imprinting has more to do with preserving the species than true love."

"But Sam…" I began, thinking of all the things the former Alpha had said to his pack, to Jacob about imprinting.

Sue frowned. "I don't have all the answers Bella…but I do believe we choose who we love. And nothing can erase that bond completely." Her eyes were sad. I knew she was talking about Harry as much as Leah and Sam.

I linked my arm through hers, comforted by her warmth. "Everything going alright on the Res? I really miss Seth."

Sue squeezed my arm. "He misses you too Bella." The warmth in her eyes faded, her expression troubled. "I wish I could tell you what's been keeping our boys away so much. But we promised Jacob we would trust him with this. He is Alpha, Bella. In a way he's the closest thing to a Chief we have now. We have to trust his judgment now." Silence filled the space between us and then she asked, "Will you come up with Charlie tonight?"

There was another bonfire tonight. I wondered if the pack would be there…and Jacob. "I don't know."

Sue squeezed my arm again. "Oh none of that honey. You're coming and that settles things!" Her smile faded. "You know you can't keep running, any more than he can. Eventually you two are going to have to work through this. Especially if you're going to be living in Forks."

My eyes widened, surprise unhidden in my face. "I-I'm just here for the wedding, Sue. I never said I was staying."

A pained expression crossed her features, but it was smoothed over quickly so I wondered if my new eyes weren't so perfect after all. "I really hope you stay Bella. It would mean so much to me and Charlie, and Seth… I think we all need you more than you know."

* * *

The sky twisted, snake like clouds wreathing together against the ever blackened heavens. Deep purple consumed a color for which I knew no name and meshed against the horizon, giving way to a starless sky. The road was bare and the first snow flurries danced before my vision, magnified with my sensitive eyes so I could see each perfect flake. It was beautiful and I felt warm despite my half frozen body and the cold ever reaching from outside. The warmth I felt was hope, I realized.

No cars marked the highway tonight, marking the wilderness between Port Angeles and Forks. I smiled remembering Sue's words. It felt good to be needed this way, instead of the silent desperation Edward clung to me. He had needed me to survive, as he so often said. Sue always reminded me that they needed me simply for _me_.

Could I actually stay? Make a new life for myself apart from the endless night and winter of Alaska, of the Vampire family who waited for my return. Perhaps one day I would return to them. The thought jarred and pained me as I remembered my earlier musings. Eventually the town would notice Bella Swan looked nineteen even though she was supposed to be two decades older, three decades maybe… Eventually people would ask questions, the people I knew and loved, who loved me, would fade. Grow old, wrinkle, bear grandchildren, great-grandchildren. They would die. My body would remain frozen, half human but never aging.

I gasped as the almost forgotten ache made itself known in my chest, the hole long ago punched through by Edward, thickened and cavernous by leaving Jacob, by losing Renee…

My hands were clutching the steering wheel, until I felt the underlying metal twist and a sob escaped my lips, tears unshed. I blinked against them and opened my eyes to see the dark figure standing immobile in front of my headlights.

I gasped, turned on my brights, honked my horn with vampiric speed and still the cloaked figure did nothing.

A horrid feeling, cold and creeping on the fringe of my conscious began to sweep inside me and I cried out as I turned my wheel just in time.

The car jolted, shook and tumbled as I landed deep into the ditch, stopping in time to avoid the trees mere inches in front of my brights. I froze, gasping for breath to calm my quickening heart.

Trembling I unlatched my fingers from the dented wheel, turned off my lights and the engine. I opened my door and shut it, the clash echoing in my ears a hundred times louder than it should.

My eyes darted about the black forest, the light flurries swirling against my vision. I held my breath, turning to face the road. Had I hit the man after all? I couldn't see anything on the highway above, only blackness and the eerie feeling spread deeper into my bones, familiar and terrible.

_Run…_ My conscience whispered.

_RUN! _

I darted through the trees, deeper into the forest, relying on my other senses to see through the pitch. I could only hear my breath, the resounding thud of my heart beating in my chest. My mind drew back to another night of terror, the night that changed my life forever…

"_RUN! Run baby!" She was shouting. _

_I ran faster, tears blurring the city lights that still seemed too far away. __My heart thudded with each painful leap upon the uneven ground. I gasped desperately for air, and ran faster when I could breath no longer._

I cried out when two vice like hands, frozen marble grasped my shoulders. They threw me hard against a nearby tree, the wood cracking against my form, molding to my softer body. Pain stabbed through my entire being and I scrambled to my feet desperately.

Yet the hands had already returned, the dark figure cruel and merciless as his hands touched my skin. I shuddered as pain spread through my limbs and along the edges of my nerves. My skin seemed to crack, harden…

I wasn't going to live past this night, I realized with a jarring shock that quieted my panic. I wouldn't get to see Charlie and Sue get married, or Leah and Sam finally reunite. I wasn't going to see the children the pack had together before that horrid day when I must leave them forever.

Only then, when it was almost too late did I remembered fury. The shield in my mind took on corporeal form and pushed past, forcing death's incarnation into the air and into the forest. Trees crashed and bark smashed into powdered bits as he fell through bracken and wood.

I turned to face my attacker and nearly sighed to see he was already standing up again. Yet it wasn't my attacker that set my nerves on edge and my fear wild and made me scream. It as the two cold hands that snaked from behind me and grabbed my waist.

"Shh…" Came a deep velvet voice from behind me, against my ear, raspy and hollow as it was seductive.

The scream faded from my lips, not because of any power he held, because I realized there were other shadowed and cloaked figures standing among the trees. Their scent was unmistakable. The sickeningly sweet aura of _Vampire. _

Yet the scent of the figure behind me was deeper, _older_ almost. It was the scent of a tomb, of ruins, stone, and fear.

I shut my eyes, willing this to be a dream.

"_Sigh…_ At last you have left the company of those putrid _dogs_…"

The voice was heavily accented, yet I could not place it.

The shadows loomed nearer, my former attacker righting himself and I gasped when I recognized the face. _Felix_…Volturi? I did not recognize the other faces surrounding me, or the voice rasping against my ear.

"So long I have waited, my Isabella… I thought one taste of your blood was enough." His hand moved along the open collar of my neck, trailed to my jaw and back to settle over my breast.

I shivered.

"So exquisite… you are a remarkable woman Isabella…able to ward off the change... I almost didn't believe it until Lara confirmed the rumors. And I am afraid, my dear, I cannot let you go now that I have you." He chuckled low and I gasped as he turned me round to face him, pressing me against his hard body. Tears formed unbidden. I struggled to create my shield, to let it loose against him, but fear imprisoned me. His skin was _translucent_ nearly in its paleness, more so than even Aro and the elder Volturi who seemed more an apparition of nightmare than reality. His eyes were almost black rather than the bold red of the ancient Volturi elders. His long hair was tied back against robes of a far older style.

This was the creature that had murdered Renee, I realized…the creature that stole my life!

Fury boiled deep within my chest, rose and coupled with hatred, filled my mind and eyes until I could only see blood. The beast roared inside me, willing to be released. I saw Renee in my mind's eye, bloody and lifeless in my arms once again and a violent roar unleashed from my lips, foreign to my ears as I struggled in my creator's grasp. He chuckled; his arms immobile as I surrendered to the beast.

My shield came faster now in rippling waves, pressing against the ancient Vampire before me, spread a circle round us and blew with a rapid force against the groaning trees. The Vampires that had surrounded us were knocked off their feet, emmitting pained, inhuman screeches. I escaped my killer's frozen hands, heard the roars behind me, his cries.

My legs were moving then, faster, further…Snow fell thicker, obscuring my vision.

I roared as hands grasped me from behind once more. I turned, lashed back with my hands, and twisted my limbs in ways I had learned from Jasper long before. Now I only wanted to destroy, to satiate the monster roaring in my chest. Only distantly did I hear the snap and crash as I threw one shadow against the trees. Other hands replaced his. I screamed as hands twisted my arms, bruised, hit, threw me back against the thorns.

I smelled blood, saw black orbs desperately fighting to leap upon me, drain me of what little left of me remained human.

And the pain was too great, my arms and legs so heavy…I was so tired and wanted to sleep and forget this nightmare. I shut my eyes.

The roar I heard next was different, deeper and primal and deafening to my ears. The crunch and howls that followed were terrifying and I shuddered as I struggled to lift my lids. Parts of crystallized flesh were flying through the air about the giant Shape-shifter. It attacked the Vampires with unconstrained madness, fury rivaling my own. And then the image faded. Other figures returned, fur replaced by dark skin and hulking figures in the night. I could smell the flames, the smoke rise up in the sky the stench of burning marble flesh.

Time slipped through my fingers, sped past my eyes as it would, for one like me, a half blood, an immortal…

The hands were tender and strong, the obsidian orbs tortured while the deep voice cried out in horror, agony, anger and the wind whipped past me as I was carried from the woods in his arms.

The russet face became clearer against false lights as his hands fluttered over me.

"Bella…" he cried as tears fell from his eyes and onto my face.

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**Review: If you don't hate me lol. Sorry to leave it on a cliffhanger. But I'll update soon!**

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**Now we sort of know who the Vampires are, but who are they really? You'll have to wait to find out because this next chapter is going to answer a lot of y'alls' frustrations about our favorite couple… :)**


	17. Heal

**Thanks so much to everyone for your reviews! There's too many to thank at once lol.**

**Disclaimer: Steph Meyer Inc.**

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**Chapter 17**

**Heal**

The dream passed. I would push it in deeply, push it until the darkness didn't exist any more. Half alive, I believed that in death I could be whole at last. Lingering traces of pine, heat, smoke and ashes met each breath.

I grimaced as I smiled and the effort was pain. My mind wandered, yearned to return to the peace of sleep's embrace… A memory I had not recalled before glared in brilliant colors too vast to name…

Plunged deep into the dreamlike memory I felt lifeless once more, my heart frozen…

_Time slipped through my fingers, sped past my eyes as it would, for one like me, a half blood, an immortal…_

_The hands were tender and strong, the obsidian orbs tortured while the deep voice cried out in horror, agony, anger and the wind whipped past me as I was carried from the woods in his arms._

_The russet face became clearer against false lights as his hands fluttered over me._

_"Bella…" he cried as tears fell from his eyes and onto my face._

"Bella?" a broken man's voice begged me to return, whispered roughly against my ear.

_Charlie?_

I felt a calloused hand and the strength withheld in its caress as it gently smoothed over my brow. I moved my hands, to rub away the lingering traces of agony left over from my memories dream. And pain so piercing drowned me in its grip that it took all the waning strength in my chest to keep from screaming. Tears filled my eyes.

The attack and my close brush with death, the Vampires that tried to entrap me and their defeat, it hadn't been a dream.

"Bells?" the voice called to me again, deeper, husky and so strange and familiar at once.

_Not Charlie._

My heart beat faster, racing to catch up to its former human pace, skin tingling with awareness and the heat in my core flushed with desire. The gaping hole in my chest throbbed with hope and despair simultaneously, so violently I knew instantly who was shedding the tears leaking onto my cheeks. Gasping, I pushed past the pain and cracked open my eyes.

Tears spilled over my eyelids and in the shadows of the dimly lit room, a russet toned face moved from the darkness and into the soft lamplight.

_Jake._

I saw the events of the night before with a clarity that comes with the dawn. Ancient eyes, hands so cold and familiar and terrifying grasping at my waist, my neck… Volturi and Vampires I had never seen before in my life, burning in a heap by the werewolves who saved my life. How had they known? How had he known to come just in time? Why was I lying here and not at Sue's? How messed up was I this time and had they called Carlisle? Had they killed the rest?

A chill trickled up my spine at the thought. Somehow I knew instinctively they couldn't have caught the eldest, the Vampire who seemed even older than Aro…

My eyes flickered back to Jacob. The scar along his face was less prominent when veiled by shadow, the lines about this forehead furrowed now in concentration. I barely felt the cloth he brought over my arms, my face. The heat of his hands nearly burned beneath the washrag.

"Looks like you may have broken a few things…"

I nearly jumped at the sound of his voice as he frowned over the wounds I hadn't dared look at.

"Can't really tell since I'm not a _Vampire_ expert."

It was the first time I could remember Jacob calling Cold Ones anything other than bloodsuckers or leeches…

A twisted smile lifted the corner of his mouth, bitterly sardonic and one I had never seen before. "Course it doesn't help that you're not exactly one of them either. I didn't wanna call the Doc and have _Cullen_ freak. Last thing we need is any of _them_ around." He growled out the last.

Tension once more lay thick between us. He didn't need to say more, with the elephant in the room with us. I left him_ twice_. The first time to save Edward's life, even as he begged me not to go. The second had been because of fear. Jacob didn't beg me to stay the second time.

I glanced at Jake's hands, watched them trembling as he placed the cloth back into a nearby bowl.

"Where are we?" The effort it took to speak surprised me, as though a heavy weight kept the words locked in my chest.

Jake's black eyes softened as they met mine. Gone was the agony and hatred from before, replaced now with a muted pain. I wondered if it was because of me, because I broke him.

"My apartment's above the shop. Sorry, but I lied to Charlie. Told him we ran into each other when you were on the way to the bonfire last night." His smirk didn't quite reach his emotionally vacant eyes. "Said you might spend a few days with me. He didn't object."

I rolled my eyes and rested back against the soft pillow.

_Typical Charlie._

"Your shop?" I asked, suddenly recalling the first part of his fabricated story. Had he shut it down because of me? A flare of my old stubbornness rose, opposed to putting anyone's life on hold and I shifted awkwardly against the sheets. I tensed when Jacob rested a burning hand over mine, stilling my movements.

"Embry is taking the main load for now. Rachel handles most of the office work. Colin, Brady and Seth will be there to help him out. It's okay, we're used to working around our schedules." His grin darkened and I knew he was talking about the constant werewolf patrols.

I turned my head and realized there was no window in this darkened room. The outside world seemed to be muffled past its walls and I wonder if this was because Jacob did something to them to better sleep. I could still hear the wind howl overhead and knew winter was beginning to settle in at last.

As I twisted about to face him again I realized Jacob's hand was still resting comfortably over mine, like the countless times he had before. He moved his chair closer to the edge of the bed and that was when I felt the searing pain, burning and freezing at once along my side. This time I hissed, barely muffling a cry and Jacob's hand gripped mine firmly.

"Bella? What is it?"

I tucked my chin to peer down past the long T-shirt half hidden beneath the covers, slid my hand from his grasp and pulled up the edge of the black fabric to see a long and deep gash beginning just below my breast and trailing to my hipbone. A pale oozing liquid mixed with blood began to seep.

_Venom_.

This was not good.

"_Shit_…" Jacob hissed at the mess and pounded across the room in several easy strides, returning with bandages. "I just removed the old dressing a few minutes ago. Thought the bleeding finally stopped… Hang on Bells this is going to hurt." He moved to dress my wound but my hand stopped him.

Carlisle had told me enough about Vampire anatomy. It was different from werewolves and humans. Since I was half-human, a hybrid, he told me he wasn't sure how I would heal. But there was venom in my saliva, strong in my body though comparatively weak in a full Vampire. It would have to be enough.

Jake's eyes flashed. "Bells I have to dress this. We tried sewing you up earlier but the needle kept breaking."

I shook my head, wincing as every movement brought pain. "**No**." I ground out. "You have to help me."

His brow furrowed and the light met his scar, reminding me this was not the Jacob I had left. I knew he had seen worse, but I knew he hadn't seen anything like this.

After a long moment he replied, "What do you need?" He tossed the bandages aside, grasping my hand firmly in his, his eyes fierce.

Gritting my teeth I worked up saliva and placed it on my fingertips. My half-human skin still tingled at the touch and for the first time I sought to bring out the monster buried within me, willed the fatal liquid to fill my mouth, deadening my skin. "_Hold me down_…" I gasped.

Without thought I pressed the venom to the gash below my breast and with vampiric speed, continued to place it along the wound. I screamed while tears clouded my vision.

Jacob's arms were around me, grasping my shoulders even as I bucked and struggled to set free. The other wounds inside screamed at me and I fought for control. My vision spotted black. I felt the heat all around me. My side was lit aflame. '

Jacob's fingertips were grazing over my face. When I began to toss and turn it was his hands holding my arms down so tightly his own bulged against the effort and I shuddered in the aftermath of pain.

And then there was only his voice whispering soothingly, though I couldn't make out his words. I wanted rest, wanted to forget, wanted this to be a dream. But I was terrified to wake up if it meant I would no longer be in his arms.

Time slipped through Jacob's words, weaved and bound them together until at last I could understand and the first wave of pain dissipated. "Shh…it's okay Bells. You're okay honey…"

The tears came unexpectedly and I blinked past them. His eyes were pained at the sight of them and guarded, even as fear flashed through them along with a flurry of emotion I had trouble keeping up with.

My lids felt so heavy…

I needed sleep to heal now. Thank God I was human enough…I thought distantly. The heat was soothing, his eyes relaxing and his grip loosened as he sat back.

Panic filled me at the thought of him leaving.

I grasped for his hand again, my eyes open wide. "Please!" My voice cracked and an indiscernible expression crossed Jacob's beautiful features at my plea.

At last he whispered, "I won't."

I sighed as sleep claimed me.

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"Here, Sue brought these for whenever she's well enough to get out of your nasty old t-shirts." Rachel's voice was soft, laced with sarcasm.

Jacob grunted.

"You sure you don't want to trade shifts?" Rachel asked her little brother with a side glance for me. "It's been two days. Don't you need to go looking for the asshole who did this to her?"

"We already burned most of them. And Sam's looking after the pack okay. Leah's keeping an eye on him."

"Whatever you say Jakie-pooh. My shift ended five minutes ago so I'm out. We know how Paul is without food."

Jacob grunted again, though this time it sounded more like an amused chuckle, "Thanks Rach."

"See ya little bro."

Below us I heard the near distant shouts of Embry to Seth in the garage below, the laughter of Colin and Brady. Above came the pounding of heavy sleet and ice hitting the roof. It was a miracle I had been able to sleep at all.

The past two days I had dreamed. Nightmares really, plunging me into a pool of endless night before Jacob pulled me back to life. Almost every time I woke he was there, feeding me broth with an amused glint to his eyes that told me he was thinking the same thing too.

Years ago, only yesterday it seemed, I had been the one at his bedside, spooning feeding him like an infant. Seeing the giant, muscled form of Jacob Black lifting a relatively tiny spoon from an equally tiny bowl was enough to make me laugh. Or it would have been if the pain weren't so blinding.

The pack was still hunting. One morning it was Seth who was waiting for me to waken with sad eyes and a worry lined face. Jacob led the search for an entire night only to return home empty-handed, once more a hardened shell of the boy I had loved. Was he still the same underneath, I wondered?

I listened to Rachel's descent over the steep stairwell.

When I opened my eyes at last he was beside me, hand draped over mine, worry lining his brow as it had every time I woke from the dreams. Glancing about the large bedroom, I saw with a clarity that had escaped me the last few days, fine tiny detail belonging to eyes no longer simply human but sharper, richer. I could make out the smell of old wood marking the tall dresser on the opposite side of the room near the door, the pile of tattered shorts and discarded T-shirts that contained his scent. An old desk sat nearby with a table lamp leaning over it and littered with papers. A shelf with DVD's, books, random odds and ends and a stereo completed the extent of his possessions.

I smiled faintly at the sights that had begun to be familiar to my eyes. I knew I would memorize every detail long before I was forced from his life once more. Sorrow clouded my emotions like an old wet blanket as I wondered how I could return to a life without Jacob, without my own personal sun.

The leftover pain from my attack had faded from a garish roar to a low hum within my chest. Had it already been two days?

Jacob pulled the black T-shirt from his chest, his muscles rippling and shining golden in the low light. He sighed as the constricting fabric was removed. I struggled to breath at the sight, unable to take my eyes from him, and urged myself to meet his gaze as he lifted his head to meet mine.

"How do you feel?" His voice was deep, guarded, his eyes fathomless.

"Alright I guess." My voice was hoarse from disuse, or perhaps screaming. I frowned. "Did I talk in my sleep?"

His eyes flashed and the corners of his mouth turned up in an easy grin. "Yeah, you did."

"Anything I should apologize for?"

Jacob pursed his lips, muffling the grin that made his face twitch. "Oh it wasn't so much what you _said_…"

I narrowed my eyes, grinning with the hope and fear this moment felt so much like all my conversations with _my_ Jacob. "You gonna blackmail me now?"

His features pulled into his permanent scowl then. "Unless you do exactly as I say…" The corners of his mouth twitched. I would have punched him if I could.

"What did you have in mind?"

His eyes gleamed in the lamplight, clouded over with a look I remembered all too well and struggled to blame on my imagination. There was no possible way he would look at me that way now.

"Well this added to the fact you owe me for saving your life…_again_…"

My mouth opened slightly before I pressed my lips together stubbornly. Where was the hatred, the disgust I knew he had felt in my presence before?

Jake's forehead creased as he leaned over on his knees, his thumb circling over my palm and shooting waves of electricity up my arm and into my half dead limbs. "What is it?" he interrupted his own game. The hard edge, ever alert and aware tension never left, but his eyes were so soft now, concerned.

My heart broke as I whispered, "Nothing…"

"Bella," he warned, his brow suddenly ensconced in shadow. When I didn't answer his mouth set back into a hard line. "Maybe we should check your dressings again." He sat up and pulled the sheets back to just above my waist. I knew I was naked underneath and faintly wondered who had torn off my ruined clothes.

In my mind I remembered his unscarred russet toned face, his eyes innocent and already too burdened for his sixteen years as he said, "_I'm **begging** you…_"

I winced as he lifted the shirt carefully over my wound and began to peel back the bandages.

"Skin still looks tender," he said. His hand faintly brushed over the wound and I hissed. I felt Jacob's fingers, the heat that pulsated from beneath his skin burning into mine so I was bathed in flame. "Sorry…" He whispered lowly before applying new dressing.

I bit my lip to ward away the pain and tears. "Jake?"

"Yeah?"

My voice trembled as I finally asked, "Why are you helping me?"

His hands stilled, tensed over my side. He turned me to rest on my back again and his eyes were hot as his skin as the sudden fury smoldering like black coals in his orbs.

His voice was weary, strained. "What are you saying?"

I rushed on then, conscious of the dull pain in my chest growing, the hole I had lived with longer than I should have pulling until the ache consumed me.

"Why didn't you let them finish me?!" the words escaped me, exploded from my conscience.

Sobs racked my small frame. I hated myself for ruining the only joy I had found after so many months of sorrow. I hated myself for torturing him further even now.

Jacob froze, his brow darkening. "Are you really that selfish? Have you thought about what it would do to Charlie or Sue? Even your precious _Cullens_ would be upset enough to act _human_ Bella…" He began to shudder, and I knew he was very close to phasing.

"But I'm a Vampire, Jake. What kind of life can I live when I'm already dead?" The fact I knew I was still just barely human did not dull the mild hysteria.

Jacob's eyes darkened, warning.

"Even _you_ hate me," I continued. "Didn't you tell me once you're rather me be dead than one of _them_?"

His trembling hands grasped mine, even though I could hear the creak of his bones in effort to hold in place, could feel the threat of power ready to unleash at any second. His eyes burned. He lowered his dark head with a huff, tossing it up again with a growl and the trembling eased.

His eyes were shining in the lamplight contrasting to the fury of his furrowed features, the clenching of his jaw. "Bella…" he groaned out and I saw all the pain, the torture I had brought him these past two years…the loneliness.

Jacob's form was a blur when he moved next. The mattress creaked beneath me as he placed a fist on my other side of my form. His face was mere inches from mine, breath hot and dizzying above my face, on my mouth.

My lips parted, my breath rapid, and I moaned as his burning lips touched mine.

Jacob tensed above me as I froze, his full lips lightly caressing mine, hesitant, then gradually more insistent as I did not respond could not respond for fear this too was another dream.

_Yes! Please God, yes!_

"Bells…" he breathed as he shut his eyes and groaned.

My senses burned until I felt I would break, burst aflame.

When he lowered his mouth over mine more fully, I met his kiss with fervent desperation. I came alive and Jacob's kisses became more and more urgent. He groaned again as I lifted a hand to rest against his lower abdomen. He was gasping and pulled abruptly away with aware, lust filled eyes when my fingers trailed even lower.

Biting my lower lip against the pain of parting, I let my fingers trail over the many scars that lined his chest, felt the hard planes of muscle shudder under my touch. When I met his eyes again I felt heat flood my face.

His hand lifted to cup my cheek, a soft smile lighting his features. "You _are_ still human." His voice broke as he wiped the tears from my eyes.

When he moved to sit on the edge of the bed, pulling back to better face me I whimpered, desperate for his touch. His hands never left me.

"But you're also one of them…" His features twisted. "And can't forget that Bells, any more than I can forget _you_." His hands lifted from my face, my side, his eyes blurred by tears and his teeth blindingly white as he struggled to smile, to speak… "No matter what I _want_…" he said, choking back a sob, grasped for my hand, his body shuddering, trembling, "I can't forget who I am."

"Jake!" I cried out, sounding small and helpless as he pulled completely away. But it was already too late, I sensed.

His figure was a blur as he left the room, light of his presence gone as soon as it had come. I heard the popping and crushing of bone the instant he reached the woods behind the garage, the tear of skin, and the howl on the night wind.

I struggled for air, grasped desperately at the hole in my chest.

The pounding of feet upon the stairs sounded below me and my favorite werewolf's soft amber eyes met mine through the shadowed doorway soon after. Without a word Seth's arms wrapped round me as he held me, until the dreams claimed me once again.


	18. Truth

**A/N: **_Welcome readers both new and old! Hope you continue to fall in love with Jacella!_

**Disclaimer: She may own the books, but I say we clone the werewolf so we each can own a copy ;)**

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**Chapter 18**

**Truth**

"Can't believe you got sick Bells. Been a while hasn't it?"

I didn't have to fake the weary tone of my voice as I tilted my cell slightly and answered, "Yeah…"

A pause followed on the other line before his voice began again. "Jacob taking care of you?"

I glanced at my silent protector now passed out with his head leaned over the side of the bed. "Yeah, he is."

"Don't need a doctor, do you kiddo?"

"No…I think it's just stomach virus. I'll be fine after some rest." He sighed and I nearly rolled my eyes at the obvious glee he was getting from this whole situation. In his world, this was like an answered prayer.

"Okay Bells." He paused and the voice of my soon to be step-mother whispered something into his ear, so softly not even I could catch it. He picked up soon after. "Oh, Sue wanted me to let you know she'd come by some time today. She's really missed your help with the wedding stuff."

I nearly laughed at Charlie's poorly veiled cry for help. The plans were beyond his comprehension, though he had been amusingly patient when Sue browsed magazines, content with whatever she chose. That was the final straw that made me finally give in and volunteer my services, to Sue's relief. Now that I was laid up, sounds like Charlie had found himself roped up in more taffeta-centric things than he could handle.

"Okay, sounds great," I said, pausing before adding in a rushed, "Love you dad."

"I love you too Bells," he said after another pause. Affection still didn't come easily to us, and we were about as emotionally complex as a couple of hermits. But after what happened with Renee, we had been making more of an effort. After he hung up I set my cell on the unsteady bedside table and sighed back into Jacob's covers.

My eyes roved over the empty room and back to the werewolf asleep at my side. Seth's unruly hair stuck about every which way, making my heart swell with warmth as I thought back to the past two nights he had spent taking Jacob's place. A creak upon the stairs met my ears and my eyes lifted to the open doorway in anticipation. Disappointment, a familiar friend, choked me when I saw it was empty.

Jacob hadn't been back since that night.

I couldn't blame him. I knew it more than possible he could forgive me for the past, even more so that we might become friends. But to pick up where we left off before?

I'd been holding my tongue the countless times I felt the urge to purge my thoughts to Seth. I knew he didn't need me to rehash anything. Seth was the one who had been locking up the shop downstairs during our argument. He had seen when Jacob tore off into the night before shredding his human skin. His werewolf ears would have heard every detail as clearly as my hybrid senses, if not better.

Seth didn't ask questions. Most often he simply sat in silence and held me. Thanks to him, I began to find the strength to sit up against the pillows, step across the carpet and into the small bathroom next door. Finally I had been able to take a shower the night before, though he averted his eyes from his nearby vigil, even as his russet skin burned beet red.

Sometimes he talked to me about the pack, the wedding and our new family, and Leah. She had been spending all her time with Sam again, something Seth had been used to _before_, but didn't know how to take now. Leah acted indifferently when he mentioned that fact, punching him before repeating the Alpha's strict orders to look after him.

"_Don't tell Leah I told you or she'll cut up all my shorts again!_" Seth had whispered to me only an hour before he crashed on the side of Jacob's bed.

Downstairs I could hear the clink of metal on metal, shouts from Embry, telling Colin and Brady to get their asses in gear, Rachel's low tone speaking with customers… The sounds and smells had become familiar, reminded me of the long hours Jake and I spent together in his garage with our bikes.

The sounds made me restless now, my limbs aching for the open forest, the flight and release of running. Mentally I cursed my half human body. A full Vampire wouldn't have taken nearly as long to heal. Perhaps Carlisle…

_No._

Jacob had been right not to contact them. If Edward caught even the faintest rumor on the wind I had been attacked or injured he would already be in Forks. And the last thing I needed was another reason for the tribe not to trust me.

Seth yawned, stretching his long limbs and then shaking his head so the black hair fell into his amber eyes. He met my gaze with a ready grin. "Hey. Sorry I fell asleep."

"It's okay. You have to sometime."

"Yeah, except I could sleep all day if you let me. Leah usually has to throw something at my head."

"That explains a lot," I told him seriously and he pouted only a moment before glancing about the room with a sigh.

"Man, Jake is boring! I should have thought to bring my X-Box up here at least."

"You could go get it if you want."

Seth's eyes flashed, the sudden heat of his gaze startling me. "No. I was told to stay here until his return." I winced and Seth's eyes softened, his hand reached out to grasp mine. It was not as big or rough as Jacob's, but still comforting. "Sorry," he offered.

I bit my lip self-consciously. "Have you…heard anything?"

Seth's expression drew into itself, wary. I gripped his hand back with as much strength as I could muster and grinned when he actually winced.

"He's out with Sam, Jared and Paul still."

I hadn't had the nerve to ask before so I held nothing back now. "Where did they go? Are they still looking for the Vampires?"

_Or whatever that creep was..._

Seth pursed his lips, jutting his chin slightly, his eyes glancing every so often towards the doorway. "Look, Bella. I wish I could tell you. But I'd get in trouble if I did." His eyes came back to rest firmly on mine, voice lowered. "They lost the scent near the Canadian border, so Sam called them back. Jacob was with you that time. The night he left here, he went to scout on his own but couldn't find anything."

I frowned and the relief I felt at his words refused to rest. I had lived with the threat of Victoria nearly a year of my life. I knew better than to believe any Vampire would willingly give up on something once their mind was already set.

"So why are they still hunting?" I ventured.

Seth's eyes clouded over. "You remember the animals Charlie and those hunters kept finding?" I nodded and Seth cast one last look at the dark hall before lowering his voice to a low whisper. "They found a dead body, a _human_ body, or what was left of it…just like the animals the cops found…" His head jerked up so suddenly then, I pressed back further against the pillows, tensed with fear. Turning his head I saw a stern mask replace the sweet face I had grown to depend on of late.

If not the Vampires then what could have done this to those people? Had the Vampires that stalked me found some way to mask their presence like Victoria? My heart raced at the memory of the cold hands about my waist, the deep blood red eyes and gnashing teeth, desperate to taste my half human blood.

Seth squeezed my hand then, his smile sad and yet reassuring.

"What?" I frowned, following his nervous glance towards the open hall once again.

"Everything's gonna be okay Bella. I promise we'll take care of you." He rose quickly, striding across the room and down the stairs to the shop below.

I stared at the dim twilight, playing against the shadows leaking through the open doorway from the window across the living room. When I shut my eyes I breathed in Jake's scent until it drained my senses, until it was as though I were wrapped in his arms again.

Two months ago I hadn't known what to expect when I came home. And only then did I understand how much I needed Jacob, that the choice I had made might have been right for him, but not me. Now I wondered, could I be selfish enough to want him again? Did I even deserve happiness after all I had done?

I frowned when the remaining sunlight was draped in shadow, the shroud covering me in a blanket only held back by a halo of lamplight. And suddenly, almost as if I had summoned him, he was there. My heart raced even as my eyes lifted to take in the beaten form that filled out the seemingly narrow space.

Jacob's chest heaved, as though he hadn't stopped running since the night he left. His chest was spattered with mud, the shorts on his legs in tatters and barely covering his skin. His close-cropped hair stuck up every which way over a worry lined brow and eyes so dark, so pained and weary, I felt my chest constrict. My hands gripped the blankets to keep from leaping out of bed and rushing to his side. Even the tension in my muscles made me throb with pain. It would only be a short day or two before I could move normally again. Yet it wasn't the ache in my broken body that held sway, rather the memory of his words.

"_No matter what I want, I can't forget who I am._"

His eyes roved my frame, his feet dragging over the carpet as he reached for a clean pair of shorts in the pile by his dresser. Turning, he left without a second glance and I then listened to the pound of water beating the shower wall.

I shut my eyes and listened to the erratic sound of Jacob's breathing. When I heard the quick jerking sobs emanating from his lips, my eyes popped open to stare at the empty doorway. And then there was only silence and the pound of water against his skin.

Metal groaned as the pipes closed off again. The glass shower door creaked open and Jacob moved so swiftly and silently, I blinked to find him reemerged and staring numbly at the floor by the bedside.

Rather than settle into his usual chair, he eased slowly to the other, vacant side of the bed. I could hear the distant drip of water escaping the shower head, the muddle of voices down below, the howling winter snows outside. Jake's heartbeat was fast and unsteady as mine was slow and struggling to catch up. His fresh woodsy scent wafted upon the air as he drew nearer, settled his knees upon the edge of the bed, the metal springs groaning beneath his weight. The bulk of his half naked form tensed and trembled faintly as my scent washed over him.

Eventually he managed to stretch out his frame upon the bed and slipped his arm behind my neck. I gasped lightly at the fire of his touch, my skin feverish as he drew me beside and on top of him, wrapped his other arm over my waist, careful of my most tender wound. Our legs somehow twisted together and his hot breath spread over my neck, ghosted down the loose folds of the shirt against my chest. I shuddered lightly as he buried his face against my neck and at last sighed, the tension fleeing his body completely.

We lay together until the last sounds of cars and voices faded into the distance, until even the lingering Seth, my faithful guardian, vanished and at last we were truly alone.

"I'm sorry…" he murmured against my neck, lips brushing the tender skin just above my pulse.

His arms tightened when I twisted slightly, designing to face him, to know his pain so I could take it away. I didn't care what he said the night before, or even his absence the past days. All I could think of was his arms wrapped about my waist, our bare tangled legs and arms still shrouded in another of his nightshirt-sized tee shirts. His heart rate slowed and I settled into his embrace at last, my heart truly content for the first time since I left him behind.

* * *

Jake groaned against my ear and I shuddered, blinking as my eyes quickly adjusted to the dark room. I realized first that this was not a dream and second that I was still in Jacob's arms. He had twisted me about to face him some time in the night. My chest was still sore from the awkward position, though I was surprised to find I could move almost normally again. I had noticed that I seemed to heal more quickly when Jacob was nearby.

My slight frame, suspended atop his chest, rose and fell with his every breath. My leg was draped between his, one hand wrapped over my waist, his fingers resting against my backside and the other strewn loosely on the place I had been resting the last five days.

I looked up the vast expanse of his upper chest and shoulders to his firm chin as he sighed, his hand tightening over me. I shut my eyes against the thrill of desire that burned through my blood. Using my hands to push further up his body, I gasped when a low moan resounded in his chest and bit my lip to feel him harden beneath the leg still draped between his.

The last thing I wanted now was distance, but I pulled away from his grasp, rolling to lay on his other hand. We had made progress last night. But had he only comforted me as an apology? We had always been overly affectionate, even as friends. The emotions I was so incapable of freely expressing to others had always been easy as breathing with him.

Jake's face twisted in his sleep and he turned, reaching for me immediately. I fought back a grin when the thick arm I lay on curled back, so I quickly found myself in the same position I'd started. Only now both my legs were forced to spread, straddling on either side of his waist. I bit back a fresh wave of desire from escaping my lips when the erection tenting his boxers brushed against my core.

Hissing low, my hands gripped the sheets and I lifted myself up with a groan of increasing frustration. This was not fair at all.

"Um, Jake?" I broke the loud silence. Frowning, I moved to pull away from him again, only to feel his hardness graze against me more deliberately and I gasped. My fist planted into his chest then as embarrassment heated my cheeks. I felt alive and on fire and he wasn't even awake yet. "Jake!" I shouted, impatient for him to wake up before he did something he regretted.

_Still sleeps like a log..._

His face remained blank for several seconds and his arms loosened. Smiling my victory I pushed away again. His arms began to slip from my backside and waist, only to clamp hard and firmly on me once again, locking my chest against his.

I tilted my chin up to meet his face, glaring incredulously That was when I saw the corners of his mouth twitching and realized his chest was lightly shuddering. "Jake!" I berated.

Eyes still shut, the sneaky werewolf erupted into a booming laugh I hadn't heard in years and I shook with each gasping breath he took between laughter.

I planted my fist firmly into his side and he allowed me at last to crawl away from his embrace, propping up on his elbows to look at me. "Bells! You s-should see your face!"

I avoided his gaze, my hand hovering over the sharp pain in my side. This sobered him instantly as he sat up and eased me down on the bed once more. Slowly, he pulled back the covers and lifted his shirt from my tender skin. His brow furrowed, worry and concern, even pain flashing in his gaze as he caressed the undressed line marking its way from under my the underside of my breast to my hip. Though the wound was sealed, the snow white skin had grown back softer, not yet hard as the rest of my hybrid form. I shivered at his touch. His hand came to rest on the bare skin of my hip then, his eyes focused on the scar.

"Jake…" I began, unsure of where to go from here.

His eyes flickered to mine, scalding in their intensity. "Burning them wasn't enough Bells…" His eyes lowered back to the wound. A growl rumbled low in his chest, his hand tensing above my side."It won't be enough until we find the one who did this…"

I struggled for breath, aching for him to never stop touching me, afraid of my heart breaking again. "Jacob, you can't keep protecting me like this."

The shadows playing on his face deepened. "I thought we already talked about this Bells. It's not your decision to make anyway."

I tensed, eyelashes fluttering when his hand did not move away, still conscious of the bulge in his shorts that was mere inches from my leg and declaring how much he still wanted me. The thought terrified and made me want to laugh, cry and reach for him all at once.

"Bells…" he said with a sigh.

I lifted my gaze to meet his perfectly scarred face. He was leaning over me so that I could feel his hot breath upon my face. His hand rested over my sensitive skin sweltering and comforting at once. I wasn't expecting what he said next.

"Do you know how I became Alpha?"

I shook my head, frowning.

"When Emily lost the baby…Sam lost his soul, he said. No one could control him. He phased and went wild and we had to settle everything, funeral arrangements, packing all her things… I caught him about to jump off the cliff. He was going to let himself drown Bells."

My hand moved to rest lightly on his chest and the pain in his eyes lessened.

"I challenged him there, told him he was a pitiful excuse for a protector, and he lunged at me. That was when it happened…" His face drawn, haunted. "Something snapped into place inside of me, like it had been there all along and I had ignored it… I felt myself grow bigger when I took him down. I wanted to kill him Bells—but I didn't."

He paused and glanced down at our fingers now entwined, my own so pale and tiny in his much larger paw. "The pack acted like they had been expecting it, everyone did. But I didn't." Obsidian orbs flared near golden reflected lamplight when they met mine again. "I made a few mistakes those first months, some I'll live with the rest of my life. But I never looked back." His lips twitched. "Except when I thought about _you_. I tried so hard to forget you Bells, even with Charlie mentioning you every chance he could."

Brilliantly white teeth flashed, his smile, _my_ smile…

Sorrow was thick in his words. "But my life changed that day I saved Sam's life Bella, _I_ changed—and I can't forget that. I wish…"

I moved my fingers to cover his. "I know." My voice betrayed how much closer I was to tears than I would admit to myself. His eyes pleaded with me then.

"I can't have both Bells… I made a promise I would never hurt you once. I didn't know how hard it would be to keep that promise…" His thumb stroked the skin between my breasts, slowly lowered down the flat plane of my stomach.

I couldn't breathe.

"I'm not the same person I was two years ago. I'll never be _good _or perfect like _him_…but…"

His hand moved from my side to lightly graze my breast and I gasped as lust clouded his eyes, masking the agony.

"I _can't just stay away_ from you anymore…"

* * *

**Review: Just cus you wanna! All questions/comments are welcome! Thanks so much for everything, even reviews you may think aren't positive :) **

**I'm still working hard to give y'all and myself the Jacob/Bella we deserved. I'm unequal to the task lol but I'm gonna put in more effort to make it if I can! **


	19. Fate

**Favorite Review ever from (c): "WHY IS JACOB SO HOT?!" haha amazing! Happy early Halloween peeps :D**

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**Disclaimer: Come on Steph, making Jacob fall in love with a baby was just **c**n **** ****!**

* * *

**Chapter 19**

**Fate**

* * *

I opened my eyes to the clanging of metal, the shouts down below between Jacob and Embry. Snuggling further into the soft covers, I squirmed as I stretched. Being able to move with relatively little soreness was invigorating. I sighed as I lifted my head and caught the sliver of sunlight shining from beneath the doorway.

Today was the first day he had gone back to work in a week, something I felt a twinge of guilt twist in my stomach to think of. He had missed so much for me…

Pushing aside the covers I walked about the apartment, his Tee shirt molding against the curves of my body as I made my way to the bathroom and began to shower. The smell of his shampoo was nearly as intoxicating as his scent, though not as maddening or pleasurable.

I let my waist-length brown hair fall wet and curling against my back after wringing it with a towel, thankful for natural Vampire beauty. I stared at my reflection in the mirror. My skin was bruised still in the places where I had nearly been torn apart, yet otherwise smooth and glowing gold in the sunlight. My eyes held a knowing edge to them now, a fresh energy and a smile turned the corner of my rose lips. For the first time since I had been changed I felt neither imperfect or too perfect, rather I felt truly beautiful.

_He gave me that..._

There was little in his pantry other than a box of lucky charms and other odds and ends. But there was half a gallon of milk left in the fridge. I sat down at the two seated table with my bowl and opened the curtains to watch the world outside, now masked by light flurries of snow and fir trees, heavy laden with wreaths of white.

Jacob had not kissed me last night, though the lust lay thick in his eyes, in the hard member barely masked by his shorts, in the way his fingers played continuously with my skin until I was half driven into a frenzy. Instead he told me what it was like to be Alpha of the Quileute pack. He spoke of the strain he felt of the Elders and Council looking more and more to him to lead, not only the pack but the tribe, as though they expected him to be their chief. I smiled as I listened to him talk of delegating various tasks. Being forced to turn much of the business in the shop to Embry and the boys, save the hardest jobs, was not easy for him. He was solemn when he talked of hearing Sam's scattered wolf thoughts of Leah, the few times she wasn't with him. I laughed over tales of Quil, Colin and Brady's antics. It seemed the youngest werewolves, though idolizing Jacob often followed Quil's suite.

Rachel had been a constant figure in his life since I left. He told her nearly everything about us, which I found daunting and confessed she did hate me until recently. He wouldn't tell me why her opinion changed. And I began to understand what it meant to be Alpha, to have everyone relying on you, and the need to be in that same way alone.

Jacob never mentioned any women, never said anything about his imprint. The thought of a nameless girl without a face hovered over my thoughts like a dark cloud. Yet now I could care less whether or not Jake ever found his true soul mate. I knew what I wanted.

"Bella!" Sue's voice was warm and light as she ascended the staircase. I moved much faster than my body felt like rushing to wrap my arms about her in a hug. She laughed. "Well hello to you too!" Her eyes glanced down at my unusual state. I wore Jake's t-shirt over the bra and underwear she had sent to me days before and nothing else. "I see you're putting the clothes I loaned you to good use."

I opened my mouth to protest, when I noticed the smirk on her face and the laughter in her eyes. "Thanks for the clothes. Has Charlie said anything?"

"No. I've kept him plenty distracted lately." She grinned wickedly before chuckling. "Bella, don't give me that look! You are the one dressed in Jacob Black's Tee-shirt."

I rolled my eyes. "It's not like that between us Sue. He was my best friend and still is." Sue nodded, though I could tell she didn't believe me.

"Well, I just came up to check on you before I run to the caterers. How are things between you and Jacob anyway? Have you talked," she asked anxiously.

"He's committed to the pack and the tribe, Sue. That's all. I'm okay with that as long as he doesn't hate me…"

Sue placed a warm hand over mine. "Be sure you get some rest today Bella. Because the moment you step out of this apartment you're mine again!" The corners of her mouth twitched and I couldn't help but smile.

"Sure you wouldn't rather have Leah or Charlie help out with wedding plans?" The amused glare Sue gave me in turn was enough to make me laugh.

My future mother wrapped her arms about my shoulders. "See you in a couple days honey. Maybe…maybe it wouldn't be such a bad thing if you told him everything."

I stared blankly out the window at the dozen shades of gold glistening off the frosted glass.

* * *

"You gonna lock up tonight man?" Embry's soft words from below startled my thoughts.

I blinked, realizing I had been sitting on Jacob's couch for hours. Scrambling off the soft surface I darted about the apartment, ignoring the tug and pull in my chest and abdomen when the motions became too fast. I cursed the fact that being immortal, with endless time on your hands, makes your human traits magnify. My ability to draw so completely into myself was a talent I had learned when Edward left, thinking endlessly, remembering, or simply thinking nothing, feeling nothing…

The idea of telling Jacob everything terrified me, enough to make me fall deeply into myself, into my past until I lost all sense of time. After Renee died it had been the same, only then all I could think about was my personal sun. In delaying the inevitable wedding and change with and for Edward, I had been keeping the idea of Jacob possible. And I was convinced after I became a hybrid that my chance of being with him again was ruined forever.

"Sure you don't need anything bro?" Embry's voice was closer to the back exit of the garage.

"Nah, get out of here," Jacob said in his low, husky voice. He could never know how just the sound of that voice turned my stomach in knots and set a fire burning in my core.

"We have the day off tomorrow anyway," he continued. "Go get some rest before your patrol."

"Alright, see ya later Jake."

Silence followed the clang of the garage door. For a moment I listened to the hum of Embry's truck, the shuffle of parts and keys below. I grinned when I caught the smell of pizza waft from the stairwell and then Jacob's shoulders greeted me. His dark head was bowed and then suddenly his eyes were burning into mine. I stepped back when I caught the strong mix of desire, longing, and need in his scent. The box was balanced perfectly in his left hand.

He ambled to the small dinner table, somehow managing to take off his tight gray shirt at the same time and then fling it against the door to his room. Ever since he first began to shift, he had hated wearing restrictive clothing. Any added layers only made his increased body temperature near to unbearable.

I couldn't complain when the view it afforded me was even better. I clutched the thick fabric of the shirt bunched at my thighs, fighting the effect he had on me. Some part of me soared to see the way his russet skin gleamed in the kitchen light, or how the muscles of his back and shoulders flexed as he opened the pizza box. I recalled what I had told Sue earlier that afternoon. We were friends only. Anything else was like a betrayal to what fragile relationship we had left.

He turned to face me so suddenly that I was faced with the smooth even panes of his chest, his pecs and abdomen perfectly chiseled and leading down to the distinct v-shape that disappeared into his cut off jeans. My cheeks burned red when I realized he knew I had just checked him out. I lifted my eyes, seeing through my tossed curls half hanging against the side of my face. My breath was slow opposed to the rapid beat of my heart.

And then his fingers were upon my chin, tilting me up, craning my neck to meet his eyes. A smile played at his lips, fading and then twitching at the corners before breaking into a breathtaking grin. The scars upon his chest and face, reminding me of the duty and life he had pledged and given over to, were washed away by the brilliance of his smile. The burning obsidian orbs roving up and down my barely clothed form made me shiver with want.

"Bells," he breathed, wrapping his hand about my waist.

And then I was being lifted in his arms, crushed tightly against him. Burying his face into my neck, he breathed in my sent and only then seemed to relax. "I missed you today."

I smiled, pushing aside the fear that warned against any lasting happiness, and gave into him. "I missed you too." Hesitating, I pulled away slightly to meet his black eyes. My cool breath clashed with the heat emanating off his skin as I leaned forward to press my lips to his cheek. He shuddered and I brought my lips lower, to the pulse of his neck. Leaning my arms on his shoulders, I pulled back, aligning our and wrapped my legs around his waist.

Jake groaned, the sound sending a thrill from my core and up my spine. I grinned, gasping at the familiar jolt inside of me that twisted and demanded more. Only _he_ could make me feel like this, so beyond control of myself.

Jake stiffened, pulled my arms from round his neck and set me down with a sardonic grin. "Come on. Bought us some pizza."

My eyes lingered on his ass, the hard fine shape hidden within his cut off shorts and I shuddered. I had felt lust before, as a human, but it paled in comparison to the powerful need I felt as a Vampire hybrid. The need to claim and be curbed into submission warred within me for dominance. Shutting my eyes, I tried desperately to hold onto the human inside me.

* * *

We sat in comfortable silence as I finished my second slice and Jake devoured the rest of the massive pie. Or rather, what _would_ have been comfortable silence, was I not being devoured by coal burnt eyes fixed upon me until I felt I would met away.

He spoke between mouthfuls, surprisingly graceful while ravenous. "What you do today? I didn't hear you for the longest time." Concern breached the heat of his eyes and my eyes flickered to the nearby lamp lit couch.

"Nothing much. Took a shower," Heat and desire filled me when I recognized the desire burning in his eyes and realized he had heard me then too. "Ate some breakfast," I continued, "though it wasn't like your pantry had much to offer," I teased and he shrugged.

"Rachel stocks up the cabinets all the time for me but it never lasts long. We could go to the store tomorrow."

_Shit...Here it goes, _I thought. I had been avoiding even the thought of this subject. But I knew the council would not stand for my presence in their territory so long, even if I was about to be family. It was too hard to ignore generations of animosity between the Shifters and the enemy they were born to destroy.

"Well...actually I was thinking I should be getting home to Charlie…"

Jacob froze, his eyes threatening and pained at once and panic escaped his words. "Why? You aren't fully healed, Bells! What if Charlie notices something?" He leaned forward on the edge of the rough table. In my mind I heard his words two and a half years before, "_I'm begging you…"_

I fought the urge to grasp at my chest and the hole already ripping at the freshly sewn seams. "I'm well enough."

Jacob frowned, eyes downcast as he finished off another slice. "If you were a part of my pack you wouldn't have a choice," he growled.

"I don't think the others would want my voice in their heads."

The look in his eyes told me he thought otherwise. "Bells, we never caught all of the leeches who did this to you. It's not safe out there. You won't be able to hunt."

"In case you haven't noticed I don't like to or need to hunt," I interrupted, glancing pointedly at the empty plate in my hand.

His eyes remained rooted to mine, an oddly wizened smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth. "Yeah…I forgot you're a sucker for blood."

I grimaced at his terrible pun, picking up a loose piece of crust and pitching it towards his face faster than normal eyes could see. Jacob caught the crust with his fingers midair, laughing.

The hardened bread was flung my way now, faster than I could prepare for. My arm barely kept it from hitting my nose. I screeched, ducking, as another followed just as quickly after that. I darted from the chair, crawled partly on the ground and hid behind my chair as the pizza chunks came flying, angry that he still had two slices to use for ammunition and I had none.

"Jake! Jake stop!" I laughed as I raced, a blur of motion, behind the couch, then snatched a pillow, hopefully before he could see. His loud laughter followed me.

"Bells, that piece of fluff can't protect you from me!" I heard his footfall over the hardwood floor, bit my lip as if faded to silence and turned, flinging the pillow without looking and laughing aloud to hear an, "Oof! Hey no fair!"

Scrambling around from the back of the couch, I coiled at the opposite end of the table at my front left.

Jacob was completely silent now and without his laughter to give him away, I felt the tension rising in my chest. I waited as I felt the floor give just behind me and grinned, leaping round and tackling the open mouthed werewolf bent over me.

We laughed as I struggled to avoid his arms, hitching onto his back and clamping my legs on either side with my arms wrapped round his neck in a choke hold. "Give up?" I breathed over his ear.

Jacob huffed, his grin evident even from my position and I ignored the thrill I felt to be so close again.

"Never," he said, barely strained, though I was using all my strength to hold him.

I gasped when his hands unclasped mine. He spun me round so I was now trapped against his chest, facing him. Though his full lips were still stretched far over his brilliantly blinding grin, his chest heaved from a different sort of emotion. The light in his eyes was smoldering as it was marked by happiness. And his voice was low, his lips too near when he said, "Is there anything I can do to convince you to stay?"

For a moment I hesitated, feeling as though I was standing on the edge of the cliff once again. The decision I made would surly decide my fate once again.

My heart sank, even as I pushed him away and untangled my limbs from his. I tried to ignore the stabbing agony in his eyes. "I'm sorry Jake."

He was silent, motionless, as I moved about the room, picking up stray pieces of pizza, crust, and setting them on both our plates. Putting the last two slices into the box, I carried the plates to the sink. I washed the dishes, hands shaking as I struggled to steady the plate and sponge at once.

I could feel his eyes upon me, hear the uneven rate of his heart. The silence weighed unbearably between us. I felt the emptiness in his heart, even though I could no longer see it reflected through his eyes. I couldn't look him in the eye. I knew if I did I couldn't bare it. But I knew now that I was protecting him from himself as well as me. The tribe would never allow the Alpha of their pack take a Cold One for his mate.

His steps were so silent, not even my ears could discern their pattern upon the hardwood floor. Large hands snaked about my waist, causing the plate to drop from my hands in my surprise with a clash. The hands encircled my waist, meeting at the fingertips.

His chest pressed against my back and that was when I felt his manhood standing erect and ready for me. I moaned at the contact, my head rolling to the side as his mouth descended over my hair, lightly brushing the skin of my neck and the scar that marked the day I died. As I gave no protest, his hands tightened about my waist, almost painfully against my sensitive scar. Yet his touch was pleasure, his fingers coming forward until they grazed below my hipbone, reaching further.

My muscles tightened. I stood on tiptoe to urge his hands lower.

He whispered huskily against my ear, "I can't let you go Bells."

In that moment nothing mattered, whether tonight would be the last night I would ever have with my Jacob, whether we resolved our issues or tried to be together. There was only his muscled arms about my waist, his hands drawing slow circles near my folds now, my hands stretching back to grasp his head and bury it deeper into my shoulder.

"Jake," I breathed. Standing on the edge of the cliff once again, my fate awaiting my decision, I said, "I need you…"

The growl rumbling deeply in his throat was my only warning. I was lifted in a rush and then my back was pressed hard into the wood of his door, my feet dangling high off the ground, so my eyes were now level with his.

There was something feral and wild in him, in the way his hot hands were grasping desperately at my skin, hefting my legs to clasp over his waist. White teeth flashed sharply to me as his hands reached inside my Tee-shirt and slid up my waist. A scowl passed his face when he felt the fabric of my bra, yet I could still feel his touch through the fabric and my nipples harden in response. I still gasped for air, desperate for breath, for the slow tug of my heart to race as it yearned, for my skin to stop burning and never wanting it to end. Tears formed in my eyes as I grabbed either side of his face and crashed my lips to his.

He ravaged my mouth, bit down lightly on first my lower and upper lip, sucking tenderly as though to savor them each, his tongue dipping in gently to coax and explore. I met his kisses, my own desire rising, desperate, clinging to him until my arms shook. His hips ground against mine almost languidly, as if he was determined to prove we had all the time in the world. The bulge in his shorts grazed against the thin fabric masking my already wet and ready core .

His tongue danced about every crevice of my mouth, while his hands groped, dipping against the fabric of my panties. He grunted with frustration until with a single swipe, he ripped the offensive cloth from my waist and it fell to the floor.

I grinned as I pulled back from his kisses and he whimpered a low wolfish whine. His eyes were black clouds of lust, filled with a need unfathomable. His hips rocked against mine as he lifted me, his hands savoring my backside, stroking, grasping. I hissed when he reached a finger to stroke my sensitive folds, shut my eyes at the thrill of pleasure, tightened my knees against his side with a grip that would have killed a human.

He groaned loudly against my mouth when I rubbed my core against his covered cock. He kissed me almost angrily, his teeth now grazing the skin of my neck as cool air met my exposed bottom.

Jacob threw me hard against the bed and I scrambled back to lean against its head, grasping the sheets, panting with anticipation. The werewolf's eyes were dark as he climbed upon the bed and rested back on his knees. Grasping at the fabric at my neck, he ripped the shirt in two so quickly the cool air was a shock against my skin.

He forced my hands from their vice-like grip on the black bed-sheets, pushing the tatters of his old shirt from my skin and onto the floor. A faint smile grazed his full lips as his hands grazed over the hard plane of my stomach, along my waist, my hips, trailing down still lower and lingering at my core. His eyes burned so hotly upon me I bit my lower lip and gripped the sheets to keep from arching into his hands further, begging him for release. Those perceptive black orbs flickered up to meet mine, shining in a way told me he knew my thoughts.

I gasped at the tears in his eyes, the thick longing, and love. In his eyes I was beauty, I felt whole, not self-conscious, as I had always been with Edward. I wanted him…wanted _this_ every day, every minute…

I smiled and rose with ease to meet him, my hands reaching to grasp his shoulders and pulled him down over me with ease. Our lips locked instantly. The pain in his features eased and need took precedence in our kisses once again.

His hands caressed my slick folds, circled my swollen nub until I cried out against his mouth. He growled as he inserted first one, then two fingers into me, his chest shuddering.

I hissed as I shoved him back with all the strength in my body, halting his movements. Jacob's eyes were dark with need yet amused as my hands moved over his upper chest. I brought them lower to the v-shape disappearing into his shorts. He froze as my hands became a blur, unfastening his shorts and drew them far over his long thick erection. I gasped at the sight. He was even bigger than I remembered.

His hands grasped my hips painfully when I hesitated. I growled as I struggled to force them down his thighs, ripping them in my haste and receiving a chuckle from Jake as I flung the material aside. My fingers grasped the head of his cock. I relished when it twitched against my hands.

Jacob groaned, his eyes rolling to the back of his head and before I could move further, I was flung back against the bed. His hands ripped my bra away, mouth covering my hard nipples, sucking. His tongue burned against my cool skin, circling, trailing down my side where my scar lay, still sensitive.

My fingers dug into his shoulders as his mouth descended lower, faster against my skin and over my core, his tongue now circling where his fingers had been. I screamed, pulling at his hair, begging him silently to fill me, to finish me… My vision blurred slightly as his tongue pressed flat against my sex and then dipped into me again insistently, his hands roving up and down my sides and legs.

"Jake…_please_!"

He growled, removing his tongue and then his hands were upon my hips, lifting me against his weeping erection. Both of us moaned as he moved the tip against my entrance, slowly, shaking with the force of his restraint. My breath came out in scant rasps, hands tearing his sheets to shreds as the head entered me, my entire being on fire, only for him to pull quickly out.

"_Jake_!"

He grinned wickedly at me, jaw clenching as he fought for control as he began to dip in and out of me, never pushing any deeper. Each movement was agony for me and I shifted to take him in more, grinning to hear his hiss as I rocked him just barely within my walls.

Hooking my ankles behind his waist, I was ready to force him the rest of the way. I wanted him inside me **now**.

Before I could move Jacob plunged into me, pushing deeper and deeper, so fast I gasped, my walls clenching hard against him, adjusting after so long an absence. I rolled my hips, moaned as my hips came in contact with his. He began to pound into me, pulling out just barely before plunging fully in once again.

I watched my love, my best friend, my sun, unable to tear my eyes from his beauty, from the scars on his chest, his cheek, from his muscles clenched and trembling, light sweat a golden sheen over his god like body. His eyes rolled and he smiled as I rocked against him, pulling and pushing faster…**harder**…_faster_…

His hands used my ass to set the rhythm and I followed it. With one hand placed upon my bottom, he moved the other to my back, lifting me as he descended and took my lips for his own.

Our eyes locked, spirits melded, pleasure coming in the tightness in our bodies.

"**Bells**…" He breathed against my lips and I cried out as I came. A strangled groan emanated from his lips almost immediately after, that fell into a growl as he spilled deep into me just after. Our bodies shook in the aftermath, collapsed together, hands entwined, refusing to remove from the other.

I rocked my hips against his as he grazed his nose along my jaw, breathing hot against my chest, my hands roaming his muscle. He shivered beneath me and his eyes opened, clear and filled with tears. I blinked back my own.

"I've waited—so long Bells," he whispered as he pulled me closer, sighing as he brought a hand to trace the lines of my face. "I would have waited forever."

I smiled as he kissed the tears falling from my eyes and then slowly, hesitantly, he brushed his lips against mine. I sighed, blowing sweet air into his mouth and his breath hitched, hands clamping down possessively.

I pulled away from him, wincing in pain at the feeling of him slide out of me, yet rolled until I was leaning over him. I smiled as my hand trailed down, caressing the soft skin above his half hard penis. He growled with fresh energy as I began to grasp and draw my closed fingers down his length. I giggled as he grabbed my shoulders and threw me down upon the bed once again and his mouth covered mine.

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**Review: If you can get past thinking of Jacob's perfection lol**


	20. Need

**_A.N-_**_Much love to all my readers, new and old. This is for you :) Warning-lots of lemony goodies ahead! Thanks for being patient, btw. Merry Christmas and Happy New Year to fans new and old :)_

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**Disclaimer: S.M owns it in writing…blah, blah…**

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"_I can listen no longer in silence. I must speak to you by such means as are within my reach. You pierce my soul. I am half agony, half hope. Tell me not that I am too late, that such precious feelings are gone for ever. I offer myself to you again with a heart even more your own than when you almost broke it, eight years and a half ago. Dare not say that man forgets sooner than woman, that his love has an earlier death. I have loved none but you._

_Fredrick's letter to Anne-**Persuasion**_

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**Chapter 20**

**Need**

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I was warm, wrapped deep in the embrace of something firm and yielding at once. I sighed and snuggled deeper, savoring in the feel of hard muscle against my chest.

_Wait_…_that's not a pillow._

Tensing, I felt a pair of arms tighten their hold about my waist, pressing me flush against the warm body I was laying on._  
_

_This must be a dream._

All of my dreams were about him. I knew when I woke up, it would be to faint sunlight streaming through the stained-glass windows of my bedroom in the Cullen's Alaska mansion. Emmett would come bounding up the stairs any minute to drag me out of bed, to do no telling what. Esme would already be cooking delicious food downstairs in the kitchen for the only half mortal living in the house. Carlisle and Rose would be at work by now…

_Only a dream._

It couldn't be real because Jacob was a thousand miles away and for all I knew, married to his imprint and making a half dozen shifter babies. While my mind tried to convince me of these important facts, reality reminded me otherwise.

Warm breath tickled against my ear. Calloused fingers gently brushed a stray curl from my face. Wrinkling my nose I pressed my face closer to my pillow and met the curve of a shoulder instead.

A hand trailed lower and lingered over my waist. And then something very large and firm was pressing itself against my thigh and a familiar ache throbbed at my core and tightened. I shifted, yearning for release and a return to reality, my mind still refusing what my body knew.

A restrained groan rumbled beneath the muscle my face was pressed against. My senses went into overload as I drank in his scent.

_Pine, ashes and car grease_…_Jacob_.

I was suddenly flipped around so I was lying upon my back. His fingers were brushing locks away from my bare chest and the covers fell away as his lips descended over the pulse of my neck. I gasped when he parted his mouth and began to suck on my cool skin.

His weight pressed the mattress deep on either side of my arms and his hard length grazed my inner thigh. I moaned as his lips trailed down my chest and slowly tasted each breast. I sighed with frustration when the soft texture of his mouth was replaced by short, prickling, yet surprisingly silky hair. His warm breath exhaled against my breast, hardening my nipples further as his ear pressed over my struggling heartbeat.

"Jake…" I gasped.

His mouth caressed mine in answer and his arms lifting me closer as he sat back upon his knees.

I didn't open my eyes, afraid if I did, I would wake cold and alone. So instead I came alive in his arms, flung mine about his neck as I kissed him with abandon. I grazed his lip with my tongue and he moaned, allowing me entrance. A dance for dominance began as his tongue thrust back into my mouth, tracing circles against the roof of my mouth. His hands hitched at my waist and lifted me with ease as he guided the head of his full cock into my entrance.

My eyes shot open instantly at the heightened sensation and I gasped as I met his lustful gaze. He smiled back lazily, his brow bent as his eyes caressed what his fingers could not. I sank onto him slowly, my core tight and unyielding at first, in a way that made his eyes screw shut and a groan escape that seductive mouth. I had forgotten how large he was, in my dreams. And as he had grown since gaining his Alpha status, it took longer for me to fully adjust to him. For a moment of shaken breaths and sweet kisses, we waited together, our hipbones brushing as I took all of him in.

He groaned as I sheathed him fully and burried his face into my neck, "...so _fucking perfect, Bells..._"

I rolled my head to the side and rocked my hips, needing more, needing friction and more feeling. I hissed as he threw his head back and bit his lip in response. I nearly came then to see _my Jacob _come undone like that. It made me feel so powerful, knowing I could make him react this way.

His arms and hips did much of the work as he thrust himself in and almost completely out before plunging back in again, faster and faster, harder. A strangled cry escaped his lips as the barely constrained power in his arms waned and I held onto him as he came, spilling deep into me, thrust until our hips were grinding against each other.

He laid me back upon his bed, still deep within me. And as my back came to rest against the soft sheets, his fingers reached low to rub against the sensetive, swollen nerves. His breathing hitched as I moaned loudly and gasped as my walls tightened around him once more. I felt him grow harder again within me near instantly. The pressure that had been building up in me before his first orgasm was unbearable. My ankles found their way instinctively about his waist and his fingers moved to grip my ass as I thrust him back in, the friction agonizing and soaring…

His touch was flame, his fingers wet as they caressed and teased my breasts.

I relaxed my thighs and felt him slide slightly out of me and I squeezed my thighs to bring him back fully in a mere blur. Our every movement was beyond human sight, with no time for thought, only instinct. It was…_primal_.

His hands braced against the bed as he thrust in and out, faster, until I could no longer discern the sound of our flesh pounding together to the screams roaring through his chest and escaping my own lips.

I smiled, my energy far from spent as we lay together in the aftermath of tattered bed sheets and disheveled entwined bodies. Jacob rolled us so that I lay on top of him and as I shifted, pulling his spent cock with me, I grinned to feel him hardening within me once again. In that moment I was thankful I was only half human. I don't know if I would have had the stamina to keep up with him otherwise.

I shuddered to feel a fresh wave of pleasure course through my body as he brushed against that place deep inside of me. The walls of my core molded easily against his manhood. This was perfection.

Jacob's hands trailed liquid flame down my back. He lifted one hand to grab a fistful of my curls and hold them at my neck and then his lips met mine. His open eyes were dark, full, no longer of pain but such a thick never ending wave of emotional heat, that I wanted him _now_.

Distantly, the roar of an engine drove past the road that rested just outside the shop, and with it shattered perfection. Outside the human world made itself known as more cars passed the busy street. Snow fell silently to normal ears, yet to our ears with the sound of tiny bells upon the roof and distantly I listened to the bark of a dog someone was walking down the street.

I sighed, the moment ruined and pushed up from his chest, wincing as the friction my movements caused to Jacob's hard length to plunge, yet again inside me. He groaned, the muscles in his abdomen rippling beneath my fingertips as he sat up to meet me.

The hole in my chest throbbed, desperate as I remembered the night before, how different our lives were, _we _were… I turned my face just as his lips met my jaw and worked against the thin skin that lay over the scar of my damnation, sending shrill shards of pleasure through me.

Pressing my hands against his broad chest I pulled away quickly, ignoring the ache as he slid out of me, avoided his hands as I stepped lightly off the edge of the bed. I shook my head and prepared to face his protests, tried to think of something to say to the irresistible sight of him. I wasn't prepared for this.

Jacob was on all fours now, bent over and growling low, the grin on his face reminding me that to him, I was playing a game, one that like the night before would lead to other things.

The freshly grown skin along my side and the old wounds within me had healed, yet I could feel the strain from our passion. My hands reached up to cover myself and I shook my head at the werewolf growling before me, fighting the thrill that reminded me _he_ was the predator and I his prey.

Turning, I managed to open the door and step into the dawn lit hallway, until two warm arms grasped and held me against a solid and growling chest. Even harder to ignore was the erection firmly pressed against my lower back.

His lips were upon my neck his voice was deep and thick with need as he said, "Where you think you're going wolf girl?"

The corners of my mouth tugged up as my hands struggled to pry his away. "To the bathroom. I'm still human, ya know?" His embrace tightened and a barely audible gasp fled my lips as his member twitched against me, eager to be inside me again. Just the thought of how _full _he made me feel, tempted me to turn around and finish what we had started.

"Want me to come with you?" he teased. "We could both use a shower I think." The last was said in mere growl and I shut my eyes, struggling to think of anything but the werewolf at my back.

"No!" I gasped, trying to calm my nerves as I realized how desperate I sounded. I knew he could smell the taint of fear in my voice. Jacob growled. My voice was quieter and feeble as I added, "Why don't you go see what in your fridge could pass for breakfast food?"

I felt him smile against my hair. "I already went to the store this morning."

"When?" I glanced out the window across the living room.

"Bells, its just down the street. I tried to make some eggs already but I don't know if they're exactly edible."

I smiled as my nose found traces of burnt egg on the air. I sighed. "Alright. Why don't you let me get dressed then and we'll see about food, okay?"

"Why? No one's here but us today." He let me loose enough to twist in his arms and face him, his still hard member now tantalizingly against my stomach. His eyebrows danced with his wolfish grin. "I've seen you cook naked Bells, remember? It's very hot you know." His hand fell from my side to rest on my hip.

I rolled my eyes. "Yeah, see how long we last without any clothes on…And Jake, I have to leave some time today."

Jacob's expression visibly darkened, so suddenly I was reminded then of the hardened man he had become, the scar along his face seemed more prominent along with those on his chest. "Why?" he said gruffly. "Why can't you stay here?"

I blinked, realizing what he meant. "Jake…" My eyes pleaded with him. "Charlie still needs me. Your people wouldn't understand…we're just too…" I paused as it was suddenly painful to even speak. "Jacob you know we can't be together really. You have a duty to your pack. I won't be the problem anymore. I won't let you ruin yourself because of me again." My hands moved from his chest to cup his face in my small, pale hands. My touch I knew was cool to him but not painfully icy as it would have been. I slipped from his embrace easily the.

His eyes hardened as he clenched his fists. "I'll check the fridge," he said. Back again was the emotionless tone I had come to know so well. The hole in my chest that had been ripped, punched through, the day I left him behind for what I thought forever, grew as I stepped away from him.

The shower looked more appealing after a very long morning and night. I forced myself not to purposely listen for Jacob's movements beyond the thin walls of his bathroom as I let the water cascade over me. Steam filled the chilled room, clouded the glass door and enveloped me with his scent, in the shampoo I mixed into my hair and scrubbed over my body.

I pulled away from the waterfall, pushing water from my eyes, only to jump with shock and slide on the slick surface. I winced at the fall sure to come.

Strong, muscle bound arms caught me and stood me back up. Jacob shut the open glass door behind him and stepped into the shower with me, suddenly so much smaller a space than before.

His eyes were dark and bottomless, so I barely saw the flicker of emotion in them. His jaw clenched and his hands slowly rose to trace the skin of my neck, my chest. I sighed, my eyes shutting involuntarily as he cupped a breast and brushed my nipple with his thumb.

"Jake…" I gasped as my back was suddenly pressed against the hard wall, his other hand grasping my waist, running up and along my curves, before lowering ever so slowly to stroke my core. My breath hitched as his lips descended over my neck, latched on, relentless. "_Jake_!" I moaned, more desperate now, as his teeth lightly bit down upon my skin.

_Marking me in a different way_, I realized.

I felt his erection against my inner thigh, grazing my wet core. I opened my eyes to see his eyes burning into mine with deep need, pain. The hole in my chest ripped wide open to see his face.

My hands pushed him back then and I ignored the questioning uncertainty in his eyes. Yet he let me go and I held him at arms length, water now pouring over his back, wetting his short cropped raven hair flat against his head.

Hesitating, my eyes locked onto his as my fingers trailed lower, felt every crevice of his chest. And slowly followed the v-shaped muscle to grasp his erection. It twitched in my hands and Jacob groaned loud as I used both hands to encircle and firmly draw down his length, finding a steady, addictive rhythm.

Jacob's hands clenched against the shower walls. "_Bells_…" he gasped.

I lowered myself faster than even his eyes could clearly see then, placing my hands on his hips and with boldness and a need of my own, I placed my cool mouth against the fire of his cock.

Jacob's moan echoed loudly in the walls of the shower and my hands moved to cup his ass as I drew my tongue from the head to the base at an agonizing, human pace. And then opened my mouth to take him in.

Jacob began to thrust his hips gently, trembled as he fought to constrain the force behind his desire. Without grazing him with my teeth, I took him even deeper into my throat and breathing heavily through my nose began to suck hard. His thrusts increased in speed and need. I forced the base of him still with my hands, pulling out and covering as much of his impressive length as I could.

His heart thudded loudly and unsteady to my ears. When I pulled back to look up at him his eyes were rolled to the back of his head, face mixed with pleasure and pain. I moved my mouth to cover him once again, and sucked faster this time as I felt the pressure in him building and my own need now screaming in my ears.

He gasped when I pulled away and brought my mouth to met his again. I latched onto his side with my thighs, grasping his neck with one hand and guiding his tip into my entrance with the other.

Jacob growled against my shoulder, hands grasping my ass as we fell into the dance that felt too familiar to be new, as though we had doing it all our lives, our bodies oddly the perfect fit, though he was a giant and I petite.

We both cried out as he came mere seconds after me. We stood me wrapped in his arms my back against the wall, water now running cold over us both.

Jacob was the first one to turn off the shower. He slid out of me before lifting me back into his arms and carrying me onto the rug and wrapping me with the towel waiting just beyond. He set me to stand before him, his brow furrowed, concentrated as he moved the towel over my entire body, twisting my hair and wrapping it in the coarse fabric.

He left the bathroom as silently as he had come and my eyes fell to the fresh clothes he had brought me earlier, folded and resting on the counter.

* * *

Bacon sizzled in the pan, mouthwatering to my stomach, and the closest thing to real food I had tasted in a week. I glanced at the second pan, full of scrambled eggs, stirred both and struggled vainly to ignore the naked werewolf pressed once again against my back.

Silently, I thanked Sue for the jeans, underwear and Tee shirt. If I hadn't had extra clothes to wear, I would have definitely been dragged back into Jacob's bedroom within seconds of us stepping from the shower.

I was surprised he hadn't hidden the clothes from me after all.

"This doesn't make it exactly easy to cook you know," I said, elbowing him lightly.

Jacob's laughter vibrated against my back. "Does my being naked bother you?" He winced when I jabbed him sharply.

"Not funny Jacob Black."

His chest continued to shake with laughter.

"You want me to burn your eggs?" I warned.

His arms snaked back round me once again. "If you're leaving like you said Bells, can't you at least let me be close to you? Food is overrated anyway."

I bit back a laugh as his stomach grumbled.

"Really?" I asked, doubtfully. Warm hands slid from my waist to beneath my arms and I squealed. "Jacob! Stop!" I wriggled, frantic for escape.

Jacob's resounding laughter rivaled my own.

Snatching a piece of egg, I turned to pitch it at my attacker, angry when he caught it in his open mouth and snapped a perfectly white grin in place. Huffing a sigh of frustration, I realized Jacob had turned me round to face him on purpose, his dark eyes twinkling with knowing.

"Jake…" I began, all too aware of his perfect body as I molded into his embrace, closed my eyes when his desire grew hard and tempting against my stomach.

_Why didn't I make him put on some clothes too!_

The heat of his skin felt as though nothing separated us.

"Do you want me Bells?" His voice was laden with lust.

My eyes fluttered open. I bit my lip and watched his eyes follow the motion and darken.

He was going to kiss me…

When a repulsive smell assaulted my nose, clashing with Jacob's perfectly sweet and wild scent and I pushed him away. "The bacon!" I shouted.

His frustrated laughter only incensed my anger. Setting the pan quickly on another burner I struggled to save our breakfast. "Jacob Black I swear if you do that again!"

Still laughing I found myself suddenly in his arms. His eyes were alight as his mouth covered mine. Tenderly, he sucked gently on my lower lip, trailing his tongue, begging entrance. Locking my lips. I frowned and pulled from his grasp, moved with Vampiric speed to make our plates and dart back to the table.

A scowling werewolf sat opposite me after, eyes burning even as he pouted. I grinned as I set his plate down and began to eat our partially burnt bacon.

"Do you remember the afternoon Embry and Quil showed up at your garage?"

His eyes flickered to mine, features yet drawn into a frown.

"Quil though he was every woman's dream then," I said.

"Then? You make it sound like a million years ago," Jake remarked before taking a bite into his food.

"Things were so easy back then…"

_ If only they could be that simple now._

Silence thickened the tension and I was almost ready to take in my last fork full of eggs. I lowered my face so my hair provided a curtain to hide behind. I gasped when twin arms of perfectly chiseled muscle lifted me off the chair and settled me back into his lap. The chair groaned beneath our doubled weight. I met his obsidian gaze, now flashing with amusement.

"Couldn't stand to not touch me five minutes?" I teased.

Jacob shook his head. Determination filled his eyes though a grin lighted his features. "Wouldn't wanna deprive you of my presence."

I rolled my eyes. "Right…Um, Jake? Are you planning on putting on some shorts anytime today?" His half mast member strained against my jeans.

"Why?" he asked, shrugged, unassuming, his eyes fully aware of the affect of his actions.

I was never going to make it out of this apartment. Sighing heavily, I moved to stand. Jacob moaned as I rocked against his erection and I breathed shallowly in and out at the fresh desire that answered his. I rushed from his grasp even as my body screamed angrily back.

A growl sounded from behind me and I turned in time to place my fists against his chest and held him at arms length. Jacob grinned, closing the distance between us further. All protests died in my mind. Only need as evidence of his physical need pressed against my abdomen.

"Jacob..." I pleaded. "I can't do this again. If I start this with you again I'll never get home."

His eyes searched mine a long moment, fingers grazing my breast. "What if I wanted you to stay?"

"I can't," I said more firmly, angry over the truth he refused to see.

"Why?"

I paused, my face twisted, tortured.

His jaw clenched. "You still love _**him**_?" Menace dripped, laced through his words. "That's it isn't it? After all this **_fucking_** time!" His body shuddered, the wolf struggling for release.

"No!" I moved my palms over his chest, up his neck, fisted his short cropped hair as I wrapped my legs about his waist and rested my forehead to his. "How could you believe that?!" I shouted. "Don't you think I'd be with him now if that were true?"

I searched his eyes, so empty, wounded, vulnerable. His face was the same boy I broke two and a half years ago. And the boy could not accept it.

"Jacob even when I left with them it was _you_. I'll only ever want _you_!" His dark eyes fluttered shut, brow drawn as though in pain. "I loved Edward for many reasons, mainly because he was the first person who saw me as beautiful, worth loving…" I offered a sad smile. "But I couldn't give him what he wanted. I couldn't give him all of me…" I whispered, "I think he knew I love you."

His eyes opened, burned with dawning realization and then shone. Trembling still he kissed me, lay back upon the long couch so I rested on top, flush against him. "Bells…" he groaned, "he wasn't the first."

"First what?"

"To see you as beautiful…worth loving." His hand brushed away my hair. A frown contorted his smooth brow. "Bells—" his voice broke. "Did you ever…with Edward…"

"I couldn't."

His breath caught, a smile playing at his lips and his hands lifted the hem of my shirt, traced patterns upon my back. "You know," he began, "I couldn't look at another woman after you left."

I gaped at him. Countless times I had pictured Jacob in another woman's arms, comforted in the faith his true soul mate was waiting somewhere.

Jacob scowled. "Sue tried to set me up with every girl on and off the Res that first year." He smirked. "I think she gave up the last time."

"What happened?"

"Sue brought the girl to my house, to visit Billy… Then this girl shows up in my old garage, _our _place. I was working on your bike—."

"Oh my God, you kept it?!"

"_Ahem…_excuse me, my story? Anyway, so this chick came in and started talking. I could sort of handle that, until she sat on your bike." He grinned even as his eyes flared with dark emotion. "I cussed the bitch out until she ran to the house crying all over Sue."

I forced a frown into my grin. "Jacob Black!"

He settled his arms about my waist and pouted. "She touched your baby…"

Smiling wickedly, I pressed my palms to his chest and straddled him and slowly began to rock my hips.

Jacob groaned, "Thought you didn't want this?" His eyes gleamed even as he grasped my hips to meet my rhythm. I shifted again, rolling my hips in a tight circle that made him groan deeper.

"One more time couldn't hurt."

His fingers lifted the shirt over my head instantly.

* * *

Purple sheets met my back as I turned to stare out my window. Snow blanketed the twilight shaded earth, the near forest silent. And distantly I listened to a lone howl in the night, too great and deep to be an ordinary wolf. A fresh yet familiar thrill raced through my chest.

_His forehead pressed against mine, his skin soft, firm and burning, mine cool, hard. "When can I see you again?" His hands caressed, pressed, memorized my every curve and imperfection. _

"_Jacob…we can't."_

"_Bells," he said in warning. His arms tightened, drew me so that his own flesh molded against my near infallible. _

"_We have to act the same," I insisted. "I don't want them to know about us. I can't let you destroy your life for me Jacob." _

_He growled with frustration, "**Not** being near you will kill me."_

I played with the cell phone I had ignored for the past two days, now filled to the brim with voice mails. I frowned and called the number, waited as a voice filtered through the line.

The instant the smooth honeyed tone filtered through the phone I froze.

"Bella! Where the hell are you? Seth called Edward to tell us about your run in with Volturi!" Rosalie's voice was fury incarnate.

The other messages were much the same.

"Bella, pick up your damn phone! We've had to deal with enough shit since we moved to Canada. But I guess you've been too busy recovering to check your e-mail or even give us a fucking phone call! Edward is freaking out and Alice is doing everything she can to calm him down. His plane arrived an hour ago. You better call back quick or I won't be responsible for the shit about to go down!"

"Bella Swan pick up your damn phone!"

I winced at the long succession of messages, guilt flooding the false peace I had known the last two days. The days I spent in Jacob's arms.

Cutting my phone off, I speed dialed Rose's number, knowing she would forgive me and preparing for the long succession of incomplete sentences and mild threats I would endure.

A cold, sick feeling filled my chest then, as the wind blew a familiar scent into my room and memories came rushing unbidden.

_Volturi guard, a scattered few among the nameless faces that haunted my dreams the nights Jacob had left. _

_Cold, powerful hands familiar upon my neck, his voice thick velvet, promising and damning._

He would come for me again. Once a Vampire made a decision or change it was irrevocable, as Edward's love. The Cullens were in Canada, I reasoned. So why?

Edward…Edward was in Canada.

A cool winter's breeze blew through my window, filling me with knowing. I glanced up, frowned to see it open and moved a blur of motion to shut and lock it in place.

A frozen marble hard hand clasped my shoulder and I turned round, stifling a scream when a pair of murderous topaz eyes met mine, perfectly sculpted features twisted in fury and pain.

"Bella." His voice broke and I was wrapped in his suffocating embrace.

_Edward_.

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**Review: Don't hate me! Lol, just keep reading and find out… Love you all for your awesome criticism, encouragement, humor, equal talent, everything! **


	21. Once

**Disclaimer: Stephanie, she can have Edward and all that comes with him since she obviously is in love with him lol. If she hadn't been so prejudiced we might not be writing the fanfictions! **

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**Chapter 21**

**Once**

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_Edward's skin, the surface a glaze of thousands of tiny diamonds, his eyes golden topaz enamored, enraptured…_

_Edward's arms wrapped around my waist, his frozen lips caressing mine…_

_His eyes cold as he left me alone, shattered, wandering blindly in a forest, where all I could see was his face…_

_He was thin and sickly pale, yet he still gleamed of thousands of tiny diamonds in the sun before an endless sea of red robes and I could not be late..._

_Edward's embrace wiped away my own tears as I realized I had almost lost him, us, eternity…_

"E-edward…" I stuttered as I was pressed against his cool body, now wrapped about mine.

"Bella…" He choked, inhaled deeply and my chest gave way.

I shivered, ensconced in what felt like ice after being drenched in fire. "Edward, w-what?" I was still in shock after the past two days spent in Jacob's sweltering heat.

Edward tensed, rigid against me and suddenly flew backwards through the air in a defying leap. He crashed against the wall with a venomous hiss. Thank God, Charlie was staying the night at Sue's.

I breathed in again and drank in the scent of my sun, my Jacob, that permeated not only my clothes, but my very pores. I cringed, realizing what had caused so violent a reaction in my ex boyfriend. I lifted my ochre gaze to face his accusing topaz orbs fixed on me in nothing short of horror and I stumbled back until I sat upon my bed and braced my hands over the violet comforter. I opened my mouth to speak and tears blurred my vision. He _knew_. And after all this time, after everything, the sight of Edward's pain still tore deeply at my soul…

His navy button-up shirt and dark pants were slightly haggard, I noticed, his bronze hair disheveled. Had he run the whole way here? And from where?

"You smell like _**him**_!" His voice raw with pain and he moaned, "Oh God…" His eyes darted about madly for a moment. His face twisted as though he was uncertain of how to react. He clung to the denial in his voice. "Bella, please tell me—I beg you, please tell me you have not—_given _yourself to that mongrel!"

"_**Don't**_ call him that," I hissed. All pity I might have felt for him, fled with his words. My fists clenched into themselves.

Edward rushed to stand before me, hands clasping mine as he bent over closer. His features were dazzling, mesmerizing as ever, though I noticed his effort not to breathe in Jacob's scent clinging to my body. "Forgive me, love."

His jaw clenched with the effort as he allowed himself to draw in air, breathe my scent underlying Jacob's. His long eyelashes fluttered a moment, brow furrowing, before he opened his topaz gaze once again and his grip upon my palms eased.

"I had not intended to dredge up the past between us…" he began.

"Then don't," I interrupted, cringing at the pain in his face. I was surprised that felt I was capable of pity after so much anger. Edward had tried to seduce me once, to change the future Alice could no longer see. He thought making love with me would seal my fate to his and I thought, with a mixture of sorrow and overwhelming thankfulness, it might have.

If there wasn't the memory of _him_. If I hadn't clung so tightly to Jacob's touch, kisses, look, words, his warmth in my dreams.

"Edward, what are you doing here?"

His eyes darkened, literally fading to black a moment as his grip on my hands tightened, murderous in his fury. "I came to _protect_ you Bella. Grateful as I am to the _dogs_ for saving you, I cannot allow mere children take charge of your life!"

My eyes narrowed. "My life? Edward my life hasn't belonged to you for some time now. Did you forget that? You went to England to forget, didn't you?!"

His fury was replaced by shock. His hands released mine as if my touch burned him. "I left because you wanted me to leave Bella. I thought you despised me. Had I known I had even a chance…"

A fresh wave of determination lit his eyes from within. I cringed, thinking I should have kept my thoughts to myself.

"But I never thought you would keep something like this from me, from us! Bella the Vampires who attacked you would have murdered you, or worse…" he shuddered, "stolen your soul. You have no idea what you are dealing with. You're not as strong as us. The next time they come for you, I promise they will not fail. You cannot honestly believe the wolves will stop them again."

"Why did Seth call you?" I frowned, changing the subject to my obvious vulnerabilities.

Edward froze, his face an emotionless mask. "I made contact with Seth shortly before I discovered you were returning to Forks, Bella."

"What? You asked him to spy on me for you?!" I could not hide my pain at the thought all the moments Seth had stood by my side these past months were connected to Edward. Yet I remembered Victoria, how Seth remained behind with Edward and me, how unlike the rest of the pack Seth's thoughts had been the most pure, his intentions true. Did Seth do it solely for Edward?

"No, not spy, Bella. I asked him to be my eyes, to protect you in ways I could not. And to let me know if anything happened as you seem to continue to remain a danger magnet." His voice barely hinted his irritation at my anger.

I held back my wild emotions, hid behind the mask he had, in a way, taught me. "Why stay in London when you could have followed me to Forks?" My words thick with sarcasm, as I lashed my frustrations on my former fiancee. His mouth turned up in the half smirk I had once found so endearing.

"Bella, did you really believe I could forget you wherever I fled? Wherever I went, your face, your voice, your scent remained with me. You are ingrained in my very soul, Bella, no matter who you choose. I cannot erase my feelings, any more than you can yours for the dog." The last he ground bitterly, cynically as the Edward I had heard the Cullens mention of, but never truly known myself. He sat down upon the rocking chair that had been in my room since my birth, his face pensive.

"When Seth called me I told Carlisle," he said. "We've been frantic ever since. Mostly because Carlisle does not believe the Volturi were responsible for what happened. Bella, you have to tell me everything that happened, everything that was said and done. The wolves keep watch. Their patrols are farther than before and more attuned. I barely managed to sneak in here without them catching my scent. But Seth said there were three that escaped. Faster than any he had seen, even me.

Carlisle said there is no logic in this attack. If Aro had been that interested in you, he would have brought you to Volterra, or extended an invitation in person, instead of murdering Renee and leaving you to slowly turn in an alley. He told Carlisle orders were given to check on you and be certain you were turned. But he had no knowledge of anything after that. Carlisle does not doubt his words."

"Carlisle _talked _to Aro?!" Panic at the thought of the red eyed monsters who haunted my dreams, austere and coldhearted.

"Yes." Edward moved to my bed, sat at the end of it, his eyes pleading. "Carlisle said something else Bella. That Aro actually sounded afraid when Carlisle described your change, and the attack. He's hiding something, but that isn't the most disturbing truth." He shuddered, an amusing sight, for a supernatural creature whose body felt frozen to the human touch.

Fear and terror flooded my mind along with the images of both nights. And so I told him everything. The odd attacks on animals and people in the woods and the packs reluctance to tell me their fears. Of the strong hands that grasped my neck in the alley I turned and the deep velvet voice, speaking as I watched familiar faces in a sea of unfamiliar dark robed figures.

"_And I am afraid, my dear, I cannot let you go now that I have you."_

Edward's expression was mercurial, from fury and outrage, to fear and loathing, to curiosity and determination. By the end, I was trembling from the upheaval of emotion. Edward's thumbs were making slow circles over my hands. I indulged in the small comfort, conscious of how Jacob's face continued to play through my thoughts.

He let go of my hands to pace again soon after with movements to fast for the human eye to see, but relatively normal to mine. "I have to tell Carlisle…" he spoke low. "There is more to this than we thought," he said, turning his fierce gaze upon mine. "Bella I promise you I will not rest until I have discovered the truth. If this Vampire is as old as the Volturi elders, there may be more at stake than even your life…" He frowned, but did not continue his thoughts. "You must come home with me until it is safe again."

His hand was upon mine.

I jerked it from his grasp. "No! I can't just leave like this Edward!"

Pain and anger filled his golden orbs. "Why? You're not safe here."

"Charlie's getting married in three day,s Edward. I'm _not_ leaving."

We glared back at one another for a moment that felt an eternity until the hard lines of his face seemed to soften.

"Fine. But the moment the wedding is over I need you to promise me you'll come. Just for a little while until we can figure this out."

I cringed.

"Bella _please_. Are you willing to endanger his life too?"

I froze. Rain that fell as ice hit the glass of my window. The clock downstairs ticked away the minutes, the hours that were so meaningless to me in contrast to the eternal life I was damned. I longed to be fully human, to treasure each second of life as it was intended.

"Bella?"

"Alright. Give me a week." I shut my eyes, wondering how I was going to explain this to Charlie, to Jacob…

I had told Sue I was only staying for the wedding. I could use that as my excuse. Say the Cullens had moved and needed my help sorting through things anyway. I frowned as I remembered Edward's earlier statement, fear of Jacob's reaction pushed aside. "Why did Rose say they moved to Canada? What happened?"

Edward's eyes darkened. "Emmett slipped. She was a singer."

My heart broke. I knew how tortured Emmett must feel. If I had known, I might have left, if only to see my brother, to help him.

"Fortunately, we already had a cottage down south and no one was suspicious. It's only a couple of hours away from Forks actually."

_No one was suspicious._ The weight of my thoughts struck me deeply. No one would ever find Renee's murderer either…

"Can—can you be sure to have Esme send me directions?"

Edward nodded. "Of course."

_Murderer…_

I had to change the subject or I knew the screaming hole in my chest would demand to be satisfied. I could not face the consequences of what my train of thought would bring. "Are you going back to London soon?"

"No. Not until this matter is settled."

"Did you—did you enjoy Oxford?"

"In a way." Edward moved to sit beside me so our backs were against the base of my bed. And I remembered all the other countless nights we had shared like this one, talking into the night. When our cares had been far simpler. "I enjoyed the atmosphere, far more sophisticated than nearly anything in America."

"Did you make friends?" I knew Edward's control of his thirst was second only to Carlisle. I was an exception to the rule, of course. I wondered if my blood still sang for him?

He glanced at me. "Not exactly. Not that there weren't plenty of people who tried. I transferred to Edinborough in the summer. And the weather up there is much more accommodating after all."

"What about the…the women?" I wondered at the curious frown on his face, as though he were reluctant, or confused himself.

"None can compare to you Bella. I cannot change my heart." He turned his face to mine and we were only inches apart. His features were perfect, desirable. Yet he was cold to the touch even now. He was the moon, cold and distant, unattainable…

His expression suddenly changed as he continued, "Alice wanted me to tell you hello by the way. She wants to apologize to you about things in person, but did mention you're going to forgive her eventually." He laughed lightly. "She'll be glad to see you again…we all will. Bella, won't you come now?"

I sat up and frowned. "No. This isn't a good time Edward."

"It's because of that dog isn't it?" His voice, often smooth as velvet, lowered to a rough hiss.

I could not meet his eye. His hand was upon my cheek and my eyes widened in surprise and fear.

"Then I shall wait, love. Remember your promise. Three days, or I come back for you. Remember this isn't only your life at stake."

He smiled, pressing a finger to the small crease between my brows, nearly hidden beneath Vampire beauty, yet perfectly visible to his perfect eyes.

"I love you," he whispered and then I felt a blast of winter wind, saw my open window and he was gone. My eyes lifted to the clouded heavens, the full moon hidden by thick black clouds.

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**Review: I'm sure many of you are wondering wtf? But hang in there. Things are not always what they may seem. **

**Thanks to everyone who has written amazing, beyond flattering or worthy reviews about FD lol. Questions will continue to be answered, opinions are welcome and criticism, always valued and considered. Keep reading and dreaming of our Jacob! I know I will tonight! ;)**


	22. Promise

**A/N: This chapter is dedicated to NoMidniteTipToe, who, like me just can't stand to let Jacob down again ;)**

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**Disclaimer: S.M owns it, whatever lol.**

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**Chapter 22**

**Promise**

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"_Remember your promise,"_ Edward's words haunted me. _"__Three days or I come back for you. Remember this isn't only your life at stake…"_

"Bells! You ready to go!" Charlie's voice called from downstairs.

"Yeah, go on ahead! I'll catch up later!" My eyes remained fixated on the small wooden charms chained to my wrist, one slightly worn, the other freshly carved. It was the new moon, carved with such detail I could see silvery light, the way it cast the world a tainted sheen. And carved into the center with such tiny detail a wolf's eye, startlingly lifelike and shaped just like _his_.

"Has she told you anything yet?" Charlie and Sue's voices were clear as though I stood beside them, even though I was still upstairs.

Sue laughed low. "No, but you shouldn't worry about it."

"What else am I supposed to do? I'm her father. She was with him for a _week_ Sue."

"I think she can take care of herself Charlie. You should be worried about other things at this point." She laughed and I smiled faintly.

_Three days…_

The moment dawn struck through my window, bathing my skin in a golden shimmer, ethereal glow for a half creature deceivingly made to be angelic, the weight of Edward's words struck me.

_Three days…_

Three days before Charlie and Sue's wedding. If only I could have at least a week, more _time._

As Charlie's cruiser pulled out of the drive my eyes fell to the crumpled paper resting on my bed. It had been smoothed as well as I could manage. The handwriting was familiar, pen pressed deep into the paper, rushed and flowing. I remembered the moments following Edward's departure again with painful clarity.

_I sat frozen as the wind blew in fresh snow, shivered as though the wind were Edward's touch yet lingering upon my skin. His words were like poison in my mind now. _

_The creak of the tree branches bent heavily and I jumped as a dark figure burst into my bedroom window with agility an even more ease than he had two years before._

_His brilliant grin flashed and abruptly faded when he saw I was not lying in bed. A small rugged bag, dangled from his hand and looked as though it had been torn through mud and limbs and thorns. _

_I struggled to breathe, my chest filling, expanding, heart fluttering madly, pounding so loudly it screamed in my ears. My desire for him was greater than any passion I had felt the night before, or even hours ago when I left him. I couldn't help but smile back. He knew we had agreed to go on as before, to pretend nothing had changed between us. _

_But Jacob was not keen on following the rules. _

_His voice sang to a piece of my heart that leaped, made me desperate to leap immediately into his arms. _

_Six hours. Had it only been six hours? _

_"I thought you'd be asleep." He took a step forward, grinning as he lifted the bag. _

_I stood at the edge of my bed, eager for his touch, needing his embrace, his lips, his being._

_His hands reached out to grasp hold of me, only to recoil seconds later._

_Jacob froze, tense, shuddering, trembling, muscles contorting and sinew popping as he struggled to cling to his current form. His eyes enraged and when he spoke, it was a roar. "__**FUCK**__! Bells he was fucking here?! His scent, it's all over you! Bells!" My name was a warning. His eyes pleaded, jaw clenching and his fists clutched the small sack. Yet a familiar coldness entered his gaze, brought a chill that I could not purge. I stepped forward. "DON'T!" he barked._

_I stilled, tears forming. "Jacob, it's not what you..." _

"_Don't tell me what I fucking think!" he interrupted. He began to back towards the window, hurried, disgusted against the consuming Vampire stench. _

I stared at the wrinkled paper, pulled from the memory and feeling numb as I read the words. Jacob had carved another charm for me, written me a letter. He wasn't one for great romantic gestures like Edward. His words were not effortlessly charming or eloquent. He showed his love through actions, through the glint in his eyes, through the charms I wore now on my wrist.

He had fled my room and I dared not follow him.

I could not help my anger afterward. He had overreacted, I told myself. I ignored the tug and pull on my heart that said his pain was my own. Until I picked up the tattered sack he had dropped upon the floor and discovered what was inside. The charm was fortunately intact and the letter only crinkled.

I knew instantly that this wasn't a new love letter, it had been his goodbye letter to me, a cathartic release of the words he hadn't been able to say two years before. I read it now with tears.

"_**Bells,**_

_**You left me two months ago…I can't believe it's taken me this long to accept that. To accept you could leave me even after I held you, touched you, made love to you. **_

_**Bells I can't get you out of my head. You haunt me. **_

_**I thought I could forget you. I damn well tried. **_

_**But when I dream, I see your chocolate eyes. When I tried to drown the pain it's your face that I remember after waking up the next morning. **_

_**And I think I'm beginning to understand why you left. Twisted and wrong as you were Bells, I know you try to sacrifice too much of yourself. But did you think about the fact I didn't want you to help me? That I could care less about the imprinting shit because no matter what happens I won't ever love anyone the way I love you now.**_

_**I promise. **_

_**I can't think about the fact you're probably one of them. I know it goes against everything my people believe, to love you. But can't stop and I don't want to. I don't think even if you showed up frozen I could stop.**_

_**Jake**_"

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The Clearwater's house was overflowing with werewolves. Their great hulking forms now tumbled and wrestled in the lawn after Sue shouted at them to not break the living room lamp. Colin and Brady romped with Seth near the grill outside. Charlie stared at them with a wry grin on his face not unlike my own. Sue hung on his shoulder before walking through the glass patio door and into the kitchen to rejoin the wolf girls.

The sun sat lazily on the tree lined horizon, golden and distant in the December sky, casting brilliant rays over Sam as he walked from the tree line, a scowl upon his face, Leah darting ahead of him.

"Come on Leah! Why can't you talk to me damn it!" His words were clear though walls separating us.

Leah's scowl darkened, her short, choppy, raven hair sticking as madly about her head, hanging over her eyes and against her face, as her prickly countenance. She cast a heated glance my way. Invisible daggers were thrown my way as she stalked past me, carrying the scent of ashes with her. Sam stood at the open glass door, his features broken, torn.

I took a step towards him, gaining his attention as dark eyes settled despairingly, guarded upon meeting mine, only to suddenly find myself lifted high into the air by two laughing werewolves.

"Bella! Come on we want you to...ah...check something for us!" Quil's laughter was infectious.

Embry squeezed my thigh and winked up at me. "Yeah you should really check it out!" He barely breathed the words through his deep laughter.

I caught sympathetic smiles from Kim and Rachel who had paused from their kitchen duties to watch. Rachel's eyes gleamed a moment and I wondered if Jacob had told anyone else Edward was in town, had been in my room…

I tried so desperately to wash his scent away from me. It must have worked because none of the pack seemed disturbed.

The Elders were already sitting outside around a decent sized fire pit. My eyes caught Charlie's amused glance. Seth, Colin and Brady were already muddied and covered in twigs rolling nearby. I tried to ignore the keen glances the Council sent my way.

"Where are we going?"

Quil hefted me better upon his shoulder. "Nope. Doesn't work that way Bella! Okay Em."

Embry dashed ahead of us a blur against the sun and shadows cast by tall evergreen.

"Hang on!" Quil warned.

I gasped as Quil sprinted after, laughing when I realized that I could have run faster than both of them if they allowed it. It amazed me that after everything they still treated me like the fragile human. It had been some time since I had ridden upon the shoulders of a werewolf. And I smiled against the crisp cold air, the sound of snow faintly crunching beneath Quil's shoes.

I saw a flash of light and blinked against the ever growing fire burning ahead. The air was filled with the smell of ashes, explaining Leah's pungent scent, earlier.

My mouth opened, agape when we came to a sudden halt at the edge of the beach before the largest bonfire I had ever seen. It was far too dangerous for the wood piled against itself was stacked tall and the flames licked high as the uttermost branches. Waves rolled in slowly nearby against the rocky shore and the sun shone gleaming gold over the calm sea. Though the air was freezing, I hardly noticed. My skin was far cooler than the average human, though warm to a full Vampire's touch.

Embry was rushing about with Jared and Paul as they made a game out of keeping the fire contained. I wondered how they had managed to light it upon such wet ground, until I saw Paul pour fresh gasoline and watched the heat stretch higher. The boys yelped as sparks flew a tiny burst of fireworks from the burning pine wood and towards their retreating forms.

Quil laughed, his grip on my thighs tightening. "Oh you girls are a bunch of pansies! Let the real men handle those flames! What do you say Bella?"

He tilted his head to wink at me and I whacked at his mop of dark hair. "Are you crazy? This is what you wanted me to see? If I wanted to see a display of testosterone I could watch the football game instead."

"Aw come on Bella! It's gonna be fun! We're gonna take turns to keep up appearances anyway."

Paul loped over to us a wolfish grin on his vibrant features. "Yeah, you know if I didn't know any better I'd say the leech was nervous." He winked and I hissed playfully back.

Embry punched Paul on the shoulder, though his head was considerably lower than the sinewy werewolf. "Easy Paul. We don't want you to try to take off Bella's head again."

Jared growled, "Are you three just gonna mess around or let us eat?"

Embry shrugged. "Anything to avoid the latest Sam and Leah smack down."

Jared responded by hitting the back of Embry's head, a stern look on his thin yet handsome face. "Show a little respect. He's still our Beta."

"Yeah! And he'd bite your head off in seconds if he heard you diss Leah one more time!" Quil laughed.

I yelped as he broke into a run around the fire when Paul moved to make after us.

"Hey! I was kidding!" he protested.

When we turned around, Jared was running into the trees and Paul following. He grinned over his shoulder at us now having rounded the fire. "We'll be back to check on you kids later. See ya wolf girl."

I frowned. "What's that about?"

Quil shrugged, face focused ahead. "Who knows, it's Paul. Okay, we have a present for ya. You ready to help us?"

"With what?" I turned and stared with open mouthed shock.

I was faced with a now mostly discarded pile of limbs and my stomach clenched. They were twitching, writhing and making me thankful I had not eaten yet. I gasped when I saw the only remaining head tossed among the pile, unrecognizable features save the burning red eyes glaring with open hatred into mine. My hands clenched so tightly on Quil he yelped.

"Easy Bella! Look! Took Jacob long enough to find this one and his two friends. We caught the trail last night and got them ready this morning. Thought you'd want to help us after what they did to you."

I gasped for breath, hands upon my chest as crimson eyes bore into mine. What about the Eldest? The one who had instigated the attack? The knowledge that three Vampires lay dismembered and barely existing before me, a fate that could easily be mine, did not cross my thoughts. Because I knew then they hadn't fled as Jacob thought.

They were here.

_He _was here, somewhere.

The beast caged deep within my human heart roared at the memory of hands and snapping teeth, of pain assaulted me. I trembled and was on the ground racing towards them. Quil held me back though I managed to pull him upon the ground with me.

I snapped threateningly at him. "_**Let go**_!"

"Embry?" Quil entreated his best friend.

And then Embry reached the pile, threw more limbs into the flames. The dismembered head consumed by fire. Unearthly screams died upon the wind. Soon all that was left of the pile was venom, blood and dead earth. The beast calmed, and panic resurfaced, shadowed by shame. I stood still in Quil's arms then, turned my head to meet his eyes.

"Sorry," I whispered.

He offered me a grin. "Guess it was a stupid idea. Jacob didn't give us permission really. We just thought you'd want to do it. After how they hurt you…" He frowned, troubled.

I watched him with pain. To the pack, even the elders and Council members of the tribe, Vampires would be something evil, something to hunt and destroy, creatures of mindless horror. Cold Ones. But they had all been human once, had souls, something I had believed and just as quickly disbelieved I had since my own unsuccessful change.

A dark cloud seemed to pass over my vision. I felt relief for the death of these murderers. Who knew how many lives they had taken over the centuries or decades of their existence? And what of the other, the Elder that changed me, desired me? Was he still hunting? Had he sent these three ahead of to see if the wolves had calmed down? I wished desperately then I could have questioned them, wanted to claw at Embry for not thinking of it first.

We were silent after that, the mirth from the afternoon faded. Once more happiness had been snatched by blood, by the cruel and merciless world we shared.

I watched as Embry and Quil kept the flames going, dodged fallen embers and sparks, listened to the constant popping of burning wood. The heat was comforting, the sun casting a rosy hue against the sea, pressing out colors too varied and brilliant to describe. No human words could contain the beauty my Vampire eyes saw.

And then Embry was standing at my side, hand burning through the fabric of my jacket. "Hey Bella. You okay?"

I struggled with the effort to smile. "Yeah... Thanks for bringing me here, letting me see."

He rubbed the back of his head. "Probably shouldn't have. I have a feeling when Jacob sees what we did we'll be in trouble."

I rolled my eyes. "Don't worry about that. I'm not as breakable as he seems to think." A chill passed through me when I realized the same could be said of Edward's opinion of me.

Embry's frown was pensive. "He doesn't see you as breakable. You don't know how much it killed him to learn you were almost dead Bella. I think he's just afraid of living without you again."

"Hey man! I can't do this by myself!" We both turned to face an exasperated Quil.

"I thought you were Superman," I offered. Quil grinned and puffed up, opening his mouth to answer.

"Don't encourage him." Embry smirked.

Stars lit the sea, the pale moon identical to the carved wood hanging from my wrist. The waves crashing at my feet were comforting as the pop of the pine logs, as the laughter from the boys near the dwindling fire.

Quil and Embry had been replaced some time ago by Seth now that the flames weren't all consuming. My soon to be step brother brought me a small plate of food. After so much time together he had learned my rule of smaller portions. And I finished the last bite of steak, turning to see a half sized and much more normal bonfire. Seth was lone and silent before it's glow, a dark silhouette. I came to stand beside him after throwing my Styrofoam plate against the flames and slipped my hand about his heavily muscled bare arm.

His eyes were surprised, his voice sad. "Edward came to see you."

I tensed, nodded.

"Bella, I'm sorry."

I bit my lip, remembering I had forgiven him already when the fresh wave of pain rekindled my frustration with my former Vampire boyfriend. I squeezed Seth's arm. "I forgive you Seth." Hope lit his sudden grin.

"Edward was my friend too you know. But I hope you know I didn't tell them just because of him." He turned his eye to the flames. "I did it for Jacob too."

His words were a low whisper so even my ears strained to listen.

"He couldn't be with you like he wanted. I felt like I could help. Bella, it never felt like a chore for me, looking after you. Jacob was grateful though he never said anything. In some ways I did it for the both of you. "

I couldn't help the grin that etched its way into my features. "Seth how did you know? I didn't say—."

Seth interrupted me, his grin growing wider. "Bella…you came back. I know you said you came for Charlie, and maybe a part of you did. But none of us questioned the real reason." His grin faded as he lifted his head as though listening for something, glancing back at the tree line. His amber eyes trained back to mine. "I gotta go."

I leaned against his arm, squeezing it. "What about the fire?"

A smile was behind his words. "I think you can handle a little heat. Besides, the pack is coming out now that the barbecue's over."

"What? Already? What time is it?"

Seth grinned. "Does it matter? Charlie's okay with it. They know we were having a bigger fire out here and he said it was good to have your adult eyes look after us."

I shook my head, laughing lightly. "That sounds like Charlie…"

Seth waited, knowing without words I had something else to ask him, something that had weighed heavily over me long before I arrived.

"Seth? Have you—talked to Jacob?"

A shadow passed over his features, his hair obscured eyes gleaming in the firelight. "Yeah. He's out on patrol tonight." His answer was evasive though his face a calm mask.

"But why does he have to patrol when the rest of you can come here? Doesn't the Council want him to come to these things?"

His brow drew together, his voice on edge. "He's Alpha. We obey him Bella, not question. Besides the Council knows what's going on." He bit his lip suddenly as though he had said too much.

"Okay…"

"I really ought to head back Bella. You'll be okay?"

A forced smile and my werewolf brother had turned, was running deep into the wood. I frowned as I watched his retreating back. More was going on than I had been told.

Silence followed Seth's retreat, a silence that quickly consumed my thoughts, and memory came to haunt me once more. Pressing the images of Jacob and Edward's looks of equal betrayal aside, I focused my eyes on the moon. My feet barely felt the cold as they pressed against the sands. I circled the wreath of flame, the biting winds held at bay by heat cast over my body. Waves rushed upon the shoreline, reaching for my feet and I turned my gaze as a heavy weight seemed to press against my entire being, freezing me into place. Air flooded my lungs sharply, painfully.

Jacob knelt, hunched over the edge of the fire several feet ahead of me, his profile rigid, haggard. The scar along his face gashed deeper against the contrasting shadow pressing at his back and firelight cast forward.

"You're still here…" he whispered.

"Charlie and Sue's wedding is in two days," I offered lamely.

"You didn't go with him." His tone flat, hard, his face tilting ever so slightly towards me.

I yearned to close in the space between us, the words from his letter heavy on my heart. In that moment I could have cared less about my fears. With Jacob so near I didn't care about the pack anymore. I longed to be selfish and claim him wholly, to run so far from everything nothing could touch us. And maybe, finally forget the past.

"No," I answered. I took a step forward.

_Only two more days…_

His fingers lifted towards the empty venom covered place his enemy had been hours before. "I caught them sniffing around Charlie's place." Jacob spit into the flames.

No doubt the taste of their flesh lingered upon his mouth. I shivered, wrapped my arms about my chest.

Jacob stood slowly then, stretching his long limbs. His shorts were tight, a pair I had seen on Seth a dozen times before. His russet skin gleamed in the firelight, ridges and planes of his bare chest heightened and desirable. Yet his deep scars made me flinch as though I could feel the claws tearing into my own flesh, and I took another step forward.

His eyes burned into mine, reflected embers, pleaded. He jerked as though to meet me, yet clenched his fists. "I lost the other three. They chose to run instead of face me. That means they're still out there Bella." His eyes flickered to my wrist, mouth twisting slightly as he let his words weigh upon the air.

"Jake…E-edward heard about the attack…He—he came to check on me."

_Please understand_, I willed him to hear my thoughts. His face contorted, body trembling at the mention of Edward's name.

He nodded just barely, his words more to himself it seemed than for me. "You didn't go back with him."

My voice was hoarse. "I _can't_ leave you."

And as I said it, I knew then it was true. Edward be damned, I couldn't do this, not to him, not ever again. My eyes fell, afraid of what I would see in his. And then I saw a pair of bare russet toned feet before me, long thick muscled legs, barely covered by small shorts cut just below the v-shaped muscle that disappeared into them. His abdomen, perfectly cut, rippling, rising and falling with his broad smooth chest, scars marking the sacrifice he had made for his family, his people…

I lifted my wrist, charms resting against my white flesh and pressed my fingers upon the nearest scar trailing from his upper chest to his stomach. Jacob breathed in sharply at my cool touch as my fingers burned against him. I bit my lip and shut my eyes, knowing I would never find the courage to say what I must again.

"Jacob—I know I've hurt you. I don't blame you for hating me, or for not trusting me. You can't think that Edward..." I paused to sigh and continued, "you have to know…" A sob choked my words and Jacob tensed beneath me, his hand moving to cover mine upon his chest, warming it 'til my skin felt human.

"When I left two years ago I was scared," I breathed. "I didn't know how to deal with what I was feeling for you. I'd already made my choice before, hurt you and everyone so much. I didn't feel worthy of you Jake. I thought…" I struggled to control the sobs wreaking my chest. Jacob's other hand rested over my jacket, my heart. My eye lashes fluttered with my nerves. "I thought that if I let you go, it would be the first unselfish thing I had done for you. You could—find your imprint, start a family."

Tears formed as it suddenly struck me that was another thing I could never give him.

"I never told Edward what happened between us, but every time he touched me, I saw _you_, _us_…" My words were cut off then by unsteady lips pressing upon mine, tasting them, moving to cover the tears upon my cheek.

His hands rose to tangle deep into my thick curls as he pulled me closer to him. Sobs tore freely from my barely parted lips, and he covered them with his own again, not stopping until desire overcame my sorrow, anger with myself for what my intended selflessness had done to him. His hands were about my waist, pulling me flush against him until his warmth filled me. I sighed into his embrace, and his face was before mine, his eyes shining, pained.

"Bells… baby I'm so sorry," he said hoarsely.

"Why? You didn't do anything wrong Jacob."

His lips twisted into a wry grin. "Oh yeah?" He shook his head. "Silly Bella, you gotta stop blaming yourself for everything, honey. It's my fault too. I should have known better, should have come after you, made you listen until that leech's shit left your head." His eyes hardened. "He wants you Bells. He always has. And as long as I knew you loved him best, I knew he wouldn't ever stop."

His eyes burned then, lit with fire as his hands lowered to my ass, held possessively. "But you came back. And there's no chance in hell I'm letting you go this time." A low growl rumbled beneath his words and I knew Jacob would keep his word, until death.

"Jacob…Edward didn't just come back to check on me."

His eyes narrowed as he spat out his words, "What other bullshit did the bloodsucker tell you?"

"Some of the Vampires you killed worked for the Volturi, but Carlisle's already talked with their leader. Aro didn't know anything about the attack, only that someone was sent to check and make sure I had been turned."

Jake trembled, furious as my hands smoothing over his back, tracing lazy circles until the trembling eased. Slowly, the beast in his eyes was replaced by my Jacob.

"Edward has been trying to find out who was behind the attack," I added. "The Cullens are afraid. I think there's something Edward wouldn't tell me, something else…"

Jacob's hands tightened. "Bells, I will never let anything happen to you. Do you understand?"

He waited until I met his eye. I felt as though the air was suddenly pulled from my chest, as though all the warmth and love in the world was showered upon me in that instant and I gasped for breath. His forehead pressed against mine.

Jacob breathed in my scent, fingers lifting to trace, memorize my features. "I _can't_ loose you."

Embry's words echoed in my head, "_I think he's just afraid of living without you again._"

"You won't." I promised.

He sighed against my mouth. I couldn't help but whimper at the caress. His warm lips pressed mine slowly. Jacobs arms lifted me off the ground, against him, groaning as I brushed over the bulge in his shorts. His mouth descended hungrily upon mine then, tongue brushing my lips and plunging in to tangle with mine.

I wrapped my legs about his waist, and his tongue slowed against my lower lip, teeth grazing my sensitive skin, lips moving to kiss my cheek, my jaw and trailing down my neck. I blinked when I felt his wet tears upon my cheek. And then his face was buried into my neck as his chest shook not with anger but sorrow at the thought of losing me, with fear.

My fingers ran through his short black hair gently and I whispered, "I'm not going anywhere."

Both of us tensed when the sound of light footfall approached from the trees. Jacob's arms held me tighter, reluctant to let me go and as I pulled from his embrace, his eyes burned dark and unfathomable against mine. I sought to control my breathing as I circled the fire. Jacob stood frozen, eyes following me, even as the pack came onto the beach.

"Hey, surprised to see you both here." Leah glanced at me with a grim smirk. But she could not disguise the pain in her eyes, and I noticed that Sam had not joined the rest.

"Easy Leah, I would hate to see Jacob beat you to the ground _again_." Paul mocked.

"Shut up asshole," she snapped.

Colin and Brady started laughing, and the tension eased immediately after.

Eventually I found myself snuggled between Embry and Quil on a log they rolled in front of the bonfire. The others took turns jumping the dangerous flames, usually falling into dashed embers before rolling off with a smug howl. It was easy to laugh at Colin and Brady's taunting of Embry, who ended up wrestling the both of them on the ground.

Leah's form was dark and set apart from the flames, staring off at the waters, yet no one moved to comfort her. We all knew she would sooner take their heads off than act grateful of the attention.

Paul and Jared flanked a very tense and silent Jacob, who I now realized stood a good two inches higher than any of the others. Even the breadth of his chest was broader, and the glint in his dark eyes fiercer. They told stories of the old days, of hunts after stupid leeches, and embarrassing pack stories, like Quil chasing a rabbit nonstop for two days, or seeing compromising images in each other's heads.

The weight of the evening eased. The stars gleamed brighter and the wind seemed not so fierce.

Seth came to take Embry's place at my side, his arm lying comfortingly over my shoulders and I leaned in grateful for his heat. I wished the other wolf girls were here and not back at the Clearwater's still. And yet I was thankful, for being around them only reminded me the truth that I had more in common with Leah than them, that I wasn't human enough to ignore the disgusting scent that always clung to their blood.

"Hey, what's wrong?" Seth whispered low over the growls and shouts from the wrestling match nearby, the current argument between Quil and Paul as Jared tried to calm their tempers.

"Nothing," I lied, but when I glanced up, Jacob's eyes were still trained on me, hard and thoughtful, pained, distantly fearful. I forced myself to look away, feeling his pursual all too keenly. The memory of his kiss lingered on my lips, intensifying the aching need to be close to him.

Seth squeezed my shoulders. "I can take you back if you want. You've been out here all night."

I shrugged, frowning. Distantly I heard Paul smack Jacob on the arm. "Come on man back me up! You were there! He practically salivated over those girls."

"Did not!" Quil shouted angry. "That was before Claire!"

Paul laughed, "Come on man, even you can't just be satisfied with a little girl."

The resounding smack as Quil lunged into Paul, Jared shouting something about _phasing in the woods _and_ not here_. Seth's arm tightened and my eyes lifted for the excuse to meet Jacob's once again.

"It was just a joke!" Paul was laughing at Quil's attempts to choke him.

"Paul, shut up!" Leah growled at them as they nearly bumped into her. She glanced towards the fire, at Jacob, and he tore his eyes from me only a moment to nod. She was between them in an instant, arms straining as she grasped Paul about his chest and flung him into the air and into the freezing waters.

Quil began shouting after him, "Yeah serves you right as-ah!"

Leah had lifted and deposited the smaller werewolf into the waves. "Cool off!" She growled before turning back to the fire and stopping just short of the hot flame.

I grinned as the rest of the pack howled with laughter, and then Colin and Brady jumped into the sea. Within seconds Quil and Paul were shoving the other playfully and soon only Seth and Jacob were at the fireside with me. Even Leah raced in after Paul when he shouted enough suggestive comments her way.

Seth turned to me then, ignoring the scowl on Jacob's features to elbow me. "So what do you say? Wanna join em?"

I wrinkled my nose. "No thanks. I don't like the cold if I can help it."

Seth winced slightly at my words, his arm tightening briefly on my shoulder. His eyes darted to Jacob beneath his lashes before returning to mine. "Right."

"Go in if you want. I'll be fine Seth."

His eyes brightened and with a brilliant grin, ran to join the others. I stared after him a moment trying to ignore the heat of Jacob's gaze before standing. He was walking towards me a blur of motion, his brow drawn, eyes intent and I froze, afraid of what he might do in front of the pack, afraid of what they would think to see him touching a _leech_.

Jacob came to stop mere inches before me, his hand lifting to tilt my chin, to crane my neck up to meet his gaze. His other hand grasped mine, covered it. His eyes were warm, pleading. He whispered low, lower than the wolves would be able to hear. "Meet me at my place in an hour."

I glanced at the splash and smack as bodies were dunked into crashing waves, laughter and growls and howls.

Jacob's fingers tightened over mine, a thrill raced through my chest, my breath caught.

"We can't," I whispered even lower.

His eyes were dark, pleading, his voice nearly inaudible. "Please Bells…"

For a long moment I stared back, saw the boy I had loved buried deep within the man and vulnerable, desperate, as though my leaving would be the death of him. I bit my lip and his hand tightened, fingers falling from my chin as I nodded quickly.

Dawn thawed my frozen form, sunlight bathed and flooded my senses, summer and life and joy, all wrapped up in his sudden smile. He stepped away, his fingers falling away from mine and with a sigh I turned and fled into the shadow bent trees.

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**Review: if you wanna :)**


	23. Lies

**A/N: _This update is dedicated to Rachel Sparrow, because she "stayed up all night" :)_  
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**Disclaimer: S.M penned it.**

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**Chapter 23**

**Lies**

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"You girls be careful out there. Charlie says they found another body shredded to pieces just the other day. The news is gonna have a field day. I'm afraid of what could happen if the police decide to patrol those woods again." Sue's voice was low, dripping with concern.

"It's nothing the boys can handle I'm sure." Kim's answered in a soft and hopeful tone. Their eyes turned to the glass door then, words fading as they saw who was waiting on the other side.

"Well, look who decided to show up!" Jacob's sister exclaimed.

Rachel's eyes danced as I stepped through the patio door and into the kitchen. Fiddling nervously with my windblown hair, it took me a second to remember the wolf girls couldn't smell _his_ scent on me like the pack could. And so I stopped worrying and tried to relax.

Sue popped Rachel with a dishtowel. "Rachel Black! Your mother taught you better manners!"

Rachel laughed, dancing around Kim to place another clean dish into the cabinet.

Sue's black eyes gleamed as they met mine. "So," she said, "did you have a fun time at the bonfire?"

Kim rolled her eyes. "You don't have to answer that Bella. I think we all know how those bonfires go." She smiled at me sweetly while Rachel's eyes continued to sparkle conspiratorially. "Why do you think we chose to stay here? They would have had us in the water in minutes."

I thought of the vampire limbs heaped beside the bonfire and the acrid scent that wafted from their decayed flesh. No, they didn't know everything that went on at those bonfires. I grinned faintly and said, "Is there anything I can help with?"

Sue's eyes peered through the glass a moment before she turned to me with an easy smile. "Maybe you could go check on the elders. I think they've all gone home now but I've been busy cleaning up here. Oh, and don't forget about tomorrow!"

I smiled. "I'll be there." Tomorrow was the rehearsal dinner. I turned, my hand at the glass door. "Did Charlie go home already?"

"_I caught them sniffing around Charlie's place."_

Shame and fear filled me as I remembered his words. I should be with Charlie. How much time had I actually spent with him the last week?

Sue's eyes were settled over me, and I felt the strange sensation she knew exactly what I was thinking. "He's staying the night at Billy's place. They claimed they wanted to have some pre-bachelor party celebration." She winked and shook her head.

I nodded before turning to face the night air once more. Echoes of laughter filled the kitchen behind me as the girls turned to lighter conversation, more stories of the boys and a few of Charlie I hadn't heard before.

The fire was small now, composed of embers and coals more so than flames. In the low haze of smoke and amber shade a lone figure stood. His back was hunched faintly, defeated, I realized, fists clenched and dark head bowed low.

_Sam. _

I was at his side in a breath, an instant. He did not face me, did not stir. I waited, focusing my gaze on the dying embers and wondered if the sight of me disgusted him, this half creature he had so desperately tried to save. In some ways I could thank Sam for my life as much as Jacob. I smiled at the memory and said, "I was thinking of the night you found me in the woods. How I saw what I thought was a dream of a great black wolf coming to me from the forest… You saved my life that day."

"_Hmph_…" he grumbled. "Did I?"

A curtain of my hair obscured my face, though the wind began to batter against it. "Yeah. You're a good man Sam." I glanced up and caught his pained expression.

"You shouldn't say that." Stone set, his face remained an impenetrable mask, reminding me of the example Jacob had learned from.

"Why not? What we've done in the past doesn't have to make what we become." My eyes were lost to the embers again as my own words sank in. No one had asked to take mine and Renee's lives that day. But hadn't my own decisions brought us both to that back alley? The thought struck me cold and I fought back tears. And then Sam's warm hand was upon my shoulder, his skin fire to my ice and I blinked up to find him facing me.

"Bella. It's not your fault."

I glared at his hand on my skin. "How can you not be disgusted?"

His fingers slipped away, eyes incredulous. "By what? You? Bella the fact you are as you are now shows everyone how much you fought this. Which is much more than I can say for myself."

"But you're so strong though Sam."

He smiled bitterly, eyes carrying a haunted look I had never noticed before. I realized I had never been close enough to notice him since I came home.

"Not really Bella. I don't think it's a secret to anyone."

"You're talking about Leah, aren't you?"

Sam stared at me as though struck. "Has she talked to you?"

I raised an eyebrow in question. "Leah? Girl talk?"

His laugh startled me, hollow and empty as though it had been far too long since he had.

"I guess you're right."

I watched him, curious and tentatively said, "You love her don't you?"

His smile was sad and reflected in his deep, wood brown orbs. "Always. Some things don't change with imprinting." His brow drew together, a flurry of emotion. "I could have fought it harder…but I didn't. I failed her from the first, you know. Every time I fail her." His voice fell softly against the howling wind, the distant wolf cries now sounding against the moon. Sam's head lifted towards them, then hung once more. "I shouldn't—shouldn't feel this way. If Em-Emily knew…" He choked on his words.

"You can't keep blaming yourself for what happened Sam."

His eyes were desperate, voice broken. "Don't you see? It'll always be partly my fault she died! She was so scared for us, for the baby…" He shook with the urge to change. "I betrayed the pack and the tribe after that! Jacob let me off easy, really."

"It was just a few scars Sam. Nothing he probably didn't deserve." My grin felt forced. I wanted to lighten the sorrow lying thick as the smoke wafting towards us. Sam frowned, his voice gaining an edge more reminiscent of the Alpha I had known.

"Scars? Bella, his scars weren't because of me."

"What?"

"Bella…it was _Edward._"

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Wind blew through my hair. Knarled tree limbs tore at my nearly impenetrable skin and the clouds rumbled with unshed rain, crackled with barely contained lightning, violent as my thoughts.

I could almost see Jacob's black eyes burning through my mind's eye, could almost see his fury at Edward, his voice roaring, beating my senses.

"_Bells if you __**fucking**__ go to him now I swear to God, I won't wait around for the next time you change your mind!"_

And yet he had waited…but why? Sam had not betrayed any more of what happened between Edward and Jacob, choosing to find Leah instead.

I screamed as I jumped off the edge of a low precipice, landed evenly upon loose bracken, screamed when I barely felt the impact. I was screaming because I could not bleed easily. I could not punish myself. But it was my fault. It was always my fault. My decisions had led Jacob down the solitary road he had chosen, had led Edward to self imposed exile more than once. Both had suffered, everyone we knew suffered.

**_Because of_****me.**

If I hadn't moved to Forks then none of this would have happened. A sick cold dread filled me the deeper I fled into the woods. I was far from the usual haunts I had roamed with Seth months before. This was uncharted territory, unfamiliar, unknown.

At last my legs tripped over fallen limbs and my hands were wrist deep in mud.

Instinctively, I knew Jacob must have fought for me and that Edward had lied. Now, each time I looked into _his_ eyes I would see the scars he had born for _me_.

A high-pitched moan escaped me, a gasp echoed in the shadow filled trees.

Though the clouds above rumbled with thunder over a land dark as midnight, I could see, clearly as the venom in my blood allowed. Yet as my heart pulsed, I sat back on my knees and breathed slowly as my eyes darted about the thick wood.

Another sharp cry echoed behind me.

I turned to see a blur of shadow, a gleam of white, a shift of silver darkness.

I gasped and I blinked at the figure suddenly standing before me.

A pale girl, chin length blonde hair a mess about her face, eyes bright and blue, trembled against the cold night air. Scratches and bruises and blood had marked her, and she covered herself with her arms weakly. Yet it was her eyes that drew me, so large and frightened and unnatural.

I frowned, stood and spoke. "Are you okay?"

I tried desperately to think of an excuse, any excuse as to why I should be wandering the forest like this. And yet wondered the same of this girl.

She whimpered in response, eyes wide and unblinking.

I took a step towards her and she flinched, yet did not move to run. Her scent was not disgustingly sweet as a human, I realized as I breathed in. My muddied hand rose to my nose as the most horrid scent I had ever come across assaulted my nose. It smelled wet, musty, putrid…_of death_.

The beast rose immediately from inside me. I felt my muscles flex as I crouched low, fists falling to my sides as I gritted my teeth against the hair raising stench.

"Please…" the girl moaned, voice hoarse, small and sorrowful. "Where am I?"

Narrowing my eyes at her, I tried to glance around us at the trees and knew I should run. But the beast reclaimed ownership over my thoughts and compelled my body to begin a wide, half arc around the girl.

She spoke again. "I'm so hungry miss."

Her eyes flashed.

I gasped, pushed the vampire back as the clouds began to part and the silvery moon fell through thick snow laden boughs to cover us both.

The girl screamed and stretched, sinew and bones popping, skin bursting and white fur growing, then filling the space between us. Her scream became a sudden roar and the wolf stood back on its hind legs a moment, impossibly taller than me. Its snout was an unnatural blend that was half man and half creature, far unlike the shifters I knew. Its blue eyes were cold and lifeless now, purely animal and it howled loud and long into the night before falling upon all fours in a strange hunched over crouch. Then its head rose to face me.

Fear stiffened my limbs, even as my Vampire senses roared in outrage, to cry out in hatred and long for death.

I felt my human thoughts retreat deeper into my mind as I continued to circle the werewolf. Vaguely, I remembered Carlisle's talk on the nearly extinct species and the difference between Quileute and true werewolves. Vampires had hunted them down long ago, he had said, for they were mindless animals, held sway by the lunar cycle of the moon. This creature retained no memory of its beastly form, felt no mercy or pity, only blood, only hunger.

And I knew then that I was weaker and not strong enough to destroy it on my own. I knew then the beast would not stop until it had destroyed me completely.

The werewolf lunged at me with a half snarl and howl as its massive claws rose towards my face. I moved only just faster, darting beneath its hulking mass and to the trees. I ran the way I came.

A furious howl echoed behind me with the thunder, and then I could only hear the thud of my heart, my breath coming in short gasps, the huff and snarl of the creature at my heels…

In my mind, I saw the scar running down Jacob's perfect features, his dark eyes filled with hate and sorrow at once. "_Bells_." Something deep shifted within me, the fear fading even as an unfamiliar energy filled my limbs. My legs clenched, and then pressed faster, heart growing stronger, beat faster.

_Stop._

My feet steeled themselves into the cold hard earth, just as the werewolf lunged and landed on the other side of where my body had just been. And then it was suddenly on top of me.

My arms reached out, hands grasping about its throat and hand-shaped paw, twisting and clenching, even as its claws dug into my arm. With a snarl, I threw the werewolf before my feet and pressed its face into the earth, harder and further. I felt no emotion, no remorse. I didn't even stop to wonder, to think.

With a white blur of motion and sheer power, it pulled itself from the earth and scrambled away from my grasp.

I waited patiently as it stood once more, two legs and its unnatural form struggling to balance upon its hind legs. Blue eyes flashed pain and hatred. With quick growl it ran at me again and my hands rose instinctively.

A visible shield began to grow from deep within me and then through my limbs, my fingers. With a sudden blast it broke against the trees and pushed the creature against a fallen trunk, shattering the wood against the force of its great weight.

For a moment the werewolf whimpered and then struggled to pull itself up once more, crouched low as it turned its massive white head to face me, eyes cold as sharp steel knives and frozen winds. It sprung quickly into the air, running upon all fours, snarled, clawed, bit at the air around me as I darted from its grasp.

Flinching from a fresh pain in my arm, I cried out when its sharp teeth sank into my hard skin.

Lifting my hand once again, I pushed my shield out faster now and it exploded in rapid waves against the werewolf. Though it shuddered in pain, it did not let go, or stop. My hand clenched, fist connecting with its face and the creature at last stumbled back.

Blood, mixed with venom, oozed from my arm. Pain faded as I continued to block another attack.

It was then I heard the crunch of trees, of paws against the snow packed earth, the huff of breaths, growls and snarls. A fresh sweet scent met my nose as four giant wolves barreled into the small clearing of broken tree trunks and shattered brush.

One was smaller than the others, silver. Leah's wolf eyes glanced over at me only a moment before she lunged first at the true werewolf, just before the senseless creature's paw met my flesh. Both wolves tumbled upon the muddied earth, though Leah was dwarfed in comparison.

I blinked, stumbled and sank helplessly into myself, arms wrapping about my chest as I realized what had almost happened. And a new emotion rose to the surface and screamed louder than the others. Anger.

The pack had pinned the true werewolf onto the ground, and stood menacingly over her, yet did nothing.

Charlie had said something was stalking hikers, ripping animals apart senselessly for months now. Felix's face flashed through my mind and the ancient perfection of my attackers days before. Carlisle said the Volturi had hunted true werewolves down to extinction supposedly. Pieces of the puzzle began to click together in my mind rapidly with bitter understanding. It hadn't been the Volturi. It had been that pale frightened girl, this monster. And the pack had known.

A russet-furred wolf approached me, its dark eyes pleading even as, with a flash of fur, skin and sinew, Jacob stood naked before me. Chest heaving, his eyes were filled with fear and pain as he lifted me from the earth and into his embrace with a blur of motion.

"Bella!" He sighed into my neck.

I stared numbly back into his eyes when he shifted to look at me, cradled me as he would a child in his arms, his gaze lowering to the gash in my arm. His jaw clenched, body trembling as his obsidian orbs ignited with fresh fury. Never taking his eyes from my arm, he growled out, "Take her back to the cabin until she calms down."

I glanced at the other three wolves and quickly recognized Seth beside Leah. A great, black furred wolf turned to meet my gaze. Sam.

_Betrayal, confusion, anger._

I watched helplessly as Jacob began to run through the forest, almost as fast on his human feet as his wolf form. His skin burned against my cheek. I turned from the blur of trees and to his chest and its prominent scars.

Jacob had fought for me…and Edward had lied, once again.

The Volturi had come for the true werewolf, hadn't they? Yet what of the others, the faces I had not recognized and Aro's denial to Carlisle?

I saw the image of Leah and Seth, holding the white creature to the earth with their larger bodies, _protecting_ a murderer.

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**Review: If you like :)**


	24. Power

**Disclaimer: _Steph can keep her pansy Edward. I'll take Jacob and share him with y'all on weekends ;p_**

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**Chapter 24**

**Power**

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"Shit, Bells…why couldn't you have just come to my place when I said!" Jacob kicked at the dresser sitting against his bedroom wall, his hands rising to the air as the wood splintered in effort to hold itself together. Veins popped in his neck as he leaned against the dresser top, face flung into his palms, hair ruffled from pulling at it during the past hour I had been lying in his bed.

The pain had faded to a dull ache in the minutes Jacob slowly helped me apply venom from my mouth onto the Werewolf's bite. The skin was softer, not as soft as my human skin had been, but still vulnerable, I thought with a groan. If I was going to be worrying about Vampire _and_ Werewolf attacks now, another weakness was the last thing I needed.

"One hour," he moaned. "Why couldn't you have waited? Why didn't you at least stay with Sue?"

But in my mind I could only hear Sam's words. "_It was Edward_." And as he turned to face me I could see clearly the scar running from the corner of his scalp, along his cheek and fading into his jaw, the wound he had born for _me_.

I lowered my chin and focused my gaze on the black sheets. "Jacob, I just got mauled by a werewolf…" My eyes flickered to his in the silence after. I could feel anger begin to rise up in me again. Why the lies? Why wouldn't they destroy such a mindless monster?

"Bells…"

"Jake, do you have any idea what you're protecting?" I narrowed my eyes on him and watched his own darken. Yet I caught a glimpse of doubt then, a flash of uncertainty.

He began to slowly pace the room, running his hand through his short black hair nervously. "It's not what you're thinking."

"What the hell!" I shouted, unable to contain it any longer. "Jacob, _that girl_ is a _Werewolf_!" I held up my freshly bandaged arm to him and he flinched. "She's not like you or Sam, or Quil, or any of the pack. She's not even technically the same species!"

He frowned, agitated. "What would you know about it?"

"I know that Carlisle lived with the Volturi long enough to know their history. Carlisle said your pack are Shape Shifters and that's the only reason the Volturi haven't come and killed you all! True Werewolves have been hunted down by Vampires for centuries, almost to extinction!"

"Vampires like _you_?" Jake began, his voice hardening with that familiar mask. "Bella, we saw what you almost did to Anna! You could have killed her!"

I glared at him incredulous. "Like she would have killed me?!"

He crossed his arms over his bare chest, making his muscles involuntarily flex. "Anna wouldn't hurt anyone!"

"Jacob, she's not like you! True Werewolves don't remember what they've done during the change and they can't control the beast or their thirst for blood. Where do you think all the animal and human deaths came from? When do you think the cops, _my father, _are going to wise up? Didn't you learn anything from Harry..." I trailed off at the look in his eyes and knew I had gone too far.

Jacob turned, eyes flickering to mine, with raw anger and pain. "She said she didn't remember anything…I thought…"

"You thought it was _my kind_ didn't you?" I fought to control my emotions, could feel the heat pulse in my half frozen skin, and gripped at his sheets until my fingers began to tear the fabric. He took a step towards the bed.

"Bells…" His eyes were filled with the kind of longing that made me want to forget everything, to rush into his arms and pretend that we were just Bella and Jacob and our lives were simple, human.

Obsidian eyes flashed against the pale lamplight again as he turned, fingered the fringe of his shorts with one hand and glanced at me, before he dared to sit beside me. "Anna came to us. She'd heard about a pack of werewolves that lived in this area but she wanted to know if the rumor was true. She got attacked when she was eleven, Bells. Her family had been camping in the woods up north and she was the only one who survived. For the last five years she's only been able to remember bits and pieces. She came to us for help." He frowned, lost in thought and I listened, dumbfounded that he and the pack had kept something like this secret from everyone.

"How long has she been here?"

He met my eyes reluctantly. "Just before the attacks started. We thought that by tying her down we could help her learn control…"

I sighed. "You should have told me about this before. Did you even realize the Volturi showed up because they wanted to kill her? They know she's dangerous."

"We're not going to allow any _bloodsuckers_ kill our own kind." His words were hard, forced. "Would you have thought twice about killing her Bella?" His eyes narrowed as he prepared himself for my answer.

"She didn't think twice about killing those hikers, did she? That's because she didn't _think _at all. Jake you have to get her out of Forks. There's been enough weird things happening around this place the last several years. We can't let people get suspicious again."

"It's not her fault."

"She's not human! You don't have to protect her!"

"Don't pretend you understand Bella! You're not one of us exactly, now are you? This doesn't concern you!"

"Don't you _dare_ tell me that Jacob Black! I'm the one who got bitten, damn it!"

His mouth tipped up in a half smirk. "Afraid you'll turn?"

I rolled my eyes. "What I thought I knew about Vampires wasn't true. There's no telling what's been screwed up the last couple centuries about her kind. Besides, I've never heard of any Vampires turning into Werewolves."

The tension eased for a moment between us. I caught the longing in his eyes and wished so desperately to forget, but I couldn't ignore the truth. "Jake, I have to talk to the Cullens about this. Even if it was just Volturi who came to hunt Anna, it doesn't explain who the others were, or why they would want me. Carlisle might know…"

"NO." Jacob was already trembling slightly, eyes wide, desperate. "Bella you _can't_! It's not safe!"

Tentatively, I reached out and covered his hand with mine, fire against ice. I smiled sadly. "Right now you have too much to worry about without having to watch me every second. I'll leave tomorrow morning. Hopefully I can be back in time for the rehearsal dinner…" Lost to my thoughts, I didn't catch the pain in his eyes until his fingers tightened over mine.

"Bells—please don't go to him."

I bit my lip. "I could call them I guess…but I want you to answer me one question. No more secrets Jake, for either of us."

He sighed heavily. "Anything."

As he leaned closer, I lifted my hand from his to lightly trace the deepest scar running over his chest and he shivered against my touch. "Why didn't you tell me Edward did this to you?"

In one instant Jacob's eyes flashed, hardened and he jerked from my grasp and off the bed. His gaze was cool and calculated, bitter and harsh. "Who told you that?!" He shouted so loudly, I cringed.

"It doesn't matter. Just answer the question Jake!" I buried my guilt at the moment, remembering that whatever had happened between them was because of me.

"Looks like you're just gonna have to run back to you bloodsucking friends after all." His words so bitter, devoid of warmth and the room chilled as he left me. "Let yourself out." His voice trailed as he descended the stairs and slammed the door.

* * *

"Bella Marie Swan! I could kill you for ignoring my phone calls!" Rosalie's arms tightened over me lifted my smaller frame off the wide front porch and swiftly over the threshold. I laughed as Emmett came from behind her, his hulking frame squeezing me even harder.

"Baby sis! God, I've missed you!"

"Emmett! Can't—breath!" I gasped and Emmett chuckled as he set me roughly down.

"Sorry, I forget you're still breakable!"

A hand came to ruffle my curls, and I grasped his wrist, twisting him in a flash, so his arm was now pinned against his back. "But not so weak, huh?"

Rosalie stood across from us, arms crossed casually over her chest, her beauty so perfect, so breathtaking, it was nearly painful to hold her gaze. A faint grin marked her full lips and she shook her head, long golden curls bouncing about and catching the morning light. "It's about time you came home. Emmett's been going out of his mind without someone to wrestle."

I released my brother and smiled up into his twinkling eyes, detecting a trace of unusual sorrow that reminded me the reason they had moved from Alaska to Canada and only a couple hours drive from Forks, shorter if you drove like we did. Emmett had been the most diligent in the hunt for my attackers, partly to erase the constant guilt of slipping. I still hadn't heard the full story of how he had attacked a human.

"Bella! Sweetheart, it is so wonderful to have you home!" Esme walked into the front room of the vast mansion, eyes overflowing with unconditional love I could feel when she wrapped her arms about me in a fierce hug. I sighed slightly into her cool embrace. I had forgotten how wonderful it was to have a mother like her.

"Bella." Carlisle smiled, only a few paces behind his wife. Yet his eyes told me he knew I had come for more than just a casual visit. I nodded back with a warm smile, taking in the beauty of their new home. Unlike their last house, a modern creation with glass walls and clean clear lines, this mansion was more old fashioned. It resembled something I imagined from an early nineteenth century novel, dark wooden walls and heavily tiled and thick richly hued, carpeted floors. Antique furniture graced the front entrance and hall, as well as the tilted wooden cross and plaque of graduation caps I remembered. Yet there was a coat of arms and older paintings I had not remembered from before. Somehow, the home still remained light and warm. For a moment, I found myself longing for the simplicity I had known living with the Cullens, compared to the difficulties I had found in Forks.

After what was a long moment for a Vampire, but a fraction of a second for a human, I turned to smile at my family once more. "Where are the others?"

"Hunting," Carlisle quickly said. "I don't think Alice saw your coming." He smiled faintly.

Ducking my head so a curtain of hair covered my face, I bit my lip with embarrassment. How much had Edward told them about Jacob? The thought of _him_, my sun, my best friend, and my true love made me ache, yearn to fill the empty hole in my chest. And then I wondered if _hunting_ meant for blood, or my attackers.

"Yeah…so how have you guys been adjusting?"

Stories abounded over the next few minutes. Esme insisted they cook breakfast for me, and I found the kitchen was amply stalked for what she claimed my first visit. Emmett seemed happier than usual. I could tell from the wistful, pleased glance on Rosalie's face, and the bemused one on Carlisle's.

For a moment I could almost forget everything, even the fact I was sitting in a house full of Vampires and that I was now partly one of them. Until Rosalie dragged me upstairs to see my room.

I gasped to find the stained glass window fitted perfectly into place, amid furniture as familiar to me as what sat in my room in Charlie's place. My books had been sorted in a new high antique bookshelf. A plasma TV had been set into the wall, and the DVD's titles I was all too familiar with were organized on shelves beneath it. The first row were all Austen and Bronte adaptations, from Persuasion to Jane Eyre. A new stereo stood nearby, along with a desk and computer console.

I sat upon the purple satin coverlet, and Rosalie moved to open my closet door, which more so resembled the door to a wardrobe, and revealed a vast room, filled to the brim with clothes I actually would have picked out for myself. Clearly, not the mark of Alice and I smiled at my sister for it.

"Rose…I don't know what to say."

Her mouth twisted, almost mockingly. "I don't expect to see you round for a few years really. The others think you'll come back right after the wedding—but I knew better. But maybe this will make you want to visit more often." She smiled sadly. "Bella, I'm really glad he makes you happy. I could care less that he's a mutt because of that. Which is a lot from me." She crossed her arms before her chest and sat down in a nearby easy chair.

"How has it been?"

"Without you?" Rosalie smirked. "Awful. The move wasn't so hard on us when we figured we could move so close to Forks. Esme thought that might convince you to live with us, if you could visit Charlie so often."

"And—Edward?"

Her perfect features twisted as she scowled. "Don't even get me started on that pathetic asshole. At least he hasn't paraded about like a little boy who didn't get the toy he wanted anymore. I think being angry with the Volturi helps. It's kept his mind off things at least." She smiled. "But enough about Edward. You need to tell me what the hell is going on Bella Swan, or I just might take all your DVD's and T.V. away."

* * *

Carlisle's study was much the same as the last two I had often spent hours in our last homes. Yet this one seemed older, and Carlisle was more at home in this antiquated setting than I had ever seen him before. The Volturi painting rested proudly against the wooden wall and my eyes took in the images, the memory of the flight to Volterra, Aro's crimson eyes piercing through me, Felix's sadistic grin in the woods just before my creator caressed me…

"Bella?" He entered, peace and calm flooding the room. Sitting behind his desk he relaxed into his seat. "What news do you have for me?" His eyes flickered to the bandage bulging beneath the fabric of my sleeve. "Where did you get that?"

And so I told him everything, what I had learned from Jacob about Anna, the attack and my theory on the Volturi's presence.

Carlisle seemed disturbed, the further I delved into the previous night. After some time, he spoke. "Bella, I am afraid this only further complicates matters. If it is true, the pack is determined to protect her at all costs. The Volturi, once they learn of this, will see the entire pack as a threat if they stand in their way. The fact that they are working with someone else powerful, someone who clearly wants you, only makes this situation more grave." His haunted, honey colored eyes met mine. "I have known true Werewolves before Bella…they are not creatures to be taken lightly. I'm afraid your Jacob has grossly underestimated her."

"What am I supposed to do?"

Carlisle frowned, eyes focused on the table between us before meeting mine. "Go back to Forks before Edward, Alice and Jasper return. I know my son would not allow you to return if you wait longer. Do not fear Bella. We shall do everything in our power to protect you…"

"She-she bit me Carlisle. Will I be—affected?"

A smile flashed across his face, though it seemed distracted, an afterthought. "No, your Vampire venom would have acted to counter any of the virus…"

"But, what aren't you telling me?"

His features were drawn, troubled. "Bella, there is something else I should tell you. I have spoken with the leader of the Romanian coven. They were in charge before the Volturi, and while I do not share the closest relationship with them, Vladimir did tell me something disturbing."

Both of us glanced downstairs at the sound of Emmett yelling at the current football game playing on the wide screen and shared an amused glance before he continued.

"He hinted that the Volturi weren't powerful enough to overthrow their coven fifteen hundred years ago."

"What are you saying?"

"That there is another power _behind_ the Volturi, powerful enough to change the ruling clan of the Vampire world and spark a war between our kind, not seen in a thousand years. Vladimir said that they had fallen out of favor and were punished. Yet no coven dares to rise against them. I have heard similar rumors over the centuries…but never anything so substantial as this."

Fear clutched at my throat, solid as the cold powerful hands that had clasped me against him, of the teeth that had brought fire and agony into my blood. What coven could be powerful enough to order the Volturi and strike fear into every Vampire in the world?

"Bella, don't dwell on this now. Know that we will do all we can to protect you, but you must return to Forks. Enjoy Charlie and Sue's wedding and send them our congratulations with our gift."

I smiled, remembering the pile of perfectly wrapped boxes sitting in the parlor below. Esme had done the shopping apparently. And though it was difficult to ignore the gripping terror in my heart, I nodded. "Alright."

* * *

**Review: If you wanna :)**


	25. Mate

**A/N: _Loving everyone's thoughts and theories on the last chapter! Enjoy more of the unveiling of this latest plot twist!_**

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**Disclaimer: S.M inc.**

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**Chapter 25**

**Mate**

* * *

The road had blackened with a drape of thick storm clouds as I closed the distance between the Cullen's new home and my future. All I could see in my mind's eye were crimson red eyes burning into mine, blood pouring from slashes on my arms, as granite hard fingers clawed at my skin.

Against them I had been powerless.

Carlisle's words haunted me. My mind pulled desperately at the last pieces of sanity scattered through my head.

_Renee and her flamboyant dress, her eyes dancing as she pulled me along towards the club in the last hours before our deaths..._

_Sitting on the couch with Charlie as we watched the game..._

_Running through the forests with Seth, plunging our bodies into the rushing waters against all reason, flying..._

_Jacob_...

My hands gripped my already dented and marked steering wheel. Sooner than later, I was going to have to replace it. I turned my eyes towards the black forest on either side of the road, wind rocking the limbs of thickly boughed trees and groaning against my sensitive ears.

They were out there somewhere, the Vampires who wanted to kill Anna.

He wanted _me_.

My foot slammed against my breaks as a figure rushed across the road, then, before tearing into the opposite forest. The sound of my teeth clenching like steel grated my ears as I pressed on the gas. My senses immediately heightened with the burst of adrenaline. My instincts as half predator and half prey were at war with one another, though the predator, the Vampire won in the end.

_I'm being hunted..._

Whatever had crossed the road, was far too tall and thin to be a deer, or anything other than what my mind told me was true and the realization sent a sickly cold chill down my spine.

I saw Jake's face in my mind one last time, his face twisting with anger, laughter, hatred and lastly, overflowing with love. I smiled, a cry escaping my lips as I realized Jacob _loved_ me.

**_CRASH_**

My body was crushed against the steering wheel, the metal giving way against my form. The hood crushed into itself, and tilted forward so it lifted high into the air. Glass shattered all round me as the vehicle flipped and rolled into the ditch, into the trees.

_Anna,_ I thought immediately, with our last encounter fresh on my mind. I turned my head, my body trembling, thankful that the glass was too weak to cut into my skin and only graze it. And I gasped as a powerful, ripping sound began, bringing dim light into the darkness I lay within. The sound was painful, grating, metal screeching against itself, pulling apart, twisting. Two firm hands reached within and pulled me out before I could think, before I could see, could breathe.

* * *

Wind blew through the trees, roaring against my ears as an echo of the crash still ringing about my head.

My face was crushed against a granite hard chest and I hung, limp as we raced through the forest. While outwardly I felt helpless, deep down inside I was furious. The beast that should have been raging, fighting back against whoever had totaled my car and now carried me, insisted on hibernating instead. Yet I knew now that it wasn't Anna who had attacked me. If it had been, I would already be dead.

We raced through the trees a ceaseless, maddening blur. To my shock and horror, I felt the sudden, overwhelming desire to close my eyes and rest, to fade away to the easy rhythm of footsteps lighting beneath me.

I gasped, jolted awake, as we rose into the air with a defying leap and landed hard upon the earth once more. The trees became a mere blur amid the shadows. Snow began to fall in sudden, dancing flurries, stinging against my cheeks, the faster we raced over winter hardened ground. And it was then, a familiar scent caught deep in my throat, sickeningly sweet and obviously Vampire. He smelled of cold and desire and faintly of peppermint.

With a renewed fury and outrage, my limbs came to life again and I struggled against his grasp, clawed at his covered skin, ignored the hisses of pain as I reached struggled to jump from his arms, only to be pressed more firmly against his chest.

We fought this way, even as we broke through the trees into a clearing and towards a structure I knew very well. We nearly made it to the front porch when I thrust my leg against his grasp, momentarily surpassing his strength. And we crashed together into the snow, tumbled and landed into a low crouch opposite one another. I fought to ignore the pain in his topaz eyes.

"Bella…" he pleaded with me and reached out to me with his hand.

A pang of guilt flooded me, at the sight of where my fingernails had just marked his skin.

I breathed heavily, shaking still from shock, from fury and the weight of what I knew now. I glared at the Vampire standing in front of me. "Don't touch me! Don't you _ever_ touch me again!"

Jacob's body, lined with all its old scars flashed in my mind.

Edward's face fell. _He knew_.

"Bella, let me explain! I was trying to save you!"

"From what? A future Alice saw and you couldn't control?!"

He frowned. "What? What are you talking about?" Yet there was something that flashed behind his perfect features, a look, a darkness behind his eyes that betrayed his doubt.

"Bullshit!"

"Bella. If I hadn't gotten to you in time they would have taken you!"

I blinked, confused. "What are you talking about?"

A wry, yet pained grin tilted his mouth. "The Vampires I've been tracking, the ones who just tried to kill you."

I took in his rumpled clothes, his muddied shoes and pant legs. Snow rested upon his head and chest, remaining frozen against his equally frigid body. It barely thawed against my own supernaturally cooled skin.

"But, you're supposed to be hunting," I sputtered. "Carlisle said…"

"What you needed to hear—Bella." Edward took a step towards me.

I could not force myself to pull away against the urgent warning my conscience screamed in my mind.

"Alice and Jasper are still patrolling the borders of the wolves territory. I caught your scent a couple of hours ago." He took another step, his eyes pleading. "I didn't know you were coming to us so soon."

I flinched when his hand covered mine. "I wasn't coming for you."

The weight of sorrow in his eyes, emanating from his touch was overwhelming. "I know."

For a long moment we stood barely apart. I shivered, arms wrapping about my chest and his gaze quickly hardened.

"Come on inside Bella, you're freezing."

I hissed as his hand made contact with my arm. "No."

"Bella, please. Let me explain. But first, you need to get out of this weather. It's far too cold. Let's get you warm."

The glowing light shining from within the Cullen's old home was tempting and inviting and though everything in me screamed against him, I followed my former love inside.

* * *

I was surprised to find my cell phone still in my pocket and hoped I wouldn't have to call Charlie about missing the wedding rehearsal. I had left my purse in my car, and at this point and time, I had no desire to run all the way back. I wasn't even sure if I could find it by myself. I would rather die before asking Edward.

He had a cup of freshly made tea in front of me within minutes, letting the silence weigh between us, and calm my fury to a more reasonable, muted anger. I knew I wouldn't get the answers I wanted out of Edward, and at this point, would rather _not_ talk about Jacob with him again. I knew Edward would confront Jacob because of me, and I knew, without a doubt, Jacob would murder him. To my surprise, after everything, the thought of Edward's death was still painful.

I looked at him in silence, searching his face then for the Vampire I had loved, wondering faintly how it was possible so much could have changed. As his tortured topaz eyes rose to meet mine, I knew then how much had changed. Because nothing in me swooned toward his physical perfection. If anything, my gaze only hardened.

"Forgive me, for not telling you the truth before, Bella. Jasper and Alice wouldn't allow me to search alone once they found out. Especially when Alice had a vision of you with _them_…"

His eyes drifted, and I glanced past the glass wall and shower of white ghosting the darkness. A chill ran down my spine. "What did she see?"

Topaz eyes flashed to mine. "You were one of them Bella."

I was frozen. "What do you mean?" I suddenly felt so very small.

"You were with _him_, the one that turned you and murdered Renee. You were…" His face twisted, body tense and rigid as he dug his fingers into the granite countertop. The stone groaned against his grip. "It was the first vision Alice has had of you since…"

Our eyes met and his anger vanished, replaced with defeat.

"I understand you're trying to protect me," I began, "Thanks, but did you have to wreak my car?"

"I didn't wreak your car, Bella. One of them did. Alice barely managed to dissuade him before he went after you. I didn't know if I would make it to you in time, or if you were..." he paused, pain lacing his words as he leaned over the counter. "Bella, do you understand why you have to stay with us now? Why it's not safe for you in Forks? He can't protect you like we can." His tone was twisted, bitter.

"That isn't your decision."

"Well your decisions, my love, only lead to the future Alice saw."

"I need to get out of here." I moved to go only to find Edward standing in front of me, hands braced upon my shoulders.

"Bella, wait!"

I twisted against his touch, as it burned my skin like frozen flames. "Let go of me!"

His grip hardened, grew demanding, until I met his eye.

"Bella, you're not going by yourself. Let me drive you home at least." It was only the memory of the devil's frozen hands against my neck, of his deep voice whispering against my ear and his teeth against my neck, that made me hesitate.

* * *

Edward was silent the first few minutes we rode together in Carlisle's latest _Mercedes_ model, eyes trained hard on the road ahead, scanning the trees nearby occasionally.

My phone sat dead in my hand, lifeless I now realized and probably filled with angry messages from no telling who.

We pulled into Charlie's small drive, empty of his cruiser now. The lights were off inside. I mentally pinched myself for leaving everything behind in my totaled car. Now I would have to sneak in through my window as Edward had done countless times before.

_Oh, the irony..._

Edward opened his door the same moment I did, and I turned. "What are you doing?"

"Letting you borrow the car until we can find you a replacement." Yet there was an edge to his voice as I faced him outside the car, eyes locking over the roof and through the thick snow.

"Thanks. Edward, you have to go."

"Why?" His eyes hardened.

"You _know_ why. Charlie's place is in their territory now and they won't hesitate to kill you."

Edward smirked dangerously. "They can try."

"I'm already late for the rehearsal, Edward." In that moment if felt surreal foolish even to mention something so normal.

"I shall have Alice drop off your things later, then."

I opened my mouth to reply, but when I looked up, he was already gone.

I ducked my head back inside the _Mercedes_ to grab the keys and frowned to find a leather bound book resting in the drivers' seat. It was unmarked, unlike the others I had read, and my heart clenched as I realized exactly what Edward had left behind.

Love letters to his mate, to _me_.

Biting my lip, I grabbed the book and sprinted to the back. I made a quick climb up the side of my house. The flimsy metal lock broke and fell to the floor as I lifted my bedroom window. Letting the book drop just inside, I alighted easily on my hardwood floor and shut out the cold winds behind me.

For a moment of complete and utter silence, I stared back to the clouded night sky and turned, only to scream as hands grasped roughly about my neck. Warm breath labored over my face and a hard, yet soft body pushed me up against the wall, his thumbs grazing my jaw.

"What the _**fuck**_ was he doing here!"

"Jake!" I gasped as he pressed harder against me. I cringed, knowing I smelled like Edward, knowing what Jacob must be thinking. His eyes were dark and murderous as they bore into mine.

"Why did he bring you home! Why the **_fuck_** haven't you been answering anyone's phone calls! Shit, Bells I've had half the pack searching for you, while trying to make up excuses to Charlie and Sue for you! You'd better have a damned good explanation for this or I swear..."

I interrupted, "Jake! You're crushing me!"

It was a lie. I was afraid. Not of what I thought he might do to me, but because it was impossible to think clearly with a naked werewolf pressed up against me, let alone Jacob. I gasped, struggling for air, for reason and sense, remembering our argument the night before, yet desperately yearning to know what was going on in his head. I knew then that he wouldn't understand any explanation that had to do with Edward.

His hands relaxed, moving from my neck and over my arms. I winced as his hands grazed the dirty bandage, and he suddenly pulled back, his gaze sweeping over my glass shredded clothes, my tossed and knotted locks. His eyes narrowed. "What the hell happened, Bells? Did _he_ do this to you?!" His voice was deep, suddenly more fierce and dangerous than I had ever known it.

"No! No, he saved me. I—I was on my way home when they came."

"Who came!"

I flinched at the pain in his eyes. I knew it hurt him to know Edward had saved me when he could not. To know he wasn't there to protect me.

"Vampires, the same ones trying to kill Anna. The ones who want me." Jacob began to shudder, tremble, clenched his jaw as he sought control and I rushed to finish. "Edward and Alice were hunting in the woods nearby, when Edward caught my scent. They made it just in time to stop the one who totaled my car before he made it to me. Edward got me out."

Jacob was tense, his chest rising and falling against mine, and I found my hands clinging to his hard arms, desperate for his touch, remembering even as the emptiness in my chest filled, I could not live without him again.

"Are you alright?" His hands moved to check my limbs, brow furrowed. My hands moved to rest over his, and he froze at my touch.

"I'm fine."

His eyes rose, then flickered to mine. "You're staying with me at the Res until this over Bells."

"No, Jacob, I'm fine!"

My body was cool when his heat left it, his hands instantly grabbing a large tote bag hanging against the end of my bed. Ignoring my protests, he began walking about my room and throwing underwear and clothes into it quickly. I rushed to his side and tried to pry the bag from his grasp.

"Jake, let go! _Jacob_!"

His hands shook when he turned to face me, eyes liquid flame, his words heated as his fury. "Damn it, Bella! Your car just got smashed by a _fucking blood sucker_! Do you really think they're not coming after you still?"

"Jacob, they won't come into the pack's territory."

"Maybe you can stand to test that theory Bells, but I can't! This isn't just about your life, damn it!" His voice shook.

I stared back, numbed by his words. I saw Sue and Charlie's faces before my mind's eye, the pack and the Cullen's. I saw Sam's face as he spoke to me about Emily the night before, and knew that if Alice's vision did come true, if I did join these other Vampires, it would drive Jacob to a place worse than madness.

Letting go of the bag between us, I leaped into the air, threw my arms about Jacob's neck and wrapped my legs around his waist. I crushed myself against him, buried my face into his neck and said, "I'm sorry."

His muscles tensed and relaxed. Slowly, I felt his arms wrap around me, pulling me closer into his embrace.

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**Review: What were Edward, Alice and Jasper doing in the woods? What are the Cullen's up to, you think?**


	26. Imprint

**A/N: Dedicated to Priceless Lovee who cared enough to review for every chapter Favorite: "He irritates my soul" *Eddie-boy hahaSnapesMistress005, who was willing to give a Twific a chance ;)**

**Disclaimer: Madame Meyer owns the books not me, including the excerpt from M.S I borrowed. Thanks! :) (bold taken from Midnight Sun)**

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**Chapter 26**

**Imprint**

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"Are you sure you'd rather come here instead of going back to my place?" Jacob's hard body was pressed close behind me, his hands on my shoulders, his breath like steam against my neck, as we walked through the double doors. The dress rehearsal was already underway, but hopefully we would make it for the important parts.

I fought the urge to shudder at his touch and replied, "Yes. I promised Sue."

Jacob growled low and softly as his hands lowered to grasp my waist, squeezing slightly before trailing further down. My breath caught in my throat, and I blinked as another pair of strong hands pulled me from Jake's grasp and spun me round in a dizzying circle.

Seth's eyes were alight as he drew me into his embrace and imprinted me against his button-up plaid shirt. "Bella! You made it!" Seth smelled heavily of pine and wet forest, of winter. And something that twisted my nose, that smelled of wet dog. I scowled, feeling the Vampire inside of me fighting desperately to crouch and hiss back.

_Anna._

Seth pushed my shoulders back to reveal his face-splitting grin now spread across his boyish face. His eyes glistened faintly and he sighed before pulling me into another bone crushing hug. "Don't ever do that to us again!" His hold tightened and I knew what he meant. And if he and the pack insisted on harboring a creature more dangerous than my kind and theirs combined, I felt it was time he reevaluated his priorities.

"Easy there Seth. You trying to smother the poor white girl?"

At once I was deposited back to the ground, though Seth's arm remained draped over my shoulders and we both turned to find Rachel Black's smiling eyes shining into mine. Her hair had been curled and hung elegantly over her shoulders in thick waves Her bronze skin glowed so vibrantly that I was reminded of Jacob, and the Vampire in me instantly calmed.

"So what's you guys's excuse for being so late, huh? Charlie's been worried sick, ya know." She nodded her head to where the elders, including Jacob had gathered round the intended couple.

I winced when I caught Charlie's murderous glare across the room.

Rachel's eyes were sparkling with mischief. "Yeah, that's what I figured. Well, good luck explaining this one away. The old man's getting too suspicious."

"Rach! Get over here! I'm starving!" Paul stood fully dressed in the similar slacks and white, button-downs all of the pack was wearing. It was an oddly amusing and foreign sight, to see them wearing so many clothes.

Rachel rolled her eyes before turning back to us. "Joy. Gotta go feed my dog. See ya Bella. Seth, remember what we talked about earlier." With a wink she was running to catch up with her very impatient werewolf. "Easy mad dog! Pop a pill!" Paul growled something low against her ear and Rachel squealed with laughter.

"What did she mean?" I glanced back at Seth whose face was growing redder by the minute.

"Nothing…" He offered me an embarrassed grin.

"Just leave me alone, damn it!"

We turned to the small crowd of wolves and wolf girls, huddled in their own circle apart from the human Quileutes. Leah was dressed in a loose, silken, green top, her short hair spiked and slicked back, eyeliner running down her cheeks and fists clenched at her sides. Sam was frozen and forlorn behind her, his face wrenched in agony, though he did nothing to stop her.

"Seth! Come on we're getting out of here!" Leah barked as she stalked past.

Shooting me an apologetic grin, Seth hung his head and followed her. "What about mom?"

"Charlie's driving her home anyway," Leah growled.

"Seth! Honey! Wait, please!" Sue was darting towards us then, her face lined with worry. Leah paused and stood rigid in the doorway as Seth leaned over to greet Sue.

The woman who was soon to be my mother too, whispered low, but I could hear her clearly as no doubt, so could the rest of the pack.

"Could you both wait a minute? We're almost done. Charlie wants to spend one more night alone with Bella. I'll be right back." She turned, her eyes alight when she saw me and Seth rushing to catch my future step-sister. "Bella! Oh honey…" Her arms wrapped round me briefly before pulling back to study my face. "Are you all right? Seth told me what happened." Her face became drawn, pensive.

I offered her a half-hearted grin in return. "I'm fine." My eyes darted to Jacob, who stood close to Charlie.

"But Jacob isn't," Sue retorted with a sigh. "Honey, he has every right to be upset, you know. There's more at stake here than cold ones." Her voice lowered a mere breath of a whisper at the end. Sue smiled at my nod. "I'll see you tomorrow at three?"

"Yeah."

"All right." She squeezed my hand and smiled before turning, her long, raven locks swaying as she rushed back to Charlie's ready grin.

I glanced over and saw Seth had rejoined the pack, save for Paul and Embry. Sam's gaze caught mine in that moment.

"_Some things don't change with imprinting…_" His words echoed in my thoughts, and I gathered my courage.

* * *

Leah had fled the Reservation's meeting hall and stood alone amid the snow. I felt small and frail beside her thick, stocky frame, though we both knew now we were almost equals. And for a long moment we stood in silence, her breath weighing heavily on the air in thick puffs, mine only visible to heightened sight like mine. She was the first to break the silence.

"Haven't turned wolf yet, have you?"

I laughed mirthlessly, surprised. "No. Afraid I'm too much of a leech for that."

Leah nodded, huffing and letting loose a cloud of air as she shook her head. "I'm sorry you had to find out about our pet like that. Course, if it have been me I'd have ripped out her throat or something. But it wasn't _my_ decision…" She glanced down, her mouth turning into a wry grin. "Let nothing stand in the way of bullshit imprinting, right?"

"What?"

"Jacob didn't tell you, did he?"

A sudden inexplicable fear covered me like a wet blanket, and constrained my breathing. I nearly choked on the frozen air as I remembered his fierce determination, his sudden rage and anger when I suggested they kill her before she killed anyone else, the pain in his eyes as he looked at me...

"No…" I whispered under my breath.

"What?" Leah's eyes were sharp as flint, almost cruel most times, yet softer towards me now than ever before.

"Nothing. What…" I shut my eyes, focusing on each haggard breath as I spoke. "What didn't he tell me?"

Leah shook her head, bitterness creeping into her words. "Embry was the first one to find that bitch, mauling a bear in the woods. When the clouds covered up the moon and she changed back he brought her home. He was so damn convinced she was one of us." When I made no response, she added with greater emphasis, "He imprinted, Bella."

"Who?"

Leah frowned. "What do you mean, who? Have you _seen_ Embry's sorry ass around here?"

Light and life and air flooded my lungs. And then I understood why Jacob had been so fierce and conflicted, so determined Anna be one of them.

Leah continued, disgusted. "Spends almost every night and day with her, but Jacob makes him trade shifts with the others, so he doesn't tire out too quick. He got beat pretty bad after Jacob found out he'd fallen asleep in the cabin when she broke loose this last time." She leaned in and flashed me a twisted grin. "Doesn't take a genius to guess why he was asleep in _her_ bed. Embry's been pretty upset about it though, after he found out what happened to you."

I watched the snowflakes fall upon solid white earth, each one perfect and patterned crystalline and uniquely separate from the other. Silence grew between us as I tried to think.

"_Some things don't change with imprinting…_" The memory of Sam's face against the firelight, in what seemed an eternity of two nights ago, flashed before my eyes.

"Leah, what's going on with you and Sam?"

Her body began to shudder and stiffen as she fought for composure, to keep her temper down. I prepared for the inevitable tongue lashing.

"You wouldn't understand…" she grunted.

I waited.

Her eye's darted to mine, face leaned forward and a weary grin tugged at the corner of her lips. "Then again—you _are_ Bella Swan."

I rolled my eyes.

Leah crossed her arms and tossed her head. "It's pretty simple really. I imprinted on the bastard, the day I found him in the woods after Emily died. He doesn't know and it's taken everything I have in me to keep him from finding out. God, I don't even wanna talk about how hard it is to keep my mind from his when we've phased."

"Why haven't you told him?" I blinked, numb with shock. Was it possible? After everything Sam and Leah had endured when Emily was still alive…

"What am I supposed to say?! Oh, guess what Sam, now that Emily's dead and out of the way I just _happened_ to imprint on you. Guess you're my soul mate after all, but I wasn't enough for you!"

"Bells?" I turned as Charlie opened the door and stepped out to greet me, features guarded as usual, though he couldn't hide the excitement in his eyes.

Leah flung her hands to her sides. "Great, just fan-fucking-tastic." She ran towards the parking lot, fading in with inky shadows.

"Ready to go home? One last night with your old man, eh?" Charlie's arm was around my shoulders, his chocolate eyes smiling into mine. I smiled warmly back and nodded. We began to walk together towards the parking lot, the last of the wedding party and elders and friends following noisily behind. "Hope you don't mind, but Jake's staying the night with us. Said you wreaked your car earlier and wanted to make sure you're alright."

As though on cue, Jacob stood at my side, shirt now untucked and top buttons undone, brow furrowed in thought.

"Hey kiddo, guess we'll see you in a couple hours then? How long do you need?"

Jacob met Charlie's gaze over my head. "Sure, sure, I'll be there in a couple. Thanks again for letting me stay, Charlie."

"No problem, son. Glad to know I'm not the only one looking out for my little girl." He squeezed my shoulder, but my skin barely gave way against his more fragile, soft form. My heart ached a fleeting moment as I was reminded, Charlie wasn't going to be around forever.

"See ya later," Jake replied, but his eyes were black and focused intently upon mine, filled with heat, promise and pain. And then he was running back towards the last of the pack behind us, towering above them, his head turning, eyes capturing mine one last time.

* * *

Charlie and I watched a recorded version of the nights game he had been forced to miss. We didn't talk, joke or reminisce about the old days. Yet there was a meaningful silence, a comfort in sitting together, just knowing that for now, we still had each other.

One thought kept popping to the forefront of all my other swirl of annoying thoughts. Of all the things that I could have been worrying or thinking about just then, I was more concerned with the man sitting beside me, the man who had my eyes, my pensive frown and mutual difficulty with sharing emotions.

Rachel said Charlie was suspicious.

_Does he know? _

I watched him carefully from the corner of my eye. He showed no signs of fear or betrayal. He was getting married to a member of the tribal council. He was about to be the step-father of two Shape Shifters and whether he suspected or not, he was already the father of a half-Vampire hybrid daughter. I knew that if he didn't already know, he would soon enough. He would find out the truth about Edward, about the Cullens, the pack, and then me. For a moment I yearned so desperately to tell him, for him to understand and most of all to know...know the truth of how Renee had died.

The game ended and I was still staring at him.

Charlie sighed and stretched his arms out. "Well, guess we should get some rest." Charlie glanced at me with a grin. "Busy day tomorrow."

I nodded, and decided I wouldn't tell Charlie, not yet. I owed it to him to have one last night in the dark, away from the hidden truth that had ended my own life two years before.

"Ya know, things are going to be different after tomorrow. I know you gave me your blessing Bells, but, are you really okay with this?"

Startling us both, I reached over and slid my cool arms around his neck and kissed his cheek. "I love you Dad." Pulling away, I picked up the discarded pizza box we had devoured hours earlier and headed for the kitchen.

"Love you too Bells." Charlie's voice was soft as he turned and began to climb the stairs.

I cursed the tears that slid from the corners of my eyes and trailed down my cheeks.

* * *

Red-rimmed, chocolate brown eyes stared blankly back at me through the glass mirror. The woman was beautiful, little more than a girl in some ways and older than three lifetimes in others. Her dark brown locks fell in heavy curling waves over her shoulders, over the black slip barely covering her half-dead snow white form. She was nearly perfect, and yet her eyes were weary, marked as a killer, a cold one.

My full lips twisted into a cynical grin, only for it to fade as quickly as it had appeared.

The house was silent, empty almost save the loud sound of Charlie's steady breathing on the other side of the bathroom wall. My bedroom was cold, and the light of the moon was shrouded by the storm raging outside. Hopefully, it wouldn't keep up or we might have to postpone the wedding, and I wanted Charlie and Sue out of Forks as quickly as possible. I moved to stand before my window, toes bumping against a soft surface and glanced down to find the leather bound book hidden by shadows at my feet. Frowning, I bent down to pick it up, tracing the old binding with my fingers.

Hesitating, I opened the cover, the first page blank, save the very familiar archaic script flowing perfectly over the parchment's surface.

"_My Immortal Beloved_"

I turned the page. The starting date startled me.

_The day I first met Edward…_

My eyes coveted the pages, drinking in words that I soon realized weren't simply letters to his future mate. This was something different. And the more I read, the more I remembered why I had once, not so very long ago, been so madly in love with Edward Cullen…

**_"'Edward,' she mumbled softly. _**

**_She was dreaming of me. Could a dead, frozen heart beat again? It felt like mine was about to. _**

**"_Stay," she sighed. "Don't go. Please…don't go." _**

**_She was dreaming of me, and it wasn't even a nightmare. She wanted me to stay with her, there in her dream. _**

**_I struggled to find words to name the feelings that flooded through me, but I had no words strong enough to hold them. For a long moment, I drowned in them. When I surfaced, I was not the same man I had been. _**

**_At the time I had become a vampire, trading my soul and my mortality for immortality in the searing pain of transformation, I had truly been frozen. _**

**_When change came for one of us, it was a rare and permanent thing. _**

_**I would always love this fragile human girl, for the rest of my limitless existence."**  
_

Pain choked me until I could not read any more, it was too great.

And wondered—was it true? Had I condemned Edward to a painful empty existence without me at his side?

And yet...the memory of Jacob's scars, of Sam's words, "_It was Edward._"

And then I remembered.

_I rocked my hips against his as he grazed his nose along my jaw, breath hot against my chest, my hands roaming his muscle. He shivered beneath me and his eyes opened, clear and filled with tears. I blinked back my own._

"_I've waited—so long Bells." He whispered as he pulled me closer, tighter, sighing as he brought a hand to trace the lines of my face. "I would have waited forever."_

A lone figure emerged from the white forest, naked and bronzed, perfection and danger in his gait and as his eyes lifted to mine, they were overflowing with love. I felt my desire and lust and passion and heartache and everything well up inside me as he came closer. Jacob had picked up my shattered pieces and mended them patiently back together. He had never given up on me even at my worst. In the dark time, when I could only see Edward's face in my mind, _my _Jacob was _there_, loving and determined he could make me love him. I fought him for so long, and it took nearly losing Jacob to realize how much I truly did love him in return. Without making me or convincing me, Jacob had won me with his devotion, his friendship, his strength and heart.

I would have married Edward without a second thought. Where would I be now if I had? I shuddered and realized it was a place I never wanted to venture so near to again.

Making love to Jacob in his room two years before had been the end and the beginning of my life.

Jacob's eyes were lined just faintly about the corners, creased with burden. Snow drifted over his shoulders, dissolving into a slick sheen of melted ice the moment it touched his skin. I lifted my window and stepped back, shut the leather bound book that scripted my past, and awaited my future.

He moved easily, lithely through my window, eyes smiling, and then form still and waiting. I darted behind him and shut out the cold, the click of the sill settling into place loud to my ears. I gasped lightly when warm hands encircled my waist, firmly, yet gently pulling me against him. With a sigh I leaned my head back only to be met by feather kisses on my forehead, tilted my head as his lips brushed along my jaw, my neck.

"I missed you." He whispered. His hands slid round my waist, one rising up along the silken black fabric, the other traveling low.

Charlie's snore echoed through the thin walls and I bit my lip, using all the restraint I possessed when I pulled away from Jacob's arms. Bowing my head, I walked to the edge of my bed. "What are you going to do when Charlie finds you naked in my bed?"

"He won't. I brought something with me." I turned to find a pair of boxer shorts in his hands. Arching his brow, Jacob slowly slipped them on, a wicked grin easing his features. "Like what you see?" He turned, hand on his hip in an exaggerated pose.

I rolled my eyes as I sat down on top of my comforter. "Get over here." I turned my eyes so I wouldn't have to watch him walk towards me, and bit my lower lip out of habit as much as to fight the need to squelch my own desire. It had been only a few days since I had felt him inside me. Sitting now in my high school bed with Jacob, I felt juvenile and virginal once again.

Turning my back to him, I lay on my side. Jacob's weight sank against my mattress. His arms snaked round and turned me until we lay together, his look reprimanding as he began to trace my features, my neck. "Leah told you, didn't she?"

I frowned. "What?"

"About Embry."

_ Imprinting._

"Yeah, she did."

His eyes searched mine. "Bells, I know you think we're putting everyone at risk. You're right. But we can't give up one of our own without a fight."

"Jacob, you know they're coming for her. They'll kill anyone who stands in their way." I couldn't hide the fear in my tone and Jacob's eyes warmed.

"I know. But we protected you once too, remember?"

"You had a little help."

Jacob grimaced. "Yeah…"

Silence filled the air between us, and I knew I shouldn't, but I decided to break it and ask a question that had been bothering me for some time. "Jake, was there anything you liked about the Cullens?"

His mouth twisted into a wry grin. "Sure, sure…when they _left_." After meeting my stern look he groaned and rubbed a free hand over his face. "Look Bells, I can't help how I feel. They broke you, took you from me once before. And I can never forgive _**him**_." He growled the last, eyes burning with unveiled hatred.

I winced, my hand involuntarily lifting to trace the scars on his chest. "Jake…what happened between you and Edward?"

For a long moment he glared hard trained eyes past me, into whatever memory made his jaw clench and the fire in his obsidian eyes gleam. And then the fire quenched, and with a sigh, his gaze met mine.

"After you were turned, he came. Sam was going crazy about Emily and I was taking on a lot more alpha duties. I had come to the beach to think, to our place…" His eyes flashed with sudden warmth, fingers caressing my marble soft skin. My own heart ached, reminded of the pain I caused.

"He showed up out of nowhere. I don't know how he got past the treaty line without anyone picking up his scent. He looked bad too, like he'd lost something. After telling him to get the hell off our land—which was pretty lenient in my opinion, usually just rip off their heads—he started pissing about me staying out of your life for good. Told me if I knew what was best, I'd let you go for good and move on. He wore if I didn't, I would kill you, Bells." Pain flashed through his eyes, replaced quickly by burning hatred.

"I told him politely enough to fuck off. I knew he was going to rip into me then, could see it in his eyes. They were black, Bells, like his mind melted away and all that was left was the monster. He was too fast for me to change, ripped at me like he wanted to keep going until nothing was left." He winced and I wanted to scream seeing the scars and pain in his eyes.

"I changed a few seconds later, not soon enough, but just in time to dig into his rotten flesh." His mouth twisted into a grimace. "I wanted to rip him apart Bells, limb from limb. I wanted to burn him to ash and not regret it." And then his eyes softened, bore into mine. "But I saw your face in my head, Bells…and I knew I couldn't live with you hating me for killing him, even when I thought you were already one of them. So I let him go…" His eyes shone, and he blinked furiously, frowning as he lowered his face.

My hand firm against his cheek, and forced his chin back up to meet my eye. "Jake, I'm so—_so_ sorry." I choked on my words. Sudden sobs escaped my lips.

He drew me closer, flush against him, eyes pained, searching. "For what, honey?"

I shook my head, hand pressed against the healed gash once scratched into his chest. "How could you keep loving me?"

His arms tightened, eyes fierce. "Don't _ever_ ask me that again Bella Swan. It's only ever been _you_." His words were so firm I broke.

"But the tribe, the pack…"

A strange look passed over his face. "Let me worry about them. Baby, you need to stop beating yourself up for something that was done to you. You didn't choose!"

"But I did. Jake, I went with them. I let Edward think I would marry him. If I hadn't…Renee would still be alive."

"_Stop_. Bells, look at me. It's not your fault." His eyes held mine firmly, and at last I gave into his strength, the broken pieces of my heart melding together once again, only stronger. Whole.

His hands clasped gently but firmly against my neck, and then his lips were pressing against mine, each of our lips giving way to the other. He sighed as our foreheads rested together. For one perfect moment, I felt peace.

And then I knew there was only one thing more to say. "Jake, I always thought you would find your imprint once I was out of your life. I'd hurt you too many times. And I think that I was afraid of being around once you did find her. I—I knew I couldn't bear to watch you fall in love with someone else. And I lied to Edward. He never knew what happened between you and me. But I couldn't pretend nothing had happened. Every time he touched me I saw you."

Jacob shut his eyes, and his forehead creased in pain, mouth firm as he grasped for control. I rushed, desperate for him to hear me out.

"It wasn't until later I found out why Edward tried so hard. Alice stopped seeing me in her visions just after we left Forks…"

Jacob's eyes flew open wide, shocked and full of something I had only ever seen glimpses of before. Unveiled it was pure devotion, passion, possession, love.

I caught my breath. "We broke up after I was turned. I wanted to come to you so many times. But I was afraid you had found _her_, afraid you would hate me because I was like them."

"Bells…" Jacob's features twisted in pain as he breathed my name against my lips. His eyes bore into mine. "I promised you once I wouldn't hurt you like he did."

"Jake, I know you can't control it, and...and it's okay. I knew if I could at least have this time with you, that it'd be enough." I fought for courage I didn't possess.

Jacob's brilliant white grin spread across his face suddenly, his eyes burning with a fire I didn't understand. "Bells…do you know why I was so angry after you came back?"

I frowned. "I didn't blame you for hating me Jake."

"Bells…" He smiled again as his eyes caressed my face. "When you came back, I wasn't sure what you were, but I didn't care anymore. All I could feel was _you_ from the moment our eyes met. I fought it for so long because I couldn't understand why it hadn't happened sooner. I used to go crazy trying to make it happen, hated myself for what I was because I couldn't have you. Why did it happen only when part of you became what I was born to kill?"

"What are you saying?" I asked breathlessly, air escaped my lungs, my mind refusing to hear his words because of hope, of fear.

"I imprinted on _you_, Bells…"


	27. Forever

**Happy Easter everyone! This is my love gift to all of you patient readers. Thank you for keeping up with FD even though I've had so little extra time to focus on updates. And so many thanks to everyone who has voted on Frozen Dawn. To learn more check out my profile :)**

**This update is for Amanda :) You know who you are!**

* * *

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer had an awesome dream and wrote these fantastic characters. Goes to show you should pay attention to your dreams ;)**

* * *

**Chapter 27**

**Forever**

* * *

Sunlight streamed through the curtains, with the cool frozen dawn seeping in my window and danced over our entwined limbs. It rested against his golden features until he seemed almost ethereal in his perfection. My skin shimmered with gold and silver sparkles that reflected like dusty specks of sunlit sand against his.

The house was empty and silent since Charlie left early to check up on things at the station before the wedding and his first vacation in years.

My eyes trailed Jacob's sleep softened features, devoid of the burdens I had grown accustomed to watching him bear. At this moment he looked much more like the little boy I had known than the man he had become, when we had only been Jacob and Bella. I could recall with vivid detail if I thought long enough, the summers we played together with his sisters. Or our first mud fight on the beach, which left us so filthy that Sarah Black had to use the hose on us. I remembered the day he cried as I drove away from La Push, his small face wrenched agony when I turned back to watch from the backseat. He thought I would never come back. And I hadn't, not until that day, three years ago.

Time passed to the ticking of the clock, reminding me of our new, adult obligations and with a reluctant sigh I pulled away from Jacob's arms. I was pulled back hard against his chest near instantly and gasped for breath. His eyes were still shut, features relaxed and laboring breathes evenly marking his deep sleep. I frowned and once more, reached back to untangle his vice-tight grip from around my waist. For a moment I felt like I might actually pry his fingers apart. Until I felt them clamp soundlessly together once again.

I groaned with frustration. "Jake!" I hissed. He didn't move, though I caught the sudden twitch at the corner of his mouth. Narrowing my eyes suspiciously, I fought my grin and decided on another tactic.

Sinking deeper into his arms, as though to fall back asleep, I suddenly shifted so I straddled him and slowly lowered my core over his morning erection With a soft sigh, I breathed cool air against his neck. His skin pimpled in gooseflesh, and warmed even hotter against mine. I tightened my legs against his torso and brushed again against the hard bulge hidden by his boxers. His face twitched and his arms tightened their hold reflexively. I grinned as I continued to grind down over him, my own breath hitching at the rush and burn of desire as I savored in the friction of pleasure, of the need rising within my own chest.

Slowly, I let my hands slide down his rippling chest and left a line of cool, open mouthed kisses trailing down to the muscle that disappeared into his shorts. I lifted my head up and hovered over the fully erect cock straining to greet me. And I felt a strange, almost animalistic need to rip away his boxers and taste him.

But Jacob's hands had long since left me in favor of my bed sheets, proving my suspicions correct. With a grin of triumph, I leaped off the bed and darted away from him. I made a dash for the bathroom and a human moment, laughing as I heard his protests.

"Bella!" Jacob's deep groan followed me and I hurried to turn the lock on the door.

* * *

As I washed my hands and splashed water in my face, I took a moment to glance up at the wild mane of frizzled brown curls, that still somehow managed to look intentional, thanks to my Vampire genes. And then, slowly, I lifted the bandage on my arm to inspect the still tender Werewolf bite. I had tried not to think much of it, after all the trouble the subject of Anna had caused between Jacob and I. I smiled at the thought of the Shifter currently throwing a stream of curses when I continued to ignore him. I would think about it later, I decided as I pressed the bandage back into place. I grinned before finally unlocking the door and pulling it aside.

Jacob stood naked and and ready for me, his brow lowered menacingly, eyes lust filled as he leaned further into my space, with his hands on either side of the door frame. "That wasn't very nice," he ground out.

My eyes trailed his form appreciatively before I ducked between the small space his body and arms had left a rush of cold air in my wake. I giggled as I heard him slap the wooden door frame and growl as he followed. I rummaged madly through my closet, anything to turn my mind away from the bronzed sex god now behind me. It was hard to ignore him with his cock pressed against my back.

"Bella…" He growled in a warning tone.

I turned at last to face him and beamed up at him as I felt the warm sun shimmer against my skin, unable to help my ridiculous grin. "Yes, Jacob?"

His lips twitched and he rocked his hips against me. "Come here."

"We have to get ready…"

His hand suddenly clamped about my waist pulled and me gently, but firmly towards him. His dark eyes gleamed mischievously. "We don't have to be there for another five hours Bells."

Now tucked firmly against his hard form, with erection pushing against my stomach, his hands caressing my sides, I found it hard to tell him no. "Jake, you know if we start this again we won't make it to the wedding."

His mouth turned down into an exaggerated pout and he imitated a very puppy-like whine.

"That's not going to work on me, Jacob Black," I said. I forced a stern glare on him and he continued to stare back with those pitiful and heartbroken eyes. Forcing down the grin threatening to escape my control, I shook my head. "_No_." He whined again and pursed his lips in a pout and then my grin spread. It was too ridiculous. "What am I going to do with you?" I asked him with a sigh.

Dark eyes ignited and a seductive grin took his lips. "Knew you couldn't resist me."

Narrowing my eyes, I poked him hard into the chest. "Jacob Black, are you trying to seduce me?" Even as I teased him and struggled against his embrace, I felt the inexorable pull, the need to be near him. New warmth filled me, budding slowly from within as his eyes pierced through mine. My breath came short as he lowered his head and the link between us seemed to solidify, wrap about my heart as I had never allowed it before.

Somehow, it was as if his confession the night before had unlocked something buried deeply inside of me. It was both frightening and exhilarating at the same time.

His lips brushed over my forehead, the corner of my mouth and then he whispered, "Yes." He breathed over my lips as we crashed into each other.

My hands traced over his muscle eagerly and pushed between us, to feel his rippling abdomen and still further. Jacob groaned into my mouth, struggling to pull me closer when my hand wrapped around his cock. With a growl, Jacob lifted me off the floor and into his arms and moved us from my closet to my bed.

Once again I was met by the passion of a man far different and burdened than the boy who made sweet love to me years before.

His hot fingers quickly ripped away the black, laced thong and slid to graze my slick folds. Once he found my clit, he begin rubbing in slow torturous circles. I moaned and gasped then as cool air replaced his fingers. His hand slid beneath my silken slip to grasp my waist and lift me off the floor. With ease he lowered me face forward onto my bed. The fresh, animalistic need inside me purred appreciatively as he roughly grabbed my thighs and began to slowly enter me. I shuddered at the feel of him inside of me, as he pulled out and then plunged quickly back and I spread my legs further, desperate to feel him.

I cried out as he filled me completely and arched as he began to quickly pump in and out of me. His breathing came faster over my back, against my neck. I pounded back just as roughly against him and savored the new angle. I wasn't Bella Swan, sex kitten, by any means. But Jacob had awakened something inside me, something that demanded satisfaction. I don't think he understood what he was getting himself into. Because I craved him just as ardently as he did me, then.

I hissed as I lifted my leg over his head and twisted round suddenly, moving him inside my tight walls with the motion and eliciting a high-pitched groan from him. I reached up to grab his arms and made sure our eyes were locked before I tugged and pushed him onto the bed. His eyes widened with surprise and then darkened to something more primal as he growled appreciatively. We smiled and moaned as we rocked together, faster, my legs tight about his waist until there was no room left for thought, rather something primal and I took him as roughly as he did me.

Our growls rose together, the beast buried within me desperate with need, desperate to be claimed by him, to be overpowered and yet just as desperate to fight back. Jacob suddenly reached up and placed his mouth over my neck, where he bit down firmly, just enough to almost draw blood, marking me as his.

Throwing my head back I fought the urge to bite back, but knew better than to allow the Vampire within me to take any control. Instead I pushed up on my heels and then sank back heavily against him. Our hips met again and again, until I could not tell where he ended and I began. And at last I felt him shudder inside me. I felt him burst into me and cried out in return as I came. The Vampire and the beast inside of me sighed with release, settled once more beneath my human soul.

Still buried deep within me, Jacob lifted me closer to rest in his embrace, until we seemed joined together without end. He drew his lips languidly against mine, and then he said breathlessly, "I love you."

* * *

We lay together in my bed for at least an hour after, with his lips and hands worshiping my form in a different, more human kind of love making. I savored the feel of him and allowed my mind to wander. I understood his need now, the desperation and passion he had flooded over me the first time our bodies had been reunited after the imprint. I didn't know how much pain he was in while he fought against his desire and his body's constant need of me. I had not understood then…

At last Jacob settled into bed and fell fast asleep, the weariness he had hidden over the past days catching up. I watched him as he slept, my own, limited need for sleep having been met the night before. My heart overflowed with a new energy and passion it had never known before. I felt as though I would burst with the intensity of this love I held for Jacob.

I remembered Edward's words that he penned in his memoir of our romance, the most recent in his journals to his future mate. Edward too had experienced a similar desperate need for me. I had to wonder why I couldn't reciprocate. It had not been difficult for me to love Jacob after I had been changed. With Edward's absence during those first difficult months, it felt only easier to love Jacob, was one of the few bittersweet joys I felt when the memory of Renee's lifeless face filled my mind.

And I was reminded with a sudden overflowing joy his words the night before.

_Imprint_…

To think I had stayed away because I thought I would hinder his search for his true soul mate! I couldn't doubt myself any longer. If I were his imprint, then he would continue phasing, forever young as I was damned to be. The thought of of knowing _my_ Jacob, forever…_my sun_…I smiled, pushing back the tears that threatened with such undeserved joy. My fingers reached up to catch the sunlight dancing upon his cheek, my skin shimmering as gold over his bronze, my cool fingers brushed his burning skin. I felt small in his arms, trapped against his much larger frame and yet molded as though I had been made for him.

In Jacob's arms, it was easy to forget the outside world. Yet what would happen when my creator caught up with me at last? The Vampire inside of me itched so much at times, scratched desperately to reach the surface, as though it could sense time was running out for my human skin. One more bite and the venom could overwhelm me and I would truly die. Would I crave human blood alone then? Would I be hard and icy as Edward? Would Jacob love me still if a part of my soul were not human? Or was it because of my current form that the Wolf within him had bound itself to me?

One thing I knew for certain. If I were ever taken from Jacob, if I were to lose my soul, I would find a way to end it all. For now, I chose to forget the Immortal world I was bound to and think only of his arms around me, of my visions of our children laughing together in the sand…

Tears pricked the corners of my eyes. I blinked furiously and pressed my lips to Jacob's chest, moved my hand from his cheek and slowly down his neck to his thick arms half draped over my waist. I thought then of just how much the toll of worrying over the tribe and me had taken upon him. Instead of waking him up by other means, I managed to pry from his arms at last. The moment I stood away from the bed my heart wrenched and I felt my chest begin to ache in my need to be near him again.

Forcing my eyes from his perfect form, I snatched one of the many silken robes Rose had conned me into purchasing the year before and darted downstairs.

* * *

My phone buzzed ceaselessly from its perch upon the kitchen countertop with my purse and I frowned as I lifted it, eyes widening with surprise at the name that appeared on the screen.

_Alice._

"Hello?" I kept my voice so soft that only her Vampire senses would catch it.

"Bella?" Her voice came into my ear equally soft, tentative as it should be, I thought.

"What is it?" I hissed.

Alice paused at the tension in my voice. "Bella, I know you have to be at Charlie and Sue's wedding tonight, but Edward's going crazy right now and it took everything I had to convince him I should talk to you first."

I strained my own sensitive ears and frowned to hear thrashing in the background. Clearly I could hear Edward shouting, "Alice! Let me talk to her!"

"Calm down there partner," Jasper soothed in a calm tone, soothing even over the phone.

I heard Alice move in a rush until the sounds were muffled. "Sorry about that," she continued. "Like I said…"

"_Alice_," I cut her off, agitated."What's going on?"

She sighed. "Bella, Caius came to our home in Canada an hour ago with part of his own special Volturi guard."

I gasped, heart constricting as I saw brilliant red eyes of cool indifference in my mind, eyes that would sooner murder me if his brother hadn't been the leader of the Volturi. "_What?_" I squeaked.

Alice rushed on. "Bella, don't worry. Carlisle has everything under control at the moment. But if there's anything else you need to tell us, now would be the time! He said we've been watching the wolves from a distance and promised to give any information we knew. Aro gave him orders to work with our family and that's the only reason he hasn't come to take care of their pet Werewolf already. Caius _hates_ Werewolves, Bella. It's only because the Quileute's aren't true Werewolves he only intends to reach the one. Bella? Are you listening to me? Do you understand what I'm saying?"

Yet I couldn't answer her at first. All I could think of was Embry's face and the slender, unassuming, pale haired girl he loved. I froze. Should I tell Alice the truth? What would happen when the pack tried to get revenge for Anna's death? Losing even one of the boys would kill Jacob.

_Jacob_…Jacob would fight to the death.

"Bella are you still there? Hurry! I don't know how long Jasper can hold Edward back. He's about ready to go straight to Charlie's and bring you back here with him."

"I'm here Alice…" I said in a rush. "Alice, you have to tell Carlisle to distract Caius at least two more days."

Alice huffed a sigh of impatience. "Fine, but this won't be easy."

"I know…" I glanced towards the ceiling and could almost see Jacob's sleeping form above and lowered my voice once more. "Alice, the pack won't accept your help again, I don't think, but please stay close if you can. We're going to need all of you."

"Of course. Oh, and Bella, Carlisle couldn't say anything because of the Volturi, but I think he was hinting that there's another reason they've come than to get rid of one Werewolf."

"Have you found the other Vampires?"

I could hear the shatter of glass in the background. Alice's voice hitched. "I've gotta go Bella."

The dialtone went dead and I stared numbly at the linoleum-tiled kitchen floor. When I at last set my phone back on the counter and turned round, Jacob was standing naked before me, his brow wary and eyes perceptively sharp.

"Who was that?"

I hesitated, but couldn't lie to him again. "Alice…"

His knuckles turned white, jaw clenched. "What do _they_ want?"

I forced a smile. "Just checking up on me." Gathering the tie about my royal blue, thigh-length robe, I turned and began to rummage through the fridge for our much delayed breakfast. "I can't believe we're out of eggs again. What do you think about…" I gasped as his arms came from behind me and pressed me tightly against him, but I relaxed when he nuzzled his face against my neck.

"I'm sorry," he sighed. "I just don't like that they think I can't take care of you."

I turned my face and smiled as I covered his arms with my own. "I know. They don't realize how strong you are." His lips twitched up into a sudden smirk in an invitation for me to continue. "Or how big your muscles are…" I leaned into him further and his hands fumbled for the tie of my robe. I spun from his grasp with a wicked grin, pulling the fridge door open to stand between us. "Breakfast first, or I should say lunch." Jacob's dark eyes were filled with lust, his member hardening again and I fought a fresh wave of desire as I focused my gaze upon his.

"You're gonna get yours Miss Swan."

"Let me feed my stomach first and then we'll see about that. We both need a shower anyway." His member twitched and a dark grin lit his features. My eyes widened as I realized the implications and I held out my hands. "Stay back! Down, boy!"

Jacob growled and stalked towards me. I bit my lip to keep from laughing aloud. His hands pulled the fridge door from my grasp and closed it with a thud and said the one thing I never thought I would hear from Jacob Black's lips, "We can eat later."

I shrieked as his hand stretched once again for my robe tie. I darted past him in a sudden blur and up the stairs. "I get first dibs!" I called out, opening the bathroom door and quickly shutting it behind me. A rock solid hand thrust out before I could slam the door into its frame and a growling Werewolf pushed in after. I edged back until my legs hit the shower's edge.

His finger reached out and pulled my robe's tie loose at once, his large hands encircling my waist and lifting me against him in a single fluid motion. With a very Jacob face splitting grin he growled. "As you wish." And he took my lips for his.

* * *

Over the last hour we had to get dried and ready, I found it increasingly difficult to get anything done with Jacob's hands and lips constantly on me. I slipped on a pair of jeans and a red silk shirt to wear until I would need to change into my bridesmaid dress. Jacob kept trying to peak into the zipped-up, black bag, much to my consternation. Apparently, Sue had left Jacob's change of clothes in my closet, though how she managed to sneak them in without Charlie suspecting, I had no clue.

At long last we were ready to leave. As we loaded and entered the Cullen's' car, Alice's words returned, fresh in my thoughts once again and I wondered if the following hours would be our last?

Jacob's fingers slid against mine, linking us. He turned his attention to the road ahead, but not before his black eyes grazed over me with a simmering heat that made my half frozen skin thaw. My heart pounded beneath that gaze, the one that drew me inexorably to him, tied us together as surely as the inner link woven when he imprinted on me.

His hair had been gelled slightly tonight, pointed ends standing up every which way about his russet skin despite efforts to tame it down. The stiff, white collar and loose, black tie looked strange over his broad chest and I could only guess how uncomfortable Jacob felt, though he gave no outward sign. The rest of his "costume," as he called it waited in the backseat.

A smile tugged at the corner of his mouth. "You're doing it again Bells."

"What?"

His features, often so grave, split into a brilliant, white grin. "Checking me out."

"_Again_?" I pulled from his grasp and crossed my arms over my chest. "What's that supposed to mean?"

He turned his head slightly, brow darkening. "Oh I think you know. Not that I blame you. I guess I am pretty irresistible."

I planted my fist lightly in his arm and rolled my eyes at his cry of pain. "Jacob Black! I think you should check that head of yours, because it's swelled so big it may explode!"

Jacob grunted in protest, his large hand catching mine a blur of motion. "Guess you're right, Miss Swan…" His lips twitched. "I'll admit it's hard enough keeping my hands off you for five minutes. Won't tell you how hard it was not to stare and picture you naked, especially when I was trying so hard to fight off the imprint." He shook his head with mock shame.

"Jacob—" I began, knowing what I was about to say would spoil his good mood. "Why did you fight it so much? Seemed like the pack and everyone kept trying to push us together so hard." I didn't tell him how much it hurt each time he rejected me, when I thought he still despised me for what I was alone.

His grin faded, worry lines evident in his brow, his jaw tense. And for a long moment he said nothing, until softly, he replied, "I'm the Alpha of this pack. But being Alpha means more to the Elders and Council that I thought… Bella, they want to acknowledge me as Chief of the Tribe on my next birthday." A gleam, a flash of his black eye met mine against the oncoming headlights. Concern filled his gaze. "Bella, do you know what that means?"

It meant that the tribe would want their next Chief to marry a good Quileute woman, someone without tainted blood, someone who wouldn't live forever, who wasn't in so many ways the same as their enemy. And all I could manage, weakly, "But Jake, you're so young."

His mouth twisted into a rueful grin. "Apparently old enough. When I imprinted on you—it didn't make any sense to me. You're half Vampire! I felt like it was my fault, like I'd betrayed the tribe." For a moment Jacob's features twisted, tortured and I recognized the strange expression I had seen so often and finally understood. "I fought you—so long," his eyes pierced through my rock hard flesh, warmed my soul, "fought till it almost killed me Bells."

I slid my hand to rest on his knee, and his eyes flashed dangerously, emotion thick on his tongue.

"But fighting _**you**," _he added, "It was like fighting myself. I loved you so much before, even while trying to hate you. After imprinting, it was like you invaded everything, even the places I swore I'd never open to anyone again."

Biting my lip, I hesitated and his hand covered mine so it fanned aflame. "Jacob? Does the Council know about us?"

His eyes focused on the many twists and turns ahead. "I've been able to block almost all my thoughts about you from the pack. But I'm not sure they haven't by now. Sue isn't an idiot." A warm smile followed. "I don't think I can hide it anymore. And at this point I could care less what they thought." His fingers squeezed mine for reassurance. We were in this together, he was silently saying.

I blinked as we parked beside an already building stretch of cars and turned to find Jacob's face so close, I could see the amber flecks hidden deep in his obsidian eyes. And beneath the dim twilight, his mouth descended over mine.

* * *

**Review: I don't deserve them, but enjoy them! Feel free to swoon over Jacob Black… sigh….lol **

**Thank you thank you for all your input over these past few weeks. Your reviews have helped to remind me of certain things, and encourage me to write through this block so we can all find out what happens to Bella, Jacob, Sam and Leah and the rest of the gang ;)**


	28. Anew

**A/N: **_This one's for a guest who told me they just "couldn't stop reading this story." And that they just spent the whole Sunday reading it! Reviews like that make my day!_

**Disclaimer: **_No, Jacob black is not my sex slave...but he should be!_

* * *

**Chapter 28**

**Anew**

* * *

"_You nervous?" I stood opposite Charlie, fixing his tie, not yet in my bridesmaid dress. He offered me a weak smile in return._

"_Would you believe me if I said I wasn't?" _

_I laughed and placed my hands on his shoulders as I leaned in for a hug. "I'm proud of you Dad." _

_For a moment he squeezed back extra hard. "Love you Bells…"_

"Bella I swear if you don't wipe off that stupid grin I'll scrape it off." Leah growled as she struggled with the zipper to her long black dress.

I glanced back at my reflection in the mirror, torn from the recent memory of Charlie's embrace and ignored her comment. "Sorry, it's just, the dress really looks good. He's gonna love it." I had left my hair to fall rippling to my waist and against my simple, white dress. I had refused to put on much makeup as my Vampiric traits made my beauty beyond normal already. And I didn't want to overshadow Sue.

But one glance at Sue's glowing features between us, her hands upon Leah's zipper as she drew the tight bodice over her daughter's muscular form and I knew I was a mere shadow to my step-mother's radiance.

Sue had already put on her simple flowing gown. The veil was worn back, pinned into the braid-woven bun at the back of her head. I knew Rosalie would have been proud of me if she could have seen me putting makeup on my step-mother and then curling her few, loose strands to perfection. Living with my Vampire sister had rubbed off on me after all. Sue's eyes glowed as Leah's burned black fury.

"What are you talking about?" Leah barked back, at the mention of _he._

"Sam, honey," Sue whispered softly. Leah's eyes raged fire and penetrated mine accusingly. Sue placed her hands upon her daughter's high and broad shoulders. "Bella didn't have to tell me anything honey. All I had to do was watch him."

Leah's stern features softened and I caught a glimpse of the gentle, beautiful woman she had been before Sam imprinted on Emily and broke her heart.

"Really?" Leah grimaced. "Why are we talking about this anyway? Mom, this is your wedding day."

Sue smiled. "I know. So that means I get to talk to my girls about whatever I want." She winked at me and I couldn't help the smile that lit my face. That was Sue, always thinking of others rather than herself. Even on the day that would change the rest of her life.

Pulling away from Leah, Sue took a deep breath and assessed herself in the mirror. "Well, what do you think?"

"I think you'll knock Charlie out cold." Leah grinned and moved to slip on her black heels.

I glanced Leah's way before moving to slip my hand through Sue's arm. "You look perfect."

Sue turned from the mirror to look at me. "Bella…I just want you to know…I understand how hard it must be, not having your mother. Just know I'm not trying to replace her, because I know I never could. But I _would_ like to be your friend."

I blinked back tears and nodded. "I'd like that."

Sue hesitated and I caught Leah glancing at us in the mirror. "When Charlie and I come back from our honeymoon, he's going to want to talk to you about some things."

I caught my breath. "Oh?"

Sue squeezed my hand. "Don't worry Bella. Charlie knows more than you might think."

I gulped and reached up nervously to tuck my curls out of my face.

"Jacob told the Council about the Vampires who have been hunting you. I'm confident the pack can protect you. I hope that you can protect them too. They're strong. But they're going to need you. More than they know. Jacob needs you too... We all do Bella." Her soft eyes filled with meaning.

I frowned. "I'm worried about him."

"You're doing more for Jacob and the pack than you could ever know Bella."

"Mom?" A muffled voice interrupted the moment with a resounding knock upon the door. I turned with Sue, though admittedly too quickly for a human, startled. I blinked as Seth opened the door to us. He dressed up as well as the other boys, his tie, shirt and slacks matching his black hair that was now slicked back and groomed, for a change. I found myself smiling at the picture he made. His amber eyes met mine and a face splitting grin lit his face.

"You girls done yet?" he asked. "Everyone's ready."

Leah huffed a sigh and snatched her bouquet of blood-red roses as she shouldered past Seth. "You don't have to be a prick about it asshole!"

Sue shook her head and gathering her own thick bouquet, took Seth's ready arm. "I'm ready honey."

Alone, I gathered my own small roses and turned to glance at the mirror one last time. Red-rimmed chocolate eyes and the porcelain skin of a killer greeted me. I grimaced and turned away quickly, remembering mine and Jacob's conversation about the tribe. Would they really accept me?

Slipping past Sue and Seth, I noticed that Leah decided to stride ahead down the aisle.

I faced the open double doors, gazing ahead at the rows of candles and the aisle lined with faces I had known most of my life and others I had only just met. I walked down the aisle alone. Lifting my eyes, I found Charlie standing beside Billy Black, their faces warm with pride and on Charlie's left side I saw _him_.

Jacob's dark eyes were so intent upon me that I was conscious of every swish of my ivory skirt, until I forgot the hundred other faces fixed upon me. His face was drawn into an expression I had never seen before, and I found myself smiling. Amid the candlelight and strewn about rose petals, Jacob's sweet scent upon the air and images flashed through my mind to the beat of my heart…

_Laughing together over piles of strewn homework, tackling the other until Jacob grinned triumphantly._

_Riding our bikes side by side upon the wind, free, flying, together in a way that felt so strong so right._

_Movie nights with our fingers entwined, natural as breathing, safe and comforted._

_His lips crashing unexpectedly over mine as I resisted him._

_His body hidden in dark shadows, broken after the fight with the Newborns, eyes filled with tears as we confessed our ill fated love. _

_His body golden over mine, penetrating me, sliding in and out until there lay no space between us._

_The agonizing pain of venom flooding my system, my heart stopping, and then beating once more to life as his memory pulled me from beneath the waves of death._

_Rain pelting our features, covering his face against the sheen of moonlight, his eyes unfathomable, a link drawn and tied tightly to my soul._

While I stood on the other side of Leah, my eyes remained fixed upon his. I wondered if he could feel what I felt. Did he even understand what he had done? What he meant to me? Could he ever know?

Soft guitar music played nearby and I forced my gaze from his. Today was Sue's day.

She came down the aisle, like an angel without wings, her bronze skin glowing against the white satin of her simple floor length dress. Her eyes focused upon Charlie, with an expression of love such as I had never seen for my father pouring from that gaze. I glanced at my father, caught my breath to see the tears brimming in his eyes.

Perhaps everyone did deserve a second chance, at life, love? Perhaps the Vampire part of me wasn't the monster I had envisioned it to be, and rather it was the person themselves who determined evil and good. Perhaps I deserved happiness as much as Jacob did. As Sue and Charlie had found. As Sam was rediscovering with Leah…

They stood together in a ceremony unlike the other weddings I had been to, because Charlie wanted Sue to be married in the way of her people. And it was beautiful. They turned together to face most of the tribe, the pack, our family.

And then Jacob was walking to meet me, his eyes glowing, his touch electric as our arms linked. We walked together down the aisle and then his arms encircled and pushed me into a small, darkened room nearby. He shoved my back high against the wall as his mouth descended over mine.

I gasped for breath and smiled as I wrapped my arms around his neck. "What was that for?"

Jacob smiled at my touch. "I just love you."

"I love you too." And I rested my face in the curve of his shoulder. His arms tightened round me and held still.

* * *

Dozens of pictures later, we were moving to the dance hall where a barbecue/fish fry and music were well underway. Jacob had left me to check with some of the pack who would have to patrol tonight. And this was how I found myself walking down the hallway towards the reception, only to pause and glance at the open exit hidden in an unlit hall. The door stood open against a shower of thickly falling snow. And in the doorway, beneath the silver moonlight, Leah faced Sam, her hands clenched into fists, her eyes looking up into his. Her chest heaved, breathless.

I clung to the shadows, knowing they would see me if I passed by, afraid to ruin the moment.

"Why have you been avoiding me, Lee?" Sam's voice was broken and weary. He looked as though he had not found sleep in some time.

"Because I can't stand the sight of myself!" Her voice trembled.

His arms rose to grasp hers. "Stop it! Can't you just tell me what's been bothering you? I—I can't take not being near you…" he whispered.

"I can't."

"What are you so afraid of?" Sam bent low until their eyes were level, drew nearer until their foreheads touched and Leah gasped. A sad smile pulled at his lips. "Leah, I know you. You can't lie to me any more than I can lie to you."

"Sam, I know how hard it's been ever since Emily…"

His hands lifted to cup her face. "Lee…why can't you just tell me you're in love with me?"

For a moment she stared into his eyes, frozen. "Sam how can you…"

"Don't you know I've always loved you Lee?" His hand lowered to trail down her back. "No matter what happened between us in the past—I know I don't deserve another chance at life with you. But I don't—I don't know if I _can_ live a life without you in it!" His mouth covered hers with sudden intensity. And then her arms were about his neck, her legs tearing through the tight skirt constraining her waist and encircling him, his hands over her, desperate and trembling.

I bit my lip, tears in my eyes once again, and with a rush of air, faster than the eye could see, I ran past them, but slowed before the glass doors and dim lights and music and laughter awaiting the other side.

Charlie and Sue danced at the center of the floor, surrounded by other familiar couples, including Jared and Kim and even Paul and Rachel. I watched them through the glass, my fingertips upon the door, ready to push it open, when twin hands snaked about and pulled my waist back against him.

Jacob's breath was warm against my ear. "You wanna get out of here?"

I glanced back at Sue's arms wrapped about Charlie's neck, her face buried in his chest, then turned back to Jacob and nodded.

* * *

We sat together upon our driftwood, upon the broken tree trunk still there after all this time. Jacob had confessed that after the Cullens and I left, he had come here a lot to think, when he wanted to be away from the pack, when memories of me became to much…

The moon was silver and perfection above us. My white dress shimmered against its light, complimenting the fresh snow that fell around us. Jacob had stripped down to his slacks and I savored in his warmth, his arms wrapped tightly over me as I sat in his lap. With the sound of the waves crashing nearby, the white, frigid world that felt comforting to my half dead form, I wondered if this was as near to perfection as we could be.

Far beneath the peace that rested on the surface of my mind, I thought of Alice's fear as she told me of the Volturi and of the war I feared was soon to come. I longed to tell Jacob, to warn him now, and yet… I wanted one more night, just one like this, Edward's warnings be damned.

"What's on your mind?" Jacob asked with a sigh.

"Hmm?"

His finger came up to press down the crease between my brows, a familiar grin upon his lips. "Go ahead and spill it, Swan."

I frowned and, pressing my cheek to his warm chest, closed my eyes against his comforting heat. "I'm just so tired of all of this, of worrying, of never having _this_."

"What do you mean?"

I opened my eyes to find an amused tilt to his grin and smiled back. "Don't you ever wish we could go back to the way things were? Back when we were fixing the bikes and hanging out?"

His hand immediately lowered from my neck to the exposed skin of my breast, eyes darkening. "Nope."

"Okay, I mean, don't you wish that things weren't so complicated? Since I've come home you've been attacked by more Vampires than ever. You've had to rescue me from jumping off another stupid cliff and being attacked by a Werewolf, not to mention you had to deal with imprinting on me and betraying the tribe." I paused and Jacob waited, eyes serious even as his face twisted into another grin. "What?" I asked, exasperated.

Jacob shook his head. "Silly Bella. You still think I'm going to leave you?"

I lowered my eyes. "No...but I guess I'm just so afraid of losing _this._ Just being with you without worrying about what's going to happen tomorrow."

His eyes bore into mine, moonlight reflecting upon the scar running down his cheek. "Bella—I _live_ for each moment I get to spend with you. If it's our last…then we make it count."

As I looked into his eyes, I heard the distant cries of the pack in the woods.

I wondered if Anna ran wild and murderous and free among them tonight.

If Caius and his Volturi guard were nearer than we knew.

If Alice, Edward and Jasper were far away from the evil they hunted.

And I wondered, when the cold ancient hands of mine and Renee's murderer, my creator awaited my return.

* * *

**Review: The calm before the storm...what did y'all think of Sam and Leah's reconciliation?**


	29. Understanding

**A/N:** _Thanks to your reviews and the wonderful pushing and prodding of a couple key ladies, I give you the next chapter ;)_

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer had an awesome dream and wrote these fantastic characters. Goes to show you should pay attention to your dreams ;)**

* * *

**Chapter 29 **

**Understanding**

* * *

My arms draped lazily about his neck as the snow fell gently against our skin and his heat filled my frigid limbs. My dress trailed white as the ice about us. I tilted my head back to watch the soft flurry and peered beyond to the glow of stars shining brightly overhead. The moon was full.

Jacob shifted my weight onto one strong arm, as he moved aside the door to his garage. Soon we were ascending the stairs, back into the silent shadow ridden apartment. Our smiles faded as his dark eyes met mine and without another word he carried me into his room. Light of the moon trailed from his living room windows, across the hardwood floors and onto his bed.

After he lay me to rest on the tangled sheets, he pulled off his clothes and tossed them aside. I smiled as I savored every inch of moonlit russet perfection, from his strong legs and thighs and the hard but round shape of his backside, then up still across his abdomen. His muscles clenched as he bent slightly to climb onto the soft mattress and crawl over to me. He turned to rest on his side and his warm hand ghosted over the ivory satin fabric draping my waist and slowly slid down to rest possessively on my hip.

My heart surged, even as my desire overwhelmed me with his scent, powerful and comforting as it had always been. My breath hitched when he drew me closer and slowly moved his fingers to the zipper at the back of my bodice. I could already see the dark intent in his eyes, even as the moonlight hit them and they reflected, just a moment, with an golden animal sheen.

I whispered, "Jacob…there's something I need to tell you."

His hand stilled, his lips twitching and a smile ready at his lips. "Really? It can't wait?" Before I could protest his lips met the curve of my neck and trailed hot and wet at the corner of my mouth. "That's funny," he said as he hovered over my lips, "because there's something I really need to tell you too."

As his mouth descended over mine I groaned and with Herculean effort, pulled my lips away from his, just before his conquest. "Seriously, Jake."

His brow twitched in frustration and his eyes burned even as he sighed and rested back on his side. "All right, Swan. Spill, but don't forget my turn's next."

Ignoring his devilish grin, I tried to find the courage to tell him what I hadn't had the guts to before. "I wanted to tell you what you are to me…" My breath hitched and my eyes settled upon his chin. I could not look into his eyes without tears and emotion betraying me, and I needed to be strong now.

"Honey, you don't have to tell me how you feel. I already know." Jacob's hand slid from my waist to between my breasts and came to rest over my struggling, half dead heart, now beating so furiously.

"The night Renee died…" I began and bit my lip as I struggled to recall the memories flashing through my mind quickly, echoes of a pain that was greater than I could bear even now. Eyes shut, I gasped, struggled for breath, as once again I felt the cold hands wrap about my neck, the sharp teeth sink into my skin and the venom that raged like acid, course through my being. The whole time I couldn't blank out the image of Renee's vacant eyes, her face frozen in an expression of realization and terror…

"Bella?" His warm hands coaxed life back into my skin. Slowly my eyes opened and focused on his face. All I could see were soft, amber and obsidian jewels, set within a deep russet face, pained and yet vengeful as he said. "You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to."

"No—it's alright," I offered, savored in his warmth and continued. "I left the Cullens to visit Renee. I'd promised her I would, but I wanted to get away from Edward too. Because he needed something I couldn't give him." I glanced up and Jacob's eyes were distant, filled with an expression I had not seen since I first came, filled with broken dreams and dark promises. "He went away to school in Paris. And seeing Renee seemed like a good idea. I knew I couldn't come home and face you. I—I was afraid you had imprinted already, or if you hadn't, that you would try to love me again and I'd still end up like Leah…"

His arms drew me close, fiercely, his voice husky and slightly angered. "Bells, I would _never_ have let that happen."

For a moment I stared and wondered how I had come to be here, how I had so long denied myself Jacob, so long determined I was not worthy of him. No matter my flaws he had always loved me with a fervor I only now understood. And I knew it was true. Even if he had imprinted while loving me, he would have run, fought it til his dying breath, I realized.

My heart swelled as much as it broke for him and my hand lifted to graze his cheek, cool against his hot skin. "The last thing I talked about with Renee was you," I admitted. "When they found us in the alley and chased us, I ran too far. I lost her before realizing she must still be back there somewhere. And when I found her she was white and cold, and her eyes… I think she knew the truth then, all the things about Edward she had been suspicious of, my behavior...

He found me then, the thing that killed Renee. And he drank from me but didn't drain me completely."

Jacob's body was trembling with the same hatred burning from his eyes and I paused, my own voice wrought with emotion as I brought my hands to his face, over his chiseled chest, his straining arms. I whispered over him, kissed his chest and slowly the beast faded in his eyes, leaving the man I loved.

"I don't remember the three days after I was bit. Edward and Alice found me and helped me through the transformation. But I remember fighting with every part of my being to _live_, to keep my heart beating. Even when I was frozen, I saw your face. And when I opened my eyes I didn't recognize Edward or Alice. I asked for _you_. I found out later that Alice hadn't seen me in any of her visions in years. My future was a blank slate. Until the night I was bitten she hadn't been able to see anything. Edward was so scared of what it meant."

Tears blurred my perfect vision of him and a single, broken sob broke from my lips when his hands caressed my face, his thumbs wiping my tears away. I blinked against his brilliant white smile, how it seemed to shine in contrast to the shadowed darkness.

"Bella Swan, I've always known you were my future."

His hands began to pull aside the bodice of my dress, until my breasts were bare. He drew me to him, coiling himself over me so our chests were pressed together. And I could taste his lust on the air, his way of easing my pain and sorrow. This was his way of loving me, of healing the wounds, of telling me he forgave me and that his words weren't simply empty promises.

I moaned when he thrust his hips gently against mine and felt his hardness seek the warmest place on my body, giving me senseless, delicious friction. His breathing was ragged as he lowered the zipper of the long ivory skirt of my dress and lifted me easily to toss the fabric aside. He followed as he cradled me, hovered over me on the mattress and brought his lips to nibble and nip my neck, over the marble hard scarred tissue between my breasts, and then lower, by my abdomen.

I writhed, seeking something to hold onto and gripped his sheets. As his hands pulled down the silken fabric covering my center, his face rose to meet mine. "And if our future means we only ever have these moments…" His hands gently spread my legs as he sat back and wrapped me around his torso. The head of his cock grazed my entrance deliberately, making me pant, making me see white splotches that gave way to _him_.

He buried himself into me, inch by pulsating inch and groaned, "Then we'll love enough for all the lifetimes we should have shared."

I gasped as the ridge at the head of his length grazed the soft tissue deep inside of me, the place that made me cry out, half pain, half desperate lust. I felt I was on fire, from his declaration and the way he thrust in and out harder and still harder.

I held his gaze as he growled and I answered with an inhuman cry as he burst inside me, echoed by my own release. For a while we lay together, shivering from the weight and yet sighing from a lightness of being. Lifting me by the hips, his cock still half erect and thrust deeply into my core, Jacob's arms strained enough to drag me to rest on top of him. I wrapped myself, caved myself into him, and savored when he held me, traced lazy patterns over my shivering cold skin.

And we did love enough.

* * *

"Are you sure about this?" I asked Jacob while clinging to his waist. The heat of his skin against the frozen winter we were flying past made me feel more alive than I had since my death. Well, that and the passion of the werewolf hunched before me.

The motorcycle slid over the icy roads, and then slid over snow littered paths. Somehow, Jacob managed to keep the rumbling machine going, righting it with supernatural reflexes. When I'd offered to drive earlier, he'd laughed and pulling me up against him, "_Not a chance in hell, Swan._"

I didn't have the best track record with vehicles and crashing them, he argued. A human trait I had obviously carried over into my afterlife, I thought with a grimace.

Jacob stopped the bike so suddenly, I began to lift off my seat and clamped my arms about his waist.

In the sudden silence of the forest that surrounded us, I jumped when Jacob's chest shook slightly, his deep voice strained, his breath coming in thick clouds. "Are you trying to squeeze me to death?"

Blinking, I followed his gaze and realized I was still holding on to him too tightly.

"I mean, I like my women strong…" His hands fell over my arms and with a firm grip, helped me to pry them loose, before lifting me from behind and bringing my legs to wrap securely round his waist.

I smiled shyly into his eyes. Even here in the middle of nowhere, I could feel his desire rise to meet me, the slight bulge as I settled into his lap. Even after everything we had been through I felt eighteen when I was around Jacob. And clearly time had not dampened our ravenous need for contact, for touch.

His smile gleamed white as the early morning snow as he wrapped his arms about me and squeezed lightly. "As long as I'm stronger," he finished.

"Don't bet on that," I teased.

His eyebrow arched over his russet brow. "Hmm…I'm willing to take that bet."

Shaking my head, I couldn't help but smile, my long gossamer brown curls falling slightly into my face, still perfect despite the short ride from the Reservation. And then, in the midst of what should have been a playful, light moment, the strange feeling that had plagued me since I woke in his arms that morning, returned. A strange sickly feeling, as though something was about to change, as though the winter that had tried to take my life had returned to fully claim its possession.

"Jacob, are you sure about this?"

Some of the laughter faded from his black eye, the weight of the man I was still getting to know, replacing it. "Yeah," he said with a sigh. "I want you to know what we're fighting for." His eyes searched mine for a moment and I nodded, meeting his gaze.

"Okay. Come on, we're going for a ride." With that, Jacob lifted me off the bike, and following with a sly grin, began to strip down in front of me.

I shook my head and watched him with an exasperated, but appreciative eye. I never would have imagined I could deserve someone so perfect, so beyond the Bella Swan I remembered.

With a cock of his eyebrow, Jacob threw his pants my direction and after tossing the shirt and shoes near his bike, turned to face me once again. Trembling but a moment with the oncoming change, he grinned as his skin seemed to burst from its seams, fur sprouting over his body, his form elongating, shifting, the pop of sinew and crack of bone, and then the russet furred wolf loomed monstrously before me. Tongue out and tail wagging, he approached me and shaking my head I jumped easily on top of his back. I barely managed to wrap my arms about his neck before he crouched low and then we were tearing deep into the forest.

We ran as quickly as any Vampire, faster even until the world rushing past in a blur. Yet with my new hybrid eyes, the motion didn't nauseate me any more. For I could see every detail of winters mark upon the pack's haunt. And it was beautiful.

At last we came upon a very small, very old low eaved cabin in the woods, and the familiar and much absent form of Embry emerged from the dark open doorway. My breath hitched and I struggled to push down the anger and abhoration at the unearthly scent of the true Werewolf that rested inside.

Sliding from Jacob's back, I barely heard him shift into his human form before his arms wrapped quickly behind me, his lips speaking low against my ear. "I'm gonna stay out here with Embry a minute. Will you be okay?"

I nodded though my eyes were riveted on the shadowed entrance to the cabin that reeked of death. How could they protect such a creature who only lived to murder and kill again?!

Jacob's hands grazed mine as he pulled on his shorts and then I was walking up the worn wooden steps and moving past Embry upon the small porch. As I walked into the shadows I distantly heard the low whispers of the two pack brothers outside. The soft sound of snow lighting upon the roof, and holding my breath entered the beasts lair.

I was surprised to find what almost looked like any wilderness home, upon entering. The fireplace had been lit, though the flames did little to quench the shadows, and a pot hung over the fire. All sort of cooking utensils rested in a cupboard nearby and a small table with two chairs sat by the only window in the old building. And on the other side of the fireplace was a small, rumpled, fourpost bed. Lying upon the pillows and quilted coverlet was the pale featured, innocent looking girl I had met once before.

Her eyes were shut, and as I looked over the cabin I saw that another piece of furniture at the foot of the bed, a high board, with straps and chains hanging from it, and a large leather muzzle. The sort of thing you would picture belonging to a monster movie. The wood had been slashed and obviously replaced many times. And I wondered how anyone could allow something so horrid to exist. No wonder Caius held such a personal vendetta against the creatures. Unlike Vampires, they had no idea of their monstrosity and could do little to control it.

The scar from where her teeth had entered my flesh burned and I dared a few more steps closer. There was another chair resting beside the bed, sitting against a small drawer and lantern. When I turned my eyes back to the small teenager upon the bed, I nearly jumped to find her wide violet-blue eyes watching me. Gritting my teeth to keep the Vampire buried within me from lashing out, I focused on controlling my breathing.

Her light brows furrowed, her voice small and almost childlike. "I know you…I know your face."

She paused and I clenched my fists.

"I remember a dream. I'd never seen anyone so beautiful as you…" Then her wide eyes grew and her hand moved to clutch at the loose sweater about her chest. "You smell strange…are you, one of…_them_?"

I could do nothing, the rage in my heart overwhelmed me. This girl was dead already. She murdered innocent people without thought, she would continue to kill, even Embry if she was not chained. And she would make others like her. Were there already others like her? Was that the reason Caius had not already descended over Forks to finish the mission Aro had consented?

"You are…" she said with conviction. "I can smell the demon inside you."

Her voice pulled me from my thoughts. The sorrow in her eyes shocked the beast from within me for a moment.

"You're here to kill me, aren't you? Embry said that they would come and we must be ready." A soft light entered her eyes at the mention of his name, a ghost of a smile at her lips. "I only wish I'd had more time with him…I never thought anyone could love a creature like me."

Her eyes burned into mine and despite the Vampire half I felt my own heart wrench at her words, for they echoed my own thoughts.

"I know I have killed people. For a long time I didn't know. After my family was attacked, I woke up by myself in the woods. I came home wondering how I had survived. But when the full moon came I knew. I woke up in the woods again, this time covered in blood. When I found my way into town I heard about the people who had been murdered. My name was on that list… So you see I'm not surprised you're here." And then a deeper sorrow, a weariness and emptiness filled her eyes, practically screamed from her being. "Please…_kill me_."

For a long moment I glared at her in shock, this innocent young woman, and then thought. Though she deserved death, didn't my kind deserve death too? Was it worse to murder without knowing you did it or even the memory the morning after? Or was it worse to stalk in the shadows, to meditate on the blood that sang for you, to hunt a mother and daughter into an alley and drain one while turning the other, all the while knowing the consequences? The thought struck me so that suddenly her scent no longer overwhelmed me. Instead I beat back the demon snarling inside me and moved until I sat in the chair at her bedside.

Anna watched me with fear in her eyes, her pulse racing, hands clenched tightly upon the covers. Slowly I reached out and placed my hand over hers. She gasped at my cool touch. To my surprise, she felt strangely human, normal.

"I'm not going to kill you, Anna."

Tears filled her eyes and she gasped for air. And I waited until she was calm, her features straining with the effort to smile, and moved my hand from hers.

"But there are others who will."

She nodded quickly and with obvious relief. "I know."

Glancing towards the open doorway where the low voices of our imprints hovered nearby, I asked, "What are you going to do?"

"Embry wants me to stay here for now. He's going to protect me he says. The rest of the pack visits sometimes…"

I saw the emptiness fill her eyes again.

"But I know what they're really thinking. As much as Jacob tries, they can't accept me. The only other one who seems to try is Seth. But I've heard the others arguing before…the only reason they protect me is because of Embry."

I nodded. "Believe it or not, I haven't exactly been the pack's favorite person for while either."

Anna looked at me knowingly. "Because you're a Vampire?"

"Yeah…sometimes I think the only reason they accept me is because I'm half human still."

"How?" she asked with childlike wonder.

"It's a long story." I offered her a sad smile, struggling as another fresh wave of her scent rolled over me, putrid and suffocating. The monster still struggled beneath the chains I held it down with now, yet I clung to the sorrow in Anna's eyes and the scars upon her neck and face.

"You're Jacob's Bella, aren't you?"

I met her gaze, startled.

Anna's eyes smiled. "He talks to me about you sometimes. I never knew _she_ was _you_. But I feel as if I've met you before." I saw the reluctance and fear in her eyes. For the first time she looked ancient, immortal and immemorial, ageless in the body of a teenager.

"No, we've never met before," I heard myself lying, and her expression eased immediately. I glanced towards the open doorway again. "You know that they're going to find you eventually. The pack protected me once before, but I still had to face them eventually. You will too."

Our eyes met, and Anna nodded.

"I know."

"You know they'll fight to the death for you."

I frowned, knowing the agonizing pain I felt at the very thought, the pain I knew Anna felt as keenly. She looked past me to the open door, a strange expression settling in her eyes.

And then the morning light was shadowed and I turned to the doorway only to find Jacob's face pensive and watching mine. I felt warmth fill my being as our eyes met, heat and desire and love burning and longed so desperately to feel him at my side. I forced my eyes back to Anna.

Though neither of us spoke, it was as if an understanding bound us together. For I knew her sorrow and her burden and wondered when the time came how I could help to protect this woman, barely more than a girl from the fate that approached.


	30. Eldest

**A/N: _This one goes out to trenee, who stayed up until three to reach this point in the story! It inspires me to read reviews like yours :D_**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer owns it, we add to it!**

* * *

**Chapter 30**

**Eldest**

* * *

The image of Embry gathering Anna's small form into his arms haunted me as we rode down the highway and back to Jacob's apartment. The image of her belly, round and full only drew more unanswered questions and sorrow in my mind. How could they possibly raise a family together when Anna was condemned to be a monster? And if they could, would the child be like her or Embry?

My arms wrapped tightly round the werewolf I loved. I resisted the sudden urge to claim him now, to fight my own hidden insecurities. And for the first time I wondered, if I was half Vampire did that mean I could never have Jacob's children?

We pulled up to the already busy garage, customers returned now that the shop had reopened. Jacob parked his bike against a forgotten corner outside the garage and stepping upon the crunching snow in his heavy boots, he turned round to face me. His obsidian eyes were shadowed by his lowered brow, claiming secrets I longed to unravel, sorrows I needed to kiss away. His hands slowly slid about my waist and I held my breath as a wave of desire washed over me at his touch. His fingers slipped up underneath my red shirt and grazed my skin and his hand hovered over my abdomen a moment, brow furrowing further before his hands were clasped about my waist and he lifted me against him.

Our bodies rubbed together, igniting the flame of lust I caught burning in his eyes. I smiled as I placed my cool hands on either side of his burning face. "Are you so sure about this, fighting for a girl we barely know?" I asked, timidly, afraid to upset him now that I understood. As Embry's imprintee, Anna was part of the pack.

Jacob's smile was patient and old and for a moment, I felt ages younger than him.

"We fought for you once. Remember? You weren't even my imprint, but the pack was willing to fight to the death, because of _you_. There's still someone out there hunting you Bells. This doesn't just have to do with your leech friends anymore."

I nodded, feeling a rush of fear, guilt and crippling love for my Jacob as I said, "I know."

For a moment his eyes searched mine and his arms tightened about my waist. "Are you sure you wouldn't rather wait here at the garage until we can go together?"

For all of his strength, the power evident in his form, in the set of his brow, the mold of his hands, I could hear the fear hidden in his tone. That's when I knew, as much as he wanted to pretend otherwise, he knew there was a chance they couldn't handle this. I could never let Jacob admit he wasn't enough. To me he would always be more than enough and I would never throw away that love again. Now I wasn't just the fragile human. I needed to be strong for all of us.

"No," I said, reassuringly. "I'll be fine. You know I _can_ take care of myself."

"Yeah, I know." Jacob grinned, his hand lowering to graze and gently squeeze my backside.

"Jake! Come on man! This place can't run on two guys alone!" Quil's face peered from the back door and a wide grin alighted his face at the sight of us. "Oh, um, _excuse _me! Sorry I couldn't interrupt sooner, oh shit, sorry Bella—I meant…"

"That's enough Quil." Jacob's voice was Alpha and fully dangerous.

I shared a sympathetic grin with the smaller werewolf before he darted back inside. I met Jacob's frustrated yet amused eyes.

With a sigh he lowered his forehead to mine. "Keep your phone on you at all times. Call me the second anything looks suspicious. Please be careful…"

I smiled. Earlier this morning, when planning out our day, I had told Jacob I wanted to check on Charlie's place and pick up some of my things. Though Jacob had been against the idea of me going alone, especially with everything as tense as it had been lately, I'd managed to convince him. Unlike Edward, Jacob trusted me.

* * *

Charlie's place still looked the same as the day I came home to it, the first time since I was a lonely little girl. It was a place filled with memories and faint touches of Renee. I let my eyes rove over the two storied house and remembered. So many nights Edward had spent with me in my room. The curtain fluttered in the wind and I frowned. I hadn't opened any windows.

At first I began to reach for the cell in my pocket, ready to run madly in the opposite direction I had come. The run here had been easy enough despite the snow, and gave me escape from everyone, even for a little while. I had time to be just Bella. It reminded me of the old silent runs Seth and I had taken the first month I had come home, so far into the woods it felt as though no one could ever find us. I saw his smiling face before my mind's eye and knew I needed to see my new step-brother. And then I remembered that Seth had called Edward. I wondered whether he had looked after me for Jacob or my former Vampire fiancée?

Forgetting my fear, hand still in my pocket and clenched over my cell, I began to walk up to the house. Walking inside I gasped at the sickeningly overwhelming sweet scent of Vampire…_mint_…_Edward_.

Hissing, I turned violently towards the frozen marble hard hand as it grasped my arm.

"Bella!" he said before I could react. There was a tinge of fear and disgust as I caught Edward's eye.

I remembered then I reeked of werewolf.

"Where have you been?" His voice was icy and distant and pained.

We both looked down at his fingers pressed hard against my skin in a grip that would have broken bones were I only human. At my wince, his grip loosened, though he did not remove his hand.

"Bella…"

Blinking furiously against the sunlight streaming through Charlie's windows, I marveled at how his skin shone with the brilliance of diamonds against mine, which glimmered as gold in contrast. Our faces were lit, betraying our true natures and the circumstances behind this were remembered with a strange pang of sadness. A thousand memories flashed through my mind, endless words of promise, of love. A passion I had felt that once burned so strong… I had loved them both once. I had eventually told Jacob it would always be _him_, Edward, if I had a choice.

"Bella, you have to come with me now." Urgency was in his tone, fear hidden in his topaz eyes.

I frowned. "What? But—Edward I can't! I told you I'm not going anywhere! I won't let you take me away from here so the Volturi can…"

"Bella, this isn't about them. It's about _you_. Come, let's go home."

* * *

"Bella!" It was Alice who greeted me first, the energetic little pixie who had almost been my sister and once, my best friend. Her movements were nearly blurred from my sight as she appeared from behind Edward. Nervous energy seemed to flow from her now. And I felt a wave of calm follow her entrance before Jasper's high head and honey eyes came to the head of the stairs leading up the Cullen's old home.

I gasped as Alice practically flew down the stairs, her small frame colliding with mine, arms about my neck. She whispered into my ear, "You're still angry with me now, but you won't always be, I promise." With a grin she pulled away and darted back to Jasper's side.

His brow furrowed he watched Edward lead me up the stairs. "Come on, he's waiting in the study," he drawled.

I met Edward's eye as we followed them in the familiar hallways, what was once my second home not so long ago. Just outside his doorway, the three Vampires turned to me. Alice met Edward's eye and he nodded before she turned to face me.

"Bella, we have to leave you now. He wanted to speak with you in private this time." She cast a hard glance at a nervous Edward who only rolled his eyes at her in turn.

I frowned. "Can't any of you tell me what this is about?"

Edward's topaz eyes held mine intently. "He wouldn't even tell us Bella. Only that every second of your life depended on this." I saw the pain in his eyes and true to our strange old connection, felt the pull to return to his arms in that moment, in the shadow of memories long dead…

Much as I loved and desperately needed Jacob more, and each moment apart from him would become difficult as the days passed, it was not any easier for me to see my first love in pain.

_Because of me._

Another wave of calm flushed out my anxieties and I glanced at Jasper to meet his compassionate grin. "Come on, we should check the perimeter again." He took Alice's hand and pulled her along, in spite of the disappointed look on her face.

Edward lingered. He took a step toward me and hesitating took my hand in his own. It did not feel frozen as it once had. I was half dead after all, but the feeling of cold had always made me feel ill, before I met Edward. Since my transformation I didn't like being reminded of the darker half of my nature. I longed for the sun and it was everything I could give Edward not to flinch from him now.

"Bella, I just wanted you to know that no matter how you feel for the wolf, you must know my heart will always belong to you and no other. I cannot help my love for you any more you can change your love for him." A sad smile ghosted his features and his eyes focused on our joined hands. "I've wished a thousand times I could change… Bella, if I hadn't pushed you—if we'd married…" His breath caught at this.

I felt a strange sensation wash over me with his words at the possibilities. What if Edward and I had married as we had first planned? Would I be a Vampire now? How different would our lives have been? Edward had waited for his mate eighty years. The thought was unfathomable. Was I truly his mate as he said? And if so how was that even possible, when I was Jacob's soul mate as well?

His topaz eyes burned, his grasp tightened only a moment and then he released my hand and turned away. Though we weren't connected as we had been, his pain was still like a stab in my chest. It was agony.

I reached out and caught his cheek in my palm, felt his shock and his fear and longing in that touch. The emotions were so sudden and overpowering, I gasped before focusing on his frozen countenance. "Edward, you know…" I paused as my pulse struggled against my neck. I struggled with the effort to ignore his emotions and wondered faintly if this was some other ability I had been gifted without knowing.

His eyes squeezed tightly shut, features contorted as though in pain though he breathed deeply.

I took a deep breath and began again, "I want you to know…"

His hand covered mine, eyes open and suddenly fierce and eternally sad. "No…Bella you do not need to speak. One look, one touch from you is enough, my love…" And then with a blur, a gust of wind, he was gone.

I clenched my fists, staring for a moment where my former love had stood before turning to the door he led me to.

Carlisle's study was left much the same, though his antique paintings and bookcase were missing, along with many other mementos from his long life. My almost father in-law sat calmly upon his high back leather chair, though there was an intensity in his burnt gold eyes that overwhelmed me the moment I met his gaze.

And I moved to sit opposite his desk, ignoring the urge to rip the armrests off the chair.

"Bella, I am sorry to call you here like this, but I have been quite desperate ever since yesterday evening to find you. Alice could not see you in her visions and Edward waited where he thought he might find you first. But when you did not come..."

"Carlisle what's going on?"

A dark shadow crossed his fair angelic features, a fierce protectiveness and determination akin to Edward. "I received a letter from Aro yesterday, by way of his most trusted guard, Jane. The seal was unbroken, so neither she nor Caius knows the contents of this letter."

I glanced down at his desk. "Where is it?"

"Burnt to ashes."

I met his eye and a cold sickly feeling persisted as he continued.

"Bella, I am afraid this matter is far more serious than I could have imagined. Days ago I sent Aro a private message detailing everything we had learned of your attack before any reports of werewolf murders reached Volturi ears. Yesterday Aro gave me orders of a different kind Bella. He said that Jane and several others in Caius's guard were directed to follow my instruction, no matter the request. We're to find the Vampire that changed you, Bella and kill him."

My hands grasped at my chest, at the memories I had struggled ever since to banish from all thought.

"_So long I have waited, my Isabella… I thought one taste of your blood was enough." _

_His hand moved along the open collar of my neck, trailed to my jaw and back to settle over my breast. __I shivered. _

_"So exquisite… You are a remarkable woman Isabella, able to ward off the change, I almost didn't believe it until Lara confirmed the rumors. And I am afraid, my dear, I cannot let you go now that I have you." _

_He chuckled low, and I gasped as he turned me round to face him, pressing me against his hard body. Tears formed unbidden. I struggled to create my shield,unleash it against him, but fear imprisoned me._

Carlisle was still speaking, I realized, as I was pulled back to the present.

"Volturi have answered to a higher power for centuries…though many believed they had been wiped out long ago."

"What do you mean a higher power?" The idea of a power greater than the Volturi, rulers and judge over the entire Vampire realm was terrifying.

"Aro confessed to me that he was only able to tell me after gaining permission. They are called the Eldest, representatives from the most ancient civilizations, far more ancient than we have believed any Vampires were left alive today. And they've been moving us like pawns. They are the masterminds behind the Volturi. Aro said the only reason he was able to overthrow the Romanian coven was because the Eldest supported him. They offered him a deal he could not refuse."

The tone of his words could only mean death.

"I heard rumors after I was first turned of a ruling circle of ancient Vampires. But even then it was talked of like a myth rather than truth. For reasons we don't have time to disclose, I came to believe the myth held some truth to it, though sincerely hoped they'd been wiped out. Even when I lived among the Volturi I never knew for certain, yet Aro fears them. They're very powerful Bella, you must understand this."

"Are they...evil?"

Carlisle's eyes met mine sharply. "There are many definitions of evil, Bella. But I have reason to believe that in the truest sense they only seek to guard and protect our secret. To keep humans from learning the truth and have come to protect them in turn because of it. Aro said they were the ones who first tasked Caius with hunting down the true werewolves. The true werewolves like the ones Caius is hunting now are senseless beasts Bella. They have no conscious of what they're doing. In a way it is a fate worse than our own. Aro wrote that the Eldest know of your Quileute pack as well, Bella. And I have reason to believe though Aro didn't confirm it, one of the Eldest came with Caius."

I held my breath. "The one who's been hunting me?"

Carlisle's expression darkened. "No, another. A few years ago one of the Eldest learned about your visit to Volterra and began to ask after you. He led his own guard here to find you. The Eldest have lost patience with him since then. He had been causing dissension for some time and has a far more barbaric attitude towards humans. I believe the Eldest that came with Caius is here to make sure we succeed."

The silence that settled between us after was distant and cold. I felt ages older then what I was. "What are you going to do?"

A strange gleam entered his golden eyes. "We're going to need your help."


	31. Beloved

**A/N: This next chapter is going to be confusing in the beginning for some of you. Don't worry because you're not meant to understand! Just keep reading to find out…**

**Disclaimer: Ste-ah y'all already know lol**

* * *

**Chapter 31**

**Beloved**

* * *

The first time I ever saw Jacob Black wasn't exactly one of those moments that sticks with you forever. It wasn't the "end of life as I knew it" and it wasn't "lust at first sight" as I've come to think of my relationship with Edward.

Unlike the day I met Edward Cullen, Jacob seemed to mold easily into my life. And though I didn't realize it at the time, the day I first glimpsed that little boy playing with mud in his front yard heralded the moment that changed the course of my entire existence.

And I wondered, as I raced through the forest with Edward at my side, how many moments like this had happened to others, continued to happen to us now. Moments that seem so insignificant at the time yet twist, stretch and shape our futures.

Edward had said nothing to me when he met me in the woods surrounding his old home. As I ran so did he, gracefully and yet with such energy and fury, he had to restrain himself more than once from leaping far ahead. He had always been the fastest.

My mind felt a blank slate. Though I was unsure how this was going to work, I knew that every decision I made within the following hours would determine both mine and Jacob's futures.

We met my step-brother in our clearing. Stepping onto the frozen earth, the once beautiful field of flowers that had seemed to shelter us from the world, were now locked in a season of death. It was strange coming here with Edward once again, even more to meet Seth at the center of our special place.

My new brothers' eyes were kind, unassuming. Seth never judged or assumed without reason. As Edward once said, his thoughts were simple and good. And a swell of warmth spread inside as I returned his smile.

"Hey Bella."

For a moment, my guard lowered and I darted towards my favorite werewolf and wrapped my arms as far around his chest as I could. Our bodies clollided with a resounding "_CRACK_" and we were both knocked to the ground. Seth laughed to my surprise; his amber eyes alight with curiosity and pride.

"Whoa…glad to see you too." The ice packed earth melted beneath his burning skin and I felt the blood rise to my cheeks. I bit my lip as I scrambled off my step-brother.

"Sorry."

Seth's eyes reflected the afternoon sunlight as he stood, towering over me. We both jumped to hear Edward's smooth chuckle. Seth's eyes were warm, yet a new chill froze them as he stepped between Edward and me. "Hey Edward."

Edward's topaz gaze flickered to my hands wrapped around Seth's bulging Quileute arm. For a heated moment, his gaze intensified and within a fleeting second, was trained back upon the werewolf between us.

"The Volturi are on their way. They're spread out now, tracking past our boundaries, but it won't be much longer now. Seth, is everything prepared?"

"Much as it's gonna be. Don't think it's exactly easy, what you're asking me to do." His voice lowered and I glanced in marvel as I realized Seth's voice was deeper, his form fuller and all in all he was not the same boy I had known even a month ago.

"I understand. Thank you, my friend…" Edward glanced at me again, and this time in his look I could see all of the agony, the longing, the fierce love in his eyes. As an afterthought he added, "Watch over her as best you can." A trail of wind and scattered snowfall was left in his wake.

"Seth, you don't have to do this." I spoke to my brother's back and he turned to face me. Warmth in his amber eyes grew as a sad smile marked his lips.

"Come on, Jacob sent me to find you." At the mention of Jacob's name immediate desire, fear, love and anguish retched within my chest so intensely that Seth placed a hand upon my shoulder. At his touch of warmth I felt immediately calmed. "Don't worry Bella. I already called him from your house. Told him you were coming home after we had one of our old runs. He _has _been hogging all your time, the old bastard."

I smiled genuinely, and understood then just how much having Seth in my life had meant to me. "I don't know if I can do this…"

His smile faded, eyes hardening, and his grip upon my shoulder tightened. "You're one of us now Bella. You have to be strong for the pack."

"Have you already…"

"No—the less I'm involved the better. It's difficult keeping my thoughts locked from the rest of them when I'm phased."

"You're going to be there, though?"

"Bella, I promise I won't leave you…well, unless you want me too." I hit him in the chest playfully, and he chuckled. Lifting his head he turned his eyes anxiously about the gloomy forest. "We should get going. Come here." He bent his knees slightly as though to brace himself from the impact of my hard form against his.

"I think I'll be fine by myself." And flashing him a grin, I darted forward with an eye blurring run, Seth's laughter following me as he transformed into his wolf form and chased after. "No fair!" I shouted as, with a wolfish grin, Seth picked up his pace and was easily pushing ahead. Rolling my eyes, I pushed my legs faster and leaped upon his back. For a moment, I almost forgot that the life I was only just beginning to know would soon be taken away.

* * *

The cottage was still in the distance. At this space only my eyes could penetrate the shadow and relative warmth of the deep wood, and Seth rolled about the muddy earth until even I gave his approval. At least the most recent traces of my scent wouldn't cling to his fur. Phasing into his human form, Seth quickly donned the shorts tied to his ankle and loped easily into the wood and towards the clearing.

I held my breath as I watched the dark shadow of the cabin doorway fill with Embry's broad form and blinked as I noticed ribbons of pale blonde hair streaming beside his bare, russet chest. Embry's eyes quickly scanned the forest.

I crouched lower, eyes clenched shut. If he saw me now he would know, and then Jacob would learn the truth. And saying goodbye would happen far more quickly than I had planned. I could almost feel the shield expand from within my chest, pushing out until all sound became muffled and dim around me. I opened my eyes in surprise to see the almost visible ripples pulsing out into a tangible transparent shield, inches before my face.

I wondered not for the first time if I would regret choosing to help Carlisle. I wondered what strange force yet compelled me to trust Edward when my heart and soul belonged to Jacob. And as the overwhelming, sick scent of the true Werewolf waiting nearby claimed me, I felt the dormant Vampire inside me rise with fury. My fingers dug deep into the earth as a new energy filled me, distant, unattainable, yet very close within reach. It was strength and power and rage, and I held onto the earth in fear of letting it escape. The shield round me grew and suddenly popped with a harsh wind that gusted over the trees.

I blinked and the energy was gone. I was just Bella and my hands were pink and raw from the cold earth in my palms. And when I lifted my head to check and see if Seth had distracted Embry or not, it was Anna's concerned eyes blue orbs filling my vision.

"Bella?" Her voice was small and child like. But her belly was round, fuller it would seem than it had been even the day before, growing at an unnatural rate. Her long silvery hair tangled wild about her bruised white form and with a frown I took her offered hand and stood to meet her eye. "Are you alright?" she asked.

I nodded and glanced at Seth waiting behind her, his eyes anxious at both of us I realized. "Anna, come on, you shouldn't be outside like this. It's not safe," he said.

Her icy blue eyes widened and releasing my hand she walked smoothly over to Seth. "It's too near the moon now Seth. I am not afraid."

As we walked towards the now empty cabin I frowned, arms across my chest to ward away the bitter cold. I longed for Jacob's warm embrace and fought the tears that threatened at the thought of what was to come. "Seth, how'd you manage to get Embry to leave?"

"It was my turn to watch Anna, anyway. He wondered why I smelled like a lee-_ah..._Vampire, so I told him the truth." I held my breath and frowned at Seth's sudden grin and wink in my direction. "That I went for a run with the boss's mate."

I lowered my face, shielding it with my long gossamer curls. "Mate? Sounds a little animal don't you think?" Peeking through the dark curtain, I caught Seth's grin.

Anna's lips curved into a rare smile and her soft voice filled the air between us. "In case you hadn't noticed Bella, we aren't exactly human."

Settling into the cottage with my new ally, I glanced at the roaring fire in the cobwebbed fireplace, the picture on the mantle of Embry and Anna and paused. Her belly was prominent here as well, and as I glanced down I saw a table laid out with medical instruments, the same that Emily had once kept on hand for pack emergencies. I wondered if they were the same ones she had used on herself years before, when she refused to go to the hospital.

"You're wondering how long I've been pregnant aren't you?" Anna said. "And how long they've kept me hidden away like this."

When I turned from the hearth I saw Seth had moved to shut the open doorway and stand outside, and Anna was lying amid thick pillows and old quilts once more. Her features were ethereally frail and a far cry from the creature that had attacked me before. She turned her face towards the glow of the fire. "Embry found me in the woods five months ago. He imprinted on me immediately and didn't know what I was then…" The darkness that I had seen before in her features returned heavily as she continued. "When the moon came the next night he protected me, fought me, he said, until I was human again. I think a part of the monster recognized his soul, how it belonged to him. It did not take me long to love him. Even when I knew it was pointless for him to love a creature like me. And after the pack found out they brought me here. We—Embry and I, it's only been a month and the baby…" Her eyes filled with tears then and I took in her frail form again.

Could it be possible? How could anyone have a child in less than a months' time? I wished desperately then the rift that had occurred between the pack and the Cullens hadn't happened. If only Edward…if only _I_ had been honest from the beginning…

Yet I thought of the Volturi, of the Eldest Rogue that wanted my blood and wanted _me_, of Caius who would do anything to murder the creature lying before me now.

"Anna, you know why I'm here?" I met her solemn gaze.

"Yes. I suspected when you hid in the woods. I've known since we first met."

"I told you they would find you," I said with a sigh. "Question is, would you rather do the right or the easy thing?"

Rather than fear or sorrow, her eyes mirrored an eerie acceptance. "What must I do?"

* * *

Mud and wet snow had soaked my clothes through by the time I at last arrived at Jacob's doorstep. The shop had been long closed so the moon shone full in the sky above amid a sea of stars, and the wind brushed across my numbed skin. The pain of feeling and yet not feeling nagged my conscience. Rather than snow, cruel sleet struck against my hard skin and I blinked, as I looked into the unlit glass windowed shop, the "CLOSED" sign on the front door. Thunder crackled in the night sky, distant in a thick patch of black clouds looming on the horizon and when I looked up the lights of his apartment I knew they were lifeless and cold and my Jacob was not inside.

Why wasn't he here? I wondered with a sudden spark of fear if Embry had seen and heard more than we realized. I saw Seth's smiling face in my minds eye and knew what would happen if Embry found him first. And with this fear I felt a strange energy fill my limbs, greater than it was before, strength, power, rage, not distant any longer but overwhelming and tantalizing. The Vampire within me fought for control and as lightning split the distant sky the earth seemed to slow, freezing rain falling individual drops, light glaring against ice, and the shuffle of heavy, silent feet approached from behind.

Without thought I turned round to meet it with a hiss and gasped as I saw the naked form of Jacob running at me from the nearby woods. His brow was set in a grimace, eyes wide with anger and something else.

We met halfway through the small clearing behind the garage. Instantly the beast in me quieted, though the energy had revitalized my senses, my limbs. Every touch, every smell was heightened. I threw myself into his arms and buried my face in his neck.

His every caress burned through my clothes as sharply as it once had when I was fully human. And though his body trembled at first as my legs wrapped round his bare waist, soon his arms were suffocating, wrapped around my small chest. He carried me in a rush towards the back entrance I had forgotten of before, practically crashing inside as his hands fumbled with the door behind and I listened to the snap of bolts and chains before Jacob carried me up the stairs.

I drew my hands over his broad shoulder blades, savoring the round muscle to the smooth arch of his back, breathed in deeply the heavy scent of pine, firewood, sunlight and thick, overwhelming desire. My eyes opened at the last as the strange new energy in my body pulsed.

I smiled as Jacob pushed me against his bedroom wall. Shelves and wood shook, and I heard the resounding crack echo through the foundations. Bringing my hands up to grasp either side of his face, I looked down at him a moment, at his black eyes burning and wild. His hands pulled me tight against his chest.

His voice was deep, husky, low, "I left to find you. Seth should have brought you home hours ago…" His eyes trailed to my lips, touching with his gaze the line of my jaw, the curve of my neck, and his lips soon followed to press against my cold skin.

I cried out with need, hands pushing him away as I arched into him, suddenly desperate for him, for all of him.

"Found your trail a few miles out though and came back," he said breathlessly.

Grasping him by his shoulders I lowered my head and pushed against him hard. Jacob's eyes widened slightly as I alighted to the ground. Now standing before his naked form, I reached slowly, lifted my arms until my fingers caressed his chest. Jacob's eyes shut, as his muscles twitched and his breathing increased, brow contorted.

"Bells…" His tone was a warning. His body trembled at my touch and I relished in the power of it. With moonlight shining through his windows, alighting his rippling abdomen, I lowered my fingers to trace his scars, and still lower to firmly stroke his long hard member. At his rumbling groan I shivered and pulled my hands away. His eyes opened instantly, hands outstretched for me even as I stepped back towards the bed.

As I met the amber flecks within Jacob's obsidian eyes, watched the strain of each muscle as he stalked towards me, I removed my shirt and jeans with several resounding rips. His eyes were so dark they appeared black, and then one hand was upon my waist, while the other pulled my underwear and bra off with a swift tug and then his fingers were tracing my breasts, lowering to circle the sensitive nerves between my legs.

My sigh was a moan as pushed my palms against his abdomen. Jacob lifted me by the waist, and then we were lying upon his bed. I could smell his desire as it surged and the need drove the monster within me to frenzy. With overwhelming strength, I pushed him back against the bed and lowered my lips to his chest. I reached to grasp his cock and stroked it, from base to head quickly, rubbing the weeping slit at the tip. Jacob's gasps and groans increased in volume as I increased my pace. I could feel his pleasure in the pressure of his hand at the small of my back, and smiled as he arched into my hand.

"Bells…please," he growled low.

But I lifted my face to make eye contact before shifting lower, until I was able to replace my hand with my mouth.

"No," he gasped and then added, "I'd kill you, baby...not enough control," his eyes rolled to the back of his head and his face contorted in pain as I licked the pre-cum off the tip. He growled in warning and before I could take him deeper into my throat, his hands were lifting, twisting me so I lay beneath him, until he was nestled between my thighs. He snarled and hs eyes burned into mine, powerful, dark, dominant and the energy that pulsed through my veins cowered in submission.

I parted my legs eagerly, desperate to feel him inside of me, yet I only saw the golden flecks of his obsidian eyes, and felt his lips lightly press against mine. I gasped as he pulled quickly away before returning, drawing upon my full lower lip languidly, while the head of his cock grazed my entrance. He drowned my strangled cries with his lips. More insistently, he parted again and I arched to meet him. I cried out when he took me suddenly, pumping inside of me quickly. He pulled out to drag against my core, then plunged inside me again harder, _harder_, _faster_…

"I love you Bells…" he managed to breathe as he quickly pushed deep inside of me, filling and stretching my walls until we were aching and needing, spilling deeply into me with a cry and forcing away all of the fear I had felt before. There was only _him_.

The wild energy coursed and tingled in my limbs after, as the moon's beautiful silvery rays danced over our skin, upon the bracelet that hung from my wrist, against his steadily rising and falling chest. Even now I felt the subdued hum of power, strength, peace rather than rage now, for Jacob and I had spent our passions long into the night. It didn't surprise me our need never seemed to fade, and only his exhaustion at last drew him into a deep untroubled sleep.

A smile lingered at his lips. The scar lining the side of his face, beginning at his forehead, ending along his jawline and to the edge of his chin, was prominent now, representing the man he had become. Yet the boy was still there buried within the man. The man whom I loved more passionately, truly and eternally as I had not thought possible. Never would I feel such peace and belonging as I did when held in Jacob's strong arms. Never would there be another who would understand me so completely, who would forget his life for mine so selflessly, who would never give up, would never fail.

His heart beat beneath my head, strong and full as it should. I pressed my lips to his chest, to his lips, and slowly slid from his embrace and stood beside the bed. My heart constricted, ached. The great hole in my chest, long ago begun by Edward and mended by Jacob, reopened and for a moment I grasped my chest in effort to breathe as tears filled my eyes.

_I can't do this..._

Yet I thought of the pack, of Charlie and Sue, of the Cullens and Anna.

_There's no other way..._

Turning away from Jacob I slipped on a discarded Tee shirt and my tattered jeans. Taking my beloved's perfection in one last time, embedding him to memory just in case, I turned away and ran towards the moonlit window. Sliding it open, I welcomed the sudden gust of freezing air and slipped outside and shutting the encased glass, leaped from the edge of the stone building and landed. Tears blinded my vision as I ran over the muddy earth.

* * *

**Review: If you have the time and wanna shout out ;)**


	32. Sacrifice

**A/N: As always, thank you all for your wonderful, angst filled reviews! Because of them I was compelled to update tonight. A special shout out to CleverBlueEagle, who has spent two days reading non-stop just couldn't wait for the next chapter ;)**

**Disclaimer: Stephanie Meyer penned the books, but I own the character developments lol**

* * *

**Chapter 32**

**Sacrifice**

* * *

_The forest was silent as we moved beneath the light shower of sleeted rain, gloomy as my heart and bitter as the future that seemed bleak as death. _

_Anna's pale form trembled beside mine as we walked further into the wood. Silence had clung to us ever since we left the old cabin. And I glanced at her small form, I wondered at the miracle of the child growing inside of her. She had assured me earlier it was not yet time, though she could feel the baby was close. As the moon drew nearer, so too did the child seem to grow in her belly, she said._

_The clouds drew overcast in twilight and the first pull of the full moon drew Anna's form further and faster than before, despite her size. I followed closely. _

_"Are you sure you'll be alright? You know you don't have to do this."_

_She glanced at me through her curtain of silvery blonde hair that was tangled in her face, luminous blue eyes flashing back and forth from the beast to the seemingly human innocent. _

_"Yes, I do. Bella, I already told you the baby wouldn't come yet. It's going to be okay. I'm stronger than I was before." _

_She slowed then, a strange gleam filling her eye and I tripped over the roots at my feet to catch her. Her head tilted to the side and distantly, she spoke. "I can feel them—they're coming soon." Her eyes met mine, haunted and innocent and pained as the first moment I had met her. And a faint smile ghosted her lips. "How can I thank you Bella, for all you have done?"_

_My heart wrenched. "Seriously? Do you realize what I'm asking you to do? I shouldn't have done this! I can't ask you to risk yourself like this, the baby…"I blinked back careworn tears._

_Anna reached out her hand and grasped mine firmly. And I realized that her scent, though it still repulsed my Vampire senses did not overwhelm me with rage as it had before. _

_"Bella, you know there is no other way. Don't worry. I'll be north of the border soon enough. I'll keep running."_

Cold…so cold…

I gasped as I opened my eyes from the dream to the insistent patterns of rain on my cheek, gasped as I scrambled off the earth and turned round. The forest was dark beneath a starless night and I wondered when I had fallen asleep. I wrapped my arms about my chest over the voluminous black Tee shirt draped over my tattered jeans. My bare feet were covered in mud, still, harder to track than boots. I stood amid a mix of grime and ruined snow, my senses overrun with the clean fresh scents of the forest. My hair clung to my skin and clothes, the curls pulling heavily down my back.

I peered into the thick wood and realized that I wasn't standing in Quileute territory any longer. And a distant scent caught upon the wind, hidden in the rain…sickeningly sweet, putrid and thick upon my tongue—Vampire.

Fear clutched my heart as it struggled vainly to pump the human blood left in my venom coursed veins. The scent seemed to draw nearer as the sleet eased overhead. I held my breath, only the pounding of my heart filling my ears. And yet I could not see anything in the gloom and shadow beneath the trees ahead.

Glancing down at my feet again I stared in surprise at the jacket lying beside the place I had fallen asleep hours before. It was old and familiar. But I couldn't remember grabbing it. In fact, much of my clothing had been torn and ripped the night before. My heart in my throat as I remembered Jacob's tender caress on my bare skin, could almost feel his lips against mine, his eyes drinking me in even now.

_Jacob._

I skimmed through my clouded thoughts from the night before as I lifted the jacket into my arms. I had left Jacob, no note or anything that would endanger him. Even without a note I knew Jacob would follow me to the ends of the earth when he woke, when he realized the truth. As I lifted the jacket, a sack filled with fresh clothes was revealed beneath. Blinking against the frozen rain I ripped the plastic. Alice's clothes. As I changed into them I smiled faintly at the familiarity.

I remembered now. Carlisle had told me to come back to the Cullens later that night. Alice had met me in the woods near their home with the jacket, bag and a note. Frowning, I searched the bag, my jacket, until my fingers met the crinkle of paper in the pocket.

_The trail. _

Alice's voice came back clearly in my mind,_ "Just follow the trail he's marked for you. He said it would be easy for you to follow his scent." _

_Edward._

I lifted my head, tested the air as fear clutched my chest once more. What if his scent was already gone? How could I have been so stupid to fall asleep! Rolling my eyes I realized it was exactly the sort of thing _Bella Swan_ would do.

Yet the Vampire scent was close yet upon my nose and as I closed my eyes I found the most distant traces of peppermint on the air. _His _scent. How had I not recognized it before? Without thought I ran towards it, tattered clothes now in the sack Alice had given, my jacket over the fresh clothes she had brought. How had they managed to find my jacket though, I wondered?

I pushed aside the thought as I concentrated on Edward's scent. And my mind turned once more to Anna, and the sudden fierce strength and determination that had lit her features the night before, as she said goodbye, as I left her alone and she ran, so we might save the lives of those we loved the most.

I only prayed Carlisle's plan would work.

* * *

A warm fire greeted me as I walked upon the campsite Edward had made. As I stepped deeper into the small clearing, was struck by how familiar this scene looked. It was almost picture perfect, fire pit and tent tucked closely together, classic Edward. It was far too much like the night I had tried so hard to forget. The night that everything changed.

Victoria and her immortal children had come to kill me. And as the pack and the Cullens fought the greater battle on a field of their own choosing, Jacob took me far away into the wilderness; to a place she couldn't find us, Edward had said. That night, as the blizzard swept through I had lain with Jacob, wrapped in his heat, as I had never before experienced, closer than we had been before. And long into the night I listened to him argue with the Vampire I loved.

I blinked, as Edward suddenly appeared at my side, his eyes anxious, his features perfect and stunning as ever, his hand upon my arm as he ushered me to the camp.

"I was worried you wouldn't find it. I circled the campsite until I caught your scent. Bella, what happened? You're clearly distressed!"

Frowning I realized how tightly I was gripping the sack filled with jeans Jacob had ripped in effort to reach my skin, the shirt that was filled with his scent.

"Bella?"

We were sitting before the fire when I returned to the present and replied, "I—I fell asleep, I think. I woke up a few hours ago."

Edward cursed. "I should have met you half way…I didn't want them to catch my scent. But perhaps I should…" His features twisted as he set the sack aside and surveyed my rumpled appearance. "Bella, you smell—like…"

"A werewolf?" I offered with a grim smile.

His mouth twisted, though it did not diminish his ethereal beauty. It was not surprising I had fallen so quick and so hard for Edward Cullen, who seemed to step right off the pages of my Byronic heroes and naive imagination. When his gaze focused so intently upon the fire, I saw the expression I had once adored furrow his brow.

"Alice met me an hour ago." He glanced quickly at me from beneath thick lashes. "She told me not to worry. That you were coming soon enough. I don't even know how she knew where to find me. I was far from the campsite…"

"It's _Alice,_" I offered, smiling faintly at the thought of my family. In the past days I had learned to forget the bitterness that had clung to my heart. Although I knew time would need to heal the deeper wounds, I realized she would always be my sister. Edward's chuckle was surprising and pleasant to my ears, even though the smile did not reach his eyes.

"She told me things are developing far more quickly than we had anticipated. Carlisle and Alice made it back to the house in time to rendezvous with Caius and his guard. Apparently they were running out of patience and getting suspicious. He tried to convince them to wait a few more days, but they're already on their way."

I gasped as his words sank in. Were they in Forks now? Had they picked up Anna's trail yet? Edward answered my questions as if he could read my mind. Then again, he had spent hours upon precious minutes learning to read my facial expressions.

"Alice managed to talk to the guard Aro sent. They know Carlisle's plan but they're waiting among the others until we give the signal."

"What about Emmett?" My bear of a brother had apparently begged to have a part in the impending battle and I couldn't dissuade worrying, as I knew Rosalie would be frantic by now.

A ghost of a smile lit Edward's stone features. "Jasper said he picked up Anna's trail easily. He should have no trouble following her and hopefully masking her scent well enough, while keeping her away from any humans. Rose threatened him within an inch of his life if he grew too confident, though. Jasper is waiting near the treaty line still. He finds it amusing avoiding the dogs."

"Hopefully the pack will take the bait."

Edward nodded. "Long enough for the Volturi to pick up the Werewolf's scent. Unless your _Jacob_ decides to go after her."

I frowned. "If Seth did his job they won't know until tonight… Edward I'm worried about him. If Jacob finds out he's lied, he won't show mercy."

Edward's brows arched with a sardonic grin. "I hardly find it plausible that the dog has it in him to be cruel."

Yet my mind drifted to the day Seth and I jumped over the waterfall together, when I had almost been swept by the current until Jacob saved me. He hadn't been merciful to Seth then. And somehow I knew Jacob would find this betrayal far worse. Edward must have seen the worry in my eyes because his cool hand covered mine, in a touch that once would have felt frozen.

"Don't worry about Seth. He assured me he knows what he's doing and the consequences."

For a moment, there was only the silence of the fading daylight between us, the shift of day into night. Had Jacob already dragged the truth from Seth? I prayed his pride would keep him from coming after me, would keep him safe. My mind reeled as I thought of the Cullens who were once again more than willing to risk their lives for a mindless monster and innocent girl they had never met, for the pack that once threatened to destroy them.

Was it because of their goodness, or just because of me? Did Alice see my future? And what would come of this? For I knew my own heart, if I could not have Jacob I would rejoin the Cullens, leave Forks for Jacob's sake. I admitted then, to myself how I feared the strange bond, the pull that I felt sitting so close to Edward.

"Edward?" When I looked up, I found his eyes already intent upon me. "I wanted to thank you, for everything. Your family—they…"

"Bella…" He smiled and I realized my hand was still held in his. "You are our family too. No matter what happens between us, you'll always be a Cullen whatever you choose to believe."

The heat of his gaze was too much for me to bear, the unnatural pull too keen and compelling. I pulled my hand from his grasp and turned to the orange flames. The moon was clouded tonight, the sky like black velvet and I dared a glance at the Vampire beside me. "Do you think it's wise to have a fire?"

Edward shrugged, face intent on the flames. "Alice told me to build it. Don't worry, I'll put it out soon." Silence followed and the underlying tension that had rested between us broke suddenly, when he couldn't bear it any longer.

"Bella, did you spend the night with _him_?" His voice resonated with pain and I inwardly winced.

"Yes."

"I know that you—_love_ him, Bella. I cannot pretend away my feelings for you. And though I shall never give up hope, I will not speak of them if you do not wish me to. But I beg you at least allow me some part of your life. To—to be your friend." His topaz eyes burned into mine.

I sighed. "Edward we never _were_ friends." He stared at me as though struck, and my soul wrenched to see his pain. Why in the midst of everything did it always come back to this?

"In the beginning," he began with a frown. My touch upon his hand stilled his words. He breathed an unnecessary breath.

"I loved you, Edward…a part of me will always love you. But I need more than passion or the novelty of first love…" I broke off as Edward's features contorted and he wrapped his arms round his chest, away from my grasp as though it burned.

Tears filled my eyes. If only he _could_ understand, if only he could know. Jacob and I had always been tied inexorably, since childhood though I didn't know it. Jacob's soul belonged to mine and I to his. Jacob was my ever-present sun, constant and unwavering. If he could read my thoughts, would the strange bond between us at last break? Seeing his sorrow now I wanted to give him freedom yearned for it with a sudden desperation. Before I thought of my actions my hands were upon either side of his face, my body near to his, forcing him to face me.

Surprise, wonder, fear and desire wrenched his perfect features as he sat powerless before me. His words were, breathless, laced with a need and a plea. "Bella, what are you doing?"

My mind raced. I didn't even know if this would work. "I want you to see me." I shut my eyes then, reached deep for the Vampire layered within my half human guise, felt my shield strong and impenetrable round my heart and my mind. With a blinding rage I pushed and pulled at it, drew it in until it seemed tighter than ever and then suddenly flung it desperately aside.

Edward gasped loudly, then groaned as though hit by a sudden wave of emotion. I opened my eyes and found his own wide and wondrous, riveted to my own. His hands had wrapped about my waist and I turned my mind over the years, the moments Edward had been so long deprived. He trembled as I carried him with me and painfully let him see Jacob as I did, let him hear my thoughts and my love, the agony of Renee's death, the flight home and finding Jacob once again. I struggled for breath, and the strength to hold my shield open, and then at the last, let it collapse into place once again and removed my hands from his face.

Edward's hands still grasped at my waist, his empty breath ragged as his features calmed, and twisting, drew me nearer and pressed his lips firmly to mine. It was a kiss of love, of memory, of farewell.

* * *

_Carlisle's honey eyes softened. "Bella, I wouldn't ask you to do this if I did not have faith in you. It is after all, your life that hangs in the balance."_

_"I understand," I said, t__hough fear had come to plague me, as it had not since the days Victoria haunted Forks. I nodded__ with a confidence I didn't possess. For even if I survived this, even if Carlisle succeeded, would Jacob want me back?_

_Carlisle spoke as though to himself. "Very well… Once we have dealt with the Volturi, you will meet with Edward. Don't worry about finding him. Alice will help with that. Edward is going to take you into the area Jasper believes they have been haunting. If they take the bait, we may be able to lure them out long enough to get rid of any of the Rogue's guard and hopefully with your help, capture the Eldest himself. But there is a grave risk. Aro warned me of their power. There is a reason they have been in charge so long. Once again, if you do not wish to do this, I understand. We'll find another way."_

"_No…" I whispered. "He'll come for me. He'll find me…"_

I turned over Carlisle's words and our meeting where the excruciating details of my betrayal were decided. I could only thank whatever higher power was listening that Jacob hadn't witnessed my moment with Edward. We ran together through the forest, equals nearly it felt with the sun upon our backs, lighting our skin with diamond and golden gleams. Edward's eyes grazed my face every so often, yet we said nothing.

Neither of us had said much after last night.

It had been years since we hunted together. Edward had taken me my first time after being turned. The sight of blood as he drained the mountain lion had been too much for me then, sickening, though the Vampire inside of me drank in the fresh burning sensation greedily. It was the only time I truly craved blood.

The deer's trail was less appetizing than a predator's, but it was still tantalizing, I thought with a grimace.

And the further we darted, the trees a blur past us, I thought of Jacob.

_"I love you Bells…" _

The moment happened so quickly, so suddenly, I wouldn't have known it other than the sudden sick and cold feeling that gnawed at the pit of my stomach, threatened to paralyze my limbs.

Two dark garbed figures burst from the trees on either side of us, as Alice predicted, both racing towards Edward. His eyes met mine in that moment, topaz burning brightly as his teeth barred, eyes dilating to black as he turned to rip at the beings flying towards him.

I thrust my hands out desperately, willing my shields to come up, my own screams deaf upon my ears as my shield expanded, pushing Edward far into the brush and upon the thick trunk of a tree with a resounding crack. Yet the two figures leaped upon the earth and I watched numbly as they glanced my way. Their blood red eyes burned into mine and their paper thin skin reminded me these were no ordinary guard. Both seemed as ancient as Aro and deadly as Caius in a glance.

Hands took hold of before me I was prepared and I fought my increasing terror, knowing my creator, the Rogue Eldest, had not yet appeared.

Edward fought in a blur even to my sight as he rushed back into the fray, arms outstretched as he rammed against both of the Eldest guard and for a moment the two ancients stumbled for balance. I flung up my hands again and pushed them both away with cry, my shield a wall of deafening wind. The tree trunks cracked and crumbled against their solid forms.

Edward was crouched upon the earth, eyes wild, glancing towards them and back to mine. At the last possible moment I lifted the barrier off my mind and inwardly screamed, '_Go! Get the others! Edward, you'll kill me now if you don't go! If they kill you now we all die!'_

Spurred to action, Edward rushed into the trees the way we had come and enraged, the two guard followed him. Hope surged in my chest as I turned to run. Perhaps the guard had been alone, after all, decoys.

I was proved wrong by a pair of icy cold, powerfully wrought hands. My voice was instantly lost as I looked up into the face that haunted my dreams. A white smile graced his features and I found that I could not move from his grip upon my face.

"Welcome, my love."


	33. Ashes

**Disclaimer: S.M owns the "saga" lol**

**Beginning to the end, and the start of the beginning...**

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**Chapter 33**

**Ashes**

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His hands slid languidly down by neck and over my breasts to graze my abdomen, tightening their hold in a way that reestablished his power over me. And though I bit back a cry at the pain another, baser part of my soul craved his touch, recognized the hands of my Creator. He was one of the Eldest, older than Volturi, part of the iron fist that secretly moved and shifted the Vampire world to their own designs.

Others of his guard had since moved in from the forest to take positions around us, all dressed in clothing of a world gone by. Each might have been Aro's age or older, yet all paled in comparison to _him_.

He turned me roughly to pull me flush against him. His blood red eyes were so deep they seemed black and flickered with passion upon an otherwise emotionless face. The Vampire half of my soul surged to the surface then, roaring in agreement, wanting this. My mind retreated in its wake, numb.

"Isabella…" he crooned with a tilt of his lips. His scent was heavenly to my nose, a perfect contrast to the sickly sweet Vampire and musty Werewolves. A hand rose to caress my features I subconsciously leaned into.

"I have waited, fought and broken all covenants I forged a thousand years ago because of _you_."

I opened my mouth to respond, only to be hit by a sudden wave of _hunger_. I needed human blood. How had I denied myself the pleasure for so long? Yet my mind protested.

_This isn't you!_ a voice, eerily like Jacob's shouted, spurring me enough so I fought to escape his hold and a twisted smile darkened his features further.

"Tut, tut, Isabella. Even as your human blood calls to me you long to consume others. You fascinate me, my pet. For centuries I have felt so little that stirs my cravings. Until the night I was dispatched to end your life, until I saw you. I thought it would be simple to kill your mother and then you, but I could not obey their demands once I tasted you Isabella. How could I have known what you would become, when you should not exist? They would see you as an abomination but you are perfection. You are truly powerful and unique. But you could be so much more…"

His hand moved my long dark curls from my shoulder to lay my neck exposed. With the movement, fear crashed my senses and whatever strange hold he had over me, I managed to resurrect my shield enough to push back. The Vampire inside me quieted, though my hunger remained. Breathlessly, I rasped, "They'll come for me."

His eyes darkened further, a shadowed threat, before his smile returned. "Ah yes…_the wolf_." His fingers clamped down over my shoulder as he continued. "His kind are no match for me. I promise you Isabella, we will leave this place soon and you shall forget them. Long has it been since I dwelled in the mountains of my homeland. There is a castle there, where not even your precious Cullens would find us."

His fingers trailed between my collarbone and neck. I shivered as they passed over the scar of his teeth on my skin. If he bit me again, would I loose all humanity left in me? I fought the urge to push him back with my shield any further. The others would come soon. When his eyes followed the trail of his fingers I spoke in effort to distract him.

"Who are you?"

His voice was filled with the old world accent, strange and enticing and terrifying to my ears.

"I am Azael. Once I was a prince among my people. And I will surely make you into a Queen, Isabella, far more terrible and beautiful than has ever lived. You are meant for greater things, Isabella and I have waited for you longer than any of our kind have for their true mate."

I prayed I was stalling enough time, even as Azael calmly lowered his lips to press against the mark of his teeth upon my skin. I moaned with fear, with frightening pleasure and terror.

_Now Jacob! Please!_

Why were we still standing here in the forest? Why hadn't we left yet? I gasped as I felt his lips part then, his breath upon my skin colder than anything I had felt before. As his teeth teased my skin I saw Charlie, who still didn't know the true hand behind his wife's death or that I was half Vampire. I saw the pack and the Cullens who had both shaped and stripped my spirit until I became the woman I was now. And I saw Jacob's black eyes filled with pain for the years my betrayal had caused him.

I screamed as the building emotion inside transcended to waves of rippling blasts.

Azael and his guard were thrown back into the trees and now I held my physical shield firmly in place around me, ready. Tears filled my eyes. I knew I was not strong enough to win this fight alone, yet I could not sacrifice everything I had reclaimed now, not when that sacrifice would inevitably destroy those I was trying to save.

I felt their attacks almost immediately, the tiny probe of mental attack pushing against my shield and then slamming with a force that showed in the blurred air around me. Yet they continued their assault. Azael, most unnerving of all, merely watched on with a knowing smile.

"You surprise me beloved. I wondered how long it would take you to push past my control."

His words distracted me enough for the next attack to pierce my shield and I collapsed upon the ground instantly, convulsing uncontrollably as wave after wave of numbing pain purged my blood. My lungs tightened, heart slowed even further as I gasped for air. My shield remained intact somehow, smaller and weak. Yet no other attack followed.

Because he was kneeling before me then, smile upon his lips. "No one has ever been able to resist my compulsion Isabella, for ten thousand years! Until _you_."

"Bella!"

My fingers twitched at the sound of my name and I watched from the ground as Edward appeared, heavily marked form straining against the iron hold of the two guard who had followed him before. I opened my mouth, yet no words came out.

Edward's topaz eyes were lifeless and filled with a greater despair and agony than I had seen before.

Azael turned to the taller of the two dark haired Vampire guard, and asked, "Is it done?"

I wanted to scream when I saw the bundle lodged inside the shorter guard's tied cloak.

Visible fear entered the ancient Vampire guard's eye as he shook his dark head. His accent was of a similar sound as his master's. "No my Lord. One of them escaped, though we managed to kill the other."

Azael did not pause for comment as he turned back to face me, eyes eerily tender and passionate. "You see, there is no hope of escape, Isabella. Even your precious Cullens could not stand to face me. All because you chose not to come to me when I first beckoned you. Now you will watch as I deal the fate of those who defy me…" At this he turned and stood, walking to Edward who was forced down to his knees.

Edward's eyes remained ingrained into mine.

Unshed tears filled my eyes. In my mind, I saw the countless messages of love he had penned for _me_, the sacrifices and risks he had taken, the incredible journey simply knowing him had been. Edward was the reason for the eternity of night I would have chosen to spend alone without Jacob.

Azael stood before Edward; hands grasped either side of my former love's perfect face. Topaz eyes flashed with defiance.

I let go of my shield then, desperately throwing out my words, _"I love you Edward," _and a final image...

_We lay together in our field, amid wildflowers rich violet, emerald green grass a soft pillow below our heads, sunlight playing over our skin. Our fingers intertwined, eyes locked on one another. _

_Mine were chocolate rimmed with red, his ageless topaz._

_My skin shimmered as gold; his sparkled and glittered with the radiance of a thousand diamonds. _

_His mouth twisted in its familiar grin. In his eyes I could see the love that remained in his eyes, the love that would always remain even in death_

_I squeezed his fingers in turn and returned his grin…_

The vision was clouded by liquid black the same moment I heard the resounding '_CRACK' _echo in the midnight forest.

Numbly I watched as the fire was built, the pieces thrown in with those that had rested in the cloak. The smell of their burning flesh filled my nostrils, sickeningly sweet, disgusting in its richness.

I felt my shield return as I fought for control over my senses, urged my lungs to expand, my heart to race. Yet my emotions fell numb even as my body. Though a piece of my soul died then, incinerated and fell to ashes. Tears spilled down my cheeks and onto the hard cold earth.

Time passed quickly.

The skies cleared overhead to reveal the stars, and then the full moon's silver rays fell upon my face. The strange new energy, another sense that had been steadily building in me for days grew with animalistic ferocity.

Air left my lungs, my heart would soon still…

Azael's hands reached to touch my shield, caress the rippling air that surrounded me. Death was in his eyes.

Fear resurfaced then. As I had pulled from death once before by the memory of Jacob's face, his warmth and his sun, now it was the moon and hatred over the loss of my heart that called my soul to life.

I leapt up so quickly the Eldest was forced to rush back a blur of motion. And I shuddered as I landed upon my feet. Though no outward change occurred, I could feel my muscles hardening, an uncontrollable adrenaline constantly rushing through my body. Bloodlust was gone instantly, replaced by instinct and the Vampire that was Bella Swan in my soul.

I rushed upon Azael before he had the chance to retaliate with new speed, greater strength and an berserker rage that grew as moonlight turned all vision to shades of glorious silver. Snarling, I blocked his attacks. His eyes widened as we stood, braced against the other, neither great strength giving way.

Howls rose in the night around us then, and I saw from the corner of my eye blurs of the black guard darting to meet the giant and terrible forms of the Quileute Shifters.

The new energy within surged with joy as I recognized my brothers and I felt _him_ instantly. In my inner agony I ached for his arms, while the animal and the feral beast roared to life.

I saw Jacob's eyes, golden flecked among black in his wolf form, graze mine as he came to us first and howled with rage. Three other wolves joined into the fray to attack the five Eldest Rogue's guard. The tallest, and one who had delivered news of the death of one of my family, dove for Jacob first, knocking both aside and crashing bracken. The duel began, far different with the might of their ancient power.

Leah and Sam fought side by side to handle three, while Seth rushed towards me.

I shouted, "Seth no!" as he was tackled to the ground by the small guard, the one who had helped deliver death and ruin to my heart.

I felt the shift in stance of my opponent then. Azael's eyes burned brightly as he grated out, "You _will_ give in to me!"

I brought my knee up then, kicking him back, leaping him with a force that sent us both into the earth and drew my fingers to tear into his impenetrable skin with ease. As he twisted round, so did I adjust to pin him closer to the earth. The new animal inside of me thirsted not for his blood but for his death, for vengeance, with the age-old hatred that had existed between our kind.

And then his eyes gleamed, filled solid black. His arms trembled, shook and with a deep growl he thrust me off and against a nearby tree.

I landed back with ease, twisting now to meet his next attack, frustrated as he attempted to disarm and yet protect me for whatever madness in him failed to see the depth of my hatred. He blocked the mark of my claws and grabbing my arm twisted me round quickly, teeth upon my neck instantly.

With a roar my nails extended, sank into his face as I flipped his body over my shoulder and with a resounding shudder to the earth.

My skin burned and tingled where he had nearly pierced it, the world blurred and I staggered back. He arose before me, eyes full of fury. Now I knew he intended to kill me and yet I stumbled again as I tried to urge my legs forward.

His skin had been ravaged over his features, and distantly I watched as he ran towards me.

Time slowed.

Each step matched the thud of my heart.

I fought to raise my shield yet could not and the animal in me faded as the skies above clouded the moon once again.

I shifted my gaze to Sam and Leah tearing into their fallen enemies. Seth limped heavily as he backed away from his opponent's next attack. His great jaws snapped at the Vampire, even as its hands tore away chunks in Seth's chest. And I could not see Jacob…

The Eldest's eyes filled solid black, the earth trembled round him.

My hands rose again, struggling to lift the barrier, to restrain death's embrace.

I saw in my mind's eye…

_Fear and wonder and innocence that matches my own and he whispers as he draws me back over his chest, skin to skin and we're both on fire as lust clouds his eyes. "Bells…I've never… Have you?"_

"_No." I interrupt with a sudden grin._

_..._

_"Edward?" Eyes snapped suddenly to topaz, he flashed his lazy grin at me, moving his hands from my waist to my hand and he led me to sit with him in front of the polished wood._

_It was then he handed me a worn silver skeleton key and closed his hands briefly over mine. "This holds my heart Bella."_

_..._

_"I imprinted on __you, Bells…"_

_..._

_Edward's hands still grasped at my waist, his empty breath ragged as his features calmed and twisting, drew me nearer and pressed his lips firmly to mine. It was a kiss of love, of memory, of farewell…_

Time rushed to catch up as a violent roar unlike any I had ever heard shook me down to my core, while a blur of russet crashed with the sound of thunder into the Eldest.

I fell to the earth, blinking back disbelief, fighting despair and hope as Jacob's Alpha strength faced down the Rogue. His great jaws didn't give Azael a chance to fight back, tearing arms and head to pieces scattered and into the fire that still burned nearby. Azael hissed, Jacob growled against pain as the Eldest tore desperately back at him.

Yet now Sam and Leah joined in the fight, until at last the demon of my nightmares, the Vampire who had murdered my mother, who had stolen my life and part of my soul lay scattered among a scene of death.

My head fell to the muddy blood matted earth and the sting of Vampire's venom numbed my senses. My heart struggled once more.

The moon broke through the clouds. Vision shook and blurred as giant furred bodies cracked and fell into their human forms of golden skinned figures. Sparks from the fire pit flew into the air with each toss of the dismembered Vampires. Their burning flesh overwhelmed the night.

And a part of my soul that was too weary to grieve felt release. It was over.

My eyelids fluttered, heartbeat echoing slowly in my ears, as I fell into darkness.


	34. Grief

**A/N: _I've been inspired by your reviews :) Here is the next chapter..._**

**Disclaimer: Edward R.I.P (Please don't slay me S.M ;)**

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**Chapter 34**

**Grief**

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Silver light shone against my skin and melded with shadows once more, only to glow more brightly as I blinked past the ache of my limbs, the weariness of my soul. The ceiling fan twirling overhead was familiar and comforting.

Something shifted against me and I froze, rigid at the intrusion. Until I recognized the heavy weight against my side, and a russet toned obsidian eyed face filled my vision. Creases lined his dark brow and the long scar that lined the side of his face seemed deeper and met with his mouth heavier. His hands grazed over my exposed abdomen, trailed up my neck and came to rest on my collarbone as his eyes wavered, then filled with tears. From the look of his reddened rims, I could tell he had been crying before this, perhaps while I recovered. The weight of what he had been forced to carry at so young an age had returned to the eyes of the man I loved as a boy and even more now for that same present sorrow.

His mouth twisted slightly, eyes flickering as they focused solidly on mine and flashed with fear, pain, relief...

I opened my mouth to speak, only for the images to come rushing back into my mind.

I had given Edward the only gift I knew to give, an image of us together in my mind, for that moment as though our thoughts had joined. And in his false peace, we lay in our meadow together, separate from the rest of the chaos. Until it was broken by the resounding rip as his head was dismembered from his body, as the image of our meadow fell to darkness, as I was forced to watch pieces of the Vampires I loved, thrown into a fiery pit.

I barely recalled my Werewolf rage that followed it… I had suspected, feared but now was certain Anna's bite had affected me more than any of us realized. And ironically enough, the creature my kind hated had given me the strength to fight back.

Jacob's features blurred as tears filled my vision and a strangled cry emanated from my lips. His arms were powerful and warm as they lifted me from the mattress and gathered me onto his solid chest. I listened to the pound of his heart as I poured out my realized grief, savored in the feel his lips against my hair. And so we lay together this way until sleep took me again, the warmth of the sun keeping the night at bay.

* * *

_Heat..._

Sunlight poured through Jacob's living room window and through the bedroom door, golden rays splayed over my features. I was enveloped in heat and edged nearer to it, out of winter's chill.

I blinked back tears as I remembered the endless cycle of nightmares that had hovered on the fringe of my concience. The only thing that kept them at bay had been _him_, my Jacob.

I lifted my chin from the endless plane of his upper chest to find him still sound asleep. Jacob was my ever present sun. He had always been there to shine through my darkness. It had not been Edward that made me choose the paths I followed all those tumultuous years. Rather it had been _my_ choice to leave my true love behind. It was always a choice.

And rather than all consuming emptiness I had felt after Edward left me, I endured a deeper ache and peace now that he was gone forever. The ache of a wound that still lay open inside me was slowly mending at last, together. Again my mind played over our last moment together, the image of our joined minds in those last few precious seconds.

_His mouth twisted in its familiar grin. In his eyes I could see the love that remained, love that would always remain. __I squeezed his fingers and returned his grin…_

The golden sunlight dazzled my vision between newborn tears as I kept my eyes locked on Jacob's face, knowing with absolute certainty that this was where I had always belonged. Perhaps in the end Edward had found peace. I could not believe he simply ceased to exist.

As I lifted my hand to cup Jacob's face and trailed it up and down his scar to rest over his full lip, my skin shone as sunlit gold. Would Jacob forgive me once he knew everything I had done? And then obsidian eyes were soft as they burned into mine. I felt his hand move securely to rest over my lower back. His brow creased, eyes flickering with the same expression I had seen the night before. His voice was gentle.

"Bells…"

It was a caress, a prayer and a question.

"Hi."

His fingers brushed away my tears.

"I'm sorry," I choked over my words as my lover's brow darkened.

"Bells…it wasn't your fault."

Hesitating, I dared to ask, "Did you know?"

His features swam past frustration to concern and resignation. "Seth told me as soon as Jasper found him."

An image of Seth being torn into by the Eldest flashed behind my closed lids and I found my breath caught in my throat. "Is Seth—?"

"He's not doing so good…Leah hasn't left his bedside for a week."

I blinked back surprise. "A week?"

The same fear and weariness filled his eyes as his fingers moved to caress my cheek before lowering over my breast. His touch was fire.

"Thought I lost you after it was over. Your heart stopped beating Bells…"

I struggled to fill my lungs for air and then I felt it, the reassuring flutter in my chest. My sensitive ears found once more the very slow steady beat of my heart in my chest.

Jacob watched my face closely and bent down to replace his hand with his lips over my bare skin. Breathing in deeply, his arms wrapped tightly round my form before he lifted his chin to meet my eyes.

"Carlisle said if the Werewolf blood wasn't in you…" He faltered then before burying his face into my chest.

"How?" I asked, though I already knew. He edged until our faces were opposite one another once more.

"Carlisle doesn't understand it. Maybe it's your human blood, but Anna's bite did affect you. You're different Bells. I've smelled it for days…"

"Anna?"

Jacob's eyes darkened. "Your _bloodsuckers_ took her baby away before the Volturi found her. She didn't make it Bells."

"The baby?"

Anna's angelic face blurred with the white furred monster of nightmare in my mind and the pain in her eyes. For a moment Jacob looked torn before he responded.

"We don't know what to do with her. She can't live with us Bells. Embry _died_ trying to save her. I split up the pack once Seth found us. We were going after her, but_ I_ split up the pack when I learned what you had done…" His features awash with insurmountable pain as he fought for the strength to continue, "Jared, Paul, the twins and Embry fought with the Volturi. And if Carlisle hadn't already been with them, the bloodsuckers would have killed us all. They couldn't stop Embry from reaching Anna in time. But I was distracted...Carlisle was with the Volturi… Bella, what the hell was going on? Why didn't you tell me?" His pain, his grief demanded an answer.

I prayed he would forgive me as I began, knowing that I may well be damning myself.

"Carlisle had a plan. He thought we could draw the Volturi in another direction, far away enough from Forks that the pack and innocent people wouldn't be in danger. We would create two diversions. Convincing Anna was easy because she didn't want anyone to die. I think she _knew_, Jake, that she wouldn't make it. Rosalie and Emmett would follow at a distance to help guard her in case of her change and the baby. Carlisle would meet with Caius and the guard to try and stop them one last time."

I pushed away the lines of Jacob's frown with my sunlit fingertips then, fearful of the deep anger I saw behind his eyes and amazed by the constant love I felt hallowed in even as I told him of my betrayal.

"But I knew you would send the pack after Anna," I continued. "So there had to be one more diversion. I left you with the hope you'd come after me. Alice and Jasper would go to wait near the place they had seen the Eldest Rogue Vampires. With you guys out of the way, she could still see the outcome of everything. And I would go to Edward." Even as I said his name my voice wavered.

Jacob's eyes flashed with pain. Tears flowed freely as I finished.

"The Eldest found us the next day. I thought Edward got away until they brought him back. Jake, they made me watch him die…" It became increasingly difficult to breath. I struggled with my words. "I-I'm so sorry! I should have trusted you…I was just—so afraid. We—we were so afraid! I couldn't lose you again!"

His eyes burned into mine and his fingers dug into my hair as he pressed my mouth to his, as his lips covered mine forcefully, trembling and then languid as he massaged the sorrow and pain from my heart, if only a moment. I gasped, waiting for his words, afraid of his reaction, wondering if this kiss would be our last. He pulled away, watching me a moment before shaking his head.

"Bella, you still don't understand do you? I _love_ you. Nothing has ever managed to change that. Not when I watched you pick _him_, not even when I tried to hate you." His lips pulled back into a dazzling, albeit worn smile and I swore it felt like the _sun_. "Bells…" His forehead rested against mine. "No one blames you. You saw what none of us were willing to see. I know that now."

A sob wreaked through my chest and I breathed his scent in deeply, overwhelmed with grace I did not deserve, with the loss I knew I would always carry. And I thought of the other Vampire, the one the Eldest had gathered in their cloak and thrown to mix with Edward's ashes. Fear gripped my chest. But I could not ask Jacob about them yet. I could not bear it.

Jacob's embrace covered me.


	35. Knowing

**A/N: _Oh yeah, that's right ladies I am definitely on an updating rampage ;) _**

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**Chapter 35**

**Knowing**

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Jacob's black leather jacket clung to his broad shoulders, tapered to fit down his narrow waste. The bike purred beneath his weight as the engine roared to life. He turned his head back, brow lowered and a faint grin smoothing out his dark features.

My heart raced as I lightly grasped his shoulders and slid on behind him. My hands reached up to grasp the leather covering his waist and I savored the smell of him, his heat against the frigid air. My stomach lurched as gravel loosened beneath our feet and the small apartment that had been my refuge these past days grew smaller and smaller in the distance behind.

I lay my cheek against his back and listened to the loud heartbeat of my love. I lightly squeezed his muscle, tracing his scars with my mind. I loved his fearsome strength and yet deeply he felt pain. His tenderness and love, sides he rarely was able to show these days, had been the one to hold my hand, kiss my lips and dry tears.

Winter snows had melted with the coming rains of spring. Already the desolate forest was painted every shade of green. Life continued even though it seemed unfair, as though it shouldn't. It had been days since Edward died died, during which Jacob mended the hole in my soul and filled me with Jacob's silent love.

Sometimes I wondered what had become of the human Bella Swan who chose her Vampire boyfriend over her Werewolf lover, who dreamed of becoming a writer and living forever. I blinked as I remembered Renee, Azael's hands upon my neck, Jacob...It was always Jacob.

I squeezed my arms round his waist tighter and pressed myself tighter against his back.

This cold world I had unwillingly come to once upon a time was shadow ridden with memory and sunlit trees. The Clearwaters' home was the same as I remembered. I stared at the glass windows open to the living area of the cabin styled home.

Jacob shifted from his seat and to the sodden ground. A blast of cold wind assaulted me in his place and then his hands cupped my face, riveting my attention to him. My eyes were drawn to his, energy coursing through my limbs with a twinge, an ache in my chest. I drew my arms round his neck without question.

"You sure you're ready for this?" His deep husky voice reverberated through his chest and vibrated through mine now pressed against him. I breathed him in, pine, fire, sunlight and nodded. His touch was electric as his hands wrapped round my waist and set me on the ground beside him.

I was not prepared for the sudden impact of a very tall female werewolf who grabbed me for a quick, tight hug before pulling away with tears in her unusually tender eyes. Leah Clearwater still showed bruises for the fight we had all barely won, despite the inherent healing of her kind. Her fists clenched as she shifted upon her feet, eyes glancing from me to Jacob before settling again on me. And in a rush she said, "Thank you for saving our ass'. Seth is still…he says…he wants to see you Bella." She frowned, hesitating a moment. "Jake…"

She paused and twisted round so quickly it would have been a blur to normal eyes, and seemed to soften even further when Sam's hands came to rest on her shoulders. For a moment they held one another's gaze, a heated moment beyond words, before Sam turned to Jacob and said, "We need to talk."

Jacob nodded, hand falling from the back of my neck with one last caress as the Alpha and Beta sought privacy outside.

Leah watched Sam as though lost, as though she might have followed without thinking otherwise. And I then realized_ this_ was the Leah who had loved Sam, the girl that had been lost when Sam abandoned her years before. She caught my eyes then, a sad smile softening her sharp features.

"Embry's funeral is tomorrow. The Volturi already burned Anna's body…" Her features tightened, fire ignited in her dark eyes a moment as we both looked past the glass windows.

Sunlight highlighted my golden skin and red rimmed eyes, yet Leah only looked at me as a friend, not her enemy anymore.

"Did you know Kim had her baby yesterday? Jared was so excited it was a boy we almost forgot all the shit. They named the baby Embry…" Her eyes filled and she turned away. "Doc says that Seth's going to make it. He said Seth's will to live was strong."

I felt my chest constrict at the mention of my almost father in-law. "Carlisle's been here?"

Leah nodded to herself and said almost absently, "Sam and I are engaged, by the way..." She turned a sly eye to survey my shock. "I know it's probably the worst time. He always was an asshole when it came to timing." Her smile faded. "But after everything that's happened, he said we can't pretend that we'll have tomorrow, even if we lived forever."

"Does he know he's your imprint?"

"Not yet," she said with a wicked smirk. And for the first time since I had known my step-sister I watched peace fill her face, joy tinged with desire as she looked off the direction Sam and Jacob had walked to.

"I'm happy for you."

We both turned at the creak of Seth's bedroom door. A weary eyed Sue emerged. I flew across the living room and down the hall in an instant to warp my arms tightly around my mother, with a sudden need I had never felt for Renee. Tears filled my eyes afresh as my step-mother's arms rose to comfort me. A silent sob shook her chest a moment before she pulled back, her black eyes piercing and relieved.

"Seth heard you come in. He wants to see you honey." A smile pursed her lips. "Charlie's at the station, but he'll be home later. I've been staying here since we came home…" Her voice wavered, eyes fierce. "Some welcome home present you kids gave us."

"I'm sorry I didn't call you."

Sue shook her head, hands covering my own. "Sometimes life takes control over your choices. And we're here now. You took care of my baby boy, Bella. It's because of you we didn't loose more of our kids than…" Her eyes fell.

I squeezed her fingers. "I'll only be a minute."

A quick smile replaced her sorrow as she nodded. "Okay. Take as long as you want, honey. He's been asking for you."

* * *

Seth's room was dark save a small, bedside lamp. His room was dressed in outdoors gear and Tonka trucks, blendings of the boy and young teenager he still was inside. It was obvious he hadn't had time to readjust since he became one of the Protectors.

His amber eyes were eager and sad when they caught mine. I focused on them to avoid seeing the slowly healing mutilation the Eldest Vampires had done to him.

"Bella."

His voice was hoarse and soft and so sweet I nearly broke into fresh tears at the sound of it. I sat in the chair beside the too-small bed for so large a boy, took his hand gently in my own and offered the best smile I could give.

"Hey."

"I'm sorry I failed you, Bella. I promised I'd wait until the Cullens were ready, but I had to tell Jacob."

"It's okay. Carlisle's plan to draw the Eldest out didn't work like any of us planned. We should have known better—and you know, I don't think I can stand anyone else telling me thanks. If I'd told Jacob the truth no one would have died."

Seth smiled. "Edward loved you Bella. He already knew he would die for you."

My eyes rose sharply to his. "What do you mean?"

Seth winced and shifted upon the small bed. I realized I was squeezing his hand too tight and eased up as I leaned forward to listen.

"He didn't want me to tell you, Bella, but Alice saw the future. She saw you and Edward in a field together and then his ashes in the fire. Unless he let you be caught by the Vampires first, then ran away and let them catch him, something a lot worse would have happened. Alice tried to keep his death from him, but he saw Alice's vision in his mind too, and saw what she didn't want him to see. That with his death you would finally become who you were meant to become."

All consuming anger filled my chest. I shook with my rage, wanted to scream until there was nothing left. I struggled for air.

_He_ _knew_!

Seth watched the emotions play across my face and waited. "He gave me this the night they came up with Carlisle's plan and asked me to come over." His other arm shook with effort as he reached for the old parchment paper resting atop his desk. When I held the folded envelope to my chest, I smelled _his_ scent and choked back a sob.

"He told me once that he always knew you belonged to Jacob, even before you did, Bella. But he couldn't stop loving you either, or forgetting that you gave him the greatest happiness he ever knew."

I bit my lip, fingers crinkled the heavy paper in my hands. "I got a letter in the mail yesterday. Charlie gave it to Jacob before threatening him with his life if he got me pregnant."

Seth chuckled.

"I wrote a book after Renee died, based on us I guess. I never let Edward see it after I pushed him away. I knew if he saw it he'd find a way to get it into print. It was always his dream to put me through Dartmouth and make an accomplished author out of me… In the end I thought I'd denied him of that. But the publishing house that picked up my novel mentioned I'd been suggested to them by one of their esteemed benefactors. My agent was shocked. Left me ten voice mails on the house phone, Charlie said." I glanced up to see a knowing look in Seth's grin.

"I guess you gave him everything he wanted after all Bells."

I smiled, seeing the masked pain and sorrow in my step-brother's eyes. "I better go."

"Will you come back soon?" His eyes were eager beneath his mop of shaggy hair, hand reaching to take mine again as I stood to leave. "Mom and Lee are smothering me so bad it's driving me crazy."

Nodding, I whispered, "I promise."


	36. Immortal

**After reading another fanfic recently and wishing for longer chapters I thought I'd give y'all one in turn! **

**Disclaimer: I had a dream…and in it Jacob fought Edward and won (j/k…steph meyer owns this saga, but we own the fandom! :) **

* * *

**Chapter 36**

**Immortal**

* * *

The drive to the Cullens passed by in a blur. I spent it leaning against the rough fabric of Jacob's t-shirt, his leather jacket now warming my frozen limbs. I pressed my palms flat against the familiar ridges of his abs and could feel the scars he would always bear because of me. Besides the ones Edward had inflicted in his rage, were new ones, the marks given by my creator.

The Eldest threat was over, the Volturi appeased, thankfully without knowledge of the half-breed baby left behind. And if Carlisle could help it, they never would.

Jacob's eyes were emotionless as he turned to look at me over his shoulder, while his bike's engine cooled.

The lights within the Cullens' glass paned home shone dimly ahead of us. Within there was silence and only the softest hum of Vampire voices inside. Even now the home I once thought as my own seemed emptier. I could not bear to lift my eyes towards the corner of the house that had been Edward's.

"Bella?"

Startled, I met Jacob's open questioning gaze. I held my breath as his muscles rippled beneath my fingers. He swung his leg over the handles with ease. He stood to face me and keep the machine beneath me steady with his powerful arm. His eyes were tender but pained as his hands clasped me, his heat burning through the fabric of his jacket.

"Breathe, honey…"

I obeyed, calmed by his heat pouring into my sides. Twilight darkened the sky witch shades of purple and gray, echoing how hollow I felt inside. Were it not for Jacob I would have been lost. I wondered faintly how he could love me. How could someone so perfectly imperfect forgive and bear so much when he did not have to?

"Are you ready?" His deep husky voice rumbled even in its whisper. Shivering from his heat, I brought my eyes at last to meet his and nodded once.

To Edward, I faintly thought as we approached the steps leading to the front door, "_Remember when you first brought me home? How nervous you were, how I was? Remember Rose cracking the salad dish? Remember playing my lullaby to me for the first time? Remember my birthday party? Remember my Graduation party? Remember the day I broke your heart?"_

"Bella!" Esme surprised me when she opened the door and home seemed to come with her, light casting a soft halo over her weary lovely features. Her arms wrapped round and pulled me gently from Jacob's grasp. I could sense him tense behind me and could guess the emotions and thoughts rushing through his mind. For me though, he would keep silent.

Into my ear, my Vampire mother whispered, "I just finished supper if you would care to join us." Her voice ached with silent plea. One of the things Esme loved most about me was cooking human meals. I think it made her feel more human. I nodded against her caramel hair, breathing in her overwhelmingly sweet Vampire scent. Her touch was soft as she pulled away, eyes crinkling as she touched my cheek and then ushered me over the threshold.

I turned back to see Jacob's clenched fists as he ducked through the open door and shut it behind us. Yet there was love in his eyes when they flickered up to meet mine. How out of place he looked in my family's old home, I realized.

The stairs led to the landing and a dining table set with flickering candles. Two place mats were empty. Jacob's and my plates had been set beside one another, full of steaming Italian food. The rest of the chairs were marked by wine glasses filled with blood. Jacob did not hide his open disgust as he followed me to my chair. His hands grasped the back of the wood, knuckles white as footsteps marked the entrance of the rest of the Cullen family.

Emmett reached me first, his golden eyes sparkling yet sad as he lifted me off the floor with a deep sigh. "Bella it's so good to have you home!" He ignored the deathly glare Jacob shot him behind me, though he did set me down. A tentative grin etched into his boyish features as he cast a cautious glance at Jacob and then me. "Things have been so wrong without you here Bella. You think maybe you could stay with us?"

I heard the wood begin to crack where Jacob's fingers gripped the back of my chair. I offered Emmett my best smile. "Maybe…for a while."

He nodded, appeased for the moment.

"Bella, so glad to see you looking well. Seth mentioned your visit when I came over to check on his progress this afternoon." Carlisle's honey eyes were tragic. Edward had been his first companion in immortal life, his true and closest son. Seeing my father's grief, I reconsidered Emmett's proposal a second moment. I went into Carlisle's arms without provocation, could feel the surprise in the twitch of his arms before he too squeezed me, so tightly it would have crushed my ribs if I were just human.

Esme shooed Emmett, for moment looking the mother I had known. "Sit down dear, we should eat." Emmett turned and winked at me. As Carlisle moved to sit at the head of the table, near Jacob's place and mine, I finally saw a shadow move from the living area and into the light.

Gasping I watched as a very altered Jasper moved across the dining room floor. Though his features were stunningly perfect, albeit harsh for the crescent shaped scars that ran along his neck and over his face, golden curls falling softly over his eyes, he managed to lift them at last to meet mine. Utter hopelessness, a loss of purpose was so deep and thoroughly etched in him, only I could fully understand it. I knew that look had been on my face when Edward left me, because Jasper had tried to kill me years ago.

A sob wrecked his chest then as he linked eyes with me and took in my emotions, mask of control gone as a wave of unsurpassing grief swept over the room, though he could not shed any tears. I rushed, a blur across the room as I took my brother into my arms. And in the same moment the horrible truth I had feared so deeply, yet somehow knew, overwhelming grief shook me to my core as I understood.

Alice was gone.

Jasper's chest shook. His forehead rested against mine as I gently rubbed his back, tears streaming down my cheeks. And then at last his honey eyes opened, calmer and less strained than before. In the silence I heard his hard, lilting voice. "Thank you."

I bit my lip as I felt keen eyes upon my back and began to pull away. Jasper's embrace tightened a moment, so I smiled and lifted my hand to his neck. "I'm here." The honey in his eyes shone, softened, his grip relaxing so I could step out of it. And I took his hand in mine as I led him across the room and to the seat opposite mine.

The wave of grief had obviously stricken everyone else in the room, though Emmett of course eased the tension. "Where the hell is Rose? I thought she wasn't mad at me anymore!" His eyes met mine playfully. "I _did _just repaint her car yesterday."

The familiar scene was comforting, and the family settled into their chairs, began to tell stories of those we had lost. Jacob's jaw was set, eyes downcast and face a plane of dark shadows when I came to my chair at last. Muscles in his arms twitched when I put my hands over his, yet his brow unfurrowed, eyes flickered to mine uncertainly a moment before he turned to his own chair. The top rim of my chair had deep indentations where his hands had been.

Without Edward's presence…without Alice's energy, the family was more reminiscent of the one I had known after being turned. Though broken, the obvious love they held for one another even amid such loss, I knew eventually we would be alright.

Jacob was silent and despite his wolfish appetite barely touched his plate when the Cullens started drinking the blood from their glasses.

"Bella," Carlisle was the first to speak, "have you thought of your plans? I heard of your book's publication. We are very proud of you my dear. But might you continue your education?

I bit my lip, fork hovering over my plate. My other hand on Jacob's thigh was wrapped in heat as his hand came to cover mine tightly. "Um," I fumbled, "I—I haven't really thought so far ahead. I suppose I would like to finish school…but we'll see."

Esme smiled from her place at the other end of the table beside Emmett. "Whatever you decide, Bella, we'll continue to support you."

"Maybe we could go to college together, Bella!" Emmett offered, voice more jovial than his tired eyes. "Sounds like it'd be fun."

"I don't think I'd get much studying done with you there Em."

His mouth opened with false offense. "You say so now, but trust me, no one knows how to have a good time like me, little sister."

I caught Jasper's eye across the table, a hint of amusement in its honeyed depths and smiled. "Only if Jasper comes too."

Emmett groaned protest.

"Are you staying in Forks now?" Jacob's hard tone was every bit the Alpha male.

Carlisle answered unphased. "We're selling our home. It will be many years before we return to Forks, I think."

Jacob nodded. "Good. I—wanted to thank you for everything you all have done for us." The words were more difficult to say for Jacob than the others realized and held a deeper meaning than he could articulate. After a long silence Carlisle smiled.

"Your welcome."

Esme's soft voice followed. "Have your people found a home for the child yet?"

I watched the shadows play across Jacob's hard lined face as his features twisted. When he lifted his eyes again I saw some of his walls fall as well. "The Council can't agree. They put the decision in my hands. Not even Embry's family knows about the baby. And if the Volturi learn about her…" His eyes fell to the half eaten plate.

Carlisle's tone was matter of fact. "They will destroy the child. I have already taken several blood samples and found a heavy dose of the Werewolf gene in her system. As she is female it is uncertain whether or not she will share the same traits of your pack, but she is an Immortal child. Perhaps it would have been kinder for Rosalie to leave her with the Volturi when she had the chance." Disgust dripped from Carlisle's words, his mouth twisted, eyes flitting to meet Esme's across the table.

I held my breath, wondering whether the thought that had been in my mind from the first were too much to hope. I saw the conflict in Jacob's eyes. Embry had been like his own brother.

Rosalie stirred in the nearby kitchen. The baby's soft cries shot straight down to my soul, bringing memories of Embry and Anna afresh to my mind. And then the cries ceased as a heavenly voice hummed a song I didn't recognize. I glanced over at Emmett surprised to see the love shining in his eyes already. A brilliant smile was on Esme's face as Rosalie came to the table looking so altered I might not have known my own sister. For her long hair had been tied back, her stunningly angelic face aglow and all attention focused on the tiny babe wrapped in her arms, drinking from the formula bottle in her hand. Her eyes rose and met mine and I stared back at the Rosalie that should have been. Now more than ever before she truly _was_ beautiful.

Jacob watched in silence as she moved over to stand behind Emmett. "Can you help me put Lina to sleep?"

"If I do?" Emmett's grin split his face in two.

Rose rolled her eyes though her tone held no malice. "Why should you be rewarded when you haven't finished the second coat yet?"

Jasper stood from his chair then, a soft smile playing at his lips as he reached for the tiny olive skinned baby. "Here, let me do it Rose." The days old infant's eyes opened enough to shine brilliantly black beneath a thick shock of black hair. She was beautiful. Rosalie playfully punched Emmett's arm as Jasper shifted the bottle and child in his arms. I could feel the edges of the wave of calm Jasper lay over the infant and smiled.

"Lina?" Jacob met Rosalie's eye across the table.

A hesitant smile tugged at her mouth. "Adeline…it—it was the name I had picked out once, a long time ago."

Emmett's arm snaked round his wife's waist.

Jacob left without announcing his decision, though the tension faded from the room after Rosalie and Emmett left Carlisle and Esme alone with us.

Carlisle offered for me to join them. Apparently they were planning on moving to Vermont soon for a change, near Dartmouth…

Esme's arms held on longer than ever before. "You'll always have a home with us Bella."

* * *

Jacob was silent when we pulled up into the driveway of Charlie's house minutes later, thanks to his impossibly mad driving skills. The lights inside were off and Jacob killed the engine quickly, turned and then lifted me from my seat behind him and into his lap.

I could feel the emotion with each resounding tremble of his body that shook my chest, struggling against the change that could release his pent up anger and confusion. Sitting partly against bike handles and his left thigh, his hands remained fixed on my hips, chin tucked to his chest as his arm muscles flexed with each breath.

"You sure you want to stay the night here?" His voice was softer than I had expected, yet he still didn't look at me.

"It's still my home, Jake. Sue's at the Res, and I need to talk to Charlie…" I didn't tell him that the very thought of lying in bed without him made my half human heart race with panic. Moonlight made my vision blur, fade to shades of silver and back again. My breath clung to the cold air between us. The Werewolf blood that mingled with my human blood now surged and swelled, adding fresh energy to my limbs. All because of the pain I felt radiating from my mate's soul now.

Jacob nodded then. "Sure, sure. I understand."

Panic made my hands rise to press against the solid wall of his chest, to feel his heart race beneath my fingertips. His eyes flickered and seared into mine, breath caught in his chest as he hesitated.

"I'll see you tomorrow Bells?"

My fingertips met either side of his scarred face and his obsidian eyes closed a moment as I brought my lips to meet his. He tasted sweeter than anything I had tasted in my life. In that moment flashes, images, emotion flickered in my minds' eye. Immense passion, overflowing desire, fear with images of _me _filled my mind.

_A creature that looked like Bella Swan with silver and red eyes fought a monstrous shadow bent Vampire…_

_The same creature lying unconscious upon the earth…_

_Agonizing pain and paralyzing fear…_

_Relief as the golden skinned creature whose heart pumped fresh and anew with a different sort of blood, moved beneath my russet toned fingertips…_

_Relief and joy to hold Bella in my arms and fear that the loss of **him** might push her away for good…_

I gasped, pulled quickly away in confusion. Had I seen Jacob's memories? Was this some new Vampire gift or unknown Werewolf connection, similar to what the pack shared? Jacob's brow as contorted in pain. Had he seen me too?

The kiss had lasted seconds and breathless, I feared and longed for more. The very thought of seeing and feeling what he felt made me long for more. I realized in that moment under the moonlight just how much Jacob Black loved me than I could have imagined possible. I couldn't leave him if I didn't go now and so I balanced a hand on his shoulder and alighted to the wet earth. Turning to leave, I gasped as a fire wrought russet hand covered mine firmly.

"Wait," he said, his voice hoarse and soft, strained with meaning. I heard the creak of leather, the shift of his pant legs on the metal of the bike. In one swift motion I was lifted by the waist by two large hands, pressed flush against him and off the ground until we were eye level. Until my legs and arms naturally folded round his waist and neck and his dark gold-flecked eyes reflected my own silver and red rimmed. I felt the need to be ruled by him, to fight him for dominance, to run wild through the forest together beneath the luminous moon...

A dangerous fire was in his eyes I had never seen before and it excited me until I pressed my nails into his neck, my hold on his chiseled physique tightened.

"Bella…" he growled, one arm round my waist, one hand bringing my lips crashing into his. His tongue was urgent and almost violent, yet then his lips were tender and worshiping. I pulled away from him, tilting my head back, thrilled to hear his growl, gasping when his burning lips fell over my neck. His other hand positioned lower, tracing patterns that made me growl and take his mouth for mine willingly again.

I gasped as the flashes came once more, with greater intensity, faster than I could fathom, the last burned brightest…

_Bella bathed in golden sunlight, skin shimmering, chocolate red-rimmed eyes soft on a face far more beautiful than mortals held…_

_Her lips formed the words, "I love you Jacob…"_

The flames yet burned, though our passion had turned into slower languid kisses, caresses and looks. Jacob's forehead rested against mine, breathing hoarse, his desire evident below his waist and yet maddening.

"Bella…please say you aren't going with them…"

Reality crashed down over the strange magic the moonlight had cast over me and my hands were upon his chest, his cheek forcing him to look at me.

"Jake, what are you talking about?"

"The Cullens…" His tone was Alpha and hard, yet his eyes were soft and heartbreaking. "They said you would have a home with them…maybe you should get away from Forks for a while, maybe get away from bad memories?"

Edward. I knew instantly the fear that had been behind his tense behavior at the Cullens', the fear I had seen somehow in his own memories. After everything Jacob still believed I loved Edward more?

"Listen to me, Jacob Black..." His eyes shone as I took his face in both hands, willing him to see me. "I love you. I can't leave Forks because I can't leave you! I will never leave you again. No matter what I shared with Edward it can't come close to you, he can never come close."

Jacob took in a sharp breath, tears fell from his incredibly hard and life worn face. Pressing my forehead to his once again tentatively I kissed him again, slowly until the trembling in his chest ceased. When I pulled away again it was with greater difficulty than I had ever felt before. "But I have to talk to Charlie and he can't find you in my bed in the morning."

My smile made the tension in his eyes ease. He nodded, buried his face in my neck, breathed deeply. "Okay."

* * *

My room was eerily the same as I had left it, as though a war hadn't started and horribly ended, as though I hadn't lost my former love and sister, as though I hadn't been bitten first by Vampire and later by Werewolf until I was something different from any being that had been…

In that moment I felt the emotions of girlhood wash over me once more, of simpler times when I had been just your average teenage girl. Upon the floor beside my window I found Edward's love letters bound in leather and hid them carefully away under my floorboards to be read when the pain was not so fresh. My old copy of 'Persuasion' rested beside my journal where in I had begun writing about the madness that had become my life.

Finding some of my old sweats and a top and pulling my waist length curls back, I sat upon the old mattress and my pen was scrawling over the white paged surface before I knew it. My renewed silver tinged eyes no longer required lamplight, so I poured my soul onto the fresh inviting pages.

I felt the hours pass slowly, hand a blur and frenzy took over my senses. I forced through the difficult past, entered the freshest memories. And as I wrote I felt release, until I suddenly found myself lying face down upon my bed, my pen in hand stilled over the last pages of white paper.

The last lines I had penned read…

"_His eyes were as scarlet red as they had been in my dreams._

_Intent, hollow almost and yet somehow filled with such blatant desire and power I found myself desperate to escape his grasp._

_His powerful hands, snow white and seemingly paper thin, grasped my hands tightly, overwhelming my senses with his sweet musk._

_Strange that unlike all other Vampires I had met since he changed me, I was drawn to him rather than repulsed._

_Were it not for Edward's sacrifice to come, for Jacob's love I would have been lost forever…_"

Warm hands smoothed over the skin of my arms, stretched my body out correctly upon the bed. With a light thud journal and book and pen were set on my bedside table. I was encompassed in the warming touch of his skin through the fabric of my clothes, on my arms and against my forehead. An arm draped over my waist, and when I opened my eyes, pulled from dreams of sunlit beaches and russet skinned children racing with a giant sized werewolf, I saw Jacob.

His hand pulled me tight against him and his voice whispered low, "I couldn't sleep without you."

I smiled through my sleep and nestled further into his arms, head tucked under his chin, listening to the rapid beat of his heart.

His scent washed over me and I was home.


	37. Love

**A/N: This update is dedicated to SnapesMistress005 who was in shock and needed more :)**

**Disclaimer: S.M owns the saga, but I'd gladly take Jacob Black's mood swings over Edward's glitter any day ;)**

* * *

**Chapter 37**

**Love**

* * *

I hated being cold.

Being cold was worse in some ways than being sick because at least when you were sick you could do something about it. Cold wasn't something that could be cured away.

Since a Vampire and a true Werewolf had bitten me, cold was something I could not shake. Because of my half-dead heart, save those glorious moments whenever the moon was shining into my skin, cold wrecked my body like a plague.

In the beginning, I would wake in my bed, terrified that rather than shivering, I only felt numbness. The cold had become such a part of my life I had begun to forget what the sun had been like. I was frozen as the dawn locked by the horizon, yet never able to rise or set again.

His fingertips licked like flames up my bare arms, hot limbs tangled in mine, his hot breath grazing my neck and spilling down my chest. His palm rested flat against my stomach then shifted to part my hair from my neck. His fingertips ran hot trails through the fabric of my top and still lower. I shifted, felt his low moan reverberate through my chest as his manhood rose against my inner thig, and for a moment relished in the friction between us, the _feel_ of him.

A faint grin tilted the corners of my lips as his hand tightened its hold against my lower back and pulled me flush against him. And then his lips were hot over mine, as familiar as breathing, sweeter than anything I would taste forever.

And I saw into his soul…

"_Bells you just don't seem like the kind of girl to have purple sheets." __She felt so light in my arms, fragile and still so strong. My laughter faded, but I couldn't tear my eyes from her deep pools of chocolate brown. They shone with a different light now, something I had seen rarely that made my blood race and my body strain to feel her. _

_Her breath hitched, dazzling grin spreading over her face, "Thanks for catching me." __Her skin was smooth, so soft, trembling beneath my hands. Then her breasts in my hands, my mouth on hers and I was plunging inside of her. Something inside my broken body cried out as I claimed her as my own…_

_..._

_Rain poured between us. She stood at the edge of the cliff, the pack flanking either side of me. The world was dark, but she __glowed__. Something inside of my chest snapped into place, even as I saw her ethereal features that were too perfect to be human and the red that rimmed her eyes. I shouldn't have heard that faint beat of her human heart! I was undone, swept away, pulled inexorably to the perfect creature I had vowed to hate. _

_There was only her perfect parting lips, the slender curve of her body and the immense longing and pain in her eyes. I longed to crush that pain, to sweep her into my arms and kiss her senseless. The fire in my chest grew and only the cool of the rain on my naked body grounded me to earth…_

_Fear made me harsh and cruel because I couldn't let the others see what had just happened. I knew I had and always love Bella Swan, even as I knew one moment apart from her would destroy me, even as I pushed her light away deep inside my chest…_

Tears burned beneath my eyelids. His lips were on mine again, coaxing me from sifting through his memories any further. His tongue traced my bottom lip, seeking entrance, which I denied. And moaning low I threw my leg over his waist. His cock twitched against me and a strangled gasp escaped his lips. His heat filled and surrounded me, harder, hotter, fingers reaching beneath the tight fabric of my tank top, brushing the sensitive newly scarred skin.

Parting my lips, I exhaled with a cool sigh into his open mouth and savored the feeling of his hot tongue caressing mine. But then I saw flashes of his memories and remembered I didn't have that power and the force behind it frightened me. I pulled away, disentangled myself from his limbs so quickly he groaned, hands reaching after as I opened my eyes and turned breathlessly to face him. His black hair stuck about every which way above scarred russet toned skin, a bare heaving sculpted chest, dark fathomless eyes.

"Bells…"

"I gotta get ready before Charlie wakes up." My hand fell upon the knob of my door. I couldn't help my grin as he slipped from beneath my covers and saw he had stripped naked already. A devilish grin lit his features as he stalked over to me purposefully.

"Couldn't stand being round so much perfection, could you?" He tilted his head and arched his brow cockily.

"Hardly…" I repressed a fresh wave of desire, averted my eyes. I sighed when his hand clasped my cheek. Our eyes met and his grin was blinding. Sunlight formed a halo over his broad shoulders, threaded through his raven hair. And he leaned far down to graze his nose along my jaw, lips hesitate over mine as his eyes burned.

"You're gonna have to get used to me," he said. I gasped as his lips lightly brushed mine, kissed with increasing fervor. My hands slid from his chest and up his neck to grasp firmly in his short cropped hair.

And another flash of memories passed behind my closed eyes...

_We raced along the beach in our parkas. The waves crash loudly at our feet. Bella stumbled against the rocks ahead and I raced in time to catch her fall. Laughing we tumbled onto the rocks and I winced at the pain in my back, but ignored it because her hidden soft body was on top of mine. Her ivory white face gleamed like marble and her eyes shone, smile fading as she ducked her head. Her hair fells into my face and I suppressed a deep groan..._

_"You'll have to be more careful 'bout tripping into my arms Bells…or I don't think you'll be able to resist my charms much longer," I told her._

My legs were wrapped round his waist when I opened my eyes and we fall back onto my bed silently, despite his muscled form. His fingers reached for the hem of my shirt, trying to find more skin. I smiled against his lips and said, "Nope…not with my dad in the house."

Jacob groaned. "I think Charlie knows already Bells. Remember he and Billy gossip like old women."

"I need this morning to be about us Jake. I need to tell him…"

Desire was pushed further back in his eyes as he sat up against my headboard, hands still reaching to graze my breast with his thumb.

"You sure?"

"Yeah…I owe it to him." His eyes drifted, brow furrowed against the easy expression he had worn for so short a time. Love surged in my soul as memories from the night before entered fresh in my mind. I pushed aside the discomfort I felt slipping into his thoughts. "Jake, how could you ever think I'd leave you?"

His eyes met mine, startled, mouth tensed and then, his voice was hoarse as he answered, "Do you know how long I've waited for you Bells? How many times I've watched you walk away from me? Shit…how many times I've_ let_ you walk away because I finally started believing you _were_ better off without me?"

I bit my lip as tears filled my eyes. One hand removed from my shirt to smooth the crease between my brows.

"I've loved you most of my life Bells, but I know I'm not good like he was. I'll never be what he was to you. I wish I could give you all the things you want. You have a good life with the Cullens, Bella…" His expression retched with agony and his voice broke as he continued, "I don't know what I'd do without…"

I pressed my lips against his then, unable to hear more. His chest rose and fell beneath mine quickly as I braced myself against his shoulders. "Listen to me, Jacob Black. You've been everything to me. You give me more than anyone has given me or will. And I think I'm the one who doesn't deserve you." His eyes softened, filled with so much adoration…and anger.

"Even if I hadn't imprinted on you babe…I would have chosen to love you forever."

Charlie stirred elsewhere in the house.

I glanced to my door, gasping when Jacob's hand against my neck forced my lips to his hungrily.

"I love you," I told him as I pulled away from his embrace, holding his hands as I found his shorts beside my open window. His eyes burned as I eased first one leg and then the other through the rough tattered fabric, slid slowly over his firm manhood and closed the button against the v-shaped muscle pointing to an object of my fantasies. His hands grasped my wrists almost painfully; his lips crashing over mine as we stumbled back together to the window.

He gathered me up into his arms, whispered into my ear, "I have to deal with the garage and pack stuff today. I'll call you soon as I can."

I ached knowing how painful the next several hours would be without him. We tightened our hold round one another, and then just as quickly he was a blur of russet gold against the dawn, racing to the dark forest and taking half my soul with him.

* * *

Charlie was attempting to make a pot of coffee when I slipped downstairs soon after. He didn't turn upon my silent entrance. I began to loudly shuffle through pots and our fridge contents nearby, until I felt his piercing gaze. His voice was the same, but I imagined it held a new edge to it now.

"Bells…didn't know you came home last night."

I glanced over at him and smiled to see he was still pale faced as me, despite two weeks on the beach. "You were already out. I saw Seth yesterday and heard you were by yourself."

He smiled as I turned on the oven and began to crack open eggs. "Don't think I can take care of myself, eh?"

I shook my head. "Nope."

Long silence was usual for Charlie and me.

"So you and Jacob, huh?" I saw the eager gleam to his eye, the ready grin he was barely veiling behind feigned disinterest.

"Yeah…"

"That's great Bells! You know me and Billy always knew you two would…" He trailed off as though he'd revealed too much.

"Yeah, we know…Dad, I really love him."

Charlie focused on the coffee pot as he struggled for his next words.

"Bells…there's something I've been wanting to talk to you about for a while."

Fear froze my limbs.

"There's—there's a lot of things I've seen and heard over the last several years I can't explain. I asked Sue about you once Bells." His eyes met mine, grazing over what I knew was an altered version of his once human daughter. "Is there something you wanna tell me Bells?" He waited, eyes deep with unspoken fear.

I opened my mouth, about to tell him everything, of Edward and Volturi, of Jacob and Werewolves and Eldest and Vampire wars…

But then I saw the unspoken fear in my father's eyes, the resignation and I understood then Charlie already _knew_ without me having to say anything. And sometimes it really is better not to know all the truth.

Ignoring the simmering pan, I walked over to my dad and threw my arms around his neck. He held me just as tightly, as though he never wanted to let go of his baby girl. I smiled against his cheek and said, "I love you Dad."

When I pulled away there were tears in both our eyes. Charlie brushed them away as though easing an itch and grinned.

"Love you too Bells. Can't get this damn coffee pot to work."

I pressed the "on" button.


End file.
